We Need to Forgive

In chapter 9 of the book of Hosea in the Old Testament, we are told that if we do not forgive others, we will not be forgiven either. This explains why Jesus told His followers that they needed to forgive each other 70 times 7 times rather than just casually suggesting that they forgive one another (Matthew 18:21-22). We were again reminded of this in Doctrine and Covenants 98:40. There are also endless talks telling us about the importance of repentance. Why would be told this so many times? Because it is important.
There are people who would do their best to forgive based on the warning in Hosea. They know they have had the need to repent and be forgiven, so they will try to forgive others. This is not necessarily a bad reason to try to forgive, but it also may not be as effective. 
There are, also, people who will try to forgive others because it is a commandment. Again, this is not a horrible reason. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it does not.
I think for us to truly forgive someone, we have to do it for the right reasons. When we struggle with the pains of being wronged by someone, the resentment grows inside until you do not have the room in your heart to love people around you the way they deserve to be loved. When we forgive and let go of the hurt and resentment, we are better able to love our spouses, children, and other people in our lives.
About three years ago, I started a forgiveness process with my ex-husband. It started as a semester long project that I did just because it was a requirement for a class. I chose this for that assignment because I could not think of another attribute of Christ to work on. I honestly did not even think it would work because he had hurt me so bad. The more I tried, the better I felt. As I kept working on this, I actually started to love him as a friend again. I was not able to fully forgive him in the one semester. It has continued to be an ongoing process. It has felt so good that I have started to forgive other people as well.
It seemed to be a cliche when people would say that forgiveness is not just for the person who is forgiven, it is for the person who does the forgiving. Now, I know how true this is. I am so glad I have been given the opportunity to learn how free it can make me feel as I forgive people for the things that hurt me so many years ago. I am not perfect at this, but I am getting better and feeling better as time goes on.

Held Captive

We will be captive when we do not do what we know is right (Lamentations 1:3). In Lamentations, Jeremiah is talking about Judah literally being in captivity because they were wicked. 

Today, we can be held captive in other ways. For example, addiction is a form of captivity. I had to watch as my ex-husband fell more into captivity mentally as he sought for the next drink or cigarette. It was sad to see him hit rock bottom a few years after we divorced knowing who he had been prior to falling into his alcohol addiction. He still has not gone back to church, but he has gotten help. It has been good to see him make positive changes in his life.

We have been given the Word of Wisdom to help keep us away from this type of captivity. In Doctrine and Covenants 89,  we are told what we should and should not put into our bodies. It says we should stay away from tobacco, "hot drinks" (to be interpreted as tea and coffee), and alcohol. As we follow this directive, we are kept from the woes of addiction. 

If we fall into these traps, we can find a way out. The Church provides an addiction recovery program. This shows us that even when we fall into these traps, our Heavenly Father wants to help us get out of them. 

He Will Bring Peace

I am so glad the elections are done. If you had asked me the night of the election if I was happy with the results, I would have said resolutely, "No!" I am not one of those people who cares about the party the person represents. I care about what they stand for and what they plan to accomplish. My husband and I sat and watched as election results trickled in. The announcement for our new governor came less than an hour after the polls had closed. Jared Polis. I did not vote for him. His values did not match mine in the slightest. The only thing I can think of that I did like about him is that he is pro-family. I was worried that his plans would derail some of the things that I like about living in Colorado.
I had a hard time sleeping so I said a little prayer to be able to fall asleep and be comforted. It worked! Not only was I able to fall asleep, I was able to feel comfort from that point on. In fact, I woke up with the line of a Hymn 85 in my head: "Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, For I am thy God and will still give thee aid..."
Later that day I was reading in Isaiah thinking I was just doing it to feel an assignment. Instead, it turned out that my Heavenly Father was still answering my prayer. He was telling me that if I kept His commandments, he would bring me peace.

O that thou hadst harkened to my commandments!

then had thy peace been as a river,

and they righteousness as waves of the sea;

~Isaiah 48:18

As I continued to read, I found more verses that told me the same thing: I will get help if I do my part to follow the teachings of the Lord. This is such a great promise! 

