As They Sleep

As I sit here working in an quiet house with my son and daughter sleeping away the day, my brain has been spiraling out of control. Memories of the past have come flooding back, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Maybe if I were to sleep better this wouldn’t happen. 

I have experienced trauma in my life. I try to tell myself that since I haven’t been through as much as other people, it isn’t that bad. The reality is that this trauma has shaped who I am as a wife, mother, student, employee, and woman in the world. There are people who claim that I caused them the hardship instead of the other way around. There are people who claim nothing ever happened. There are those whom I haven’t seen or talked to in many years and don’t even know if they are still living. No matter what the circumstances are currently, many events that unfolded in my past still affect me no matter how much I try to push them aside. 

I wish I could be one of those people who could move past these things. I wish I were as strong as I pretend to be. Maybe some day. For today, I will sit in my quiet house as my children sleep, trying to get my work done while on the verge of tears praying for this burden to once again be lifted from me.