Dropping the Class

I am dropping my social media marketing class. I hate it, and am doing horrible in it. This class is torture for me. I have until June 11 to drop it with a W. It’s better than failing it. I will have to find another elective and won’t get my money back for the class, but that’s fine. I’ll make it work. I just can’t survive this class. 

The One Where You Buy a Book

Sometimes you buy the book

because you want the sweater.

Now, I need to come up with the money to buy all of the yarn needed. It looks like it will be about $90. Maybe someone will be generous for my birthday. 

 

“Running” Tradition

For the past five years, Chad and I have done our best to run the BOLDERBoulder. We even did the virtual one in 2020. This year was, I believe, the hottest and least trained one we have done, and I really felt it. I still had fun though. Where else would I be able to take a picture with Elvis while he sang?

The most impressive sight was the firefighter running in full gear carrying the American flag. I love going to events with so much patriotism especially on days set aside to honor those who fought for our freedom!

One Done

 I have finished the first of 4 hats. I did Noel’s first because she needs it for a camping trip she is going on in June, and I wasn’t sure how long it would take. Now, I am working on Sean’s. I should have chosen to do Marleah’s since I will see her next weekend. Maybe I can finish Sean’s at at least start hers before I leave on Friday. 

Caught in the Storm

 Yesterday, Noel and I drove up to Cheyanne, WY for a graduation party for her friend. We left in poring rain  in the late afternoon. By the time we made it to the next exit, it was hailing. As we made our way to our exit, the hail was getting harder and bigger. I sat on the off ramp worried that our windshield would break. I told Noel we would stop under the overpass until the hail passes, and she agreed it was a good idea. Then, it calmed down just enough as we got to that point, so we just went on our way. It was still raining hard, so I drove a bit more cautious than normal as our little car was bullied around by wind and the backwash of other vehicles. We drove through Greely and Eaton before the rain started to subside. It took even longer before we stopped having to drive through large puddles. We made it to our destination safely and had no issues as we drove home. 

I am thankful that we were kept safe. As I was driving, I was reminded of a time driving home from visiting either my mom or brother in the hospital when the weather was just as bad and I was scared. I said a prayer in the backseat of that car that we would get home safely and it started to clear. This time said a silent prayer as I drove and it got better as well. Prayers are answered. It doesn't matter if we think the prayer will be important. Our Heavenly Father is waiting for those prayers and willing to provide us with the answers we need. 

Downside of Work-from-Home

 I have come to like working from home most days. I can watch shows while I work, eat fresher foods, spend time with Sean or Noel when they want or need it, and set my schedule within reasonable parameters. There are times that I don’t get to choose when I take off in the middle of the day. 

A few days ago, I was in the middle of something when I suddenly lost my internet connection. The last time that happened, I  switched to WiFi instead of the hard line and just worked that way for the rest of the day. This time, that didn’t work. Apparently, a line in a nearby town was cut somehow putting a few towns in an outage. They estimated it would be repaired by 8pm. I had my boss clock me out and promised to make up the time. I ended up having to make up 3 hours at 6pm. It wasn’t ideal. Even though it rarely happens, I hate that I am at the mercy of such things. 

I won’t always work from home. My hope is to have a more hands on job after I get my degree. For now, I have to take these kind of days with the good of being available for my family. 

Shocked

I take short naps during my lunch breaks most days. To drown out the household noises, I turn on the news as I do so. This afternoon I woke up to this:

I kind of feel like my childhood is slowly dying. I don’t think I want to know who’s next. 

Paddle Boarding

 

Chad and Noel took their paddle boards out today while I was working for the first time this season. I wish I could have taken my kayak with them, but it is hard to find a time when Chad and I can go together because we s as aren’t off together other than Sunday most weeks. I am glad these two have something they both like that they can do together. 

Denver Sports

I am not afraid to admit that I am one of those people who jumps on a bandwagon when it comes to Denver sports (ie. the Broncos). However, there are two teams I try to follow as best I can considering the games haven’t been played on Comcast for a while. Those teams are the Mammoth (lacrosse) and the Nuggets (basketball). As of Saturday, the Mammoth made it to the finals. Then today, the Nuggets made their way into the finals for the first time in franchise history. I am so excited to be able to cheer them each on in the finals. Chad will be able to go to a Mammoth game with his brother, and we will watch the Nuggets on tv. Let’s hope for back-to-back champions and first time champions.

Woah…Cops

 I live in a small town where not much goes on, and my house backs up to one of the main roads in this town. This afternoon, Noel noticed something interesting when looking out my bedroom window. There were horses pulled over by the police. I have never seen this, but now I have. It took me back to the day goats were being being from our neighbor’s house down the street by the police. 