I am so glad that the Lord loves me and understands me enough to send me a message trough song and just to dive the message home, he told me through scripture. I know that as I do my part, the Lord will keep his promise. I will have peace no matter what happens around me. 

My Experiment

For my Old Testament class, I have a semester long project where I am to work on a Christlike attribute. I chose obedience. More specifically, I am working on following the promptings of the Holy Ghost. So far, I have started doing blogs with my friend again, gone to the temple with another friend, and prayed for a family member that seems lost. When I started this project, I thought it would be something that would help me, but it is looking like I am being used to help others, and I love it. I can't wait to find out who I get to help next.

Temples

Fort Collins Temple

Temples have been an important part of the Lord's church for a long time. We even read about them in the Old Testament. In fact, when Moses and the Israelites were walking in the wilderness they had a tabernacle that traveled with them. Solomon built a temple to worship God as well. He did not have to make it portable, so he made a large one of stone. In Isaiah, we learn more about why we need temples rather than how they are built.

"And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the Lord's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it. 

And many people shall go and say, Come ye, an d let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths..."

~Isaiah 2:2-3

I love that we are learning the things that will lead us to exaltation in the temples still. I learn something new every time I go, and it is not always something that is formally being taught. There are times where I am praying in and meditating that I learn a lot in the form of personal revelation. After all, we are closer to the Lord when we are in the temple than any where else. 

I, also, love that Isaiah says that "all nations [will] flow unto [the temple]. We can really see this come true today. I remember President Hinkley saying that we would have over 100. At the time, it seemed like a lofty goal, but he was the prophet, so I believed him. I just did not know how this would happen. Before I knew it, there were what we called at the time mini temples being built in more places than I could keep track of. The goal of 100 temples was complete by 200 (https://www.lds.org/ensign/2000/11/news-of-the-church/a-milestone-in-church-history-100-temples?lang=eng) This month, President Nelson, our current prophet, announced twelve more temples that will be built. This will make 201 temples that will be either "operating, announced, or under construction" (https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/temples-announced-october-2018-general-conference). This means that people from nations from all over the world are able to go to the temple. 

This month, in the Women's Session of General Conference, President Nelson gave us some goals to help us gather Israel. Among those goals was to make temple attendance a regular part of our lives. While we attend the temple we are to, "Seek to know more, to understand more, to feel more about temples than [we] ever have before." Again, I think this fulfills the prophesy/teachings of Isaiah.

As I have studied Isaiah this week and worked on the goals set forth by President Nelson has made me understand even more about how the Church today is not only like the Church of the Bible, it also fulfills the prophesies of the Bible.

We Can Overcome Obstacles

http://www.believetrust.com/bible/ezra-4-opposition-rebuilding/

There are so many things in this life that make it hard for us to do the things that we know we need to do. Sometimes they are self inflicted. For example, social media is a highly addictive platform that can affect our mood and suck away hours of our lives. Some of the obstacles we have to overcome a due to the decisions of other people. For me, this was the case in my divorce. There are still many other challenges that we face without understanding why we have to be the one to live with them. This would be the case in the death of my mom and brother. No matter what the trials are we face in life, we can learn from them or dwell on them.
In the book of Ezra, the people of Israel worked together to rebuild the temple including the alter for the sacrifices. They did this because of their faithfulness to the Lord. Then, in chapter 4, the Samaritans tricked the children of Israel into believing that they wanted to help. Instead of helping, they hindered the work. They even wrote a letter to the king and lied about the motives for the city and temple to be rebuilt. Because of this letter, the king commanded they cease the building of the temple. When men were sent to find out what their motive was for building the temple, the people answered, "We are the servants of the God of heaven and earth, and build the house that was builded these many years ago..." (Ezra 5:11). Then, they explained everything they were replacing and why. Finally, the king decrees that the people could be built.
These people learned and showed great things through this trial. First of all, they learned patience. The people did not know how long it would take before they were told they could continue to build the temple. They did know that it was a commandment of the Lord to do so, though. They, also, show that honesty can help with the Lord's work. When the governor asked why and how, they told him exactly how they planned on completing it and that it was for worshiping the Lord. Finally, they learned that the work of the Lord will go on no matter what obstacles are put in the path.

