School

There have been and are going to be a lot of changes in my life. Some of them are good. Some I may see as good later.

I have been wanting to go to school for a log time. When I finished high school, I was ready to go to college, but that was not the path that was right for me at that time. About 2 years ago I felt very strongly that I was to go to school. When voicing this need to my husband, he told me that he didn't want me to do that. Like a "good" wife, I listened to him and didn't go.

Now I am facing the big "D" and needing to find a way to provide for myself and my kids. I am still looking for a job, but I have also decided to apply to National American University to start school as soon as possible. I have prayed about this decision and feel that is the best choice for me and my family. My plan is to get my certificate in medical billing and coding. When I finish that program, I will decide if I need/want to continue my education through them.

I have a strong desire to work in the medial field. I would prefer to get into a radiology program, but I know that I need to be home with my kids as much as possible, and I can't complete a radiology program online. Some day I will get into a radiology program and then an ultrasound program. For now, I will do what I feel is best.

Yuck!

Well, the good news is that I am not pregnant. Why would I say that you ask? I was so sick from the stress that I was feeling too sick to my stomach to eat last week. My first worry of course was that I was pregnant. My periods are so far apart that I really can't judge by that. In fact my last two pregnancies the due date had to be determined by ultra sound because that is the only way to judge with me (and those stinkers were STILL a week and a half late).

The bad news...I started my period last Sunday night. For most women this is an inconvenience for about a week. For me, I have deal with this "minor" pain for about two weeks. I know that this only happens to me about every 3-10 months (which means it actually came a month and a half early at least) , but I would prefer for it not to come at all. The way I see it, I am not having any more kids, so why should I have to deal with this grossness. I guess I should feel lucky that it doesn't come as often as it is supposed to, but seriously...two weeks!

Sorry if that was too much information. I just needed to get it out. hehe

The Brute

We went to the park with some friends a few days ago, and I decided to bring the dog along. Eric and Sean thought it would be fun to get Lexie to go up the stairs and drag her down the slide. They were successful the first 3 or4 times. Then, Lexie decided that she wasn't going to do it anymore. She pulled in the opposite direction. Sean was wasn't strong enough to hold her as she pulled. He got pulled instead of the other way around.

Sean getting pulled across the platform.

Where he stopped.

The brute, Lexie, now comfortable.

My Little Hams

I Will Not Be Your Piece of Gossip

I have many reasons that I am shutting down my FaceBook account. One of the biggest reasons is that I feel like I have become the subject of people's gossip. I get that some people care and want to know what is going on, but there are those that just want that juicy piece of gossip. Well, I am not willing to give that to you. I am a person with real feelings, going through a really tough time. I am going through the biggest roller coaster of emotions of anytime in my life that I can remember. Does that mean I have not been through harder times? No. It means I don't remember how I handled my last big trial. Do I think that no one cares about me? No. I just am having a hard time discerning who is sincere in their efforts. Do I not want people to help me? That isn't it either. I just have a hard time asking for/accepting help. Please, give me some time. I do appreciate the concerns of my friends and family. Just understand, if I don't know what I am going to be doing to get through today, I can not make concrete plans for October.

Dear Mr. President

"Dear Mr. President"

(feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President,

Come take a walk with me.

Let's pretend we're just two people and

You're not better than me.

I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?

Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?

What do you feel when you look in the mirror?

Are you proud?

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?

How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?

How do you walk with your head held high?

Can you even look me in the eye

And tell me why?

Dear Mr. President,

Were you a lonely boy?

Are you a lonely boy?

Are you a lonely boy?

How can you say

No child is left behind?

We're not dumb and we're not blind.

They're all sitting in your cells

While you pave the road to hell.

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?

And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?

I can only imagine what the first lady has to say

You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?

How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?

How do you walk with your head held high?

Can you even look me in the eye?

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Minimum wage with a baby on the way

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Building a bed out of a cardboard box

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Hard work

Hard work

You don't know nothing 'bout hard work

Hard work

Hard work

Oh

How do you sleep at night?

How do you walk with your head held high?

Dear Mr. President,

You'd never take a walk with me.

Would you?

[Thanks to swarner@bankexcel.com, Sweetsongstress14@comcast.net, Keir Lewis for correcting these lyrics]

The Gambler by Kenny Rogers

On a warm summers evenin on a train bound for nowhere,

I met up with the gambler ; we were both too tired to sleep.

So we took turns a starin out the window at the darkness

til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.

He said, son, Ive made a life out of readin peoples faces,

And knowin what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.

So if you dont mind my sayin, I can see youre out of aces.

For a taste of your whiskey Ill give you some advice.

So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.

Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.

And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.

Said, if youre gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,

Know when to walk away and know when to run.

You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.

Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

Now evry gambler knows that the secret to survivin

Is knowin what to throw away and knowing what to keep.

cause evry hands a winner and evry hands a loser,

And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

So when hed finished speakin, he turned back towards the window,

Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.

And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.

But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,

Know when to walk away and know when to run.

You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.

Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,

Know when to walk away and know when to run.

You never count you r money when youre sittin at the table.

Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.
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It May Take a While

Many of you have noticed that I have not been blogging much this week. Well, there is a reason for that. My life has been turned upside down. I don't think I am really ready to post the details yet. I don't know if I will ever post the details the worst day in my life. Just know that I will start blogging again. I will be OK. I will get through this a stronger person. I have no choice.

A Good Sign?

I lost 2 pounds this week. The funny thing is that I wasn't even really trying. I haven't been counting my calories, and other than walking the dog, I haven't exercised. I am hoping that this means that I am actually learning how to give myself limits. It either means that or I am just going to be fluctuating between 167 and 170. (That was really hard to admit!)

