Sprouts

 

A few weeks ago, I planted seeds in egg cartons we had saved for the past few months. I now have a bunch of sprouts. The first sprouts were dill and corn. Since then, oregano, cucumber, carrots, tomatoes, onions and zucchini have sprouted. I have high hopes for pickling cucumbers and green beans will show up soon. 

I will be clearing space in the yard this weekend, and I will start hardening the plants next week. The basic rule of thumb for planting in Colorado is to wait until after Mother’s Day. I should be able to plant everything the week after that. I get off work early enough to be able to plant for an hour or two before making dinner each day until everything is planted in the ground. Hopefully, it will only take one or two days. 

Hoagie Buns

 

I am continuing to do my best to not have to buy bread products, but I have yet to perfect it. Last week, I made hoagie buns for dinner. After making hamburger buns too small a few weeks before, I wanted to make sure these were big enough. I may have over corrected a bit. We ended up with 6 mini loaves. No one complained. They actually let is these over sized buns. They did not appreciate it as much when I accidentally made oversized hamburger buns a few days later that were about half the size of these buns. 

Spring Formal 2024

Two days ago, Noel went to this year's Spring Formal. She didn't want to wear her prom dress because this dance was before prom, so she chose another long dress that she had in her closet and dressed it up with some heals, a necklace, earrings, and a nice hair style (her specialty). It's hard to believe this is the last year she will be going to this dance. 

Teacher Appreciation

 

Last night, Noel participated in Teacher Appreciation Night at the church. She was able to nominate and honor any teacher she wanted. She chose her middle school band teacher, Ms. Romero. Noel gave a wonderful tribute, and Ms. Romero told her that this time of year is hard as a teacher. This was the pick-me-up she needed. I’m glad Noel could do that for this amazing teacher. She is truly the kind of teacher that kids deserve. 

Noel’s Sweater Done

 

I finally finished Noel’s sweater. I am happy with the final product, but I will hopefully never use this yarn again. It was awful to work with. The pattern was well written and there was video support. I probably would have enjoyed this challenging pattern if the yarn had been better quality. Noel is very happy with the sweater. That makes the struggles I had totally worth it. 

This is the Seasons Cardigan by Ozetta: Hailey Smedley. I purchased the pattern through Ravelry for $6.00. It was a really good deal considering all of the video support. It was almost like taking a class on how to make the sweater. According to the pattern measurements, I would have made an extra small, but she wanted it a bit bigger and asked for a small. She also asked for it to be a bit longer than the pattern said because she didn’t want a cropped sweater. I also made the sleeves one in longer.

I can’t say I venture into fisherman’s rib again any time soon, but it was fun leaning something new. 

Unpaper Towels

As I endeavor on a new lifestyle, I have been looking for more ways to be self-sufficient and kinder to the environment. My latest project is unpaper towels. I saw the idea in TikTok about a month ago and have mulled over the idea since. A few days ago, I found a good tutorial on Pinterest and ran with it using fabric I have had in the house since Noel was a baby, I believe. Basically, I cut 24 rectangles roughly the same size. Then, I put them wrong sides together, making 12 cloths, and sewed up the edges using a stitch I thought looked fun on my machine.Next, I sewed an X across the middle so they will continue to lay flat. Finally, I trimmed the edges and threads. The edges will fray a bit each time they are washed , but I’m ok with that. 

These will be used in place of paper towels in most instances. We can use them to clean, wipe the sides of bowels or pans, wipe hands, etc. They won’t be used for things needing grease such as seasoning cast iron or draining bacon. I really think this will make a big difference in our paper towel consumption which will save us money and lower the amount of trash we create. 

Kara’s Pictures

About a week ago, my cousin, Kara, sent me some pictures from our childhood. The picture I love the most is my brother holding her little sister in his shoulders. Seeing the smile on his face warms my heart. I don’t remember him being this happy very often. 

