Mother's Day 2026

 

I used to have a hard time with Mother's Day. My mom died a month after I turned 18, so I never had a Mother's Day with my mom as an adult. In 2020, I was finally able to take my time, celebrate my mom, grieve experiences I felt robbed of, and be celebrated by my husband and kids without having to go to celebrate someone else (I know this part is selfish). This was what I needed to heal and finally be able to enjoy Mother's Day. We still send my mother-in-law a gift, and my husband calls her. However, I am allowed to spend time a lone to think of my mom, and my husband and kids celebrate me. 

This year, we had a plan. Chad was going to make homemade fettucine noodles and alfredo sauce with broccoli and a cherry cheesecake for dessert. I made rolls the day to go with it when I made bread the day before. This dinner didn't happen. 

After church, we had lunch; Eric came over; and Chad started on the cheesecake. Then, Eric, Sean, and I planted some shrubs and flowers that I had bought not long ago. When we were finishing up the last shrub, Chad came to the back door and told me he was in pain and may need to go to the ER. He was having a diverticulitis attack from eating too much rice. We made the decision together that he would lie down, take some Tylenol, and drink some water as he monitored his pain. If it got worse, we would go to the hospital. It started to get better, but there was no one to make dinner, and we didn't have anything for a backup out of the freezer. The kids and I ordered from Red Robin instead of having the planned dinner. On the way to pick up our order, we stopped at the gas station to get soda for us and apple juice for Chad. (Apple juice was his dinner because that was what we were told to do before he was discharged from the hospital in March.) We still had the cheesecake for desert after we played a game. I continually checked on Chad through the night. He eventually felt well enough to come out of our room and spend time with everyone before Eric left. 

Mother's Day didn't exactly look like we had planned. The dinner I dreamed of was not able to be made. That didn't matter. I was able to spend my time with my children, and they all got along. We laughed, we played, we ate good food. What more could this mama want?

Continuing to Receive Answers

Life has been hard lately. To say I have felt knocked down is an understatement. Over the past month, I have found myself turning to my Heavenly Father more than ever. Each time, He answers in the ways that I need. It isn't always big, but it doesn't have to be for me to know that He is there, answering my prayers, and caring about my mental wellbeing as well as my spiritual wellbeing. 

This week, I have been in tears several times not knowing how to deal with the pressures and rejections I have been facing. On Tuesday, I went for my regular shift at the temple where I was reminded that it was the right place to be over and over. I could feel the love of Christ as I performed my duties and served the patrons the way the Lord would have me do. On Wednesday, Chad and I took our regular walk. As he always does, he listened to me as I rambled on about my day. When we got close to the end, I told him how I was feeling about the rejection I had recently faced and the stress I was feeling about all of the medical issues in our household right now. When we got back to the house, he sat with me on the sidewalk in front of the house and just let me cry and let my feelings out. I told him I felt like life has been crapping on me since I was 10 (when the grandma that lived with us was diagnosed with cancer and died). He just listened and let me air it all out. I needed that more than anything at that time. Then, my child with no voice asked me to take them to their next specialist appointment. I thought this was going to be a difficult endeavor because I would have to work with both of my bosses to make this happen. I said a prayer and texted them both. I had to ask one to be able to work and hour earlier that day, and I had to let the other know that I would not be able to work the last day of Magic Club for the semester. Both were understanding when I explained what was going on. That was a small answer to my prayers that I needed but wasn't sure would work out. I know most people would look at these things as coincidence or people just being caring, but I choose to see them as God showing me the compassion that I really need right now. 

