Being Myself

I admire people who are completely comfortable being themselves no matter what. I am good with being myself at home. My husband is my best friend. He knows more of my secrets than anyone. I can be myself with my sister and my really close friends. However, it has gotten to a point on facebook that I am not sure I can be myself. I have about 200 "friends" on facebook. I enjoy keeping my contacts with people from the past. I am glad I have a way to keep in touch with people I have worked with recently (for the most part). I am so worried about offending people that I barely know that I don't think I can voice my opinion on there. So here we go. If you decide that my views are offensive. If you take me off of your friends list on facebook. So be it. I need a place to be me. I have already removed some, and depending on who you are may not even notice if you get rid of me.
Here gos nothing:
I am a Mormon. I believe in the teachings that I have been taught though out my life. I take my kids to church every Sunday.I believe that by taking my children to church and teaching them about God and Jesus Christ. I get offended when people speak ill of my religion. If I didn't believe in the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I would not still be going.
I don't believe in gay marriage. I am not completely anti-homosexual, I just believe that marriage is to be between a man and a woman. I don't believe in ostracizing anyone who feels differently than I. Everyone is meant to be happy and is entitled to their own opinions. I have personal reasons my vies that I will not share in a public venue.
I am completely monogamous. I have know the pain of being cheated on. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. When I hear people that are in committed relationship talk about the people they have on the side and how they are hiding it from the person they supposedly love, it sickens me. If it would just kill you for them to leave, do betray them in the worst way possible.
My kids are my world. I would do anything for them. I do have to work to try to support them. That does not mean that I don't love my kids. If I had the option, I would stay home with them. I just don't have that option right now.
As someone who has lived as a single parent for a little while, I respect people who have to raise their children alone. Luckily, I still had my kids' dad in their lives. I also had a great support system (I have the best sister and friends a girl could ask for). I couldn't imagine doing it completely by myself.
I have been divorced. Sometimes it is the right decision. I didn't marry my first husband to get divorced. I didn't just give up when it got a bit tough. It was not the easy way out by any means. It was a decision that affected many people. The purpose of the divorce was not to harm others, it was to try to stop a bad situation from becoming worse.
I am not against guns. I really don't think about them much. You won't catch me protesting either way.
I know bad things happen. I believe that the world is a scarier place than it was when I was a kids. I try to protect my kids as much as possible.However,  I don't want to live my life in fear. I live in a small, safe town. I want my kids to feel safe. I will let them play outside without telling them a bunch of scary stories about kids that have been kidnapped or killed.
I am a hard worker. I am finally being recognized for my efforts at my job. I will not apologize for being picked to do a project based on my skills and stats. I will not apologize for taking vacation time that I have earned. I will continue to work hard. I would like to be able to socialize at work, but if people are going to hate me and not talk to me because I have earned a few (very few) privileges, they can go ahead and do so.
I am lucky to be married to a man who truly loves me and my children. He listens to my craziness. He lets me cry when I am overwhelmed with life. He values my opinion. I used to wish to have the kind of marriage that my friends had where I would feel valued as a person. I finally have that. I really do love that man!

Tuesday

Imagine this...You are running a little late for work. The kids are now, finally, loaded in the car. You are still telling them not to touch each other  or speak to each other if they can't be nice. You put the car into reverse to get out of the driveway. You need to stop the car to put it into drive and it doesn't stop. You think, "I know the breaks have been a bit soft lately, but this is crazy. Maybe since I am wearing heals, I am just not pushing the break right." You go on to the first stop sign and realize it is not your heals, you are not stopping here either.

This is exactly what happened to me two days ago. Luckily I live in a small town and no one is taking there kids to school to make the street busy. I was able to safely go around the block, get back home, and put the car into park to stop the car on the driveway (yes, I know this is bad for the transmission, but I had 3 kids in the car and needed to stop it). I made the the kids get into my husband's car and asked him to take the kids to the sitter so that I could get the car figured out. I made some calls, moved around as much money as I could, and arranged for a tow truck to pick me up (I figured that I shouldn't drive until I could safely stop). Then, I decided that since I mooched off of so many people while I was single, I would just walk home. Besides, it was only about a 10 minute drive. It couldn't be that bad of a walk, right? Wrong. I learned that a 4 mile drive may only be 10 minutes, but a 4 mile walk takes me about 2 hours. To make matters worse, I live in a very small town. Most of my walk was on a road that has practically nothing on it. The only business between home and the shop we took the car is Family Dollar. On a day that topped out at 97, that is not great. I was so thirsty. I stopped at Family Dollar to just get a drink. I ended up getting some jelly beans as well. As I crossed a small bridge where there was no where else to walk other than in the road, I walked as far over as I could . A little old lady driving an SUV called me an idiot as she passed by. I can just about guarantee that if I just randomly decided to go for a candy/soda run, I would have gone to the Shell station where I could walk on sidewalks. 

This is how I ended my vacation from work. I of course had to call in since I live in the boondocks, there is no mass transit.

We Thought It Was Funny

Chad and I went on our honeymoon this weekend thanks to his parents who gave us a night in Estes Park. We had a blast! One thing that we do quite often is joke around and make fun of each other. Since I have been married before and no matter where we go, people seem to like to point it out, and of all nights to choose to try to start a fight my ex chose that night, our jokes this weekend kind of had a "my next spouse" theme. He would say, "My next wife will be nice to me." I would say, "My fifth husband (yes that is 3 more in the future) will be what I am really looking for." It would soften the mood when we got lost looking for specific places like...how to get out of the parking lot at the Stanley Hotel or the restaurant back in the mountains further than we thought it was. On our way home, we stopped by Chad's parent's house to thank them for the enjoyable and beautiful trip. He tells them about his "my next wife" joke. They thought it was funny. After all, as they pointed out, it took him 38 years to get married the first time. We then, laughingly, told them about my "fifth husband" joke. Chad and I laughed and pointed out that since I was able to find my second husband less than a year after my divorce, it was possible. They looked at me like I was an alien. It was like they were thinking that it really wasn't a funny joke coming from me. Trust me, it is a hilarious joke! On the way home, I laughed about their reaction, and he didn't seem to get why I was laughing. This morning, Chad was laughing about it (I don't think that he realized their reaction until he had gotten some sleep). I love my husband!

