The Example of Stephen

 This week, I studied Acts 1-18. I think that is was the first time I have really read and paid attention to this block of scripture. I was impressed with the story of Stephen. Stephen was called to assist the apostles. In this calling, "Stephen, full of faith and power, did great wonders and miracles among the people." (Acts 6:8) When people were being blasphemous and speaking against Moses's teachings, he recounted the teachings and actions of Moses. Then, he rebuked the people saying, "Ye stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears, ye do always resist the Holy Ghost: as your fathers did, so do ye." (Acts 7:51) This made the crowd more angry. For retribution, they kicked him out of the city and stoned him. As he was being stoned, he called out to God. Most impressive to me were his final words. He said, "Lord, lay not this sin to their charge." (Acts 7:60)

This is really all we know about Stephen, but there is so much to learn from him. First of all, in a time when Christ's followers were being dispersed and persecuted, Stephen accepted a calling to assist the apostles. I have to believe that this was a act of bravery. He knew that by following them and serving with them, he was in danger. Second, he was willing to speak up for the truth knowing that the majority did not believe in what he was teaching. Finally, as he died he sought forgiveness for those who were killing him. 

When looking at Stephen's bravery, we can ask ourselves if we would be willing to put ourselves in these situations. In 2 Nephi 25:26 we learn, "We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophesies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." As we teach our children, we can teach others around us as well. One of the best ways to teach of Christ is by being a good example to everyone around us. If we do not act in accordance to what we are teaching, no one will listen to what we have to say. Along with behaving in accordance to Christ's teachings, we should speak freely about Christ. In his talk, We Talk of Christ,  Elder Neil L. Anderson says, "Be more open on social media in talking about your trust in Christ. Most will respect your faith..." He also tells us to tell people about our experiences from attending church when we are asked about our weekend. He reminds us that we do not need to expect our conversation to lead to the person coming to church or meeting with missionaries right away. When we set the example and put aside our fears, we can teach about the gospel as Stephen did. 

Stephen seeking forgiveness for those who were actively killing him shows how Christlike he was. When Christ was hanging on the cross and in pain, He called out to his father saying, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) Most of us have a hard time forgiving someone who has said something mean to us or about us. Both Stephen and Jesus forgave the people who were taking their lives and asked God to forgive them as well. This is a trait that would be worth trying to develop to help bring us peace and show love for everyone. 

Stephen was a remarkable man. We know little about him, but from the two chapters that talk about him, we can learn some very important messages. 

My Mom Made a Huge Impact

 It is interesting how trauma affects us. I lost my mom and brother suddenly in a car accident when I was 18. Here we are almost 25 years later. I am not sad all of the time anymore. I have learned to live with the grief for the most part. There are things that bring back the horrible grief. It can be the simplest thing, but if it reminds me of them, I can be swallowed by grief. 

This week has been a triggering week, and I think it will continue on through the month of June. My mom was a lesbian. This was something she struggled with in a world that did not accept people with same-sex attraction. My mother never got to live in a world where people were accepting of and celebrating gay and lesbian people. She did not get to feel this kind of love. She was made to feel ashamed. 

I remember the day my mom came out to me. It was the winter of 1992. She and I were living in a hotel in Indianapolis, and she was driving me to school. As we got on the highway, she asked me if I would still love her if she were gay. I did not understand why she would even have to ask that question. I was 13. She was my mom. My love for her was unconditional. It still is. Of course, I told her that I loved her no matter what. 

My mom was forced to live a heterosexual life. I can imagine that it was difficult for her. She told me so. She did feel love for my father, but it just wasn't the same. She loved her children; she had a testimony of Jesus Christ; and she had a hard time fitting into this lifestyle. 

