Turning 48

I turned 48 a week ago. I was so excited leading up to this day. However, when the day came, I was not as happy. There is so much behind a birthday in my world. 

Starting with my 44th birthday, I dedicated that I would celebrate it more than I had for a while. Starting with that birthday, I had officially out lived my mom. (I feel like that is not a normal thing to say for people in their 40s, but that's the life of a daughter who lost their mother at a young age.) Now, I can celebrate reaching milestones my mom looked forward to that she didn't get to see. I have been able to see all of my kids graduate high school. She didn't see any of us graduate. I will be able to be there when my kids get married, have their own kids, and anything else that is connected to them becoming full adults. My mom was gone before my sister and I did any of these things. Each year brings more experiences she was unable to experience in this life. I am so lucky to be able to live long enough to experience life in this way. How could I not celebrate this? 

On the other hand, being another year older and not accomplishing what I wanted to achieve in this time is frustrating. I wanted to be working on getting out of debt, but medical bills and car repairs have raised my debt instead. The frustrating part of this is that if we were able to save instead of paying credit card payments, I could have probably paid for these things without payment plans and more credit card debt. I wanted to lose weight and thought Chad's necessary change to his diet would help me. I didn't go on his highly restricted diet. It's hard, and I don't end up in extreme pain when I eat things like red meat, red meat, or fried foods. Plus, I work from home and am not as limited on what I can eat during the day. I wanted to be using my degree by now. I think I am in a way with my second job (Magic Club), but it's not how I imagined using it. Also, I don't need the degree to do this job. Most jobs I have found using my degree don't pay as much when starting as I get paid now. I can't take a pay cut, and I can't add anything else to my schedule right now. I think it is normal to think about what we haven't accomplished as we age. My husband has been doing it for years. The problem is that it is depressing to look at birthdays this way. I want to go back to being happy and excited that I am one year older and get to experience life longer. 

Over the past year good things have happened, too. I have continued to grow my relationships with my children. I was able to help them financially and emotionally (hopefully) when needed and asked. I have become so good at my job that I am actually bored even when I am so busy that I feel like I will never complete my spreadsheets and other tasks. My husband and I have worked on our relationship by doing things like taking walks (until it got too hot), camping, fishing, going to the gym, working in the temple together, and other things. (It's amazing how much better marriage is when both people are all in.) I have a bigger garden this year than I have had in the past. Not all of it has survived the heat we are experiencing this summer, but it's exciting to have so much growing still. I made my best batch of hand soap and have a request from my daughter to make more for her to take with her when she moves out. (I love that she loves my soap.) The biggest accomplishment I made since my last birthday (less than a week after it) was getting my bachelor's degree. I was a 10-year process, but it is an accomplishment that I made that changed me for the rest of my life. 

I have no idea when the next year will bring, for the most part. I have do have some hopes that I would like to turn into goals. I want to be back to being a person to makes and reaches goals. I am in the process of figuring out what I want to accomplish over the next year that is achievable. So far, I know I will be keeping both of my jobs and continue working in the temple one night a week. I will also definitely be planting a garden next year using what I have learned from my accomplishments and failures to make it more successful. I will also continue to read, crochet, and knit. I am thinking that what I need to add to my life is a more regular workout routine. Chad and I have yearly passes to the local rec center, and I want to get enough use out of them to make the money we paid back in December worth it. While doing that, I would like to get back into running in some way. I just don't know what that looks like right now because I am not going to wake up any earlier to run before work. (I get up at 5:00 to have time to do my Miracle Morning and shower before I start work at 6:30.) I think the workouts will be my main focus on top of the other things I am already doing. I just need to refine what I want it to look like. 

Noel's 20th Birthday

 

Noel turned 20 over the weekend. She was so celebrated by many people. Throughout the day, she would tell me of more people messaging and texting her to wish her a happy birthday. After some tough years in the past, it made my heart happy to know that she now has good people in her life that are willing to take even a little bit of time out of their day to do such a simple thing to make a difference in her day. 

