The Moon

The moon is really big tonight. (I know this is because it is so close to the earth.) As I walked down my street after my run, I was in awe at its beauty. I am so lucky to be able to enjoy God’s creations!

The Day

For many years, August 30 has held the worst memory of my life. In 1996, my mom and brother were killed when my mom’s roommate fell asleep at the wheel. Each year gets easier, but I don’t think I will ever really be “over it.” 

My mom was not perfect, but she loved her kids as much as she could. I like to remember how she took care of me when I was sick, always had her home open to us whenever we wanted to spend the night, and loved puppies and kittens to an insane degree. 

Anthony was the best brother I could have asked for. He was my protector and biggest supporter. He would take me along on adventures every once in a while. He laughed with me and cried with me. 

To my mom and brother: I love you! I know we will be together again someday. I long for your embrace, and miss you more than you know. 

Dating My Husband

When Chad and I started dating, we went out in Tuesdays while the kids were with their dad because that was the only day we had off and I didn’t have to pay a sitter. Within a few months, Chad was laid off from his job and my regular sitter had health problems, so he started wanting the kids while I worked a late training shift at a new job. Then, we got married and jumped into life as a married couple with three kids. At some point, we stopped dating as we struggled to survive paying for daycare and other household bills on $11 an hour each as the child support payments stopped for a few years. We simply stopped making our marriage a priority. 

Within the last few years, we have started to realize that we need to rediscover who we are as a couple. This time we need to figure out who we are separate from the kids. In the meantime, I have become more social and realized that other couples are able to take trips and do other things without their kids. 

In 2020, we started taking trips without the kids. It started as a few trips to the mountains while Sean and Noel were with their dad and Eric got to stay home with the dogs. Since then, we have gone to Mesa Verde, Mount Rushmore, and the Great Sand Dunes. Each trip has been good in a different way. 

Recently, we have established date night again. Once again, we go out on Tuesdays. With Chad’s work schedule, it is the best time for us to go. Most of the time, we play tennis or pickle ball at nearby courts. We have also gone car shopping and out for ice cream. We have a deal that the person who loses the most weight over the past week gets to choose what we do, and it works out for the most part. He is much better at planning dates than I am. (I seriously chose to go fan shopping at Walmart last week.) 

I’m not sure how this will evolve when it starts to get cold, but I am glad that we have set aside time to be with each other on a regular basis. 

My Mentors

I like to surround myself with people who help me be a better person. There are a few people that I admire and want to emulate in one way or another. 

I have a very outgoing friend that includes everyone and helps take me out of my comfort zone. I walk with her once a week when she is not traveling which is completely in my comfort zone, and I appreciate that she accepts this part of me. She also threw a tea party and let me cohost a bit. It was fun to set up and take down, and I actually enjoyed interacting with a larger group of people. She has also invited me on girls’ trips with her friends that I don’t know well. It’s a bit nerve racking for me, but the way she includes everyone makes it more comfortable. I want to be the kind of person that makes people comfortable when they are nervous. 

My former mother in law is someone I wish I was around more often. She and my former father in law are some of the best people I have ever known. She smothered me when I needed it the most. They see the good in everyone. They have been known to invite people to dinners that need support in one way or another. I want to be the kind of person that sees the good in people and is willing to help when needed. 

I have had many people through the years that have provided service to me in one way or another. There was the lady who did my laundry after I had Eric and was struggling to get around. Another took Noel at least once  a week fir the afternoon when I worked the graveyard shift and was told I couldn’t put her in daycare. Then there was a couple that dropped everything when I was in the hospital. I hope I am stepping up like these people at least a bit. 

Of course, I can’t forget my best friends (other than my husband and daughter). One has been my friend longer than anyone outside my family. She supported me through my divorce, encourages me when I need it, and makes time for me when she comes to town. The other stepped up as my mental health declined during the pandemic accepting that what I needed most was human contact. We had lunches in heated tents at restaurants for a few months and continued through the phases of them reopening once a month and continue to make this a priority. I want to be known as the type of friend that prioritizes others’ needs. 