I’m Happy

I love knitting, and I love sales. Today, I get to combine the two. I went to Hobby Lobby to get yarn for a beanie Noel requested for all of her summer camping trips this year, and found out the yarn was on sale. That meant I could buy yarn for Eric, Sean, and Marleah as well all at the same time. (I know. I probably would have anyway.) I also picked up some for myself along with interchangeable needles and stitch markers. I am excited to get started! Knitting is my happy place!

Though Few Weeks

 

This morning, I woke up feeling down. These last few weeks have been difficult, and it has been getting to me. I know I have been through worse, and I can bring myself out of these feelings. Honestly, it gets harder to move into a positive mental state the older I get. I need to find a way to not let others people and household issues affect my mood so much. 

Class Meeting

As an online student, I know there will be occasional Zoom meetings for one reason or another with classmates. Sometimes it is for group work, sometimes it is for studying for tests, and sometimes it is for intellectual conversation based on the weekly content. I have never been in a group that I blatantly don’t fit in until now. In my Child and Family Advocacy class, I am in a group of extremely right winged gals plus myself and one girl about Eric’s age who sees the possibility of many things being a societal norm. 

One big part of this class is studying both sides of controversial topics. Out of the four weeks we have met so far, there has only been one week in which I completely agreed with the others. This week, I was able to go into the topic with a different point of view. Being a class in which we are pushed out of our bubble and into uncomfortable topics, there is bound to be disagreement. The this is, my ideas were completely dismissed. I didn’t give up just because my opinion was pushed to the side. I actually became more assertive through the hour. I feel that my point of view can teach others something different. I feel like they can learn they don’t have to be as extreme in their political persuasion to love God and fight for truth. Since I know that will probably not happen, I will have to settle for just counting down h til I can be done with this group. 

I just wish that those from the extreme right and extreme left would listen to other points of view. Some of us don’t fit into either category and are treated horribly for having a different opinion. Opinions are not facts!

Cinnamon Roll Fail

I work with girls 11-14 at church, and we have activities every Wednesday that as t they choose. Tonight, they wanted to make cinnamon rolls. Of course, I assumed they wanted them from scratch. We only have an hour, so I made the dough in advance with the intention of rolling out the dough and baking them while we were there. We had a slight problem. The ovens at the church turn off after a while. They were on when I put the rolls in, but turned off at some point. When it was time to wrap up the activity, they were not even close to done. I needed up bringing them home with the promise to bring them to the girls on Sunday. They agreed to this solution. I feel bad they won’t have them when they are fresh. Next time, I will just buy the refrigerated kid that only take a 15ish minutes. 

My Favorite

 

I love this man. He understands me in a way no one else does. He supports my dreams, and is my biggest cheerleader. I have very few regrets in this life because all of the struggles I faced before meeting him, led to to him, and everything since has brought us closer together. Some people cringe when they hear how quickly we were married after we finally started dating. To me, it just felt natural. We were meant to be together for eternity. 

Trying Harder

I am really good at making plans but not as good at following through. This last week, I have watched my husband put most of his free time into fixing the laundry room. When he gets hit with something new, he meets the challenge and changes his plan. It has given me a new respect for him. I want to have that kind of drive. I am determined to follow through with my plans for the week. Last week, I failed in so many areas because I let everything get the best of me. That will not happen to me this time. Like my husband, I will adjust when needed. 

This is my plan for the week which includes putting time into the laundry room so Chad doesn’t have to do it all.

The Flowers

 All I wanted for Mother’s Day when the kids were little was flowers. What did I rarely get? Flowers. Because of this, Chad has made sure to get me flowers for almost all Mother’s Days since we were married. This year, he and Eric both got me red roses. It’s like they both know me. I was also given orchids from a friend and a potted plant at church. I love all of these flowers. We’ll see how long I can keep them alive. 

Mother's Day

 

I have a love/hate relationship with Mother's Day. I have never experienced a Mother's Day as an adult with my mom. She died with I was barely 18. I am jealous of women who get to celebrate being a mom with their mom. It's not something I thought about prior to her death because the idea of me becoming a mom was sometime in the future. 

I spent many years celebrating with a mother-in-law. My first husband's mom (the better mother-in-law) was never offended by my foul mood on a day that reminded me my mom was gone. She was always very understanding. My current mother-in-law is not understanding of anything. My first Mother's Day with her she told me that I would eventually get over it and enjoy the day. (I hate when I am told to get over it.) I am glad I don't have to pretend to enjoy the day around her anymore now that she live in a different state. The thing is that even when I was with my first mother-in-law, the pain of the reminder of my loss made it difficult to enjoy the day.

Over the past few years, I have come to enjoy being celebrated by my husband and kids. Chad has bought me flowers almost every year since we were married. It is all I ever wanted as a gift. I am so thankful for a husband who listens. Since Eric moved out, he has made a point of coming over for dinner which is all I expect of  him. Seeing him an playing games with him is the greatest present he can give me. (I know he comes over at least once a month. Can't I consider it a gift each time?) This year Noel even bought me something with her own money. I know she doesn't have much, so that makes me feel incredibly special that she would spend some of what she has worked hard to earn on me. All of these things to not take away the sadness of what I don't have, but they have helped me finally learn to love this day. 