I was the daughter of a mother who left our family to be in a lesbian relationship. I went through half of middle school and all of high school calling my mom's girlfriend her roommate. At a dance, a boy told me that I was pretty, and it would be a shame I were to turn out like my mom (meaning "becoming a lesbian). I punched him and walked away. After that, I would rarely tell people about my mom unless I knew them well enough to open up to them. In fact, I got to the point that I would not open up to many people about anything period. I became an expert at holding in my feelings and keeping my secrets. 

I feel alone quite often. I know I created this bubble to keep myself safe, but it is a lonely bubble. I know my mom felt alone her struggles as well. The circumstances that she felt forced into have forced us both into a world where we feel alone. She had to feel she was doing something wrong by loving a woman. I have to wonder if I would even exist had she been able to come out as a teenager instead of in her 30s. 

As I see friends and family celebrate their children who have come out, I can feel the love they have for them. At the same time, I wonder how things would have been different if my mom had felt comfortable to come out when she was younger. Would I have been born? Would I have been able to know the mom with the infectious smile that made everyone she met feel welcome and accepted? There will always be questions that won't be answered until I see her again. One thing I know for sure is that I love my mom. She had her struggles (there were many). I am thankful for the time I got to have her in my life, and the things I learned from her while I had the chance. 

January Report/February Goal

 My January goal went well. I am happy to report that I had one salad for lunch each week. I know it was a small goal, but it helped me realize I can reach a goal other than passing classes. 

My February goal is to run or walk at least 10 miles a week. I know this is a small goal, but I need to motivate myself while it is cold. Since I will be running a half marathon this summer no matter if it is canceled or not, I need to get/keep my miles up. I will make sure to report at the end of the month. Wish me luck!

January Goal

This month, I will have at least one salad for lunch per week. This should help me get more vegetables in my diet without the daunting task of doing something like this every day. I know I need to find other ways to get more veggies in my life. This is a start. As with my other main dietary goal (intermittent fasting), I will track this in the Simple app. 

Resolution Time

My resolutions went very off track last year, but I am not too upset about that. The time I have spent working from home was getting to me for a while. I even ended up in therapy for about a month. Now, I can see what a blessing it has been for me to be home with my kids since March. I have a closer relationship with my daughter which is HUGE because we had been struggling for a while. I have been here for Sean whenever he needs a hug. I will never wish these things did not happen. 

Now, we are headed into a new year. I need a goal. That is what I am told anyway. I get it. Having a goal with a deadline is best. I need to find a way to not lose sight of the goal. I need a focus for the year that I can break up monthly, weekly, and daily. 

I would love to be closer to Eric like I was a few months ago, but I think I need to back off a bit and let him grow up more and make his own mistakes. Plus, I can't make resolutions that depend on someone else's choices. I will keep praying for him and doing what I can to show him love when he is home.

I really want to make my health a priority this year. I have made some good changes over the last few months, and I want to continue to do this. In November, I started intermittent fasting with the help of an app called Simple. Within a few weeks, I was able to lower my thyroid medicine and officially had my first good liver enzyme test since my fatty liver disease diagnosis These are great indications that I am on the right track to being healthier even though I am not really seeing a difference on the scale. I really believe that if I can get my eating more on track, I will start seeing that difference. At the same time, I know I need to make sure I am exercising regularly. That is another thing that I have been doing for the past few months. I go to the gym about 4 times a week. I can see the difference in my strength and endurance because of this. I, also, know that it will help me have a body shaped how I want it to be. (I'm not ashamed to admit that I have a vision of how I would like to look.)

This is a long way of saying that I want to be healthier in 2021. They way that I will measure this is by looking at my weight and blood test results which I have to do regularly because of my medical problems. My goal is to weigh 160 by next Christmas and continually have good blood test results (I don't think I can go lower in my meds because my thyroid will never fully function properly). This will be almost 40 pounds of weight loss. I think I can do this because it is about what I weighed when Chad and I got married 9 years ago. To accomplish this, I will decide on a monthly habit to work on that compliments the habits that I have in place. 