Another one that I love is my mom and dad during a family Christmas celebration. I remember my mom wearing that shirt a lot, and I think my dad still had the flannel many years later. Once again, it is the smile that gets me. My mom had one of those smiles that would just make everyone happier. 

Then, there is a family picture of my dad, his siblings, and their parents. I’m not sure when the picture was taken, but I’m guessing my dad was in his 20s. 

The final picture I want to share is of my grandparents and my great grandmother (Grandpa’s mom) opening Christmas presents. My best guess is that it was from the same year as the one of my parents. I love and miss all three of them. 

I love that my dad’s family shares pictures like these with everyone! It helps me feel a greater connection to my family. 

Eclipse 2024

 We don’t live in the path of totality for this year’s eclipse, but we did get to see a partial eclipse. We didn’t have the special glasses, so I got out the colander from the kitchen which was pretty cool. The kids weren’t as impressed as Chad and I were. We tried taking pictures with iur phones over our shoulders. They were fairly good pictures, but you can’t really see the eclipse like the pictures people too with good cameras. Overall, it was fun to witness again. I’m glad that I work from home and am able to all away from my desk to watch things like this. 

My Weekend

This weekend ended up going not totally as expected. Noel had a friend over and was originally planning for her to stay until she went to school tomorrow, but Noel ended up getting very sick Saturday, so her friend went home. I was still light headed but knew I needed to get things done as I took care of my daughter. I got the kitchen completely clean and worked on my baking projects (sandwich bread , English muffins, and sourdough bread). 

Sunday, I woke up so overwhelmed with everything that needed to be done (both bathrooms, laundry, cinnamon rolls, etc.) that I was constantly in tears. Chad helped get a few things done and reminded me that we could relax as we watched General Conference. Thanks to his help, I was able to clam down and take the time to do things properly. I even made near perfect cinnamon rolls that we could eat during the first session of the day. 

I still need to redo the kids’ bathroom (Chad and I cleaned it Friday), clean the sinks in my bathroom, and do another load of dishes, but I feel I put in an honest effort yesterday especially for a day in which my head was still spinning. I even got a lot done on my latest sweater as I watched conference. 

Stomach Virus

Tuesday, Chad was very sick. It seemed like no matter what he did, it just got worse. Eventually, he called his mom, a retired nurse, for advice and was told to go to the ER. After a CT scan of his abdomen and 3.5 hours of waiting, we were told he had a stomach bug and a large kidney stone stuck in his kidney. The solution: lost of rest and follow up with a urologist. 

The next day, I was suddenly sick after work. I laid down to nap and ended up running no to the bathroom on a regular basis. Each time, I got up, my energy was zapped. I just kept praying that I could keep my dignity through it all. Then, I ran to the bathroom, fainted when I was done, and had to yell for help to get back to the toilet to throw up. I was sicker than I have been in a long time. 

A few hours later, it was Sean’s turn. He violently threw up every 20 to 30 minutes for a few hours. He has told me that he now just mostly has no energy. 

Next was Noel. Thankfully, she only threw up once and seems to be doing fine now. 

This virus sucks. Somehow, it has been a bit better for each person. 

Stuck in the Bag

Yesterday, Sophie decided to play with a shopping bag after we put the groceries away. (Don’t worry, it’s a fabric bag.) After a little bit, she ran over to me with the straps of the bag around her body. She seemed so proud of her accomplishment. I got my phone out and let her pose for a few pictures before I picked her up and let the bag fall off her back legs. I love the silly things this small dog does! 

Easter 2024

I wasn’t allowed to do the Easter Bunny thing until Eric was in first grade and heard his friends talking about it. He was so excited about the Easter Bunny coming that I was finally able to talk the person in charge into allowing it. Since then, the kids have had an Easter basket every year. This year, I used baskets they can use for some kind of organization purpose. Noel specifically asked for the carrot, Sean wanted a fuzzy bunny but got a dinosaur because there were no bunnies, and Eric was given some Hot Wheels which he appreciated. I can’t imagine a day when I wouldn’t put together Easter Baskets for my kids. I feel like it is just one simple thing I can do to show them my love. 

