14 Years Ago

Facebook memories can be a double edged sword. There are some memories I would rather forget. I have deleted a lot of them, but there are some that still show up. Then, there are the ones that remind me of the love that encircled me during those tough times. Today, I was reminded of the love. 

In today’s date in 2009, the ex moved out for the first time. To make sure the kids weren’t there when this happened, they stayed the night with my sister. To help me get out of the house, I had a Rock Band night with friends. These wonderful women were there for me when I needed them the most. Some knew whet was going on. Some did not. All helped me keep my mind off of the crap in my life at the time. 

Side note: I was wearing a child’s extra large shirt in this picture and was being told I was fat on a regular basis. If I could get back to this size, it would be a miracle. 

Girls' Night

In general, I don't really like to go to parties or girls' nights with more than 3 or 4 people. I have come to realize that I no longer get invited to a lot of things my friends go to because I either decline or cancel most of the time. That means that I start to feel left out because I see pictures of parties knowing that I wasn't invited to or decided I didn't want to go to. 

This week, I was invited to another girls' night via group text. I didn't have most of the numbers in my phone, so I was very nervous about going. When a couple of friends responded that they would go but have to leave a bit early, I decided I would take the chance. After all, I knew those two and the person who invited everyone over. Right?

Yesterday, I was questioning myself. I wasn't sure I really wanted to go, but I want to be more social and want to feel included. About an hour before Noel left with her dad, I had her help me get ready. She helped me decide what to wear and talked me into going for at least an hour. (I know. I'm the adult, and she is the child. It goes both ways sometimes.) As I drove up to the house, I called my sister to keep my mind off of this party. 

Once I got there, I got comfortable quickly. I at least partially knew everyone there (which helps). We had comfortable conversation and good treats. I came home happy that I went. I hope that I am invited to such things again. I need to get out of my comfort zone more often. 

New Friend

It has always been hard for me to make friends. I just have a hard time trusting people. There has been more than once that I put my trust in someone who ended up stabbing me in the back. I am slowly learning to let my guard down, an I have been happy with the results. 

About this time last year, our ward boundaries were made bigger. Not long after this, a lady who is now in our ward invited Chad and me to a dinner party, and we went and had fun. Then, we talked to each other here and there at church. After a few months, she organized a girls’ trip and invited me. Then, she and her husband invited Chad and I over for New Year’s Eve. Since then, we have found times to spend together. For the past month, we have been taking walks together after I get off work on Thursday. 

It has been great to get to know a new person. We have a lot in common and many differences. I have learned a lot about myself through her and a lot about being a mom. She is different than my other friends. She seems to be able to make friends with everyone she meets. 

Today, we had a regular conversation about our daughters, work, and other day to day things. As we got back to our cars (we meet at a dirt road to walk), she told me how much better she has felt since the sun has been out more. I told her how much better I have been feeling lately as well. I felt a real connection. 

I have a few very close friends. Each of them have something different about them that draws me to them. I’m not even sure I could explain it really. I know I am meant to be friends with a few choice people, and I am glad I have them in my life.