We have been commanded many times in the scriptures to forgive. One example of this is in 1 Kings 8:50. It says, "and forgive thy people that have sinned against thee, and all their transgressions wherein they have transgressed against thee, and give them compassion before them who carried them captive..."
I have learned about the importance of forgiveness in my own life. I went through quite a process to be able to truly forgive my ex-husband for many things that should not have happened when we were married and for a while after we were divorced. It was not an easy process, but things that help us grow spiritually and emotionally are never easy.
One important thing that learned in this process was that forgiveness is not for the person who hurt us. There are many times that the person we are forgiving either does not care if they are forgiven or does not know we have forgiven them. Forgiveness is for the person who forgives. When we forgive, it opens our hearts up to be loved and love others as well. When I forgave my ex-husband, I was able to show my husband and children the way they deserved to be loved.

As I have studied forgiveness, I have learned a lot from the scriptures. There is not a shortage of verses where we have been commanded to forgive others. I have really enjoyed the verses that show that not only have we been commanded to forgive, but the Lord has promised us that He will forgive us when we do so. One example of this is Doctrine and Covenants 82:1 which says, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, my servants, that inasmuch as you have forgiven one another your trespasses, even so I, the Lord, forgive you." I love this verse. It shows that the Lord not only wants us to do this, He is willing to do the same thing for us.
We all sin and need forgivness from the Lord. The only way we can be save is through his forgiveness and mercy. We cannot receive this without extending the same to our fellow human beings.

Latest Essay

This is the most recent essay I have written for school. The assignment was to write and argumentative essay using the topics we were given. I worked harder on this essay than any other essay I have written. I had less passion than most of the essays I have written, so this was really a hard one to get through. If you have any suggestions for making it better (especially if it helps make it longer), I would really appreciate it. This is my second draft, and the final is due Monday. 

Learning from Television

Where can someone learn about new cultures without leaving the country? Television is a great place to learn about cultures from all over the world within the comforts of home. Some may say that television turns people into mindless drones that believe whatever propaganda they are fed through the programming they watch. However others would argue when used properly, it can be a source of education.

For many years, there have been studies done to evaluate the educational value of television. There are two sides on this issue: one side believes people can learn about other cultures by watching television, and others believe that not only can they not learn from watching these shows, people will learn less when they watch more because they are taking time away from activities such as reading (Lin, Cherng and Chen). This is has become more of a concern as American watch television more time as the years pass. Neil Postman suggests that the average American watches about 5000 hours within the years before starting school (Postman). Some of the concerns raised include the reasons for making the shows, the effects on the memory, the quality of the shows children are watching, and the amount of time they are watching television overall. As a result, networks such as Nickelodeon and PBS have produced programming geared toward teaching young children skills such as “problem solving, planning, and social relationships (Anderson).” Such educational programming was started in 1969 with Sesame Street with the goal to “help kids everywhere grow smarter, stronger, and kinder (Sesame Street).” All of the goals set by these stations and programming are presented through educational programming. To discover rather television could have a positive impact, studies have been done on children, adults, and refugees to discover the positive and negative results of watching television each coming to their own conclusion.    

One of these conclusions was that television is more about entertaining the masses rather than educating them. If fact, it has been said that the more popular television is, the more it forces areas outside of entertainment to become more entertaining. For example, Neil Postman claimed, “As our politics, our news, our religion, our education, and our commerce are less and less given expression in the form of printed words or even oratory, they are rapidly being reshaped and staged to suit the requirements of television (Postman).” He is essentially saying these fields care more about entertaining the public rather than providing quality programming or even providing content outside of the entertainment realm such as books or even speaking to one another. However, not all fields focus only on entertainment. The news industry is one example of a field that places their concerns on things other than entertaining. Journalism is based on economics and ratings. They cater to specific economical profiles which demand up to date information. Because journalists want to keep their viewers, they are more interested in the “opposition between the ‘old’ and the ‘new (Benson).’” This means that they will search out the most current statistics and stories available to please their viewers and readers showing that they are interested in what the public wants, but not necessarily how entertaining their content is.