Lifestyle Change

As we have searched for a better way of life that may help us save money now and in the long run, Chad and I have decided to ease into homesteading. We have bought books, watched videos, and joined Facebook groups to learn more about the lifestyle. It has been an interesting learning experience. The more I learn, the more I want to jump into it, but I know I can’t do it all. 

We are making all of our bread right now. We rotate making the main bread for the family. I make it one week; Chad makes it the next. I have also been making English muffins and sourdough bread once a week. This is the perfect start to a more natural lifestyle for us. 

The next step we are working on is gardening. I have started my composting again and will have enough to mix in the garden beds next month. I am also planning out what I will be growing and where. My backyard is will not be ready, so I will be doing it in the front yard again. In the two beds by the driveway, I’ll have pickling cucumbers, corn, and squash. In from of my porch, I will grow green beans and let them grow up the trellis. On top of the trellis, I am hoping to make boxes to grow strawberries. Then, in the back corner of the yard, I will put a few tomato plants. Other than that, we will be replacing what is left of the grass with xeriscaping and mulch (something we have wanted to do for years). As we harvest, we will start canning. 

The next thing we will be working on is getting ready for bees. Chad has been wanting to get bees and harvest his own honey for a little over a year. He has been reading a book about it and would be ready to start next February at the optimal time in this area. Apparently, he will have to work on it for over a year before he could harvest any of it. 

From there, we will figure out what is next. There will be apple and cherry trees in our future, and I definitely want to make most of our food which will happen as we go. We need to be less dependent on grocery stores and restaurants. This will help up financially and with our health. I don’t see us ever caring for livestock )even though we could have chickens if we chose) because I don’t think I could handle meeting my food face to face. Other than that, we would have to move. 

I am nervous to make all of these changes, but I think this is right for us. We can’t keep doing the same things we have always done. A drastic change in lifestyle is probably what we need.

Probably Need Help

My mind has been doing fun things lately. I am scared of way too many things. I don’t know when or how this happened. I understand being afraid of car accidents or being worried about the death of a loved one, but I don’t understand why I am so scared of the future right now. It seems like the closer I get to graduation, the more I am shutting down. I am excited to be done with school. I’m excited for my daughter to be done with school.

 I just don’t know what the future holds for any of us right now. Could this be because I have been fighting for everything for so long that I can’t just let it go. Maybe this change to a more traditional lifestyle will be the cure for what ails me. I just hope it isn’t the cause. I’m not great with big change, and I am plunging into it head first while being forced into one of the biggest transitions of my life. 

I know I should probably get therapy, but that is not in the cards for me right now. I am already spending more on therapy and doctor bills per month for my kid than I am saving in my HSA account. I just need the world to stop turning for a little bit so I can get my bearings. 

Sourdough Bread

 

I made my first sourdough loaf this weekend after carefully working on the starter for almost two weeks. I found the recipe on TikTok, and carefully watched and rewatched it before and during the process. I was sure I was doing it wrong almost the whole time. It just didn’t look like the video until I was ready to let it ferment overnight. 

Yesterday morning, I preheated the dutch oven in my oven and baked it. When it was done, I put it on a plate on the island until I got home from church. I worried the whole time that it would be too dense. As I cut into it, I was happy to see that it was bubbly and soft. It isn’t as tangy as most sourdough bread I’ve tasted, but I’m ok with that. I’m not a huge fan of the strong tangy flavor of most sourdough. 

Homemade Breakfast

 

I have really been enjoying my breakfasts this week. They have consisted of berries and a sandwich made of homemade English muffins, butter or cream cheese, and an egg. There is just something satisfying about eating something I have worked so hard at making. It’s a lot more filling than cereal and has far less preservatives. 

This was my second batch of English muffins, and they are far from perfect. I’m learning with each batch though. I still need to turn down the fire on the burner, and I may need to let the sourdough starter ferment a bit longer. I definitely need to be a bit more patient while making them. I am determined to make this work. 