To keep myself honest, I will post my monthly goals on my blog and track my weekly progress on a blog I share with a friend. I can do this!

Triggers All Over

I have chosen a major because I feel like it is what I am supposed to study. When I tell people what I am studying, I usually get the a response similar to, "What are you going to do with that?" Well, I am am going to help women get out of marriages like my first one or worse. I am going to help empower the those who feel like they don't have a voice. I am going to help them learn that they are loved for who they are no matter what.
This semester, I am taking Intro to Social Work. I am learning a lot about other cultures and how social work was developed. I am also experiencing some triggers. Learning about how people are treated because of things they cannot control is really hard. I could not control a lot about who I was when I married my first husband. I was never good enough. At one time, I was not enough like his mom. Then, I was too much like his mom. I was told I was stupid, not a good mom, a glorified babysitter, and the list goes on. I had truly felt like I had forgiven him, but it is not that easy. I have to keep working on it as he continues to cut me down, and I learn about more injustices in the world.
I know I have a better life than a lot of people, but that does not take away the fact that I am a survivor of emotional, mental, financial, and spiritual abuse. I hope that some day I can work past this and not have triggers in classes or the real world that bring me into a spiral of depression.

What to do Next

I have been feeling really down because I am not able to complete some of the goals I set for myself. Not being able to go to the temple or Eric's graduation threw me off. Then, races started to be cancelled which made it harder to train for a race that I wasn't sure would happen. So, I am refocusing my goals.
I would still like to lose weight. That means I have to get a handle on my eating and keep running. I still think I can lose 30 pounds this year. It will just be a higher number in the end. I did this a few years ago. I need to be as disciplined as I was then.
I can still work on the time goal. I actually would like to get to a 12 minute mile this year. It seems like a better goal. When I looked at my stats from last year, I realized that I ran a 12:30 mile at Ragnar. That means I can do even better this year if I work at it even if I can only run virtual races.
When I comes to spiritual goals, I am making those week by week for the most part. There is a lot I know I can work on, and I think that working on them week by week will help me focus a bit. I did accomplish listening to the standard works. I didn't finish by General Conference, but I did finish the following week. I am calling this a win.
I need to work on a discipleship goal for a class this semester. I am going to work on reading or listing to the scriptures daily for a minimum of 10 minutes a day. I have fallen of in this goal. I really liked how I felt when I was so focused on the scriptures. I will report on this weekly as part of the assignment.

Dusting Myself Off

The COVID 19 pandemic has definitely changed the life of my family. The only person who is still living with the same schedule is Chad because he is a Comcast tech and considered "essential." The kids are doing schoolwork from home, and I have set up a home office in my dining room (not great, but at least I still have a job. I thought it would be an easy transition, but it has not been so easy. Change is always hard, but we are each dealing with it in our own way.
Noel has been doing great with her schoolwork. She wakes up early and gets it done. The problem is that she then has to figure out what to do with the rest of her time. For most of this last week she has been playing her flute and teaching herself how to play "Scripture Power" and a song from Frozen II by ear. I am proud of her for honing in on her passion. The problem is that she is an extrovert. She needs to be around people. Hopefully, this will all be over soon, and she will be able to spend time with her friends.
Sean is my easy going kid. The first few days of doing schoolwork online were rough. Who am I kidding? He has had 2 weeks of this, and it is still a struggle. He sets a timer for 3 hours because that is the estimated amount of time he should be spending per day, but he will not work a minute past that. I am not sure how to convince him that finishing the work is more important than the amount of time he spends on it. This is still a work in progress. He did ask for materials to learn how to draw, though. We got him a sketch pad, a book about drawing people, and a drawing kit. I am hoping that by picking up a new hobby, he will be more willing to work on the required work.
Eric is my biggest struggle. He got a job! He is selling knives over the phone (because he can't go to people's homes). I am so happy for him. He is working harder on this job than he has worked on anything in a long time. The problem is that he is struggling with the motivation to do his schoolwork. He is so close to graduation. I don't want him to miss graduation because his schedule was changed on him and he can't be around his friends. His is my extroverted introvert, and his extrovert side has been struggling a bit.
Chad is still working. He gets to go to people's homes and install or fix their internet or cable tv. His schedule hasn't changed much,but he no longer has a day or two to himself now that the rest of us are home. Thankfully, he is still working!
I still have my job. I am working from home in the corner of my dining room where my sewing machine used to be. That means I get to be between the refrigerator and the back door. This can be a chilly situation, but I am making it work with slipper socks and sweaters. A few days ago, I was told via email that my hours were going to be cut. I don't know much yet, but I am not going to sit around and wait to find out. The day I found out, I started crocheting scrucnchies to sell. Today, I had 14 made and used them to open an Etsy shop. I have plans to make paracord  key chains and knitted hats as well. I want to have a good variety of things in the shop to give me a greater hope of making the money that I will be lacking from my regular job. When things get back to some kind of normal, I will keep my shop as a hobby with hopes to for it to help me pay off debt.