Another issue that people claim to have with watching television is they believe it will cause memory problems, but it has actually been shown to aid memory. There have been studies done on small children to see how watching many hours television affects them. One such study, done at National Cheng University Hospital in Taiwan, concludes by stating, “Viewing excessive television may have adverse effects of child development, potentially contributing to poor verbal and memory skill…” They claim that this is partially because as a child watches more television, they have less time for other activities such as playing outside or having a parent read to them (Lin, Cherng and Chen). This study does not say what the content was of the programs the children were watching. It does, however, point out that the children who watched less television seemed to have more of the developmental skills they were looking for. On the other side of this particular argument, there have also been studies done with adults which show how watching television can help with memory. According to Cennamo, when a person is watching educational television, they use more mental effort which can help “facilitate retention and retrieval of the new material (Cennamo).”  Another study on the memory shows, “Through its repetition and continual re-narrativization of grand historical narratives…Along with a host of new electronic technologies, television prompts a contemporary fascination with memory (Holdsworth).” Therefore, television can help the memory process through repetition and a greater use of the brain as people are introduced to new material.

As shown in the previous paragraph, it is claimed that watching too much television may cause developmental delays, but it has also been shown to help children learn some important developmental skills. Continuing their evaluation of their study on the effects of television on children, the team of doctor in Taiwan claimed, “Children who were frequently exposed to television were more likely to have delayed in cognitive, language, and motor development… (Lin, Cherng and Chen).” Again, this is attributed to the fact that these children are participating in other activities less than children who are not in front of the television for an extended amount of time (Lin, Cherng and Chen). Also, in a study done by a team lead by Elizabeth Vandewater, they claim children in homes where the television is on more than one or two hours, are less likely to be read to by their parents, which is a factor how well a child learns to read (Vandewatr, Bickman and Lee). In contrast, when studying a group of Sudanese refugee in America, Kristen Perry and Annie Moses found that there were, “Multiple exposures to literacy content and messages on television, in books, and in other media can enhance children’s overall literacy development… (Perry and Moses)” By looking at this one measure, it can be seen that there is programming available to teach some developmental skills especially language whish was claimed to be something the children were lacking in the study from Taiwan. The key to assure that the children learn the skills they need, is television in moderation. All three of these studies point out that printed material is important when a child is learning, but it could be supplemented by quality programming when learning about things in which people may be unfamiliar.  

Those against the popularization of television also make the claim that it has no value for learning saying that it is no more than just junk. For example, Postman stated, “What is dangerous about television is not its junk…What is happening in America is that television is transforming all serious public business into junk (Postman).” As discussed earlier, there have been studies showing the benefits of watching television such as being an educational tool. As explained by Ellen Wartella and Gary Knell, “…young children’s readiness to learn about new and unfamiliar things makes television and an especially effective teacher about people, ideas, and events outside the child’s own experiences (Wartella and Knell).” This shows us that children’s brains are like sponges, ready to soak up all of the information they can no matter where it is coming from. She even points out that guardians need to be careful not to watch shows containing adult topics such as the news because it may overwhelm them and teach them about topics that are not appropriate for them to learn about such as violence. Also, a study of elementary school teachers was done to discover if they thought educational programming was a helpful tool in the classroom. The teachers who participated crossed many demographics such as their education, experience, and income level. Overall, “Teachers attitudes were found to be favorable toward the use of instructional television (Ayers).” The evidence shows that not all television shows are junk, some are educational and can teach children at home and at school.

