Deep(ish) Thoughts

Last Friday, Noel and I went to see Hamilton in the theater. We both loved it, but it made me think. Do I stand up for my beliefs or do I stay quiet while grinning and bearing the world around me? I was worried about this for a few days and eventually asked my husband if I was the kind of person who didn't stand for anything. He said that I stand for things when they matter to me. 

I have strong opinions about things. Most of the time I don't share them online because when I did in the past, the comments from both sides towards me were brutal. I share some religious quotes here and there, but mostly I just share pictures of my family and other things I do to keep the memories. Do the religious quotes count as standing for something? I believe it does. 

I believe that love is the answer to many of the problems in the world. I don't like the political world in this country because it is filled with hate. One side hates the other because they think and believe differently. Then one of the leaders from the opposite party is killed. (At least that is what this year has been like so far.) I have been saying that the two-party system is corrupt for many years. I even voted for a third-party choice that I hoped could at least rock the boat in 2016. I believe that if the higher-ups in each party were to show a little kindness and love towards people with different beliefs and strongholds, there could be less blood and carnage in the world. 

Melissa Hortman was a democratic leader in Minnesota and killed for that reason. I don't know much about her politics. I only know what party she belonged to. From my understanding that was the only reason she was killed in her home. I also know that she was a mother. When someone decided to execute her, they took a mother and father (her husband was also killed), they took parents from these children. I don't know how old they were, but it doesn't matter. There was not a good reason for this. 

Charlie Kirk was a conservative activist that was shot this week because someone hated what he stood for. I only know a little of his public opinion and don't necessarily agree with everything I have heard. However, he was also a parent. Unlike Melissa Hortman, he was not hunted down in his home. He was shot at a public event on a college campus by someone who was too much of a coward to even look him in the eye. Just like Melissa Hortman, Charlie Kirk leaves behind children who now have to live without a parent. 

There have also been school shootings. A few weeks ago, children were killed while at a church service in their Catholic school. Some were killed. Many were injured. Why? Hate. The same day Charlie Kirk was killed, there was a shooting at a school. This one was in my home state, Colorado. Two kids other than the shooter was injured, and the shooter killed himself. What was his reason? Hate. 

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We have a president that promised revenge against those who voted against him, and he is doing it. He holds federal funds, fires federal employees, sends the National Guard into cities, and often bashes the opposing party when speaking about anything. He seethes hate almost every time he speaks or posts online. 

Recently, a governor from the other party has taken to acting like the president with the cheers of his party as he does so. This is not the answer. Weren't we all raised being told, "Two wrongs don't make a right?" If he had a different message, I may lean more towards this party. Instead, it just proved my theory that these parties are two sides of the same coin. 

In contrast to the hate being spewed all around us, President Nelson had an op-ed published in Time magazine ahead of his 101st birthday calling for peace and dignity to be offered to everyone. In it he said, "Love your neighbor and treat them with compassion and respect...anger never persuades, hostility never heals, and contention never leads to lasting solutions...Imagine how different our world could be if more of us were peacemakers - building bridges of understanding rather than walls of prejudice - especially with those who may see the world differently than we do...There is power in affording others the human dignity that all of God's children deserve."

Last winter, I read a book by Steve Young called The Law of Love. This book made me feel more than any other book I have read. It made me look at people differently in a good way. I can feel the difference in how I view other people's actions. I have also noticed that I feel more deeply about how other people treat each other and want to find a way to spread love and joy even more than I did in the past. I honestly think that if more people were to read this book filled with quotes and examples of love and take the lessons to heart, the world would be a better place. 

I believe that everyone has some good in them even if I disagree with their public persona. It may not always be able to see it, but it is there somewhere. When we try to get along with them and show them love, we are often shown that softer side. I do have my boundaries and will not allow certain people in my life for the most part, but I am open to that changing if their behavior towards me/my family changes. (I have learned I need to protect my peace, too.)

I don't share these opinions very often out of fear, but I think it is time to do so. I am afraid of backlash, but I don't even know who will read this. I am not going to share it on social media because I know that I will make people I care about mad and will receive backlash. If someone cares enough to ask my opinion, I will share it. Thankfully, those who have actually taken the time to get to know me know this is who I am. I believe in love and acceptance no matter what you believe, who you love, your race, or anything else that makes you who you are.