With Noel's birthday being on the weekend, we were able to spend the day with each other on her actual birthday for a change. We started the day off getting breakfast and streaming Wicked. Then, we went to Red Robin and headed to the theater to see Wicked: For Good. We loved the movie. She is actually going to see it one or two more times this week. 

After the movie, we went home to rest a bit before going to Olive Garden as a family. Then, we went home for dessert, presents, and karaoke. (All her choices.) I hope she had a good birthday and knows how much she is loved. 

It Feels Weird

My youngest child will be turning 20 in a few days. This means a few things. First, I will no longer have any teenagers. They are really all adults now. Also, she will be the age I was when I married my first husband. )Why did no one say I was too young? Oh. That's right. They didn't care as long as they didn't have to pay for it.) Then, there is the reality most people wouldn't even think of: my youngest child will officially be older than my older brother. I'm not doing great with this thought. I was relieved when the boys made it past 19. This is different somehow. 

Mom and Sean Day 2025

 I made a tradition of having a day with just the birthday kid around the time I married Chad because I knew that at least one of them was having a hard time with all of the changes over the previous year. it actually started with me taking Eric with me to court for an expired license plate ticket. I called him out of school and told him he could spend the day with me. It was a simple thing that meant a lot to him. When Sean's birthday came around 8 months later, he wanted a day with me, too. I have made a point to spend a time with them for their birthdays ever since. Now, we get to do something more, and they each get to pick what we do. I am glad that they still enjoy this. 

This year, I was unable to talk off work for Sean's birthday because work was crazy in September, so we made the plan to do something the first weekend I was free. I told him to choose what we would do, as usual. At first, he said he would look to see what movies were showing. There was nothing (not too surprising). Then, he came to me asking if we could go to the escape room nearby. I booked us an appointment for this past Saturday for the room with a dragon theme. 

We had so much fun! Some of the puzzles were harder than others, but we worked together as a team and finished with 9 seconds remaining. 

Then, we went to McDonalds, as we always do for our day together. Overall, it was an enjoyable morning/afternoon. I hope he knows how much he is loved. 

Sean's Birthday

 

Sean is officially 22! We celebrated on his birthday by going to Village Inn just as we have done every year since he turned 9. He used to get funny face pancakes. Now, he gets a chocolate pancake breakfast (a bigger version of the same thing, basically). Then, we went back to the house for chocolate cake, a game of UNO, and have him open presents. I hope he had a good birthday. I'm just going to try to come to terms with the fact that he is already 22. 

Mom's Birthday

 

This past weekend, I went to a baby shower where we played a Family Feud style game in which one of the questions asked what a new parent might ask a seasoned parent advice about. I wrote down the basics: feeding, bathing, putting to sleep. I only got one right.  Then I heard someone make a comment about how the basics are pretty much learned when the mom comes to help her daughter care for the new baby. This was just one  more reminder of what I missed out on. I had a wonderful mother-in-law at the time that taught me the things I needed to know, but it wasn't my mom, and I had to ask. I didn't get to have my mom do these things because she died 7 1/2 years before I had my first child. I think this reminder hurt more because this shower was only 3 days before my mom's birthday. 

Now, it is my mom's birthday. I miss her terribly. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss hearing the sound of her voice. I miss her willingness to try to help me with hobbies she either doesn't really understand or doesn't like doing. I wish she were here but know my life would have been way different if she was. I will have to settle for knowing that I will be with her again, feeling her arms around me. 

Happy birthday, Mom! I love you! I can't wait for the day we will be celebrating together again. 

Chad's Birthday

 

Last night, we celebrated Chad's birthday. It was a day late because we wanted Super Bowl food on his birthday and knew we be concentrating on the game. He agreed that it would be better if we waited a day. 

I think he had a good celebration. It wasn't the big party he had last year, but he wasn't turning 50 this year. We had dinner and desert at home with all of the kids. He chose chicken enchiladas, Snoop Dog's brownies, and ice cream. We also played a game of Exploding Kittens. After dinner, he opened his gifts, and we sat around talking and enjoying each other's company. 

I don't know for sure if he enjoyed his celebration, but he seemed to have liked it. My hope is that he felt special and loved. 