When speaking of educational television, there have been concerns that the producers of the shows are more concerned with making money than making quality programming. An article in the LA Times was centered on this topic. In it, the author Matea Gold expressed concerns about the Corporation for Public Broadcasting announcing they were trying to launch their programming into middle and high schools, it was seen as a way to advertise for high tech companies who contribute to the funding for the programming (Matea). In reality, this type of programming, along with the funding of it, is regulated by the government in the United States. As of 1990, educational programming has been regulated by the United States government under the Children’s Television act which “mandates that, as a public service condition for license renewal, broadcast television stations provide a minimal amount of education and informative programming for children (Anderson).” This means that television station have to adhere to the standards that were set in this act that was not only voted into action by congress, but signed into law by the president. These standards include the educational value of the programming aimed towards children. An example of a television network caring more about their programming than their bottom line is Nickalodeon. In 1993, Nickolodeon changed their programming to include educational programming for preschool aged children. Not only did this cost them $30 million, they ran the programs without commercial breaks and only showed commercials between shows (Anderson). Since at least one network used their funds to change programming directed towards children, this shows that not everything on television is only produced to create revenue. 

Those in opposition of children’s programming make many claims about television being the downfall of education. However, they have ignored a few examples of how educational television has helped. Sesame Street is one of the greatest examples of valuable programming. With the goal of educating children across world, Sesame Street has adapted their television shows to help introduce different cultures in different countries. In fact, they broadcast in over 120 countries in over 30 languages while addressing “issues of global awareness… (Wartella and Knell)” In the United States, Sesame Street has a character named Global Grover who introduces cultures from around the world to children while explaining there is no reason to be afraid of people just because they are different (Wartella and Knell). Another example of how television could help with society was a study done of Sudanese refugees who learned about American culture including language by watching American television. “Television…appeared to mediate learning about the [United States] context for the families that went beyond using television for entertainment value, particularly as they watched the news and other informational or educational programming…by providing information about U.S. history, or historical figures and also current events (Perry and Moses).” Both of these example show how television can be used to teach and learn about other cultures in which they may not be familiar.

People can learn many things from television when it is used for that purpose. Not everyone agrees with this point of view. Some say that it takes away from what children can be learning when involved in other activities such as learning. However, through repetition and storytelling, they can learn about cultures from all over the world without the expense of travelling any further than their own living room. This particular medium can be used to teach about many different cultures and languages. It has also been used to help people acclimate to counties where they moved. Educational television is a useful tool for children and those who are curious and want to learn.

Works Cited

Anderson, Daniel R. "Educational Television Is Not an Oxymoron." The Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science, Vol. 557,Children and Television (1998): 24-38. http://www.jstor.org/stable/1049440.

Ayers, Jerry B. "Elementary School Teachers' Attitudes toward Instructional Television." The Journal of Experimental Education, Vol. 41, No. 1 (1972): 1-4. http://www.jstor.org/stable/20157315.

Benson, Rodney. "Field Theory in Comparative Context: A New Paradigm for Media Studies." Theory and Society, Vol. 28, No. 3 (1999): 463-498. http://www.jstor.org/stable/3108557.

Cennamo, Katherine S. "Learning from Video: Factors Influencing Learners' Preconceptions and Invested MentalEffort." Educational Technology Research and Development,Vol. 41, No. 3 (1993) (1993): 33-45.

Holdsworth, Amy. ""Television Resurrections": Television and Memory." Cinema Journal, Vol. 47, No. 3 (2008): 137-144. http://www.jstor.org/stable/30136121.

Lin, Ling-Yi, et al. "DevelopmentEffects of television exposure on developmental skills among young children." Infant Behavior and Develpment (2015): 20-26.

Matea, Gold. Los Angeles Times. 1 August 2005. http://researcher.sirs.com.byui.idm.oclc.org/webapp/article?artno=0000218301&type=ART#cite. July 2018.

Perry, Kristen H. and Annie M. Moses. "Television, Language, and Literacy Practices in Sudanese Refugee Families: "I learned howto spell English on Channel 18"." Research in the Teaching of English, Vol. 45, No. 3 (2011): 278-307.