I know I am not perfect, but I also know I am a better person than I was before these people were in my life. I will continue to learn from other people traits that I want to embrace. 

The Sweater

I have been really struggling this week. Part of it is that I am in a bit of a transition period after being released from my calling, but I know I will be glad when my classes start in a few weeks to have more time to devote to those classes. Another part is that someone I love very much has had a hard week (that won’t be discussed on the blog). Then there is the fact that I don’t feel like I really get any alone time to do what I want to do without having to pay attention to someone else. What am I doing about it? I am starting a sweater. 

I just bought the yarn to make this sweater:

Could I BE more excited? It is going to test my skills and teach me knee things. I have never crocheted anything this big, but I am ready. Oh, and I’m sitting in my car to work on it alone for a few hours. 

School Transportation

Taking my daughter to and from school can be a nightmare. It isn’t necessarily driving to and from. It is the actual pick up and drop off. It gets so congested that it is frustrating. 

There are over 1000 students. (I’m guessing between 1500 and 2000 kids.) Until today, there was only one door unlocked for students to enter. The busses drop off there, the students park by there, and all parents dropping off kids. Needless to say, this caused a lot of traffic congestion. They announced that they will be opening one more door for students only that will be locked during school hours with the hope that this will reduce traffic throughout the neighborhood. I hope it does. I drop her off during my work break, and it is taking too much time. 

The Reaction

I finally sent the box with my niece’s purse and hat and my nephew’s candy last weekend. They got it today, and seem happy with their presents. My sister sent me a video and some pictures of Samantha with her special items.  Tommy texted me himself to thank me for the candy. This auntie’s heart was so happy! I love those kids and am sad they are growing up so far away. Hopefully, his hat and her candy are done soon and shipped out before it gets cold. 

Chad’s Ravioli

Chad spoils us with his cooking sometimes. He cooks Sunday dinner almost every week and often goes all out by either finding a recipe online or in one of the cookbooks he has been collecting. His dad was known for cooking really good food before he got sick, and Chad has carried on this legacy. 

This week he made four cheese ravioli with marinara sauce. (He has a ravioli making tool.) We all loved it. Even my most picky child, Sean. The only problem with him making such things is that he probably won’t make it again because he likes to experiment and rarely makes the same thing twice. 

It’s Hot

Remember a few months ago when I was saying that I just couldn’t get warm for some reason? Yep. You guessed it. I am one of those people that just can’t handle extreme weather, and I am now too hot. I have a medical condition that makes it hard for me to cool down when it gets too hot and even harder to warm up when I get too cold. I used to think living in Arizona would be a dram come true, but days like today tell me I would hate it. That’s ok. I actually love living in Colorado. 

The Power of Music

I love music. One song can change the whole atmosphere. It can bring emotions to the surface of any kind: happy, sad, love, etc. It can also bring back memories, good and bad. I have felt this way as long as I can remember even though I am not personally musically talented.

Today, at church, a couple played an arrangement of a hymn that my mom sang when I was little. He played the piano, and she played the cello. It was beautiful, and brought back memories of my mom. I could see her face and feel her around me as the words not spoken or sang at the time danced around in my head. I choked back tears as I listened to this beautiful music and let the memories wash over me. The hymn was I Need Thee Every Hour. It is so powerful and beautiful!

I need thee every hour,

Most gracious Lord.

No tender voice like thine

Can peace afford. 

I need the, oh, I need thee;

Every hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need thee every hour,

Stay thou nearby. 

Temptations lose their power 

When thou art neigh. 

I need the, oh, I need thee;

Every hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need thee every hour,

In joy or pain.

Come quickly and abide, 

Or life is vain. 

I need the, oh, I need thee;

Every hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need the every hour, 

Most holy One. 

Oh, make me thine indeed,

Thou blessed Son!

I need the, oh, I need thee;

Every hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now my Savior;

I come to thee!

Know Your Sources

There have been several times this week when I have seen people believe something posted on Facebook that is obviously false. It seems that if someone sees something that aligns with their political or religious views, they just believe it. It doesn’t seem to mater which direction they lean, they just want to believe something that backs them up.