Noel's "Magic Wand" Picture

I'm thinking the story must go with this picture. Yesterday, my kids were driving me crazy, and I needed to get things done. My solution was to go to one of my favorite kid websites and print up pictures for the two that just like to color and let the other one draw his own picture. I let Sean and Noel pick the pictures that they would like to color. Noel saw this one and very excitedly said, "I want the one with the magic wand!" I asked her to point to it for me because I didn't think I saw one with a magic wand. She pointed to this one.

Sean's Contibution For The Day

From: Eric To: Eric

My Pedometer

I got a pedometer at Target Saturday. I have been wanting one for a while, and I found one that was only about $5.00. I went ahead and got it.

I got it out on Sunday, and by the time I took it off for the night I had almost 4000 steps counted on it. Not great, but considering I spent a lot of time sitting in church, not bad either.

Monday, I put it on and by dinner I had about the same amount of steps counted as I did for the whole day Sunday. I was feeling pretty darn good about that. Then, later when we sat down to watch a movie I decided to take it off for a bit and look at it. The darn thing said 1 step. YUCK! I was so upset. I didn't put it back on that night.

Yesterday, when I went to weed whack my back yard, is said about 300 steps. I thought the number looked low, but then remembered that I had been sitting in front of the computer for most of the morning. The low number then made sense. When I was just about done with the part of the yard I was going to do, I looked down at my new gadget to see how many steps I had done. It said 75. WHAT!

All I can figure is that I keep pushing the reset button while I am doing stuff. How frustrating though. That reset button must be really sensitive or I lean on my right hip a lot. Either way it is making it really hard to get an accurate count so that I can challenge myself farther.

So Mad At Myself!

I am so mad at myself! I gained 3 pounds this week. I only lost 1 pound a week for the last two weeks. That means that one week of not watching what I eat and not working out much cost me more than 2 weeks of weight loss. I have got to reevaluate what I am doing. I need to stop eating out of boredom and stress. I keep telling myself that it would be easier once I get a job, but that job hasn't come to me yet. I need to find something for me to do to keep my mind off of food all of the time. Of course not buying Chex Mix just because there is a good deal on it would probably help too (he he). Today is supposed to be my off day. I am going to enjoy the food tonight without counting it. Since tomorrow I will be fasting for religious reasons, maybe that will help me refocus and get the junk out of my system. Tomorrow starts a new week, and I will be starting all over again.

Lego Lexie

Eric made our dog out of Lego's yesterday. What do you think?

Girl's Night At My House

I know this is short notice, but I was waiting to find out what was going to happen with the job thing first.

John will be going out of town this weekend. I was going to try to plan a girls night out, but I am getting short on funds. So I was thinking it may be fun to have a girls night at my house on Saturday night. I have been dieing for a reason to use my fondue pot anyway. I would like it if no one were to bring their kids if possible. I have a small house. I will have to have my kids here of course, but they will be going to bed eventually and can be distracted by a movie in my room. I was also thinking that maybe anyone who comes could bring their favorite thing to dip in fondue to share. If not, I'm sure I will have some stuff. Any other ideas are welcome. I am hoping for a good turn out.

Please, let me know if you are interested. (Jami and Krista, I have a feeling that you won't be wanting to make the voyage. lol)

My Exciting Purchase

First off, I have to say. I am addicted to shopping. There I admitted it. Are you happy? The funny thing about that is that if you had asked me this time last year or maybe even six months ago, I would have said different. Yes, I shopped, but I was pretty good at getting the essentials and not feeling a void. Then, I got a high of sorts from seeing the balances on our debts go down. Every time another thousand dollars was paid off I considered it a personal victory. Now, I have a hard time going more than a few days without buying something for myself, I start going crazy. Sometimes I even feel depressed if I can't go spend money.

OK. No more depressing. Now for the exciting. Yesterday, I went to Target on my way home from my interview (for those of you not in Brighton, Target is down the street from Kohl's and you would have to drive past it to get back on the highway). John had described a shirt that he wanted and there used to be a dress there that I REALLY wanted but hadn't bought yet (surprisingly enough). I got the shirt for John, but they no longer had the dress. I was sad, but I continued to look through the clothes until I found a shirt that I just couldn't live without (I didn't used to be like that either). Then, I went across the aisle to the lingerie (I love lingerie). I have this secret obsession (not so secret now I guess) with buying pretty panties and bras that match. Of course it help that John loves to see me in them (I know too much info). My favorite color is lavender. They now have lavender bra and panties at Target! Even more exciting than that, I got the bra one band size smaller and one cup size bigger than all of the bras I had bought before, and the panties were one size smaller, and they fit! That means that as I am getting smaller, I am not losing my boobs! Yay!

Goal Check

I know I didn't do this last week. Let's face it, I didn't have much to report. I am also worried about people getting bored reading about how much I fail at the same goals I have had since right after Christmas week after week. I guess if that is the case, those people don't have to read the goal checks. Oh, well. Here goes nothing.

Book of Mormon- Believe it or not, even with school being out, I was able to accomplish this goal three days last week. I have a feeling that this one will be a bit harder over the summer due to the fact that the kids aren't eating breakfast at the same time every day. I may try to move this to lunch time. We'll see.

Exercise- Even with a schedule I only got a work out in 4 days last week. I did however put everything I had into those workouts. I credit the workouts that I did get to the 1 pound I lost last week. Just imagine how much I could lose if I were to keep up on this one. I have a new workout schedule for this week that I am more excited about. If you want to see that click here.

Journals- I wrote in both journals 4 days last week. Not bad compared to the week before. (I know I didn't report on that. There was a reason for that.)

I am going to try to work extra hard this week on my goals. I am determined to accomplish them 5 days this week. I am going to try to tap into the enthusiasm that I had the first few months of the year.