Postman, Neil. "Amusing Orselves to Death." Et Cetera (1984): 448-453.

Vandewatr, Elizabeth A., et al. "When the Television Is Always On." American Behavioral Scientist, Vol. 48 No. 5 (2005): 562-577.

Wartella, Ellen and Gary E. Knell. "Raising a World-Wise Child and the Power of Media: The Impact of Television onChildren's Intercultural Knowledge." The Phi Delta Kappan, Vol. 86, No. 3 (2004): 222-224. http://www.jstor.org/stable/20441743.

The Struggle is REAL

I don't know how to explain it. I have been depressed lately. I have been on the verge of tears a lot. Most of the time when I am home, I lash out on my husband. I have felt like no one wants to listen to my issues or how they make me feel. I am their sounding board only.
I sit at work and listen to my "friends" talk about the fun things they do together or how much their family makes them mad. They did listen to my concerns about helping Chad as his dad passed away and gave me advise, but since then it has been just me listening to them. I don't have a problem listening to them, but it would be nice if it were a two way street. Also, maybe it would be nice to be invited to do things with them every once in a while. I know I am not very available, but there are times I could do things like Saturdays when I am home all day by myself just cleaning, doing homework, and grocery shopping.
Schoolwork has not been going as planned. I think that it is just hard to do three semesters in a row, but it may be that I have gone through so much loss over the last six months that I am having a hard time concentrating. Right now I am failing one class and I have an A in the other class, but I really want to be done now instead of having to keep working for another month on it. I was thinking about doing a summer semester (the seven weeks between the spring semester I am doing right now and the fall semester that starts in September), but I think I need a break.
I have been talking to Chad more and more about how I have been feeling. We are going to look into some kind of counseling to see if it will help. I have been in therapy before that helped, but the last time I participated in individual counseling was about 13 or 14 years ago (judging by the age of Sean at the time). I am hoping we can find something that helps because this is not fun. 

My Running Journey

I have wanted to be a runner for a long time. I have been told many times that this is an odd goal or that whoever I happen to be talking to would hate to run as much as I would in my dreams. For a while this is made me feel like a weirdo. I would only run if I though little to no people could see me try. It didn't start this way, though. My desire to be a runner started at a young age.
At some point when I was in elementary school, I was convinced that I would be a great long distance runner. I joined the track team and ran the 400m run (a long run for a 10 or 11 year old). I came in last place and struggled to breathe while running. I still thought I could run.
In sixth grade I joined the cross country team with my older brother who was on the team the year before. I think our races were about 2K, but I am not sure. I just know they were significantly shorter than the high school teams. We ran the race course at our school everyday after school. I was always in last place (my brother didn't do much better). We just kept going every day and participated in each race. Our parents were proud of us no matter how bad we did. I remember finishing a race in tear because I could barely breathe, and a girl told me that I looked like I was showing off because I could only cry if I was finishing first. I took this to heart and wouldn't let myself cry until I was in the car from this point on. We didn't sign up for cross country the next year because we were getting ready to move, and they did not have school sponsored sports in middle school at our new school.
Let's fast forward many years later. My brother was gone. I had gone through a lot of crap. Things were finally calming down, and my new husband and I decided to follow this dream together (he had been a runner in high school and was ready to help me a bit). We signed up for a 5K and started training. I got shin splints and didn't get serious about my training when they healed. When we went to the 5K, he ran the entire thing. I ran just a little bit of it and blamed the heat (it was August). We did not really run again for almost 5 years.
This year, a group of ladies from church decided they wanted to do the Bolder Boulder (a 10K). When I saw that this was the 40th anniversary of the race, I decided that the race and me both turning 40 was a sign that this is my year to become a runner like that little girl wanted to do in the 80's. I started training by downloading an app and meeting with the group once a week. I have been working hard most weeks for the last several months only taking breaks for family deaths and a calf injury. The race is in 3 days. I do not know if I am ready, but I do know I feel more like a runner than I ever have. I will bring with me the memories of my brother and I joining that team together when he was in seventh grade and I was in sixth grade. I will do my best to make my big brother proud at this race as well as the others I have signed up for this summer.