Good Mom

I think I am a good mom. I know not many moms would say that this close to Mothers' Day, but I am saying that right now. Why do I say this rather than saying I am horrible? First of all, I am not an attention seeker. There are those who will say self-deprecating things just to hear the accolades that fly at them after saying such things. As I have said in the past, I don't need attention. If I were looking for attention, I would do so on another platform to express myself. Second, I love my kids more than anything else in this world. They know this, and I will live to my dying day making sure they continue to know it. Third, I have done everything I can to teach my kids to be good people. I may not have done this in a way that others would agree with, but I don't care. I have done it my own way. So far, they are all good people who care about others. I don't think this will change. I know I am the best mom I know how be.

It is not easy to be the parent you didn't have growing up. My mom checked out mentally when she had a mental breakdown when I was young and moved out when I was almost 14. Did she love me? Yes. She just wasn't mentally or physically able to take care of her children. No matter what demons she faced, we always knew she loved us. 

I know I have failed as a parent in some ways, but on the eve of Mother's Day, I choose not to focus on that right now. There are people who talk bad about my parenting style. They say I am too permissive and give my child too much. They say I am failing them by being religious. Those people don't matter to me right now. I am me. I will not change who I am because a few people want to talk bad about me behind my back. I am a good mom. I am the mom my kids need right now.  

Lemon Basil Magic

It started as

I turned it into

When I went home from a girls' night last weekend, I came home with some herbs. My friend was very excited to tell me how good fresh pesto made with lemon basil tastes. I haven't made a lot of stuff from scratch for a while, so I was a bit nervous to try this. Tonight was the night to try it. I searched for a recipe online until I found one I though would work. I decided on this recipe and only replaced the pine nuts with cashews. It was one of the easiest recipes I have ever made. I don't know why I was so scared of it. Noel said the sauce was good but didn't like the raviolis (which is totally fair), but Sean just silently ate what he had to and walked away (not that I expected anything else). Chad liked it, of course (he likes everything). I thought it was good ad hope to remember the recipe in the future. 

 

Laundry Woes

The good new is we have a new dryer. The bad news is we are being forced into a laundry room remodel. 

Last year, we had a small fire in our dryer and stopped using it. We bought a drying rack to use until we could buy a new one. Last week, Chad told me how much he had saved over the past few months and said he was going to buy a dryer. Once we had a delivery day and time, he took the old one out of the laundry room and I worked on cleaning where it had been. I quickly realized that the floor was wet next to the washer. I told Chad and we decided we should figure out that was leaking on the washer. 

After a few days, Chad had a chance to pull the washer out and realized there was more damage to the floor than we had expected. Now, we need to replace the floor and get a new washing machine. In the meantime, we will be going to the laundry mat at least once a week. It’s not going to be easy to fit this mini remodel and laundry mat trips into our schedule, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to. Wish us luck on our newest adventure!

Morning Person/Night Person

There are a lot of ways in which Chad and I are similar, but there is one big way in which we differ. Chad is a morning person. He often wakes before his alarm, has more energy, and talks the most in the morning. He hates when we point this out. He doesn’t want to be a morning person because “mornings suck.” I am more of a night person. I have more energy at night most of the time. If I didn’t have a kid to take care of and job to work in the morning, I would sleep in later. I have to have an alarm to wake up in the morning. Sometimes, it goes off for a little while before I realize what is going on. Chad can be a lot of handle in the mornings. I overwhelm him at night on occasion with how talkative I get after 9ish. I know neither of us are going to change, but we don’t need to. We just need to understand the other person does not function the opposite time of day. 

Some Things Never Change

 

When she was little, she loved playing in the dirt and would help me in the garden on a regular basis. Today, I told her I got the things we need to grow flowers, and she started playing in the dirt and planning what would be planted in the front of the house. The good news is that I may mot have to take care of the garden this year. I may not even have to plant it. 

Volunteering for the Race

Chad is going to do a duathlon in September in Loveland, and has been begging me to do it with him. The thing is, I have no desire to do it. It just doesn’t sound like fun to me. I’m am barely getting back into running and have no desire to race on my bike. I told him that I would cheer him on, but even though he didn’t say it, he was not happy with that solution. 

After officially signing up for the race today, he told me about their need for volunteers. He acted like it was a crazy idea pointing out that one of the benefits they listed was unlimited high fives (gross). I just turned around to face him and told him I wouldn’t mind volunteering. He was shocked and looked happy. Then, he sent me the link to sign up. 