This morning, I was once again in tears after the second call in about a week in which my parents made sure that I know they will not be helping me in any way and that things are harder for them. (My stepmother has significant health issues, and my dad works very hard at his job.) I understand that my struggles are not as bad as other people, but it would have been nice to be shown some compassion while I'm in the trenches this one time. I prayed this morning, as I usually do, for my child to be healed and to feel God's love once again. Then, I read my scriptures, did my daily affirmations, and got in the shower where I was hit with a stronger wave of depression. I did all I could do at this point. I closed my eyes, looked up to the sky, and just prayed for this feeling to be taken from me. As I got out of the shower, I had a feeling I should listed to a talk from General Conference. I opened the app on my phone and pulled up the next talk in my queue. It was All Who Have Endured Valiantly by David A. Bednar. Just reading the title of the talk helped me know the Lord was listening to my prayers. As I listened to the talk, I was reminded that I am here to grow spiritually. I have been given spiritual gifts to help me and others through this life. I need to look for ways to show charity to others and help them make it through this life as well. I have been shown compassion throughout the last few weeks by people outside of my family such as both of my bosses, the temple workers on my shift whether they know what is happening or not, my husband, and my children. It is my turn to show compassion and serve. Elder Bednar said, "As we follow, love, and serve the Savior, we gradually focus less on our own desires and interests and more on understanding and addressing the needs of others...Charity, then, ultimately possesses us." This is my answer today. I need to stop turning inward and worrying about myself. I need to turn outward and look to help those around me. 

My Body Relaxed

Lost week, Chad was in the hospital very sick. He went to the ER under the advice of his primary care and ended up being admitted for a few days. I had just taken a week off of work and was worried about taking more time off. Each day, I would work in the morning until visiting hours began. Then I would head over to the hospital for a few hours, come home and work the rest of my hours for the day. After work, I made dinner and headed back to the hospital until visiting hours were over. Then, I would go home, spend time with the kids, and go to bed. I called out for my shift at the temple and my magic job. Everyone was very understanding. I was exhausted but more worried about him than me. 

Thursday afternoon, he was sent home with antibiotics and a special diet as well as instructions for if this issue happened again. The next few days were a bit difficult because he didn't have as much energy as usual. 

This morning, he was able to do his regular exercise and eat a normal breakfast without pain. It was such a relief! All of a sudden, I felt like I didn't have to check on him continually. During my lunch break, I took a nap as usual. Then, I sat at my desk watching my email for invoices to process. I ended up lying my head back and falling asleep for another hour. I have never done that before! (Thankfully, I work from home , so no one noticed.) I hadn't realized how the events of last week had affected me until I woke up from my unintentional nap. I hope I don't have to go through that again for a long time. 

Colonoscopy

About a week ago, I had my first colonoscopy. I was warned by the doctor's office and my sister warned me that the prep was torture. Honestly, it wasn't too bad until the day before the procedure. I won't get too graphic. I'll just say that I was very dehydrated and exhausted by the time I checked in. (I opted for the first appointment in the morning which meant I had to get up at 1am to finish my prep.) The actual procedure wasn't too bad because I was sedated and woken up in recovery with my husband by my side. 

I had one polyp. They removed it and sent it off to determine if it was cancerous or not. It was found to be not cancerous. I was originally told I wouldn't have to repeat the procedure for 10 years, but they called today and said they would actually like me back in 5 years because of where it was located. That's a bit worrisome for someone with a family line riddled with cancer, but I will listen to them and put myself through that torture in 5 years again. 

My mom had lymphoma. Her mom died of pancreatic cancer. My dad's mom died from the effects of many years of cancer treatments. At least one of my great-grandparents died of cancer. A former friend that I lost touch with announced on Facebook earlier this year that she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I understand the importance of cancer screenings and will have as many done as are recommended for the foreseeable future. As scary as it can be to have to go back in for further testing (like I had to last year with my mammogram), this is an important part of creating a healthy life. 

Sick All of the Time

This last few weeks, I have been sick, and it wasn't the first time over the last few months. I have been sick off and on since December which is the most I have been sick for a while. I am fairly certain that is because I have been working from home 5 years as of this week and don't get to leave the house as much as I would like. This means my immune system hasn't been building up as much as it would have if I had more contact with the public. 

I also had the joy of going to the ER in December and finding out that my asthma has gone from being exercise induced and fairly inactive to being viral induced as well and causing more problems. Now, I get to have a rescue inhaler with me and keep track of how many times per week I use it. If I use it too often, which I have been doing, I am supposed to be referred to a pulmonologist for further testing. I will probably keep going as I have until my ER bill is paid. 

I am currently still searching for an internship to finish my degree. I am hoping for an in-person position. Being around people will help me build my immune system while I network and work towards finding a job in my chosen field. Maybe, next cold and flu season will be a bit easier on me. 