Missing Them

I have had a rough week. I am not trying to whine or get attention for my problems. I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

Last week, on Thursday morning, my grandpa passed away. Somehow this took me by surprise. It, also, meant the loss of my childhood even more. I have so many memories of going to my grandparents' house with my cousins. I took my boys there when they were 2.5 years and 10 months old. As my sister and I drove around South Haven, MI, the realization that all of the traditions we had with my grandparents died with my last grandparent.
One more realization I had was that my family as I knew it was getting smaller once again as my sister, my dad, and me stood hugging each other at the cemetery. You see, when I was little, I lived with my mom, dad, brother, sister, and grandma. We would visit my other grandma and grandpa a few times a year. My Grandma Crawford (the one that lived with us) died about 1 or 2 months before my 11th birthday. My mom and brother were taken in when I was 18. Grandma Mitchell succumbed to the many illnesses she suffered almost 5 years ago. Grandpa Mitchell just couldn't live any longer as of last week. In a way, it doesn't seem fair for there to be only 3 of us left. Yes, we have added to that family. My dad was remarried less than a year after my mom and brother passed away which added 2 new family members, and my sister and I have been married with children which has added 7 more. It's not the same (good, just different).
The hardest part of this heartbreaking event was watching my dad say goodbye to his dad. My grandpa was given full military honors. The flag and brass were presented to my dad because he was the one that was also a veteran. After my dad was presented with the brass, he started to sway a bit. When he turned around, he was shaking so much with such little color in his face that a few of us were very concerned. I told Marleah to pass the baby to someone so we could help Dad. One of our cousins was more than happy to help as they watched the scene unfold. We helped my dad over to the car and embraced. Memories of Mom and Anthony's funeral came flooding to my brain and tears came flooding down my cheeks.
The other hard thing this week was that our sweet Lexie passed away while we were at church on Sunday. We knew it was coming. The average life expectancy of a beagle is only 14 years, and she was 16. She was also looking worse and worse for the last few weeks of her life. She had lost so much weight that she was scary to look at. Quite honestly, the way she was acting on Saturday, I wasn't sure she was going to make it through the night. When I started to pray for her to at least make it until I got back from the funeral, the thought that came to my head was that I needed to stop praying for this poor dog to live. That though broke my heart, but I knew it was true. When we got home from church she had passed away in her kennel. Chad put a sheet over it so that the kids didn't have to see her. Eric wanted to see his best friend, though. He dropped his stuff at the door, ran over to her, and cried in agony. I have never seen him cry that hard before. He just crouched down next to the kennel holding up the sheet for about 5 minutes. When I asked him what he needed, he just said he wanted to be alone. It broke my heart to see my son hurt so much. This was something I couldn't fix. His constant through everything we have put him through was gone, and I had to leave the next day. It wasn't fair.
Our poor other dogs have had a hard time adjusting to her being gone as well. Dexter, our lab mix, couldn't figure out how to go outside by himself for a few days. We were having to wake up Jasper, the chihuahua mix, and make him go outside with Dexter so that he could use the bathroom. The good news about that is it gave Eric a project to help him heal along with the dog. Eric would go outside with Dexter until he walked away and wasn't paying attention, and then he would go back in. Each time Dexter would stay out longer and longer. This morning, he was able to completely go out by himself.

Going to the Temple

I have some exciting news. Chad and I are going to the temple! The cancellation of my sealing to my ex-husband was approved on January 2. We will be meeting with the bishop tomorrow to work on our next step. Our plan is to be sealed on February 3. I can't even tell you how excited I am!
It feels completely different than when I was sealed before. Last time, it just felt like the next step in my life. This time I am so excited that I want to shout it on the rooftops. I know that this is right for both of us.