Emotional Week

I have had a difficult week. I have a bit of a health scare, and the cousin I was closest to growing up called to tell me she is having significant heart problems. Between the two issues, I have been exhausted. 

My health scare ended up to be a false alarm, but I have been worried for about 3.5 weeks. Last month, I went in for a regular mammogram, and they called be a few days later to schedule a follow up because there was an abnormality on the left side. The soonest they could get me in for more imaging including an ultrasound was 3.5 weeks out. In the meantime, I was able to look at the report and scans as my mind swirled with possibilities. As I checked in, they told me there was a possibility they would only need to do the additional mammogram images , but to plan on being there long enough for everything that was scheduled. After the mammogram images were done, I waited for the doctor to look everything over. Then, she did a handful of ultrasound images and left the room again. It was, then, determined I needed a few more images.at that point, the mysterious doctor behind the door said it looked good. The spot they were seeing was a lymph node with smooth boarders and good flow. It was such a relief! 

The night before this terrifying appointment, my cousin called in tears. Apparently, she had an allergic reaction to some shots in the fall when she renewed her foster license and ended up with double pneumonia. While she was healing from that, she had a “cardiac event” and waited until the next day to take the trip to the hospital. Since then, she has not been doing well. The problem is that they are not close to much medical care. The closest cardiologist has a 6 month waiting list. She was finally able to find on in another state that looked over her scans and discovered leaky valve. This doctor can see her sooner, but the earliest appointment available is in April. 

I am thankful that I am at least relatively healthy, but I am worried about my cousin. She has a lot of responsibilities and no energy. I wish I could take her place. She is one of the best people I know. The world is a better place with her in it. I hope she can continue to spread her light. 

Meet Freida

 

I started a sourdough starter last week on Monday. Growing her has been a learning process. In day 3, I thought things were going great. She was bubbling and seemed happy. Two days later, she went flat, but I didn’t want to give up on her. I just kept discarding and feeding as the instructions told me to, but couldn’t help thinking I was doing something wrong. In Sunday, I found a Facebook group for sourdough beginners and took a deep dive into the tips and tricks for growing the started and making the perfect bread. I followed a few of the tricks (feed with half wheat/half white flour and use filtered water), and she perked right up. In fact, when I ched on her tonight for her 12 hour feeding, she had completely filled the jar and was about to spill out. Chad happily helped take care of her as I worked on the English muffins. I am hoping she stays happy. I really want to make sourdough bread this weekend. Wish Freida and I luck!

Soap Time

I finally made soap again! It has been a few years, but I really do like this process. There is something fun and exciting about playing with oils and chemicals, and when it comes out right, it is so satisfying. 

I first made soap in 2020 when I was worried about losing my job and started an Etsy shop. After I closed down the shop, we used the soap as hand soap in the bathroom. Last time it was getting low, Chad tried his hand at making it, and it turned out lumpy and runny in places. When I went to take it out of the molds a liquid squirted out that burned my hand. That made me a bit scared to make it again. Plus, I wasn’t sure if the equipment was still good and was concerned I would have to get more. 

Well, I am in this phase right now where I want to make things for the household and see what will save us money in the long run. I don’t see myself using this in the shower, but I work from home and would welcome a different soap in the bathroom by the sink. I got paid on Thursday and needed to take Noel to Hobby Lobby for something for the dress she is making, so I grabbed some new molds while I was there. Once I was home, I inspected my equipment and ordered new gloves and more coconut oil (Chad uses it for his granola as well). It was all delivered today, so I took the chance to make soap after dinner. So far, I am pleased with the results, and I’m crossing my fingers I be even more happy when I take them out of the molds tomorrow. 

