Feeling Cheated

I was in TikToc today just watching stuff on my For You page when three times in a row I saw posts for an open verse challenge from Dean Lewis for his song How Do I Say Goodbye . Each person poured out their heart as they presented a verse that beautifully illiterates how it felt to be in the hospital as a parent dies in the hospital. I could feel their anguish. The problem is that I felt a bit jealous at the same time. 

I didn’t get the chance to really say goodbye to my mom and brother. I did say goodbye when my mom stopped by to let me know they were headed out of town a bit earlier than they had planned, but there was an expectation that they would come back. I lost the person “who gave me my name and the color of my eyes” suddenly. There was no warning. 

I love this song! It really captures how it feels to lose a parent. In some ways it takes a bit of the sting away. (Yes. It still hurts sometimes.) It gives a bit of a sense of normalcy knowing that my feelings have been valid.