September 2025 Bullet Journal

I am going to try to do a monthly bullet journal spread. A lot of people who do bullet journals do this, but I haven't tried it yet. I think it could be fun to have a theme for the month and just keep that theme going if I decide to add to it. For now, I have my main September page that I modified from an idea I found on Pinterest. I had fun making a fall theme because I am excited to be going to see the fall colors later this month. I took a picture of the main page before I filled in the boxes because I don't want to broadcast my weight or family birthdays. 

I really want to get back into doing regular exercise. For the last few weeks, I had a goal of 30 or 45 minutes a day, but I wasn't keeping up with it very well. I am hoping having a dedicated tracker will help keep me focused.

With the goal of reading 15 books this year and still needing to finish 6 books to make this happen, I made a page to track the book I just started. I am quite proud of how this one turned out. I didn't copy it from any specific idea that I had seen online, but I may have seen something like it in the past. Either way, I like how it turned out.

The last one I did was inspired by the potty-training charts I used to make for the boys many years ago. I just labeled the page and will put stickers on it anytime I eat a fruit or vegetable. 

I will likely add to this as the month goes on depending on my goals. I'm sure there will be at least one more book to track before the month is over. There could also be one to track my progress in finding a job that I can do with my degree because I don't know how much longer I can stand working in billing. 

Memories of Uncle Barney

My Uncle Barney passed away this week. He was one of my favorite uncles growing up. I have so many fond memories of him. He was the fun uncle that we liked to play with. 

My Uncle Barney was in a wheelchair because of on illness from his childhood. Back then, they didn't understand that when someone was bedridden, it was important to try to move their arms and legs to prevent atrophy. The thing is, when we were little, we didn't think about it. He was just the fun uncle that would give us rides in his chair. We could climb up on his lap, and he would wheel us around and pop wheelies. We thought it was the best thing ever. It wasn't until we learned about people with disablities in second grade that I really thought about him being different. 

Uncle Barney was a professor at the University of Alabama. I looked up to him for this reason and always thought of him as the smartest person I knew. Reading is obituary, I learned that he almost didn't become a teacher. After earning his bachelor's and master's degrees, he had wanted to stay at the University of Illinois to be a mentor for the disabled, but his professors encouraged him to do more. He went on to be a CPA before deciding to get his PHD in accounting and becoming a professor. He still advocated for the disabled, though. He even learned woodworking so he could make his own wheelchair ramps when needed. 

I haven't been able to see him much in adulthood other than for funerals because traveling to Alabama just hasn't been in the budget. I regret not making it a greater priority. I will miss Uncle Barney. 

Colonoscopy

About a week ago, I had my first colonoscopy. I was warned by the doctor's office and my sister warned me that the prep was torture. Honestly, it wasn't too bad until the day before the procedure. I won't get too graphic. I'll just say that I was very dehydrated and exhausted by the time I checked in. (I opted for the first appointment in the morning which meant I had to get up at 1am to finish my prep.) The actual procedure wasn't too bad because I was sedated and woken up in recovery with my husband by my side. 

I had one polyp. They removed it and sent it off to determine if it was cancerous or not. It was found to be not cancerous. I was originally told I wouldn't have to repeat the procedure for 10 years, but they called today and said they would actually like me back in 5 years because of where it was located. That's a bit worrisome for someone with a family line riddled with cancer, but I will listen to them and put myself through that torture in 5 years again. 

My mom had lymphoma. Her mom died of pancreatic cancer. My dad's mom died from the effects of many years of cancer treatments. At least one of my great-grandparents died of cancer. A former friend that I lost touch with announced on Facebook earlier this year that she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I understand the importance of cancer screenings and will have as many done as are recommended for the foreseeable future. As scary as it can be to have to go back in for further testing (like I had to last year with my mammogram), this is an important part of creating a healthy life. 

Goals for this Week

 

During my internship, I threw a lot of my daily habits out the window because it was exhausting to essentially be working two jobs along with everything else that was going on. For the last few weeks, I have been trying to get back into doing the things that make my life better. It's a lot harder to get back to them than I thought it was. I decided the best thing to do would be to make a bullet journal spread to track my progress. It worked great when I was getting started on the Mirical Morning last year, so I figured it would be the best way to jump back into it and the other habits I have been working on. I am excited to get started on Monday!