Learning to Sleep in the Dark

The TV was a way to drown out the noises when I worked the graveyard shit about 9 or 10 years ago, and it has been a great way to turn off my brain since then. This has caused many problems. First of all, I struggle to sleep when I’m not at home because there is rarely a TV in the room and the phone isn’t a great replacement or always an option. Also, Chad hates sleeping with it on because of all of the light in the room. Then, there are the times when an obnoxious show comes on and wake us both up. (I’m talking about you, SpongeBob.) I’ve known something had to change for a long time. After all, Chad deserves to sleep as much as I do. 

A few weeks ago, I started setting the sleep timer on the TV like I did when I was a kid. The first few nights were difficult. I would wake up when the TV turned off and have to figure out another way to get back to sleep. I settled on getting out my Kindle and reading. Slowly, I would wake up less often each night. I can now sleep most nights but til the dogs or my alarm wake me. I still read with my Kindle when I need, but that is usually when the dogs wake me and I go back to bed. 

I am so happy with this change. Chad seems to be happy with it, too. Maybe someday I will figure out how to fall asleep without the TV. It would make travel easier and probably make my husband happier. 

Purple Sweater Done

I finally finished my FRIENDS sweater. I love the purpleness of it. I love the yellow frame on the pockets. I love how warm it is. I will definitely be wearing this often. 

This sweater really challenged me. I have never crocheted something like this, and the only sweaters I have made were knit as one piece. Sewing it together was the most challenging part for me. I have also only knit the few sweater I have made. Learning new techniques and stitches really worked my brain. I am excited to continue to learn my crafts. There are more patterns I will make from this book. 

Bread Plan

While I was a single mom, I made all of the bread for my family. I felt it was healthier and less expensive than store bought bread. My former mother-in-law gave me some of the supplies when I told her this as I picked up the kids after work one weekend (she often watched them when I needed help). I loved eating this bread and liked that I was putting less chemicals in my kids’ body. 

Now, we are trying to find ways to save money knowing child support will be done soon and wanted to set ourselves up for the future. Making bread is one solution I settled on. The ingredients aren’t that expensive, and I want to find ways to eat less chemicals again. Thankfully, Chad is an amazing baker and will be sharing the responsibility of doing this with me. Noel was very excited about this plan because she likes this kid of bread, too. 

After buying a few more bread pans (I was down to one), I got to work. I made my trusty bread recipe I got at church; it’s the same one I use for cinnamon rolls. By the end of the night, I had three light, fluffy loaves of bread. It made for a tasty breakfast. 

Mom’s Birthday

 

My mom’s birthday is one of those days that are hard. I miss her. I wish she were here I miss her laugh and her smile. I miss her hugs the most. When she would hugged me, it was like being enveloped in love. Her arms would pull me in like I was the only person she ever wanted to hug. I’ve never been hugged by anyone else like she did. I know she is doing great things in the next life. It is selfish for me to want er here. Someday, I will leave this life and be greeted with her embrace. 

I love you, Mom. Happy birthday in heaven. 

After We Do All We Can Do

For many years, I have heard people at church say that the Lord will help us after we do all we can do. I understand that He loves effort, but I don’t think it means we can’t go to Him while we are still searching for answers. 

I know my Heavenly Father wants to help me along in this life. He wants me to reach out to Him throughout the trial. That doesn’t mean we will be given the answer to a problem right away, but it does mean He will comfort me when I need it, clear my mind when it is jumbled, give me peace in tribulations, and so much more. Prayer is one of the tools we have been given to help us through this life. Sometimes prayer is “all we can do.” I refuse to believe that a loving God doesn’t understand that. Sometimes, the mental clarity or comfort is what we need to find a solution. This is also ok. 

I think it is dangerous to tell people they have to do everything they can on their own before they ask for divine intervention. It can feel lonely, confusing, and difficult to get through the hardest parts of life without reaching out to our Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ. Nephi didn’t build a boat poorly before asking for help. He asked for help and acted upon the inspiration he received. Moses called upon the Lord for help when the people were hungry and thirsty, and he wasn’t turned away. What makes us think we are better than the prophets of the scriptures? 

I know the Lord ways to help me and is willing to guide me. I may be called to action, and I hope to be able to answer that call. However, I could be given other aides that I need at the time. 