What was the craziest this I saw this week? Someone said that the attempted land grab in Maui is a conspiracy to create an AI government. I knew this was wrong as soon as I saw it. I did a quick Google search to find out what the government in Hawaii is doing about this problem. One of the first things I found was an article from the Associated Press saying that the governor is trying to halt the sale of land for now in an attempt to prevent developers from taking advantage of the native Hawaiians. 

I know it is a lot easier to believe something that boosts your beliefs, but spreading information without verification can be dangerous. It doesn’t take much time to check sources. 

Time Passing Fast

Time is passing by too fast lately. I feel like the summer was gone in a flash. I still have a few more weeks until I start classes again, but Noel going back basically ended our summer. 

I wanted Noel and Sean to have their licenses by the time she went back to school, but I procrastinated it too long and now have to use my breaks to take her to school. They both need to be able to drive independently for different reasons. At this point, I am the one holding them

back. 

They each have appointments on Monday for their drive tests. I will have to rearrange my schedule to take them because I have to take Noel since she is under 18. There isn’t usually a problem with my boss when I have to take an hour or two off in the middle of the day as long as I still work 8 hours a day.

Now, I just need to schedule senior pictures for Noel. Honestly, it’s hard to believe we are already at this point with her sometimes. Seriously, where did the time go?

Watching “Blossom”

Photo Credit: TV Guide

I started watching Blossom on Hulu yesterday. I loved this show when I was a kid, and felt like watching something nostalgic while I worked. 

This first episode hit a bit close to home for me. In this episode, Blossom gets her first period but doesn’t know who to ask advice from because her mother is pursuing a music career in Europe. When I had mine for the first time, my mom was physically there but not mentally. She was in her bed with the room as dark as possible sleeping in a deep depression. My dad had to help me. When my sister got hers for the first time, my mom didn’t live with us. My sister called her, and she asked me to help instead of coming over. Throughout our teenage years, we had to ask our dad for supplies which got easier as we got older but was never completely comfortable. 

I haven’t gotten to any others that bring up any emotions. I am actually enjoying the simplicity of the show. It brings back fun memories and makes me laugh. I will get though the whole series quickly, but I will enjoy it while it lasts. 

Back to School

 Noel recently started her senior year of high school. Dropping her off on the first day was a bit emotional. I felt nostalgic and a bit emotional when the boys entered their senior year, but it was nothing like this. She is my baby, the last one to hit this milestone. Also, she did online school last year, so the house feels a bit empty without her during the day. Adding to that, she is going to a new school.

I know she will do well this year. She is ready for this. I hope to be able to pack in some good memories before she finishes high school. 

I Hope Not

Chad and Noel have been sick for a bit. Chad tested positive for COVID last week. Noel was tested for COVID, the flu, and strep, and they all came back negative. The doctor said that he thought she had COVID but it was too early to get a test. She didn’t want to go through the process of being tested agin, and I don’t blame her. Noel was given an inhaler and a low dose steroid to help her breathe. Chad decided he would tough it out. They both have had less energy and some discomfort. 

Today, I am starting to feel sick. I am hoping it is just a cold. I hate being sick. It could be a stress response. I can deal with stress better than what I have witnessed them going through. 

The Bug

I found this bug on the wall a few nights ago. I’m not sure what it is or where it cam from, but it is so pretty. Sometimes, I am awed by the beauty that comes from unlikely sources. It is more proof of the greatness of God. 

Middle Child’s Day

 

Today is Middle Child’s Day. It doesn’t really mean much to most people, but I like to point it out each year because I was the middle child and still am in some aspects. My Sean is also the middle child. That means we got to have some time just the two of us tonight which we don’t have very often. (That may change depending on Noel’s school schedule.) Our chosen a activity was watching Haunted Mansion. I thought it was a bit scary, and Sean enjoyed my pain. It was fun to spend time together. Hopefully, another movie we are both interested in comes out again soon. 