I signed up to help at the aid station (passing out water and stuff). I don’t know everything that will be involved, but I am excited. I have considered doing this for a race in the past but didn’t know how to sign up. Now that I have, I can’t wait to learn this side of the race. 

A Bit Sad

Today, one of the members of the bishopric was released to serve a service mission in the addiction and recovery program for this area. His wife was also released as the advisor for my Young Women's class for the same reason. I was told that she was being released, but I was not ready for him to be. When they announced that he was being released, I cried a bit. He is such a loving and caring man and someone I look up to greatly. I know I will still see him and his wife at church each week, but not working with them in the youth program will be hard. I know I am sad for selfish reasons. They will be amazing in their new calling, but they will be missed by those of us who had the opportunity to serve with them over the past few years. 

Girls' Night

In general, I don't really like to go to parties or girls' nights with more than 3 or 4 people. I have come to realize that I no longer get invited to a lot of things my friends go to because I either decline or cancel most of the time. That means that I start to feel left out because I see pictures of parties knowing that I wasn't invited to or decided I didn't want to go to. 

This week, I was invited to another girls' night via group text. I didn't have most of the numbers in my phone, so I was very nervous about going. When a couple of friends responded that they would go but have to leave a bit early, I decided I would take the chance. After all, I knew those two and the person who invited everyone over. Right?

Yesterday, I was questioning myself. I wasn't sure I really wanted to go, but I want to be more social and want to feel included. About an hour before Noel left with her dad, I had her help me get ready. She helped me decide what to wear and talked me into going for at least an hour. (I know. I'm the adult, and she is the child. It goes both ways sometimes.) As I drove up to the house, I called my sister to keep my mind off of this party. 

Once I got there, I got comfortable quickly. I at least partially knew everyone there (which helps). We had comfortable conversation and good treats. I came home happy that I went. I hope that I am invited to such things again. I need to get out of my comfort zone more often. 

Happiness in One Picture

My best friend sent me this picture of our girls together. It looks like Noel was about 2. I’m guessing it was the summer. That summer our families spent a lot of time together as my friend and I worked out at least once a week at my house and we met for play groups in the park on a regular basis. This picture brings back so many good memories. It is hard to believe so much has happened since that summer, but I am so thankful for all of the happiness this picture brings to me. 

When She Eats

I have a hard time getting my daughter to eat sometimes. She has been dealing with stomach issues for a while that one doctor thought could be anxiety and others we have seen have no answers for us. I know she eats enough to sustain her, and she has been eating a lot better since she started online school. 

At the start of the week, he stomach seemed to be upset continually. She wasn't eating much and told me that when she did it was just to make me happy. Then, she all of a sudden had an appetite yesterday. I went to the grocery store to get all of the things on her list while she watched my work computer for a little while. When I got home, she make one of the biggest breakfasts I have ever seen her eat. It was actually more than she has eaten the entire day some days. Today, she made a similar breakfast. I am so proud of her for following her hunger queues. I can't say that I want her to eat like this on a regular basis, but for now it is a win. 

Fan Broke

Ever done I worked the overnight shift in2014 and 2015, I have slept with a fan on to help drown out noises. (If you need to sleep during the day, I highly recommend it.) in this time I have gone through several fans. The current one has been sitting next to my bed for 3 or 4 years and has been the one that has lasted the longest. It is nothing special. It’s just a small Honeywell fan that I most likely got at Walmart. 

I am sad to say that this fan that has lasted though me tripping on it, dogs running into it, and being turned on all night, every night for longer than and other fan I have had died. I few nights ago it was screeching when on hi, so I ran it on low all night (not ideal). Last night, it was even loud on low. Now, it won’t even turn on. I ordered another one just like it from Amazon, but it won’t be here until Saturday. Until then, sleep will be difficult. It could be worse (I am aware of that), but I can’t wait until Saturday. 

Forgot the Feeling

I have been trying to force myself to run and liking it a bit, but I just haven't been able to get that feeling that I loved when I ran in 2019 and 2020. I just kept telling myself that if I got to a certain point, I would get back to that "runner's high" type feeling that I have been craving. I finally got that feeling today! 

I have been walking instead of running a lot lately because I have had a hard time motivating myself to run. Sophie has been enjoying the walks, but I wanted more. I am thankful for all of the walks I have gone on lately, though. I think they have helped me built up to running again. It felt SO much better to run today than it did last time I ran. (I ran for the same length of time with the same intervals.)

I am excited for my next run. I need to make sure I don't let my schedule get in the way. 

Snacks Portioned

 

I know that part of the reason I struggle with my weight is I am not good with knowing how much a portion actually is. To try to remedy that, I bought some small containers last week. Then, I sat down and portioned out some peanuts and freeze dried blueberries for my snacks for this week. Will it be the answer to all of my weight issues? No. It doesn’t hurt to try, thought. Right?