An Answer to Prayer

Those that truly know me know that I have struggled with my testimony for about five or six years. What you may not know is that I have never completely stopped praying. I haven't made any real big decisions without praying about it first. That includes filing for divorce in 2011 and getting married in 2012.

For those who know my family, you know that I have problems with getting my oldest son to want to do well in school. (He is smart enough. He just doesn't want to put it on paper to prove it.)

Now to tie these things together...

At the end of March, I was at my whits end with my child. I was frustrated that he wasn't applying himself in school. I was frustrated that he never brought anything home. I was frustrated that I had to hear from a friend that my son and her son were not doing well at all in school instead of from the teachers. When my son told me that his class rotation had been changed so that he was no longer in classes with his best friend, my friend's son, it angered me that the change was made without me even knowing it was needed. I called the principal and a meeting was made with her and all of his core teachers.

I left two hours early to assure I would get to the school on time, giving me an hour to get there. Not only did I get there on time, I was half an hour early. Since the school is not near any business and I didn't want to be the creepy lady sitting in front of the middle school for a half hour before the bell rang, I took the drive down to the nearest truck stop to get gas and use the rest room.

On the way down, I turned off the radio, and  I started praying. I prayed harder than I ever have in my life. I poured  my heart out. I didn't have an agenda. I just needed help.

Even though I don't think I got the resolution I was looking for at the school, I did get an answer to my prayers. About a week later, the sister missionaries started teaching our family. As a family, we have done our best to meet their challenges. Through these challenges, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the gospel.

I know that prayers are answered. Through this experience, I also know that our Heavenly Father wants to help us. He is waiting for us to humble ourselves and ask.

Trying Something New

I have been battling my kids' sense of entitlement more and more as they get older. I know this is my fault. I have tried to give them what I can. I have used electronics as babysitters. I have let them get away with more than I am willing to admit. There are several reason (excuses) I have done this such as:

• I just wanted them to be happy.
• I didn't think the rules could be enforced until I got home from work.
• I didn't give them a smart phone, TV in their rooms, the most updated tablet, or (for the boys) even their own room like some of their friends (this one was just me justifying the decisions I have made).
• It was just plain easier to give in!

The result of me being too permissive has been for the most part not in my favor. I struggle to get the house clean and am embarrassed when people stop by unannounced. The kids were getting more and more disrespectful. The more time the kids spent with electronic entertainment, the more they begged to spend time with me or to play with their toys/friends. The electric bill was the highest I have ever seen it (including when the fans and swamp cooler were running in the summer). The oldest one's grade were in the toilet. NO ONE WAS TRULY HAPPY!

Since November we have been trying to come up with ideas to make the kids more account able and cut out what we call "flashy screen time" little by little while earning some of the things they take for granted (like computer time) and gets me more involved with them as well. 

The first thing that we did was create a reward system that would speak to my kids specifically. We had tried using jars in the past for rewards (you know fill the jar then you get something). It just took too long to fill the jar. While talking to my brother-in-law in Thanksgiving about the jars, he suggested some kind of way for the kids to earn smaller things as they go. I got a a tape measure and make eight equally spaced marks on the jars calling each one a level. Then, I sat down with the kids and they decided what the rewards would be for each "level." The ultimate goal was going to a movie. Next, I explained to them how they would earn these rewards: each time they did homework, a chore, were good during family prayer, stayed in their bed without playing/talking to their sibling, or were caught doing something good that they weren't asked to do, they would get a rock in the jar (small decorative fish rocks). By the end of February, they all earned a trip to a movie (we saw the Lego Movie). The kids decided they liked this reward system, so we dumped out the rocks and started over with new rewards that they got to chose. I would have to say, it has been working better than I thought it would. 

The next step came after catching my oldest walking out of a class at church playing on his tablet (which he has pointed out doesn't have a camera or microphone on it and is not as good as this friend's or that friend's tablet). He no longer gets to have the tablet in his possession after I pick him up from his weekend with his dad on Sunday mornings. There is also a no video game or You Tube rule on Sunday. (We tried no "flashy screen" rule on Sundays, but it just wasn't realistic at this time.)

To help my oldest with is his grade issues, I no longer let him bring his tablet or phone to school. I would like to say his grade are improving, but I don't think enough time has passed to tell (it has only been about three weeks).

Most recently, after seeing the damage to my desk, I completely took away computer privileges for a little while, and then put in place a way for them to earn computer time. They have the opportunity to to earn computer time through chores. One "big chore" (ex. cleaning the bath tub or doing a load of laundry) earns them an hour on the computer. During spring break, this worked great. It is a bit more difficult now that they only have about 2 hours after school before the flashy screens are turned off and there are three kids, but we are still working out the kinks.

I can feel this house becoming more of a home, and I am hoping that we keep making progress in our home.