My Morning

 I’m going to start off by pointing out that we have one working car for our family. Since Chad has a work truck for only work purposes, we have been able to get by with only a few inconveniences for most of our marriage. The exception is times like this. 

Have we tried to get another car? Yes. Chad’s moms got him a 2005 Civic in 2018 that we had for almost two years before it died. Then, we bought a Yukon in 2021, but it has not ran right for more than a week at a time and the mechanics at the dealership can’t figure out what is wrong. We have horrible luck with cars. 

That brings me to today. I was on my way to a 5K this morning, and the tie rod broke as I was leaving the neighborhood. The rest of the day has been filled with finding a tow truck, calling a mechanic, and setting up a rental car. It has been a nightmare of a morning. I just hope the repair isn’t too pricey.

I think Chad and I will be doing Door Dash again so we can get another car.

Samantha’s Hat

 

I made my niece, Samantha, a hat that matches the purse I made her in June. I love the way it turned out! I feel like it is the perfect hat for this little girl. I used some of the left over yarn from the purse and a free pattern from Ravelry. I was honestly loving the pattern and may consider making one again. I just have to find the right person.

Learning to Tat

As of Sunday, I am no longer working with the youth at church. For the most part, I have been happy about this change. I have time when I am upset about it, but I am getting used to the idea…I think. 

Today, I had to figure out what to do with myself while Noel was gone and Chad and Sean watched their show together. I decided that I would finally sit down and learn tatting. I tried last week and realized I needed to watch the DVD to understand it better. Tonight was my chance to do that alone. 

It was actually nice to just sit in my room alone as I learned something new. It has been a long time since I have been able to do this, and I know the time will be consumed with schoolwork next month. I am happy to say that after rewinding the video five times and continuing to practice for another hour, I successfully figured out the basic stitch and made this:

It isn’t much, but it’s a start. Yay me!

Back to School Shopping

Noel is starting school Thursday, so today we did our back to school shopping. Knowing this is probably the last time we do this is bittersweet. On one hand, I hate back to school shopping. On the other hand, I’m not sure I’m ready for her to be grownup. Either way, I soaked it up today through four stores in two hours. 

We went to Target first thinking we would be able to find the supplies she wanted. We did not. They didn’t have much of anything left. We got a bit of make up and decided we would have better luck at Office Depot. 

On our way to Office Depot, we stopped at Kohl’s hoping they would have clothes that she liked and would fit. (She is quite small and has a hard time finding things her size.) Thankfully, she found a great first day outfit and a backpack. 

Our next stop was Office Depot. After some searching, she found the pencils she likes, a notebook, and a multi subject folder. We decided that if she needed anything else we would find it after she gets whatever lists from whatever teachers. 

As we started to leave the shopping center, I asked if she needed new shoes knowing full well that she has shoes. She has been talking about wanting a new pair for school for a couple of weeks. I basically talked her into going to Famous Footwear (it wasn’t hard). She picked out some shoes that go great with the outfit, and I was happy that they gave her a bit more confidence for her first day at a new school. 

I know we will have to go back to Office Depot Thursday or Friday, but I’m glad we were able to find what she needs for now. I hope this helps ease the nerves of going back to school for her senior year. 

Progress Not Perfection

 I still have a long way to go before Chad and I run a marathon, but I’m getting better. I have changed my intervals to 35 seconds running and 40 seconds walking. It is still a bit of a challenge but not so much that I am hating it. I really want to get back to walking the intros to songs and running during the feast of them. I loved running when I was doing it that way. I’m sure I will get there soon. Until then, I’m just going to enjoy getting into shape while remembering the goal of running a marathon the year Chad turns 50 (it’s coming up way too fast).

Great Sand Dunes National Park

For the past few years, Chad and I have taken have taken trips just the two of us. In 2021, we went to Mesa Verde National Park while Sean and Noel were at their dad’s house, and we paid Eric to take care of the dogs and taxi Noel to and from band camp. Last year, we went to South Dakota to see Mount Rushmore (my favorite so far) as Sean stayed home with the dogs and Noel was with her dad again. This year, we headed down to The Great Sand Dunes leaving Sean with the dogs while Noel was gone again. I like that we are getting to know each other without the kids since they have been always been a factor in our relationship and are turning into adults before our eyes. 