I Need to Figure This Out

I hate how hard weight loss is. I hate how much time it takes to log what I eat. I hate that I need to exercise to not gain any weight. I am just so frustrated! I am scared to weigh myself because I know by how round my face is getting and how horribly clothes are fitting. I popped a button off of some pants this morning that fit well enough a month ago. Two days ago I was picking up some of the stuff the puppy chewed and left on the floor, I realized how hard it was for me to bend down and pick things up. I haven't had those kind of problems since I was pregnant. I'm not pregnant this time. There is only one conclusion I can draw. I am just getting fatter and fatter. I need to get this figured out.

Eric and Sean Go Fishing

My sister and brother-in-law took my boys camping and fishing this last week. During this camping trip, they taught them how to fish. Their first fishing trip was a success. Sean caught 5 fish, and Eric caught 3. (I think I have only caught 1 fish in my whole life.) Since my sister is so awesome,  she took pictures and shared them with me.

Aren't they just the cutest little fishermen ever?

New Honor

A new escalations team was started at my job this week. The people picked for this team are  said to be the best of the project in the center. Most agents were chosen by their supervisors in some way. I was picked not only by my supervisor, I was picked by the person heading up the team as well. On top of the honor of being the only person so for that was hand picked the way that I was, there were only three people that were chosen to do administration work (a.k.a. I get to be off the phone most of the time). There are definitely downsides to being on this team, but as someone who would rather move up in the company that I work for than look for a new job, it is a step in the right direction. I'm not saying that I will always be working at the same place (I would love to get out of the call center realm eventually), but I would like the experience of working higher up in the company. In fact, if they treat me right, I would like to stay with the same company at least until I complete my associates degree.

Random Thoughts About My Kids

My kids are wonderful. They are the most loving people that I know. Sometimes I just look at them in awe of the fact that I am blessed with being their mother. They are growing up so fast that it scares me.

My oldest is 10 and a half. I have a hard time letting him grow up sometimes. I wants him to feel comfortable asking me or talking to me about anything. The questions and comments he comes up with lately are more and more grown up. The thought that it may be time to start talking to him about subjects that I have been shying away from has been coming into my head more and more lately. I want to keep him innocent as long as possible, but I know it is not always possible. He is growing and maturing in front of my eyes. At what age should I talk to him about things like sex and drugs? Even though I know these things aren't a part of his life yet, is it too late for these kind of talks or is he still too young and innocent to worry about it?
My middle child is going to be 9 in a few months (where does the time go). He is so much like me it is scary. He is a people pleaser.  Even though he says he doesn't like school, I know that he likes all of the praise and attention he gets. He can still be difficult if there is something that he wants though (he isn't a robot after all). He loves video games. By this, I mean that when he doesn't get to play video games, he acts like he days was ruined. I have been trying to keep him away from video games as much as possible for this reason. In fact, he hasn't played video games in quite a while. The thing is that even though he doesn't get to play on a regular basis, when he does get to play, he acts like he is entitled to play them every day and pouts when we tell him no. I hope that by me telling him no, that he is learning more things that are fun do. I know he is liking riding his bike and building with Legos more lately. I just need to get a new inner tube for his bike again. Maybe that will help.

My baby is 6 and a half. I just can't believe she is that big already. Sometimes I wonder who said she was allowed to grow up. When I ask her, she says, "Heavenly Father." Who could argue with that? She is so girly it is fun. At the same time, she is my most rough and tumble kid. She is the most likely of the three to be walking around with scrapes and bruises from playing outside. Half the time, she doesn't even tell me when she gets hurt anymore, and if I ask her where the bruise/scrape came from she doesn't even know (her brothers bring attention to every paper cut they get). She loves Fancy Nancy, pink, and wearing dresses. She is picky about what she wears. Her drawers can be over flowing with clean clothes, but she will be upset that she has nothing "pretty" to wear. I'm sure it will get worse as she gets older, and I don't think there is a way around it.

I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. All I ever wanted to be was a mommy, and thanks to these precious babies, I get to live that dream. I am so glad that I was blessed with being their mom. I feel guilty for not being able to give them everything, but I know that I give them the best I have. I still get up with them when they have bad dreams. I cook dinner for them most nights. I make breakfast for them every morning (even if it is just pouring them cereal most of the time). I do my best to find good babysitters that treat them like the special people that they are. I worry about them growing up to be responsible, respectable, caring adults. I take my job as a mom VERY seriously!

Procrastination at Its Best...or Maybe Worst

It is week 12 of my term. The last week. This is both good and bad. Good because I will get a week or two before the next term starts. Bad because I have procrastinated way too much this terms. My environmental science teacher said at the beginning of the term that all class discussions needed to be completed on time (by midnight Saturday each week) all other work can be turned in at any time for full credit. I should not have read this message. I took this as I can just wait until the end to complete anything I was to tired to get done on Saturday (if it is due on Saturday, I do it on Saturday). I got 2 assignments in today since I am home alone and off work. I still have 3 more assignments to do plus the quiz and class discussion for this week. Ugh! It's a good thing that my business communications teacher wasn't as lenient.