Celebrating Eric

Eric's birthday was last week. He came over for pizza (his choice for birthday dinner), presents, and monkey bread (his choice for dessert). I love this kid and love celebrating special occasions with him. I love watching him continue to grow mentally and emotionally. He amazes me on a regular basis. I am so blessed to be his mom.

Noel took pictures this time around because my phone had died.

Tonight, Eric and I went out for our yearly Mom and Eric day. Given several choices of things to do, he chose dinner at Fat Shack, a strange restaurant that serves very odd sandwiches. He loves this place but hasn't been there since moving back to our part of town. We had weird food and good conversation. It's nice that he still wants to spend this kind of quality time with me.

Anthony's 48th Birthday

 

Anthony would be 48 today. That is odd to say knowing he has had 29 birthdays since he passed away at 19. He didn't get to live the life we dreamed of together. There was no wife. There was no son named Marc Anthony. We never bought a small newspaper together. The kids in this picture who still have all of their baby teeth didn't know what the future would bring. They just knew they were forever siblings. Thankfully, we will always be siblings and will be together in the afterlife. We are a forever family. 

Happy birthday, Anthony! I hope you are celebrating with Mom. 

Her Birthday

 

Noel turned 19, yesterday! (I didn't forget to post about it. I wanted to make sure to get pictures of the day first.) She started the day finishing the outfit she was making for the evening, and she did a WONDERFUL job! I am is awe of her sewing talent. 

Then, we had Panda Express for lunch and headed to see Wicked Part 1. We loved it. Neither of us have seen the stage production, so this was our chance to see it. We already have plans to see the other half when it comes out next year. 

Later, we went to dinner at the place of her choosing with the family and her boyfriend followed by going home for presents, dessert, and a game that she chose. 

My hope is that she knows how much she is loved and felt special on her special day. 

21 Already!

 

My precious Sean turned 21 today! It seems like just yesterday he was climbing on my lap with "blankie" and "arrr" (his security blankets) and a sippy cup. He still love to give me hugs even though he can't climb on my lap anymore. I can't wait to see what the future hold for this boy. I love him more than words can describe. 

Mom’s Birthday

 

My mom’s birthday is one of those days that are hard. I miss her. I wish she were here I miss her laugh and her smile. I miss her hugs the most. When she would hugged me, it was like being enveloped in love. Her arms would pull me in like I was the only person she ever wanted to hug. I’ve never been hugged by anyone else like she did. I know she is doing great things in the next life. It is selfish for me to want er here. Someday, I will leave this life and be greeted with her embrace. 

I love you, Mom. Happy birthday in heaven. 

Birthday Festivities

 I have been wanting to throw Chad a real birthday party for a while. This year was the year. If we can't celebrate 50, what can we celebrate? A few week ago I bought decorations and started really planning this party. I planned a game, food, drinks, and invited friends and family. 

Chad and I spent a good portion of our morning shopping for the party. First, we went to ARC to find a new punch bowl (this one has cups and a ladle with it), a pretty severing platter (Noel said I couldn't use the Girls Scout one I use for most things), and a couch cover. I was so excited to find a punch bowl and platter that matched. It was a very successful trip. (I think I have gotten to be pretty good at thrifitng.) Then, we went to the grocery store for the party food. I already had everything I needed to make the German chocolate cake including the frosting (a true sign that I love this man). We just needed chips, dip, veggies, cheese, crackers, and olives. There was a buy two, get three free sale on chips, so we got more than we would normally. There were various ecoupons and sales on many of the other items we needed as well. Overall, we spent a lot more than planned, but he only turns 50 once. 

When it came to party time, we had all of the kids in our home helping set up decorations and set up food. A lot of people showed up to celebrate this big day with Chad. They brought various treats and gifts. We played a game of "Who Knows Chad Best" in which I asked 11 questions and let them answer them either out loud or in their heads. Then, Chad would give the answers. I had each person keep score in their heads. Noel won. She only got one wrong. Chad's brother got second place with six correct answers. It seemed the main question people knew the answer to was where we met (at work in the Dish Network call center). They really tried to figure out the answers to questions, like what high school he graduated from, based on what they already knew about him. It was a fun game, and I wish I had more questions I could ask. 