Mammoth Tradition

 

Chad’s brother gets season tickets to the Colorado Mammoth each year for him and Chad. This has been going on longer than I have known them. One if the first things they wanted to do with the kids and me was take us to a game. Each year since, we have carefully looked at the schedule for a time we could all go once a year. Then, Jeremy, Chad’s brother, sells his tickets for the week and buys tickets for all of us. This is one tradition that everyone seems to enjoy. I’m sure it will fizzle out at some point, but for now, this is one more day we can spend together as a family. 

French Bread Making

Yesterday, I decided I wanted to make bread to go with our dinner. Since I am back down to only one bread pan, I decided to make French bread (2 loaves on a cookie sheet). It took about 3 hours from start to finish, but I loved it. I felt like I was finding a part of myself that I was missing. Maybe, I will start to like cooking and baking again. 

Noom Update

 

Over the past few months, I have been learning to create a healthier life. I still love my junk foods, but I don’t eat nearly as much as in the past. I am becoming more active. I am trying to have better sleep habits. What are the results? My clothes are fitting different, and my weight is slowly going down. 

When I put on my clothes this morning, I realized my belt is in the last notch. That means I will be taking a trip to the thrift store soon for another belt. I probably won’t buy smaller pants until my weight goes down more. Of course, I will most likely be looking for something to wear in the summer by then. 

Finding Fabric

 

Noel is making her prom dress. Yesterday, we drove out to Joann Fabric to buy everything we needed. When choosing the fabric, I had her hold up the fabric and took pictures of each (I deleted all but her top 2 choices). I love that the people in this store didn’t bat an eye at the way we do such things. When I take pictures of clothing at other store so she can make a decision, we get all kinds of weird looks. At Joann’s, they just let us do our thing. By the way, she chose the red. 

Grandparents Wedding

A few days ago, my cousin from my dad’s side posted the above picture with one simple question. “What happened August 1, 1947?” I knew right away what these two were excited about. That was the day they were married. I answered and posted the picture of their wedding invitation. 

I love look at the pictures she has developed from our grandpa’s negatives. There is so much history in them. I also love seeing my grandparents young and in love.

My Cousin’s Wife

I am not close to my mom’s side of the family, but I keep up with some of my cousins on Facebook. This last Saturday, I hopped on Facebook, and the first thing that I saw was my cousin’s wife was missing. He had made a missing poster and asked for help. She had apparently left for work that morning and had not been seen since she left work early and made some kind of purchase at a local mall. Her phone had been turned off, and they had reason to be greatly concerned when she didn’t come home that evening. Being in a different state, the best I could do to help was share his post and ask my Utah friends and family to help. 

My cousin did everything he could to find his wife. He reported her missing, kept track of the places searched, followed up on the leads he could, and more all while taking care of their daughter. To me, this is super hero status. 

Unfortunately, it turned out that his worst fears had come true. After 6 days of searching, she was found in a parking lot only half a mile from her job. She had succumbed to her demons. Now, her family has to plan her funeral. 

I would never judge her for making this decision. I can’t. I have never been in the position where I felt leaving this life was the only answer. I feel sad for her feeling this was the only option. I feel sad for my cousin having to deal with this grief. I feel sad for her kids knowing how hard it is to live without a mother. I pray my cousin can feel a sense of closure and comfort during this time of immense grief and pain. 

He has a Go Fund Me to help pay the unexpected bills. Please, help him if you can. https://gofund.me/7fbdecd6

Tuesday Movie

 It’s hard to find inexpensive dates this time of year. However, we have discovered that AMC theaters has huge discounts on tickets for Tuesday nights. We discovered this last month when we saw The Boys in the Boat. Tonight, we took advantage of it and saw One Love (a movie about Bob Marley). Considering I’m not a huge fan of these kind of movie, it is the perfect way to enjoy time spent with the hubby doing something he enjoys. 