Struggling

Today is the fifth day in a row that I have woken up with swollen feet making it difficult to walk without pain. I get the added fun of my hands being swollen as well for the first day. I don't know what is causing this other than my Hoshimoto's disease.
I think food may have something to do with this, but I have been eating better for the most part for the last few weeks. I know I have eaten more junk this week than I did the previous week. I have heard that sugar can be an inflammatory substance. I'm sure there are other things I have eaten that could cause some of these issues. I may have to stick a bit more to the South Beach Diet than I have been. Giving myself a pass for dinner is not working, and the sugary snacks here and there are causing more issues than I thought.
I am tired of feeling this way. I hate that these symptoms show up more in the winter than any other time of year. I just want to go running on a sunny Saturday, but my feet hurting too much for that.

Goal Update

These goals are hard. The hardest one is losing weight. I crave foods that I know will not help me. I am ashamed to admit that I cave in to those cravings probably more often than I realize. I really need to figure out how to get control of those cravings. I have considered going back to the South Beach Diet, but it was so restrictive that I don't know if I could handle it again. I have been planning my breakfasts and lunches for each week on Saturdays to try to get me on track. I don't know if it is working or not. I know most of my problems are coming from snacking after work while making dinner. I need to stop mindlessly eating when I am at home. I will never lose weight this way.
My running is getting back on track. Last year, I trained more than I did the year before, but I was afraid that I would pass out if I pushed too hard because of passing out last spring. Lately, I have been pushing harder than I did last year. I have not passed out yet. I don't think I will. I am just going to keep on going. Last night I couldn't run as hard as I wanted because I ate too much right before. I am going to take it as a lesson learned. I will not eat a big meal before running again. It could make me feel slick.
I am happy to say that I went to the temple last week. I was so glad that I went. I had been a bit weirded out by an audio book I listened to. I asked myself a few questions like, "Do you believe Joseph Smith restored the gospel?" and "Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?" and "Is President Nelson a true prophet of God?" I was able to answer yes to all of the questions I asked. I was so glad I questioned myself and went to the temple. It was the best I have felt at the temple in a long time. The drastic difference between how I felt on Friday versus Saturday was huge. I hope to never forget how alive I felt as I pushed away my dark feelings and replaced the with the light given by the Holy Ghost.
Chad and I have been working on the "Come, Follow Me" lessons. I have never really studied scriptures with a spouse before. It feel really good!
As far as cleaning and organizing goes, I have been either throwing away or giving away at least 20 things per week. I am shocked at how much I have been able to throw way. Sean organized the pantry last week and threw out more than half of the food because it was past the expiration date. It was really eye opening how much food and money went to waste just because we couldn't find stuff.

