Feeling Like a Failure

I have been working outside the home for almost 3 years now. I have one child that really remembers when I was able to stay home with him, one child who kind of remembers, and one who only remembers that she could pretty much do anything she wanted while Mom slept because of working the graveyard shift. I don't want to work outside the home all of the time. Don't get me wrong. I like working. I just don't like the stress it puts on my kids, me, and my new husband.

I currently work until 8pm. That means that I take my kids to school in the morning and come home in time to put them to bed at night. I see my kids maybe 2 hours a day, and pay someone else to see them a lot of the other time.

Due to this work schedule, Sean has been acting more depressed, Eric was flat out refusing to go to school today, and Noel has been a lot more clingy. I started trying to set a side more time to spend with Sean on Sundays. Most Sundays I can do this, but the last few weeks have been hectic with trying to clean out Chad's apartment and the washing machine breaking. I don't even know what to do about Eric. I got him to school about an hour and a half late today. The poor kid seems like he has the wight of the world on his shoulders. I keep trying to tell him that all he needs to do is be a kid, but it doesn't seem to help. Noel is just reacting to every thing the only way she knows how. I have started reading to all of the kids at night lately. When I read to her, I sit next to her on her bed and let her pick the book. It seems to help. I just wish I could do more.

Any one who says that working moms are selfish and don't really love their kids are wrong. I work because I have to. I have bills to pay. All the love in the world doesn't keep a roof over the kids heads and food in their bellies.