Knitting and Crocheting Plans

I have kind of lofty knitting and crocheting goals for this year. My main goal is to knit 3 sweaters. I also have plans for 2 afghans, throw pillows for the couches, some hats, and at least one poncho other than the one I am currently making. Of course, I will finish the things that have been started and take one or two things out of “timeout.”

I have good start on the sweaters. Noel picked out her year and pattern months ago, and I have been actively working on it for about a month and a half. 

Then, I’m going to make the Poison Apple Pullover from the Knitting with Disney book. It will be a great Halloween sweater and nice enough to wear anywhere.

I will wrap up the sweaters with a Christmas sweater. (Was there any doubt that I would?) I have narrowed down three patterns. I’m thinking it will depend on when I finish the Poison Apple Pullover and if I still want to do color work. 

For my couches, I am going to make an afghan and pillows with Friends references from my Friends crochet book. I will be changing the background color to match.

I know other things will be made/completed. Of course, I’ll blog about it as I go. 

Couches

The church is being updated (new carpet, paint, and couches) which means they were giving away the old furniture from the foyer. My friend found out and went into action to get them for me. First, she had to convince me that I was worth the trouble. Then, she asked the bishop to hold them until we could find someone to help us get them (we only have small cars). She even set up a backup plan which we ended up needing. 

Friday after I got home from my doctor appointment, I texted her to see if  everything was still going to work out. She was not available anymore that night because of work stuff, and the people who were going to help move the couches had their daughter surprise them for the weekend, so they weren’t available either. She told me the backup people, and I texted the one I knew best of the two. He quickly brought his son to the church and had the couches loaded in his truck before the kids and I could meet them to help, so we just met them back at my house. He, his son, and Sean were able to bring them in quickly. 

Now, all we need to do is figure out how to get rid of the old couch and a recliner. They are not in the kid of condition that I would give them to anyone else. Most likely, we will end up getting a dumpster and clean out the garage a bit at the same time. 

Through this process, I learned a bit about myself. I do not feel I deserve nice things. (I know these are not real nice, but they are nicer than any couch I have had for most of my adult life.) I need to get past this. It was ok that we bought the Kia in 2016. It was a nice car at the time that was only a few years only with kind of high miles since to used to be a rental car. It was paid for out of Chad’s paycheck as is the Jeep we got in August. I shouldn’t have let anyone make me feel guilty for buying a reliable car especially since it was the only car we had as a family. I should allow myself to buy new clothes that aren’t on the clearance rack. I love getting deals at thrift stores, but brand new jeans could be nice. One of these days, maybe I’ll even have as many bras that fit properly as my daughter. I am allowed to have glasses that have the proper prescription. I don’t need to always be last priority as I was told I was growing up and in my last marriage. I work hard for my income. Why do I let the ghosts of relationships past dictate my life? 

These couches may be ugly, but they are mine. Right now, they will serve as a reminder that I am worth something. My friends can see it. I would see it, too. 

My Sean

 There was a time when I could see my mom in Sean. It was a comfort to have this little person remind me of the best parts of her. As he grew older, I was seeing it less and less. I could only see his uncles from his dad’s side, especially when he laughed or smiled. 

Today, I took this picture of him to do a “then and now” thing on Facebook. When I looked at it, I saw someone else. Me. This child of mine who has the smile of his dad’s younger brother, looks like me. Of course, that also means he still looks like my mom. How have I never noticed this?

Valentine’s Day 2024

I like Valentine’s Day. My husband and kids love it. Yesterday, Chad gave me this beautiful bouquet. Then, we went to Walmart and got Sean and Noel stuffed animals and treats. Of course, I gave them to the kids when we got home. I can’t wait every time I get them gifts. 

Today, I made a heart shaped pizza for dinner. Our tradition was getting it from Papa Murphy, but after the Halloween pizza fiasco, I had no desire to go through that again. It is a bit fun to make pizza crust from scratch and shape it, too. I don’t know how many Valentine’s Days I have left with these two in the home, and I want to soak up these traditions while I can. I already have to miss Eric.