I Have Goals

I have goals. I am not afraid to admit that I have an idea of what needs to change by the end of the year. I don't want to give up on myself this year. I am going to continually make small weekly and daily goals to help me get there. I will keep track of these goals in a notebook, but I am planning to check here every so often as well. I need to get past my fears of myself mostly. When I do that, I will be unstoppable!
My goals for this year:

• run a 13 minute mile
• finish a half marathon (I signed up for one that most likely won't be canceled this time)
• clean and organize the house
• lose 30 pounds
• fit in my size 14 pants by Eric's graduation
• complete all Come, Follow Me lessons for the year
• go to the temple once a month

Be Careful What You Ask For

I have been struggling with listening to the promptings of the Holy Ghost recently. It is not that I have not listened at all. It is more like I do not trust myself enough to realize that is what is going on some times making me learn some hard lessons. For example, last week we were hit with a snow storm with extremely strong wind gusts. It was horrible. The drive home from work was terrifying. There were times I could not see the front of my own car. The thing is, I could have saved myself from this drive if I had not dismissed the promptings I had been given to stay home that morning. I thought I was over reacting to the rain and weather report. I was wrong.
This week, I made a goal to listen the promptings I was given. I think Heavenly Father was also determined to make sure I listened as well. Wednesday night, I prayed to know what small step I could make to help me get healthier because my pants are getting tighter and I have been feeling bloated and generally having a lot of pains that I would not otherwise have if I were to take care of myself. Thursday, I went for a walk with my friend on my lunch break and decided to stretch after while she changed back into her work shoes. I did something to my leg that caused a lot of pain.Then, I sat down on the window sill to get off of that leg and try to wait out the pain. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with her holding my head yelling my name and one of the managers of the call center telling me to stay down and wait for the paramedics to get there. The other manager stood between the sun and me to make sure I was in the shade as best as possible. I got checked out and it was decided that I was going to be ok. So many people came to my desk to check on me that I decided to call the doctor's office. They did not ask if I wanted to come in; they just asked if I could come in around 4:00 (about an hour after I finally called them). The doctor determined two things: I was dehydrated, and I needed to take my thyroid medicine. This was the answer I was given. Not a simple prompting. It was more like a compelling. I guess Heavenly Father got tired of me ignoring the promptings as well. Like any good parent, He told my stubborn self in a more stern way that He has in the past so that I would finally listen. So...I have a good story to tell and know that my first moves need to be to drink more water and take the medication that I know I have to take for the rest of my life no matter how inconvenient it is to pick up.