We have been talking about seeing the sand dunes for a couple of years, and we finally were able to book a one night camping trip this year. We were lucky to get the spot because they fill up fast. We actually had to book it six months in advance. 

When we got there, we set up our campsite and relaxed for a bit. There was a moment when Chad was exploring before other people got there that there was such peace that I was able to just let the stillness wash over me as the only sounds around me were the squeaks of the chipmunks. I needed that so bad and didn’t even realize it until I was there. When Chad got back, I took a few pictures before we set on our way to the dunes. 

The dunes were bigger than I had imagined. The highest one was over 600 feet according to the information in the visitor center. We climbed the smallest one, and it was exhausting and amazing all at once. The sand was the finest sand I have ever seen which meant we sunk a bit with each step making each step harder than a typical hike. Once we reached the top, we sat down and let the wind wash over us. I took joy in seeing the footsteps of others blow away quickly. We stayed there talking and taking pictures until the wind gusts got a bit too strong then hiked back down. At this point, we realized that there wasn’t much more to do. 

Later that night, we went to the amphitheater where Ranger Patrick did a show about the stars and dunes on other planets. I didn’t know there were dunes elsewhere, but the pictures from NASA were real. At the end, the ranger turned off all lights and showed us constellations. It was so dark that we could see more than I have ever remember seeing. I think it was the first time I saw the Milky Way. I was also able to take the clearest night sky picture I have been able to take with my phone. This presentation made the entire trip worth it. 

The Clouds

You gotta love monsoon season in Colorado. We spend a good part of the day with sunny skies. Then, the clouds rolls in bringing a quick rain shower in the afternoon or evening. 

Today, I ran to the grocery store after work. When I walked out I saw this in front of me and took a picture to send my sister who likes interesting weather pictures. 

As I put the groceries in the car and looked up in the opposite direction, I saw blue skies. 

It is always funny to me when the weather looks one way in one direction and very different the other way. It is one more reason I love living here. 

She Called

Noel and I have an interesting relationship. We are closer than I could have imagined we could be at this age. (I had a strained relationship with my mom for most of my teen years. When it was finally getting better, she died.) There are times when we drive each other crazy, but we still love each other and have fun most of the time.  She has a hard time when I am gone, and I have a hard time when she’s gone. 

This week, she is at a conference all week. I know it is a good experience for her, but it has been hard to have her gone so long and not hear from her. I understand that she is busy and making new friends, and I hope she comes home with great stories. 

Today, I had some good news for her. She got into the school we were hoping she would. (We had to open enroll her from out of district, so nothing was guaranteed.) I texted her to let her know and got an immediate excited text back. Then, she called me tonight to tell me about her day. After having a bit of a bad day today, I was so happy to hear her voice no matter the reason she called. 

As I have said many times, I love my kids more than anything in the world. Being separated from Eric is so hard, but I am proud of the man he has become. When the other kids leave for even a short time, I can feel their absence. I love when they call or text me just to say they miss me. 

Changes

I have another 5K coming up on August 12, and I am getting excited and loving how my increased activity has been affecting my body. It’s not just the obvious benefits. I have noticed that even the small things are getting easier. I am so glad that I have been signing up for eaves again to motivate me to keep going. 

Last summer, I was in pain almost every time I tried to exercise. It made the idea of exercising make me want to curl up in a ball. I kept trying. Each time felt a bit better, and I had the desire to workout. It just wasn’t enough to keep me going on a regular basis. 

This past spring I started taking walks with a friend once a week. It was a great start to increasing my activity level. Having someone to meet up with gave me a reason to get out and some accountability. I’m sure this friend doesn’t know how much I like our walks that give me some human interaction outside my house on a regular basis as well as a reason to move. 

As I find more ways to keep moving, I am reminded of how I felt in 2019 and 2020 when I was running regularly. I can’t wait until I get back to the level I was then.