I don't know how to explain it. I have been depressed lately. I have been on the verge of tears a lot. Most of the time when I am home, I lash out on my husband. I have felt like no one wants to listen to my issues or how they make me feel. I am their sounding board only.
I sit at work and listen to my "friends" talk about the fun things they do together or how much their family makes them mad. They did listen to my concerns about helping Chad as his dad passed away and gave me advise, but since then it has been just me listening to them. I don't have a problem listening to them, but it would be nice if it were a two way street. Also, maybe it would be nice to be invited to do things with them every once in a while. I know I am not very available, but there are times I could do things like Saturdays when I am home all day by myself just cleaning, doing homework, and grocery shopping.
Schoolwork has not been going as planned. I think that it is just hard to do three semesters in a row, but it may be that I have gone through so much loss over the last six months that I am having a hard time concentrating. Right now I am failing one class and I have an A in the other class, but I really want to be done now instead of having to keep working for another month on it. I was thinking about doing a summer semester (the seven weeks between the spring semester I am doing right now and the fall semester that starts in September), but I think I need a break.
I have been talking to Chad more and more about how I have been feeling. We are going to look into some kind of counseling to see if it will help. I have been in therapy before that helped, but the last time I participated in individual counseling was about 13 or 14 years ago (judging by the age of Sean at the time). I am hoping we can find something that helps because this is not fun.