Smack in the Face

 Chad found a documentary series on Max called The Weight of the Nation. It is an HBO original that originally aired in 2012, and it is very eye opening. This 4 part series goes through the risks of being obese, what we can do about it, and how to help kids on the path to obesity. To me it was all information I had heard here and there, but having it all in one place was a bit scary. 

I have been overweight most of my adult life. When I was in my early 20s I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism a bit after the weight gain started. As I had kids, it got a bit worse. At least one point, I started counting calories and exercising with friends which was fun. (That's right. I wasn't doing it to please my husband at the time like he claimed.) Then, I really started to lose weight once he was gone. Unfortunately, I have gained it all back plus some since being married to Chad. 

In 2017, I was diagnosed with fatty liver disease, and I freaked out. I got very serious about tracking my food and exercising. Each time I went in for a follow up, I had lost weight. However, I also kept getting diagnosed with more issues while my thyroid was not being given the priority I thought it needed, so I switched to a different doctor that I had seen that was further away. They said I had no indication of having a fatty liver. I was relieved and went back to my old way of eating. 

I am now close to my heaviest weight in my life. I don't like it, and I'm uncomfortable a lot more than I should be. I already read a book about a fasting regime and started a workout routine. However, after watching this documentary, I am back to feeing scared about my health. I feel the urgency to take off as much weight as is healthy. I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want diabetes. I don't want cirrhosis. I am making changes. I just hope it isn't too late. 

Fasting Like a Girl - Trial

 I finished Fast Like a Girl this month. For the most part, I really liked this book. The idea that timing the length of our fast to our hormonal fluctuations makes a lot of sense. One of my first thoughts was, "No wonder intermittent fasting is so much harder some weeks!" As I read, I soaked up as much information as possible. (This is part of the reason I am such a slow reader.) There were some parts that I didn't fully agree with because they went against the knowledge I have had from classes and other books, but for the most part, this book made sense. 

I have decided that I am going to try her plan for a few months and see if it helps me feel better. I have already written it out on a calendar for the next three months. I am starting with her 30 day starting plan. The following 30 days I'm doing the advanced starter. Then, I will be doing her suggestion for people with thyroid issues. I am combining this with regular exercise to try to even out my hormones that have been out of wack most of my adult life. 

What am I not changing? I will still be drinking my Diet Dr. Pepper in the morning. In my opinion, of people can have coffee with heavy cream, I can have diet soda. I don't understand how having coffee with a fat bomb keeps you in a fasted state but diet soda doesn't. You get caffeine your way and let me get mine the way I want. I will also not be switching to grass fed beef and dairy products. That is just not in my price range, and I haven’t seen any studies showing significant benefits (not saying they don't exist). 

I want to make significant changes in my health, and I am hoping this fasting protocol will help. I just don't know what else to try.

Exhausting Day

After an already long day, my cousin called today with a health update. She has been having heart problems for a while and was waiting to find out just how bad it is. Today, she called me with an update. She not only has a valve leaking, she has blockages and is going to have to have open heart surgery very soon. This means that she can't go to our cousin meet up in Michigan this summer because she will need to take the time to recover. 

I am both sad and scared. I'm sad that she won't be able to meet up with us at the beach. I love this cousin. She and I were glued together every time we visited our grandparents. Having a cousin reunion without this one cousin seems a bit wrong. I'm scared because I don't want her to die. I know I don't see her very often, but I still love her a lot. I'm also a bit mad because it just doesn't feel fair for someone who does so much good in the world to be facing this. 

She has been calling family members to ask for prayers, and I am more than happy to do this for her. I explained to the what the temple prayer roll is asked her if it was ok for me to place her name on it. She excitedly told me she could appreciate that. I think I will also fast for her this Sunday. This is all I can do from halfway across the country. I just hope it works. 

Homemade Breakfast

 

I have really been enjoying my breakfasts this week. They have consisted of berries and a sandwich made of homemade English muffins, butter or cream cheese, and an egg. There is just something satisfying about eating something I have worked so hard at making. It’s a lot more filling than cereal and has far less preservatives. 

This was my second batch of English muffins, and they are far from perfect. I’m learning with each batch though. I still need to turn down the fire on the burner, and I may need to let the sourdough starter ferment a bit longer. I definitely need to be a bit more patient while making them. I am determined to make this work. 