I love Chad more than I ever thought possible. I am so glad that I could put this together for him and show him how much he is loved. 

He’s 50!

The true love of my life turns 50 today! He is such an amazing person, and I am so lucky to be his wife. I couldn’t imagine this world without him. 

Eric and Mom Day 2024

Eric made it known that he wanted to have a day with me for his birthday again. He seemed to have forgotten that he had told me he had outgrown it. The only issue we had was figuring out what to do and when. He finally decided he wanted to go to Meow Wolf, so I got tickets for after work yesterday. 

Eric had a blast. We were there for a bit over two hours and saw everything at least once. The world they have created in this odd shaped building is amazing and intricate. Eric loved it so much that he didn’t want to leave. I really enjoyed spending time with my oldest child. I love seeing the excitement and curiosity in his eyes. 

He’s 22!

 

My sweet Eric turned 22 today. It has been such a privilege to be his mom. He has always been so kind and loving. He was always that kid that wanted to be friends with everyone and not let anyone feel left out. I am a better person because of him. I am so lucky to be the person he calls mom. 

We celebrated with a dinner at Old Chicago,

a lemon cake made by his girlfriend,

and a game an presents at our house. 

We also have plans to spend Mom and Eric time Friday night. I hope he knows how much we love him. 

Anthony’s 47th Birthday

My brother, who passed away at 19, would be 47 today. How weird is that? I would like to believe he would have grown up to be as wonderful as I always knew he was when we were kids. I like to believe that he would have fought his demons given the chance. I like to believe our kids would have grown up together, and he would have been the fun, protective, caring uncle my kids would have loved deeply. Maybe he wasn’t meant to become that person. Maybe he was meant to teach me how wonderful a big brother could be. I’m glad I had him as my friend, protector, and brother. Happy birthday in heaven, Anthony!

Noel Turns 18

My baby girl turned 18 today. It seems like she was a sassy toddler just yesterday, but now she is fully grown. Where has the time gone?

To celebrate her birthday, we went to Pizza Hut as a family before going home for more fun. At home we had monkey bread for dessert (her choice), she opened her presents, and we played Clue. We had originally planned to put up the Christmas tree, but she chose a game instead. Thankfully, everyone in the family was able to be there for her. 

My goal for the kids’ 18th birthdays has been for them to be spoiled. I tried very had with this one. I hope she knows how special she is. 

Start of Noel’s Birthday Week

Noel’s 18th birthday is in a few days. We try to make the 18th special. (Of course, it gets a bit bigger with each kid.) Adding to my desire to make this one bigger than others is the fact that her last few birthdays haven’t been great and she has needed a bit extra attention lately. This means I am doing my best to spoil her this year. 

Today, she had some friends over to celebrate with her. She made it clear that she wanted to be the one who planned it and didn’t want me hovering. She asked us to buy fruit and veggie trays. We also got chips and some appetizers for our dinner and for the girls to eat. Once they were all here, they mostly stayed in Noel’s room while we kept the dogs out of the way. It sounds like they had a good time. 

The next celebration is on Wednesday when we take all of us to dinner and decorate the Christmas tree. I hope she feels special. (That is always my goal even if I occasionally fail.)

Using Birthday Yarn

 

My sister bought me yarn for my birthday on Amazon. She chose the type of yarn and sent me a link to choose which set of colors I liked. I, of course, chose the most purple combination offered. 

I have been so involved with other projects since then that I hadn’t taken the time to look for a project that would suit this yarn. However, with the hats for my kids and my sister’s family done and my sweater at the stitching phase, I am now ready to make something with this yarn. 

Yesterday, I sat down and used the advanced search option on Ravelry, put in the attributes of the yarn, and searched for the perfect project. Unfortunately, the first 3 or 4 that caught my eye were discontinued patterns (how does this happen so much). Then, I saw a pattern for a pillow type thing. It is perfect! Would I rather be knitting? Yes! There just wasn’t a pattern with an existing pattern with the yardage requirements that fit what I have. It is a fun project, but I have made a few tweaks that work better for me. I have a feeling this will be another quick project. I wonder what I’ll do next.