The Invisible Live of Addie LaRue - Book Review

I believe I have a new favorite book, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. The author, V.E. Schwab, is a wordsmith! It has been a long time since I've listened to or read a book that has made me feel something real other than when I read scriptures, but this feeling is different. The words of this book are almost poetic, and there is so much symbolism that even I am able to see it and enjoy it. 

This book is about a girl who makes a deal with the devil, or as they call it, the darkness, but she doesn't understand how it will manifest. Instantly, she is forced to live centuries being forgotten by everyone as soon as she is out of sight. One day, she meets a man who remembers but only because he is also cursed due to a deal he made with the same devil. 

Here are some of my favorite passages:

"Take a drink every time you hear you're not enough.

    Not the right fit.

    Not the right look.

    Not the right focus.

    Not the right drive.

    Not the right time.

    Not the right job. 

    Not the right path.

    Not the right path.

    Not the right future.

    Not the right present.

    Not the right you.

    Not you.

    (Not me?)

    There's just something missing..." (page 229)

"...when the devil speaks again, there's a new depth to his voice, a steady warmth like a blanket drawn around his shoulders. Hendry Feels himself learn into it. 

    'You want to be loved,' says the stranger...'And I can give that to you for a price of something you won't even miss...'

    And he doesn't think any of this is real.

    So it doesn't matter.

    Or perhaps the man in the rain is right. 

    He just has nothing left to lose. 

    In the end, it's easy.

    As easy as stepping off the edge.

    And falling. 

    Henry takes his hand, and the stranger squeezes, hard enough to reopen the cuts along his palm. But at last, he doesn't feel it. He doesn't feel anything, as the darkness smiles, and says a single word.

    'Done.'" (pages 233-234)

"A curtain falling on a play: the lovely sets, the stagings, the trained actors all vanish behind the darkened cloth.

    Surrender.    

    An order whispered in the dark.

    A demand made over and over and over for years - until it stopped. How long ago did he stop asking? But of course, she knows - it was when his method changed, when his temper towards her softened." (page 410)

I could go on and on about this book. It has woken something inside me that I didn't know was there: a greater love for fiction. Who know that joining a book club at the library could bring me this much joy? 

Checklists and Planner

 

I keep going back and forth between bullet journaling and checklists in my planner. I would love to find some kind of balance using both, but I haven’t figured that out yet. 

For now, I'm back to using my planner. I feel like it gives me a better day to day overview and a more consolidated list of my daily goals that lead me to my larger goals. For the past couple of weeks, I have pulled out my markers and stickers usually used for the bullet journal. This has made it more visually appealing and fulfills part of the creative spirit I am often looking for in the bullet journal. Rather than writing a list in one or pencil on a black and white page, I get to create something that is unique to me each week. 

Mother's Day 2026

 

I used to have a hard time with Mother's Day. My mom died a month after I turned 18, so I never had a Mother's Day with my mom as an adult. In 2020, I was finally able to take my time, celebrate my mom, grieve experiences I felt robbed of, and be celebrated by my husband and kids without having to go to celebrate someone else (I know this part is selfish). This was what I needed to heal and finally be able to enjoy Mother's Day. We still send my mother-in-law a gift, and my husband calls her. However, I am aloud to spend time a lone to think of my mom, and my husband and kids celebrate me. 

This year, we had a plan. Chad was going to make homemade fettucine noodles and alfredo sauce with broccoli and a cherry cheesecake for dessert. I made rolls the day to go with it when I made bread the day before. This dinner didn't happen. 

After church, we had lunch; Eric came over; and Chad started on the cheesecake. Then, Eric, Sean, and I planted some shrubs and flowers that I had bought not long ago. When we were finishing up the last shrub, Chad came to the back door and told me he was in pain and may need to go to the ER. He was having a diverticulitis attack from eating too much rice. We made the decision together that he would lie down, take some Tylenol, and drink some water as he monitored his pain. If it got worse, we would go to the hospital. It started to get better, but there was no one to make dinner, and we didn't have anything for a backup out of the freezer. The kids and I ordered from Red Robin instead of having the planned dinner. On the way to pick up our order, we stopped at the gas station to get soda for us and apple juice for Chad. (Apple juice was his dinner because that was what we were told to do before he was discharged from the hospital in March.) We still had the cheesecake for desert after we played a game. I continually checked on Chad through the night. He eventually felt well enough to come out of our room and spend time with everyone before Eric left. Today, it is like it didn't happen at all. 

Mother's Day didn't exactly look like we had planned. The dinner I dreamed of was not able to be made. That didn't matter. I was able to spend my time with my children, and they all got along. We laughed, we played, we ate good food. What more could this mama want?

Harry Potter Sweater

I finished my Harry Potter sweater last fall, but I didn't block it and weave in the ends until this last week because we didn't really have much cold weather this winter. Since Tuesday was a bit on the cool side, I decided Monday that I would hand wash, block, and weave in the ends so I could wear it to the temple before it got too hot to even consider wearing it. Thank goodness it is a light sweater, though. It was barely cool enough to wear. 

Here is the finished product while blocking:

While wearing:

I love this sweater! I was worried that it was going to be too small because I have gained so much weight over the past few years, but it fit beautifully with a bit of room. I hope to be able to wear it a lot more in the future. 

Continuing to Receive Answers

Life has been hard lately. To say I have felt knocked down is an understatement. Over the past month, I have found myself turning to my Heavenly Father more than ever. Each time, He answers in the ways that I need. It isn't always big, but it doesn't have to be for me to know that He is there, answering my prayers, and caring about my mental wellbeing as well as my spiritual wellbeing. 

