I’m Sad

Yesterday was an emotional day for a few reasons. First and most important, my friend’s husband passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack. (I’m not going to identify the friend because it is not my place to do so.) I want to help her so bad, but I don’t know what I can do to help. She had me respond to another text she received about another funeral at our church. I took care of that, and I offered to take care of the Young Women as long as needed. I will not be as good at it as she is, but I can do my best. For now, that is all I can do. I am sad that he is gone. I am sad that my friend has to live with this agony. I don’t even know what I would do if I lost my husband. For me, it is one of those unimaginable pains that I hope not to feel for many years. 

Second, my children had to face the backlash of my last entry. I really didn’t see that coming. Sean was very upset that he “finally” got to speak on the phone to his dad just to be told not to come to their weekly meet up. I hugged him as he cried. I remember the feeling of abandonment when my mom would do stuff like that. I remember feelings of “why is my sibling good enough, but I’m not.” It is a pain I never wanted my children to feel, but I can’t prevent it from happening. On top of that, my daughter was confronted about it. Neither one of them knew what I had done on a hunch. I’m not going to take it down because I write for me, but I wish I had know what the backlash would have been. I don’t get many views on this blog, and unless I am writing for school, I treat this as a journal of sorts. If the ex and his wife want to continue to cyber stalk me, I guess I will take it as a compliment from now on. I must be a really interesting person. 

Today, I am sad. I’m sad my kids are hurting. I am sad my friend is hurting. I wish I could take their pain away.