Emotional Week

I have had a difficult week. I have a bit of a health scare, and the cousin I was closest to growing up called to tell me she is having significant heart problems. Between the two issues, I have been exhausted. 

My health scare ended up to be a false alarm, but I have been worried for about 3.5 weeks. Last month, I went in for a regular mammogram, and they called be a few days later to schedule a follow up because there was an abnormality on the left side. The soonest they could get me in for more imaging including an ultrasound was 3.5 weeks out. In the meantime, I was able to look at the report and scans as my mind swirled with possibilities. As I checked in, they told me there was a possibility they would only need to do the additional mammogram images , but to plan on being there long enough for everything that was scheduled. After the mammogram images were done, I waited for the doctor to look everything over. Then, she did a handful of ultrasound images and left the room again. It was, then, determined I needed a few more images.at that point, the mysterious doctor behind the door said it looked good. The spot they were seeing was a lymph node with smooth boarders and good flow. It was such a relief! 

The night before this terrifying appointment, my cousin called in tears. Apparently, she had an allergic reaction to some shots in the fall when she renewed her foster license and ended up with double pneumonia. While she was healing from that, she had a “cardiac event” and waited until the next day to take the trip to the hospital. Since then, she has not been doing well. The problem is that they are not close to much medical care. The closest cardiologist has a 6 month waiting list. She was finally able to find on in another state that looked over her scans and discovered leaky valve. This doctor can see her sooner, but the earliest appointment available is in April. 

I am thankful that I am at least relatively healthy, but I am worried about my cousin. She has a lot of responsibilities and no energy. I wish I could take her place. She is one of the best people I know. The world is a better place with her in it. I hope she can continue to spread her light. 

So Tired

I have been so tired lately, and I don’t know why. I have been getting to sleep a bit earlier than usual the last few nights, and I still get my 20 minute nap during my lunch break. My schedule hasn’t changed that much other than adding school into the mix, but I do that all of the time without feeling like this. I should go to the doctor to see if my thyroid meds are off, but I hate bloodwork being done. Also, if the prescription is too low, I would have to start taking two pills a day and go back every 60 days until it is figured out. I know these aren’t great reason to not take care of myself. I really should get this figured out so I can feel normal again. 

So Cold It Hurts

Having an autoimmune disease sucks sometimes. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was about 21 or 22. I was diagnosed while trying to find out why I was not getting pregnant. The only symptom I noticed at the time other than the infertility was the weight gain. It didn't take long for me to notice the brittle hair, too. I didn't take it too seriously, though. When I was told that my baby could have issues with brain development if I did not take my meds while pregnant, I made sure I took them during the pregnancies. At the time, I did not understand how important the meds were for me, too. 

After Sean was born, I had a water cyst on my thyroid that the doctors were concerned was a tumor. I had blood work and an ultrasound done followed by the draining of a cyst (not a fun procedure). At this time, I was I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and was told I needed to take it more seriously. Spoiler alert...I did not. When funds were low, the first thing I cut out was my thyroid meds. 

As time has gone on, I have realized that there is more going on than I had realized. I am now on a high dosage and have more symptoms than in the past, even when on the meds. The one that I hate the most is my intolerance to hot and cold. The cold is far worse!

Tonight, I got to deal with my intolerance to cold. (I should point out that it was about 45F and raining when I was having these issues.) I took Noel to the doctor because she was not feeling well and to the gas station after for treats. I ran the heat in the car the entire ride home, and the house was warm when I got inside. The problem was that my feet got cold while out and about. It is really hard for me to warm up once I am that cold. I tried to grin a bear it for as long as possible. By the time dinner was over, my feet were so cold that they hurt. (Yes. That is a thing.) I ended up sitting in bed with socks, three blankets, and two dogs on my feet as the pain intensified. Thankfully, my husband understands my issues with being cold, and he climbed under my desk and turned on my space heater to warm up the room. It took about an hour, but I was finally able to be warm was the room got so warm he changed into sorts. 

I don't think this symptom will ever go away. If my feet get too cold, they will hurt. If my hands get cold, they will hurt. If anywhere else gets cold, I will always feel the cold down to my bones. Will that make me leave Colorado? Probably not. I just have to suck it up and accept it as one of the symptoms of Hashimoto's disease that I will deal with for the rest of my life.