This week, I have been in tears several times not knowing how to deal with the pressures and rejections I have been facing. On Tuesday, I went for my regular shift at the temple where I was reminded that it was the right place to be over and over. I could feel the love of Christ as I performed my duties and served the patrons the way the Lord would have me do. On Wednesday, Chad and I took our regular walk. As he always does, he listened to me as I rambled on about my day. When we got close to the end, I told him how I was feeling about the rejection I had recently faced and the stress I was feeling about all of the medical issues in our household right now. When we got back to the house, he sat with me on the sidewalk in front of the house and just let me cry and let my feelings out. I told him I felt like life has been crapping on me since I was 10 (when the grandma that lived with us was diagnosed with cancer and died). He just listened and let me air it all out. I needed that more than anything at that time. Then, my child with no voice asked me to take them to their next specialist appointment. I thought this was going to be a difficult endeavor because I would have to work with both of my bosses to make this happen. I said a prayer and texted them both. I had to ask one to be able to work and hour earlier that day, and I had to let the other know that I would not be able to work the last day of Magic Club for the semester. Both were understanding when I explained what was going on. That was a small answer to my prayers that I needed but wasn't sure would work out. I know most people would look at these things as coincidence or people just being caring, but I choose to see them as God showing me the compassion that I really need right now. 

This morning, I was once again in tears after the second call in about a week in which my parents made sure that I know they will not be helping me in any way and that things are harder for them. (My stepmother has significant health issues, and my dad works very hard at his job.) I understand that my struggles are not as bad as other people, but it would have been nice to be shown some compassion while I'm in the trenches this one time. I prayed this morning, as I usually do, for my child to be healed and to feel God's love once again. Then, I read my scriptures, did my daily affirmations, and got in the shower where I was hit with a stronger wave of depression. I did all I could do at this point. I closed my eyes, looked up to the sky, and just prayed for this feeling to be taken from me. As I got out of the shower, I had a feeling I should listed to a talk from General Conference. I opened the app on my phone and pulled up the next talk in my queue. It was All Who Have Endured Valiantly by David A. Bednar. Just reading the title of the talk helped me know the Lord was listening to my prayers. As I listened to the talk, I was reminded that I am here to grow spiritually. I have been given spiritual gifts to help me and others through this life. I need to look for ways to show charity to others and help them make it through this life as well. I have been shown compassion throughout the last few weeks by people outside of my family such as both of my bosses, the temple workers on my shift whether they know what is happening or not, my husband, and my children. It is my turn to show compassion and serve. Elder Bednar said, "As we follow, love, and serve the Savior, we gradually focus less on our own desires and interests and more on understanding and addressing the needs of others...Charity, then, ultimately possesses us." This is my answer today. I need to stop turning inward and worrying about myself. I need to turn outward and look to help those around me. 

Seeing the Good When Life is Hard

 This past month has been hard. Chad was in the hospital with diverticulitis, one of my children has lost their voice and has to see specialists for it (did you know there is a such thing as a vocal cord specialist), our dog, Dexter, passed away, the politics in this country are horrible causing contention on all sides (I don't handle contention well), and AI is making my main job feel less and less secure. Here's the thing through; I feel like I have been prepared for this difficult time. 

Many years ago (possibly when I was a teenager because I am just that weird), I decided I wanted to memorize as many church hymns as I could. I can't say that I have memorized all of them, but as I paid attention to those that were commonly sang, I started to remember at least the first verse more and more. I have found this talent to be very helpful. When things are hard, I often have a hymn or primary song come into my head. It is a comfort knowing that my weirdness has given me this gift. 

Last month, I watched the Relief Society broadcast. Sister Camille Johnson's talk struck my heart in a special way. The like that will forever stay with me was, "You can do hard with Jesus, or you can do hard alone." This small sentence from this wonderful talk is exactly what I needed to prepare me for what was coming sooner than I had expected. 

I am choosing right now to do hard with Jesus. I am still praying and studying my scriptures. The scriptures give me hope as I read the Book of Mormon and learn about what it was like right before Christ's birth and resurrection. As I pray for miracles, I am seeing them unfold in front of my eyes and am reminded of the miracles I have experienced in the past. This morning as I prayed with gratitude for the miracles in my life, the line from a hymn came to my mind, "There is hope shining brightly before us, and we know that deliverance is neigh."

Life isn't going to get easier just because I can see this glimmer of hope through the clouds, but I know that the Lord wants me to be happy. I know He prepared a way for me to do this as I work my way through this with my family. Will things get better soon? I don't know. Does it still feel like my family is being hammered on with hard things? Yes, but I am choosing to do hard with Jesus. 

My Body Relaxed

Lost week, Chad was in the hospital very sick. He went to the ER under the advice of his primary care and ended up being admitted for a few days. I had just taken a week off of work and was worried about taking more time off. Each day, I would work in the morning until visiting hours began. Then I would head over to the hospital for a few hours, come home and work the rest of my hours for the day. After work, I made dinner and headed back to the hospital until visiting hours were over. Then, I would go home, spend time with the kids, and go to bed. I called out for my shift at the temple and my magic job. Everyone was very understanding. I was exhausted but more worried about him than me. 

Thursday afternoon, he was sent home with antibiotics and a special diet as well as instructions for if this issue happened again. The next few days were a bit difficult because he didn't have as much energy as usual. 

This morning, he was able to do his regular exercise and eat a normal breakfast without pain. It was such a relief! All of a sudden, I felt like I didn't have to check on him continually. During my lunch break, I took a nap as usual. Then, I sat at my desk watching my email for invoices to process. I ended up lying my head back and falling asleep for another hour. I have never done that before! (Thankfully, I work from home , so no one noticed.) I hadn't realized how the events of last week had affected me until I woke up from my unintentional nap. I hope I don't have to go through that again for a long time.