Seeing the Good When Life is Hard

 This past month has been hard. Chad was in the hospital with diverticulitis, one of my children has lost their voice and has to see specialists for it (did you know there is a such thing as a vocal cord specialist), our dog, Dexter, passed away, the politics in this country are horrible causing contention on all sides (I don't handle contention well), and AI is making my main job feel less and less secure. Here's the thing through; I feel like I have been prepared for this difficult time. 

Many years ago (possibly when I was a teenager because I am just that weird), I decided I wanted to memorize as many church hymns as I could. I can't say that I have memorized all of them, but as I paid attention to those that were commonly sang, I started to remember at least the first verse more and more. I have found this talent to be very helpful. When things are hard, I often have a hymn or primary song come into my head. It is a comfort knowing that my weirdness has given me this gift. 

Last month, I watched the Relief Society broadcast. Sister Camille Johnson's talk struck my heart in a special way. The quote that will forever stay with me was, "You can do hard with Jesus, or you can do hard alone." This small sentence from this wonderful talk is exactly what I needed to prepare me for what was coming sooner than I had expected. 

I am choosing right now to do hard with Jesus. I am still praying and studying my scriptures. The scriptures give me hope as I read the Book of Mormon and learn about what it was like right before Christ's birth and resurrection. As I pray for miracles, I am seeing them unfold in front of my eyes and am reminded of the miracles I have experienced in the past. This morning as I prayed with gratitude for the miracles in my life, the line from a hymn came to my mind, "There is hope shining brightly before us, and we know that deliverance is neigh."

Life isn't going to get easier just because I can see this glimmer of hope through the clouds, but I know that the Lord wants me to be happy. I know He prepared a way for me to do this as I work my way through this with my family. Will things get better soon? I don't know. Does it still feel like my family is being hammered on with hard things? Yes, but I am choosing to do hard with Jesus. 

Searching for Peace

There is no way to ignore what is going on in this country.  People are hurting and angry and want someone to blame. In doing so, they blame people who are non the opposite end of the political spectrum. They do this with so much hate that they don't seem to care who they trample in their path to prove their point. In reality, all this does is create more anger and more hate on both sides. Sometimes, I wish they would sit down together and actually listen without cameras or the goal of proving their own point. I think they would see what the rest of us see if they did this. They are two sides of the same coin. 

This morning I woke up and opened Facebook before starting my day. (This always seems to cause more harm than good.) The first thing I see is someone's "fill Facebook with..." post which of course spewed hate in one direction. As I scrolled down, I see something just as bad spewed in the opposite direction. Both memes hurt my heart. I know there is nothing I could do or say they would change their minds. 

Then, I went to do my Miracle Morning as I should have done before opening anything on my phone. For the meditation part of it I prayed as I always do. This time I prayed for the comfort I needed from the hurt I have been feeling that has been growing over the past however many months or years. Then, I sat I silence and opened my scriptures to 2 Nephi 32. This short chapter gave me direction starting in verse 3. "...feast upon the words of Christ; behold the words of Christ will tell you all things what you should do." This tells me I need to change my focus away from the world and towards Jesus Christ, my rock and redeemer. Then in verse 9, we are told, "But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint..." This tells me that I need to pray more often. I am so thankful that this chapter happened to be the next chapter I was going to read!

As I took my short, morning walk, I thought about this chapter and considered what I need to change to draw closer to the Lord so I can feel His peace. I will be off of Facebook for at least a week, maybe longer. I will not be on TikTok longer than needed to continue my streak with my daughter. (I know it is silly to make that streak important, but it's just something to share with her.) I will watch conference talks in the morning. When Chad get home from work tonight, I will ask for a blessing to calm my mind. I hope that by doing these things, I will be able to heal my mind, body, and spirit. It at least won't make it worse. 

Church this Week

 I absolutely loved church services this week. It started with Relief Society. We discussed the talk Draw Near unto Me by President Henry B. Eyring. I love this talk. In it, he talks about how we can draw closer to Christ. It goes along with Doctrine and Covenants 88:63:

"Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you: seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

I love this verse! Even when I struggled with my testimony, I believed in the power of prayer. Whenever I struggle spiritually, mentally, physically, etc., I know I can turn to prayer. I know that my Heavenly Father is always there for me and listens to my prayer. I have gone through enough difficulties in my life that I know He will not always pull us out of them immediately. We have to trust His timing. I can't say my life is perfect, but I can it is better than it was in the past.

