Colonoscopy

About a week ago, I had my first colonoscopy. I was warned by the doctor's office and my sister warned me that the prep was torture. Honestly, it wasn't too bad until the day before the procedure. I won't get too graphic. I'll just say that I was very dehydrated and exhausted by the time I checked in. (I opted for the first appointment in the morning which meant I had to get up at 1am to finish my prep.) The actual procedure wasn't too bad because I was sedated and woken up in recovery with my husband by my side. 

I had one polyp. They removed it and sent it off to determine if it was cancerous or not. It was found to be not cancerous. I was originally told I wouldn't have to repeat the procedure for 10 years, but they called today and said they would actually like me back in 5 years because of where it was located. That's a bit worrisome for someone with a family line riddled with cancer, but I will listen to them and put myself through that torture in 5 years again. 

My mom had lymphoma. Her mom died of pancreatic cancer. My dad's mom died from the effects of many years of cancer treatments. At least one of my great-grandparents died of cancer. A former friend that I lost touch with announced on Facebook earlier this year that she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I understand the importance of cancer screenings and will have as many done as are recommended for the foreseeable future. As scary as it can be to have to go back in for further testing (like I had to last year with my mammogram), this is an important part of creating a healthy life. 

Getting Closer

I finally started my internship this week, and I love it! I have wanted to be part of the solution for so long. With this position, I can finally do just that. 

I am working 16 hours a week with Catholic Charities helping people who need it. I have only done 2 shifts so far, but I have already learned a lot about helping those in shelters. I have mostly observed at this point, but I can't wait until I am trained enough to have a more active role. 

When I was getting divorced, it was known that my job sucked and I wanted a different one. When asked what I wanted to do, I would just say, "I want to make a REAL difference." The problem was I didn't know what I wanted to do or how to do it. All I knew was working in a call center was not going to get me there. 

About 4 years later, after earning an associates degree in business, I decided to go back to school. This time I started with the Pathways program and transitioned into online classes through BYU Idaho. This time I prayed about the program in which I would be enrolled and what career I would be working towards. I had the distinct impression that I should work an a degree in marriage and family studies with the goal of working in a shelter. I have worked hard on this goal while working a full time job in the shipping industry, raising 3 kids, working to have a healthy relationship with my husband, and growing my faith in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

This internship is the last step to achieving the goal of getting my bachelor's degree and a big step towards what will hopefully be a fulfilling career helping people who need it rather than helping line the pockets of corporate executives. Leaning what little I have at this point, makes me want to learn more and strengthens my resolve to do what I can to make this world a better place for those who need it the most. I can't wait to see what the future brings!

Hello 2025

Going into is honestly a bit scary. I have no idea what the future brings. All I know is I need more direction in my life. My hope is that by tweaking a few things, it will be one of my best years. 

This year, Chad and I will be working harder on our finances. We will be doing a no spend year (more to come on that). As we do so, we will work harder on paying off debt and building some sort of homestead on our kettle plot of land. I'm hoping this bring us closer together.

My crafting will have a new theme. This will be the gear of gifts. I will be making gifts for friends and family throughout the year. This will save money and break down my yarn stash a bit. I am already working on Eric's birthday present. I will for sure blog about this as I go as well as recap last year's theme, the year of the sweater, in future posts. 

I hope to finish my degree this year, but this is a very scary thing for me. All I have left is my internship unless I get procrastinate too long. Then, I will have to take a few more classes as well. I really want this to be done. I am just not good at being around new people and searching for something like this is terrifying. 

I will continue to work on my faith journey this year. I love that prayer and scripture reading have become a part of my morning routine. I want to incorporate General Confidence talks and regular "Come, Follow Me" study as well. My hope is to also make it to the temple at least once a month outside of our twice a month shift as ordinance workers. I am at a point in my life where I crave spiritual guidance. The more I learn about the Lord and His plan, the more I want to develop my relationship with Him. I hope I am in a better spot by the end of the year than I am now as I continue to grow my faith and knowledge. 

It is scary going into a new year. I hope that these goals will give me the direction and discipline I need in my life. 

Feeling Melancholy

I have been overcome with melancholy for the last few days. Mortality is kicking me in the face. Having a sweet person from my past pass away plus finding out my cousin needs a heart transplant within a few days sucks. I'm trying to let myself feel and pull myself out of it at the same time. 

If I let myself feel too much, I will go into a spiral that is hard to pull out of. I will think of all of the ways I have failed at life. I will think of friends and family members who have passed away. I will think of the ways my life has been hard. I can't let myself veer too far into this. 

To try to pull out of it, I have pulled a few things out of my arsenal. I am reading books that give me hope. I have watched sitcoms. I took a walk. I make sure I'm taking my supplements. I'm sure there is more I can do. I just need to figure it out. 

I only have 4 days until I leave on vacation. I need to feel better by then.