Church this Week

 I absolutely loved church services this week. It started with Relief Society. We discussed the talk Draw Near unto Me by President Henry B. Eyring. I love this talk. In it, he talks about how we can draw closer to Christ. It goes along with Doctrine and Covenants 88:63:

"Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you: seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

I love this verse! Even when I struggled with my testimony, I believed in the power of prayer. Whenever I struggle spiritually, mentally, physically, etc., I know I can turn to prayer. I know that my Heavenly Father is always there for me and listens to my prayer. I have gone through enough difficulties in my life that I know He will not always pull us out of them immediately. We have to trust His timing. I can't say my life is perfect, but I can it is better than it was in the past.

Another way that I draw closer to my Savior is reading my scriptures. I have struggled with this in the past. At a particularly hard time in my life,  I sat in my stake president's office and told him that I struggled with my testimony because I didn't understand why I had to go through another trial. I felt like I had a harder life than anyone else around me. (I have learned since that was not always true.) He asked me what spiritual habits I had. I told him I personally was fasting with a purpose on Fast Sundays, praying and journaling about it daily, and reading the Doctrine and Covenants daily (the scriptures we were studying in Sunday School that year). I explained that I didn't understand how the Doctrine and Covenants applied to me and thought trying to study it was making things worse for my testimony. His simple response was to tell me to stop reading it. He didn't judge me for my struggle, he plainly gave me practical advise that would help. Since then, I have grown to love the scriptures, all of them. We are studying the Doctrine and Covenants again this year in Sunday School. I read through it by the middle of the year for the first time, and I could feel the Spirit as I did so. As I have progressed in the gospel, I have learned to love my time spent studying the word of God. 

I have also learned to love my service in the temple. I liked the temple when I was younger, but when I stopped going, I was more worried what other people would think of me not going than what I was missing out on because I didn't really understand what I was doing. I memorized what I needed to as an ordinance worker, but I didn't know why it was important. I am at a different place spiritually. I love the changes that have been made that make the ordinances more clear. I love going with my husband. He has become such a spiritual person and makes me want to continue to grow. The more we go to the temple together, the more I want to be there. One of the best decisions we made on our recent trip was to go to a temple at each stop. I hope to be able to do that on more trips. 

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful that He made a way for us to return to Him and our Father in Heaven. The way to learn of Him and return to Him is simple and hard at the same time. When we are willing to take the time and put forth the effort to learn of Him and draw nearer to Him, we receive blessings. I am thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me so much that He sent His son as a sacrifice for my sins. It was pointed out in Sacrament Meeting that Christ was part mortal, so he truely felt the pains and sorrows of mortality. When we reach out to Him in prayer, we can know that we are not alone. We can be lifted up by Him and through Him. I love my Savior!

She Scared Us

 

A couple of nights ago, Aqua scared us a bit. It was a hot day. Even with the widow air conditioners and the swamp cooler going, the house was warmer than I would have liked. Chad and I took Sophie for a walk as part of our daily exercise. When we returned, he decided to take the other dogs around the block. A little while after he got back with Aqua, she came into our room panting heavily, drooling, and whimpering. We thought maybe she got hurt on the walk. She has had issues with her paws on the back porch in the past. He took her after dark, but we didn't think of checking the temperature of the sidewalk especially since the other dogs didn't have a problem. As we observed her more closely on the bed, we realized she was overheating. I sent the kids to get the frozen meatballs (we keep them on hand in the summer to help the dogs keep cool). She seemed too disoriented to even know we were holding it in front of her. Then, we all got more scared. I laid next to her on the bed to try to keep her calm. Sean and Noel turned on the shower, and Chad tried to lead Aqua to the bathroom. She wouldn't budge and seemed to be getting worse. Then, he grabbed a towel, through it across the room to the kids, and told them to bring him a cold towel. Sean came back with a cold, wet towel and tried to cool down her paws knowing it is center for temperature regulation for dogs. When that wasn't working fast enough, Noel soaked the towel even more and draped it over her head and neck. Her breathing started to clow quickly and the drooling dissipated almost right away. A few minutes later, Chad went back to the kitchen to get the meatballs. When Aqua heard the freezer open, she shook off the towel and ran to him. Our girl was better! 

I don't know how to prevent this completely in the future. I will be giving the dogs meatballs periodically the rest of the summer when it is close to 100F. Chad will wait until later to take her for walks knowing she is more sensitive to the heat than the other dogs. If she starts acting disoriented, we will get her in a cold shower before she starts whimpering. Hopefully, these things will help her. (For anyone wondering, the water was full of cool water, and she drank some of it after the meatball.)