Knitting Growth

This year has been a great year of growth in many ways. One area I am very excited about has been with my knitting. I pushed myself harder than I had before to learn things that I had never tried before and started listening to a few podcasts that helped grow the desire to knit more and more. Thanks to a dear friend, I was, also, invited to do things I would have never done otherwise.
I was invited to join a "12 projects in 12 months" group on Facebook where we were challenged to finish at least one project each month of the year. I was not able to do this every month. At least once, I challenged myself to projects that were too big, and there were times that I did not have the time because of other obligations (school, kids, etc.). Over all, I could say that I did finish more projects than I had in years past thanks to the accountability I felt in this group of ladies who were obviously less shy about their abilities than I. I even finished my first pair of socks (tube socks count)!
A few weeks before school started, the same friend invited me to be a test knitter for her lace knitting class online. I was so excited and honored to be asked. I thought I was pretty good at lace. I love lace and had knitted quite a bit of it. However, I learned a lot about knitting from this class. I had heard of some the techniques, but had no idea how they would improve my knitting. I told her when a pattern confused me, and she thanked me and made the patterns more clear (she would have done this for anyone). Unfortunately, I did not complete the shawl/scarf that was given as a final project. It was the most complex lace I have ever attempted. I will finish it this year, though. I just need some uninterrupted time to concentrate on the pattern.
One last big accomplishment I did this year was I knit something without a pattern. I know there are many knitters that do this, but I am not usually one of those people. One thing I love about knitting is that there is a pattern to follow making me not have to think about is. The day before celebrating Christmas with my sister, there I was making a cowl for her without a pattern. I had tried two ear warming headbands that just weren't working for me. I quickly cast on 165 stitches in circular needs with a yarn I was sure my sister would like. It was simple, but perfect. she liked the color and could wrap it around twice. With how cold this winter has been, I am glad I changed my plan.
This next year will be even bigger for me. I have plans for even more growth. First of all, I am going to knit my way through I Can't Believe I'm Knitting Socks by Leisure Arts. I got this book many years ago (I was still married to John), but I have never actually worked out of it. I am very interested in knitting socks, so this book will be used until all of the patterns are knit out of it. Next, I am going to finish 3 shawls that I have on the needles. One is the one from the lace knitting class that I started before I had to devote my time to school. Another one was started when I traveled to Michigan to for my Grandpa's funeral. The third is a circular shawl that I love that I started with yarn I got for my birthday 2 1/2 years ago. All I have left on that one is about a forth of the border (this border is the absolutely black hole knitting). Finally, I am going to finally make some sweaters. I started knitting because I was so memorized by a mom on a field trip making a sweater for one of her kids. I need to stop being a baby and actually make sweaters. If I stop telling myself that it will be too hard, then I can do it. My plan is to make a sweater for Noel first (she is not a small child, but she is the smallest in my house). Then, I will make one for me. If the boys decide they would like me to make them sweaters, I will do that as well. They are not really sweater people though. I know that I can make other things this year as well, but I don't know what they would be at this time. (I have been known to throw in a dishcloth or two on a whim and have my eye on a few hat patterns.)
I am so happy with the skills that I gained over the last year and thankful to my dear friend for helping push me to try things that I had not tried before. It was a great knitting year. I can't wait t o find out what I can do with my knitting this year!

We Need to Forgive

In chapter 9 of the book of Hosea in the Old Testament, we are told that if we do not forgive others, we will not be forgiven either. This explains why Jesus told His followers that they needed to forgive each other 70 times 7 times rather than just casually suggesting that they forgive one another (Matthew 18:21-22). We were again reminded of this in Doctrine and Covenants 98:40. There are also endless talks telling us about the importance of repentance. Why would be told this so many times? Because it is important.
There are people who would do their best to forgive based on the warning in Hosea. They know they have had the need to repent and be forgiven, so they will try to forgive others. This is not necessarily a bad reason to try to forgive, but it also may not be as effective. 
There are, also, people who will try to forgive others because it is a commandment. Again, this is not a horrible reason. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it does not.
I think for us to truly forgive someone, we have to do it for the right reasons. When we struggle with the pains of being wronged by someone, the resentment grows inside until you do not have the room in your heart to love people around you the way they deserve to be loved. When we forgive and let go of the hurt and resentment, we are better able to love our spouses, children, and other people in our lives.
About three years ago, I started a forgiveness process with my ex-husband. It started as a semester long project that I did just because it was a requirement for a class. I chose this for that assignment because I could not think of another attribute of Christ to work on. I honestly did not even think it would work because he had hurt me so bad. The more I tried, the better I felt. As I kept working on this, I actually started to love him as a friend again. I was not able to fully forgive him in the one semester. It has continued to be an ongoing process. It has felt so good that I have started to forgive other people as well.
It seemed to be a cliche when people would say that forgiveness is not just for the person who is forgiven, it is for the person who does the forgiving. Now, I know how true this is. I am so glad I have been given the opportunity to learn how free it can make me feel as I forgive people for the things that hurt me so many years ago. I am not perfect at this, but I am getting better and feeling better as time goes on.

Held Captive

We will be captive when we do not do what we know is right (Lamentations 1:3). In Lamentations, Jeremiah is talking about Judah literally being in captivity because they were wicked. 

