Mini Bonfire

 

A bout a month or two ago, I decided I wanted to burn the rest of the candles I had in the cupboard rather than buy a new one. I did this in the jar from the last candle I bought. In the process, the jar filled up with everything that didn’t burn off of each candle. Then, I had a jar of wax and no wick, so I grabbed some cotton yarn and tried to make wicks. Unfortunately, the yarn was not strong enough to stand when the wax was liquid, I I just kept cutting more “wicks.” When it got to the bottom, there were a bunch of little pieces of yarn at the bottom. I put them all in a pile and set them on fire. The fire ended up getting to big that I couldn’t easily blow it out and had to get a pan lid from the kitchen to smother it. It probably wasn’t a good idea to play with fire on my desk next to my bed. 

I feel like I need to add something to this story. The picture was taken before it got out of control. However, it was amazing how fast that happened. 

Love

My brother’s girlfriend (is that what I should still be calling her almost 30 years after his death) posted this on Facebook:

We fall in love with 3 people over the course of our lifetime. Each one has a specific reason. Let me explain...

Our First Love usually happens at a young age and we eventually grow distant or call it quits over the dumbest things.

When you get older and more mature you look back and think it was not love. But it actually was.... It was love for what you knew love to be at that point in time.

 You have to always remember there are different depths of love. 

 Now our 2nd Love and this is the hard one....

You get hurt when you fall in love with this person. This one teaches us lessons that we learn from and makes us stronger as a individual. 

This love includes a substantial amount of pain, betrayal, abuse, lies, and emotional damage.

 But believe it or not, this is the one where we grow the most. We realize what we truly know about love and what we don’t know about love.

 So now we put our walls up because we are extremely protective of what the future might hold for us when it comes to relationships. 

And naturally we become closed off, suspicious, very careful and slightly scared. But now we know exactly what we want out of a partner and what we definitely do not want. 

 Our 3rd and final love.

This one comes out of nowhere. No warning. No sign whatsoever. You don’t go looking for this love. It actually finds you. You can put up all the walls in the world, and they will come crashing down just as fast as you built them up in the first place. 

You’ll find yourself caring about that person without even trying. 

They look nothing like your usual type, but you get lost when you look in their eyes. You don't see any flaws. You see flawless imperfections. You find yourself telling them everything about you and what has molded you into the person you are today. 

You want a life with them. You want slow dances in the kitchen, you want walks on the beach under a starry night sky, you want to marry them and have beautiful children that resemble the both of you perfectly.

And every night when you close your eyes before you go to sleep, you catch yourself praying to God and thanking him for the reasons why it has never worked out with anyone else before.

-  Cody Bret

This rings so true to me. My first love was the boy I started dating around Christmas my freshman year of high school. I loved him so much! My mom knew it, and encouraged this love. She even said she would sign the papers for me to marry him if I wanted. That scared me, and I started pushing him away. My second love was my ex husband. It was the love that hurt me. The one that made me feel broken. Now, I have my Chad. He is the one I wasn’t looking for, the one I want to spend the rest of eternity with, the one I tell everything to. He is all of my dreams come true. He helped heal a heart he didn’t break and has given me more mentally and spiritually than anyone has ever cared to give me. I could not say enough good things about this man. He is my everything! 

Book Store Haul

For date night, Chad and I decided to go to Barnes and Noble. It’s a bit of a drive, but very worth it to be able to walk amongst the books rather than buying them online. We are both in a self-improvement phase of life, and some our books reflect it. 

My haul:

His haul:

Defining Me

With my baby graduating this month, I am finding myself a bit lost. I need to figure out who I am with all of my kids out of traditional school. I know I still need to mother my children. That will never change, but how I mother them is already changing. As this happens, I am on the hunt to find me again. 

What do I know about myself that I don't want to change?

• I love my family. I will always be willing to help my husband and kids when needed. 
• I am deeply religious. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I struggled with my faith for a while, but I have gone through too much to waiver in my belief at this point.. 
• I want my bachelor's degree. I am one class and an internship away. I am working with a partner this semester to make sure that I pass my class this time. I will be a college graduate!
• I love to knit. Knitting is my happy place. I have so many good memories around knitting and love how much it has taught me. 
• I am going to keep working towards a homesteading-ish lifestyle. I love making bread, and I am excited to grow a garden and learn to can this year. The idea of having our own bees is growing on me, as well. 

How am I working on myself?

• I am reading a lot. Right now, I am reading The End of Mental Illness by  Daniel G. Amen, MD, and following some of his suggestions by taking certain supplements and adding more exercise to my routine. When I am done with this book, I have another running book to read. 
• I will be running a marathon this year. Chad and I made the goal of doing one the year he turned 50 in 2018. This year came faster than we imagined it would, but we are going to keep this commitment we made with ourselves. That means that I will be running more consistently again. 

Honestly, I don't know what else I am going to do as I find myself. I have been remembering the girl with ambition and drive to succeed, and I miss her. I don't know when she left or where she went, but I want her back. 

50 Years of Pomona

 

My high school had a 50th anniversary carnival today, and I brought Sean along for the fun. There were a bunch of booth seeking things, a few food trucks, a car show, and an open house in the school. It was fun looking at the cars while joking with Sean about some of the more unique designs. I loved walking around the school and showing Sean where I went to school. I ran into some of my good friends and enjoyed catching up with them, as well. We also had ice cream, and I bought a yearbook from my senior year since the dog ate it mine a few years ago. 

I was glad I went and was able to share it with one of my kids. There is something special about doing things like this with the people I love. 

Sesame Bagels

 

A few days ago, I made bagels. The recipe was made with sourdough starter and was very easy to follow, and I’m very happy with how they turned out. 

I remember trying to make bagels very early in my first marriage that turned out so poorly that they basically sat in a container until they molded which only takes a few days since there are no preservatives. I’m not sure what I did wrong back then, but I have a lot more baking experience now. These turned out a lot better. They are even eatable. 

She Was Little

 

As I have said to my friends lately, Noel getting ready to graduate is hitting me a bit different than it did with the boys. I know it is because she is my baby, and I’m not sure I’m ready for this chapter to end. I miss her being so little and innocent. I miss the days of walking her to and from school on my days off. I miss her obsession with pink, sparkly shoes. 

I know this kid will do big things with her life. She is a fighter. She will continue to do everything in her power to  make all of her hopes and dreams come true. 

For now, she is still my baby.