Thursday, October 7, 2010

Depressed

I don't know what is wrong with me lately.  I am so tired all of the time, and I don't have the motivation to do really anything.  I am always yelling at my kids.  Sometimes I feel like I can't even stand to be around them.  I long for the 3 half days that I get to be alone telling myself that would be the time I get things done.  In reality, I don't even shower on the days I am off of work until at least 10am most of the time (I probably would wait longer if I didn't have to get Noel to school in the afternoon on 2 of those days and myself to work the other day).  I failed to get much laundry done at all last week meaning almost twice as much to do this week (thank goodness I am the only one that was inconvenienced in the underwear department).  I am almost caught up with that, but am lacking the motivation to do the last 2 loads and probably won't get much of it folded before I have to collect and sort it all next week (most weeks I get it all washed Tuesday and Wednesday and fold on Thursday).  I hate my job.  Because of the fact that my company and another one are in contract disputes and the customers are inconvenienced, we all are forced into overtime until further notice.  The real fun part of that is the customers that call in act as though I personally caused the problem when in all actuality I know probably less than they do.  I am just a girl that answers the phone and gets belittled call after call for reading the same script over and over since last Friday.  While having to go through this at work, I don't get to see my family much.  Could you even imagine leaving for work a little after 6am knowing that you won't be getting home until the kids are in bed?  When I did laundry this week I came across clothes that I didn't remember my kids wearing and realized I only got to see them on Saturday for about 5 or 10 minutes before they went to bed and that was only because I called John on my way home from work and asked him to wait until I got home to send them to bed.  I have been considering dropping out of school because it is the only thing that I can think off that I can give up.  I can't quit my job.  I haven't found a new one yet, and we can't just live on one income (we tried.  it didn't work), plus I am the one who carried the health and dental insurance (this is the first time in our marriage we have had dental insurance, and Sean makes sure that we use it).  I am so overwhelmed that I don't even know what to do with myself.  John has been more helpful since I told him, and I am grateful for that.  He is doing his best to help fill in where I can't.  I just wish I could do it all, and it is breaking me apart that I can't.

7 comments:

Tera said...

I wish I had some wise and helpful words to share.

All I can say is that I hope you know you are not alone. I for can sympathize with what you have described. Sometimes life sucks and isn't any fun at all.

I am so so sorry. :(

Mary said...

Oh Hon I understand, I wish I could help so I Will be sending prayers your way.

Mistaken said...

I'm so very sorry you are in this situation. I understand. At least some of what you're feeling. I hope things let up for you soon.

Jami said...

TAKE YOUR THYROID PILLS.

;)



I know that won't fix your problems, but from what you told me before, it might help you handle them better. :)
Can you guys work your budget so you get things paid down enough for you to work part time?

Lady Carolyn said...

I'm so sorry Rosa. These things come in waves. It sounds like you are doing your best and then some. Things will start looking up. love you!

taradon said...

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time right now. Life really can suck sometimes. I have no wise words, but plenty of {{hugs]] and sympathy. And certainly a listening ear if you need one of those!

Krista said...

I'm so sorry that you've been so stressed and sad lately. I hope that things get better for you, and I'm thinking sunshine thoughts for you!