Today, we can be held captive in other ways. For example, addiction is a form of captivity. I had to watch as my ex-husband fell more into captivity mentally as he sought for the next drink or cigarette. It was sad to see him hit rock bottom a few years after we divorced knowing who he had been prior to falling into his alcohol addiction. He still has not gone back to church, but he has gotten help. It has been good to see him make positive changes in his life.

We have been given the Word of Wisdom to help keep us away from this type of captivity. In Doctrine and Covenants 89,  we are told what we should and should not put into our bodies. It says we should stay away from tobacco, "hot drinks" (to be interpreted as tea and coffee), and alcohol. As we follow this directive, we are kept from the woes of addiction. 

If we fall into these traps, we can find a way out. The Church provides an addiction recovery program. This shows us that even when we fall into these traps, our Heavenly Father wants to help us get out of them. 

He Will Bring Peace

I am so glad the elections are done. If you had asked me the night of the election if I was happy with the results, I would have said resolutely, "No!" I am not one of those people who cares about the party the person represents. I care about what they stand for and what they plan to accomplish. My husband and I sat and watched as election results trickled in. The announcement for our new governor came less than an hour after the polls had closed. Jared Polis. I did not vote for him. His values did not match mine in the slightest. The only thing I can think of that I did like about him is that he is pro-family. I was worried that his plans would derail some of the things that I like about living in Colorado.
I had a hard time sleeping so I said a little prayer to be able to fall asleep and be comforted. It worked! Not only was I able to fall asleep, I was able to feel comfort from that point on. In fact, I woke up with the line of a Hymn 85 in my head: "Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, For I am thy God and will still give thee aid..."
Later that day I was reading in Isaiah thinking I was just doing it to feel an assignment. Instead, it turned out that my Heavenly Father was still answering my prayer. He was telling me that if I kept His commandments, he would bring me peace.

O that thou hadst harkened to my commandments!

then had thy peace been as a river,

and they righteousness as waves of the sea;

~Isaiah 48:18

As I continued to read, I found more verses that told me the same thing: I will get help if I do my part to follow the teachings of the Lord. This is such a great promise! 

I am so glad that the Lord loves me and understands me enough to send me a message trough song and just to dive the message home, he told me through scripture. I know that as I do my part, the Lord will keep his promise. I will have peace no matter what happens around me. 

My Experiment

For my Old Testament class, I have a semester long project where I am to work on a Christlike attribute. I chose obedience. More specifically, I am working on following the promptings of the Holy Ghost. So far, I have started doing blogs with my friend again, gone to the temple with another friend, and prayed for a family member that seems lost. When I started this project, I thought it would be something that would help me, but it is looking like I am being used to help others, and I love it. I can't wait to find out who I get to help next.

Temples

Fort Collins Temple

Temples have been an important part of the Lord's church for a long time. We even read about them in the Old Testament. In fact, when Moses and the Israelites were walking in the wilderness they had a tabernacle that traveled with them. Solomon built a temple to worship God as well. He did not have to make it portable, so he made a large one of stone. In Isaiah, we learn more about why we need temples rather than how they are built.

"And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the Lord's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it. 

And many people shall go and say, Come ye, an d let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths..."

~Isaiah 2:2-3

I love that we are learning the things that will lead us to exaltation in the temples still. I learn something new every time I go, and it is not always something that is formally being taught. There are times where I am praying in and meditating that I learn a lot in the form of personal revelation. After all, we are closer to the Lord when we are in the temple than any where else. 

I, also, love that Isaiah says that "all nations [will] flow unto [the temple]. We can really see this come true today. I remember President Hinkley saying that we would have over 100. At the time, it seemed like a lofty goal, but he was the prophet, so I believed him. I just did not know how this would happen. Before I knew it, there were what we called at the time mini temples being built in more places than I could keep track of. The goal of 100 temples was complete by 200 (https://www.lds.org/ensign/2000/11/news-of-the-church/a-milestone-in-church-history-100-temples?lang=eng) This month, President Nelson, our current prophet, announced twelve more temples that will be built. This will make 201 temples that will be either "operating, announced, or under construction" (https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/temples-announced-october-2018-general-conference). This means that people from nations from all over the world are able to go to the temple. 