Another way that I draw closer to my Savior is reading my scriptures. I have struggled with this in the past. At a particularly hard time in my life,  I sat in my stake president's office and told him that I struggled with my testimony because I didn't understand why I had to go through another trial. I felt like I had a harder life than anyone else around me. (I have learned since that was not always true.) He asked me what spiritual habits I had. I told him I personally was fasting with a purpose on Fast Sundays, praying and journaling about it daily, and reading the Doctrine and Covenants daily (the scriptures we were studying in Sunday School that year). I explained that I didn't understand how the Doctrine and Covenants applied to me and thought trying to study it was making things worse for my testimony. His simple response was to tell me to stop reading it. He didn't judge me for my struggle, he plainly gave me practical advise that would help. Since then, I have grown to love the scriptures, all of them. We are studying the Doctrine and Covenants again this year in Sunday School. I read through it by the middle of the year for the first time, and I could feel the Spirit as I did so. As I have progressed in the gospel, I have learned to love my time spent studying the word of God. 

I have also learned to love my service in the temple. I liked the temple when I was younger, but when I stopped going, I was more worried what other people would think of me not going than what I was missing out on because I didn't really understand what I was doing. I memorized what I needed to as an ordinance worker, but I didn't know why it was important. I am at a different place spiritually. I love the changes that have been made that make the ordinances more clear. I love going with my husband. He has become such a spiritual person and makes me want to continue to grow. The more we go to the temple together, the more I want to be there. One of the best decisions we made on our recent trip was to go to a temple at each stop. I hope to be able to do that on more trips. 

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful that He made a way for us to return to Him and our Father in Heaven. The way to learn of Him and return to Him is simple and hard at the same time. When we are willing to take the time and put forth the effort to learn of Him and draw nearer to Him, we receive blessings. I am thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me so much that He sent His son as a sacrifice for my sins. It was pointed out in Sacrament Meeting that Christ was part mortal, so he truely felt the pains and sorrows of mortality. When we reach out to Him in prayer, we can know that we are not alone. We can be lifted up by Him and through Him. I love my Savior!

The Peace Settled In

 

Last week was intense. It felt like every time I turned on the news or hopped on social media, more people had reason to fear. Government employees were losing jobs that were considered safe in the past. There were talks of banning mental health medications. (Having grown up the way I did, I have strong feelings about this.) Those in charge even tried to change historical fact. (Can we say 1984?) The more I was bombarded with these things, the more overwhelmed I got. I had to do something about it. 

By the end of the week, I desperately needed to feel peace! Thankfully, I had already scheduled an appointment at the temple. I considered canceling it, and even talked over the pros and cons with my friend and my husband. They strongly encouraged me to go. During my prayer, I asked if I should go or stay home to clean as I do most Saturdays. Then, I opened my scripture and read this:

"Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits are contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice - yea, every sacrifice which I, the Lord shall command - they are accepted of me."-Doctrine and Covenants 97:8

 At this point, I knew I needed to make the sacrifice and go. I would still have the time to do laundry, dishes, and the other cleaning I was planning around the house. 

Now, I had faith that I would be blessed by serving in the temple. I was able to feel the excitement of going. I quickly showered, gathered by things, headed out the door, and drove to Fort Collins. As I drove, I craved the peace I knew I could feel once I was there. 

As I sat down in the Endowment Room and the doors closed, I felt a rush of relief. It was such a strong feeling that tears ran down my face. I sat through the session soaking in the peace and relief that can only be felt through the spirit of the Lord. My prayers were answered!

Scripture Bag

I have been studying in my scriptures a lot lately. I read in the morning as part of my Miracle Morning, and I listen/watch a scripture study podcast on YouTube called Don't Miss This later in the day. As I have dove deeper into them, I have accumulated some colored pencils and a pen to mark important passages and note insights as I go. The problem was that they kept falling out the flap that snaps down, and I didn't have another way to keep them with the scriptures. 

One day I came up with a solution; I would put everything in a scripture bag. I looked online several places for the perfect bag. I found several that would work but none that I loved or could see myself carrying around. (I am one of those weirdos that likes to bring and use paper scriptures instead of using the app on my phone.) After looking for a few days, I decided I would make one. 

The idea I came up with was to use the left-over yarn from a sweater I made earlier this year to make a modified version of a bag form the same pattern book. The original pattern was a bag that lied flat, but I wanted it to fit around the book, so I made sides for it. Also, the original pattern was twice as tall as I needed it, so I just made it shorter. Finally, I wanted the handles to be shorter because I wasn't looking to have one that went over my shoulder, so I made them shorter. Other than that, I basically used the pattern as written. 

Within two weeks of starting it, I had a bag for my scriptures that I love. It is big enough for the book, gum, and my colored pencils and pen. It was harder than I thought it would be, but it was totally worth it!