This month, in the Women's Session of General Conference, President Nelson gave us some goals to help us gather Israel. Among those goals was to make temple attendance a regular part of our lives. While we attend the temple we are to, "Seek to know more, to understand more, to feel more about temples than [we] ever have before." Again, I think this fulfills the prophesy/teachings of Isaiah.

As I have studied Isaiah this week and worked on the goals set forth by President Nelson has made me understand even more about how the Church today is not only like the Church of the Bible, it also fulfills the prophesies of the Bible.

We Can Overcome Obstacles

http://www.believetrust.com/bible/ezra-4-opposition-rebuilding/

There are so many things in this life that make it hard for us to do the things that we know we need to do. Sometimes they are self inflicted. For example, social media is a highly addictive platform that can affect our mood and suck away hours of our lives. Some of the obstacles we have to overcome a due to the decisions of other people. For me, this was the case in my divorce. There are still many other challenges that we face without understanding why we have to be the one to live with them. This would be the case in the death of my mom and brother. No matter what the trials are we face in life, we can learn from them or dwell on them.
In the book of Ezra, the people of Israel worked together to rebuild the temple including the alter for the sacrifices. They did this because of their faithfulness to the Lord. Then, in chapter 4, the Samaritans tricked the children of Israel into believing that they wanted to help. Instead of helping, they hindered the work. They even wrote a letter to the king and lied about the motives for the city and temple to be rebuilt. Because of this letter, the king commanded they cease the building of the temple. When men were sent to find out what their motive was for building the temple, the people answered, "We are the servants of the God of heaven and earth, and build the house that was builded these many years ago..." (Ezra 5:11). Then, they explained everything they were replacing and why. Finally, the king decrees that the people could be built.
These people learned and showed great things through this trial. First of all, they learned patience. The people did not know how long it would take before they were told they could continue to build the temple. They did know that it was a commandment of the Lord to do so, though. They, also, show that honesty can help with the Lord's work. When the governor asked why and how, they told him exactly how they planned on completing it and that it was for worshiping the Lord. Finally, they learned that the work of the Lord will go on no matter what obstacles are put in the path.

We have been commanded many times in the scriptures to forgive. One example of this is in 1 Kings 8:50. It says, "and forgive thy people that have sinned against thee, and all their transgressions wherein they have transgressed against thee, and give them compassion before them who carried them captive..."
I have learned about the importance of forgiveness in my own life. I went through quite a process to be able to truly forgive my ex-husband for many things that should not have happened when we were married and for a while after we were divorced. It was not an easy process, but things that help us grow spiritually and emotionally are never easy.
One important thing that learned in this process was that forgiveness is not for the person who hurt us. There are many times that the person we are forgiving either does not care if they are forgiven or does not know we have forgiven them. Forgiveness is for the person who forgives. When we forgive, it opens our hearts up to be loved and love others as well. When I forgave my ex-husband, I was able to show my husband and children the way they deserved to be loved.

As I have studied forgiveness, I have learned a lot from the scriptures. There is not a shortage of verses where we have been commanded to forgive others. I have really enjoyed the verses that show that not only have we been commanded to forgive, but the Lord has promised us that He will forgive us when we do so. One example of this is Doctrine and Covenants 82:1 which says, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, my servants, that inasmuch as you have forgiven one another your trespasses, even so I, the Lord, forgive you." I love this verse. It shows that the Lord not only wants us to do this, He is willing to do the same thing for us.
We all sin and need forgivness from the Lord. The only way we can be save is through his forgiveness and mercy. We cannot receive this without extending the same to our fellow human beings.