In chapter 9 of the book of Hosea in the Old Testament, we are told that if we do not forgive others, we will not be forgiven either. This explains why Jesus told His followers that they needed to forgive each other 70 times 7 times rather than just casually suggesting that they forgive one another (Matthew 18:21-22). We were again reminded of this in Doctrine and Covenants 98:40. There are also endless talks telling us about the importance of repentance. Why would be told this so many times? Because it is important.
There are people who would do their best to forgive based on the warning in Hosea. They know they have had the need to repent and be forgiven, so they will try to forgive others. This is not necessarily a bad reason to try to forgive, but it also may not be as effective.
There are, also, people who will try to forgive others because it is a commandment. Again, this is not a horrible reason. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it does not.
I think for us to truly forgive someone, we have to do it for the right reasons. When we struggle with the pains of being wronged by someone, the resentment grows inside until you do not have the room in your heart to love people around you the way they deserve to be loved. When we forgive and let go of the hurt and resentment, we are better able to love our spouses, children, and other people in our lives.
About three years ago, I started a forgiveness process with my ex-husband. It started as a semester long project that I did just because it was a requirement for a class. I chose this for that assignment because I could not think of another attribute of Christ to work on. I honestly did not even think it would work because he had hurt me so bad. The more I tried, the better I felt. As I kept working on this, I actually started to love him as a friend again. I was not able to fully forgive him in the one semester. It has continued to be an ongoing process. It has felt so good that I have started to forgive other people as well.
It seemed to be a cliche when people would say that forgiveness is not just for the person who is forgiven, it is for the person who does the forgiving. Now, I know how true this is. I am so glad I have been given the opportunity to learn how free it can make me feel as I forgive people for the things that hurt me so many years ago. I am not perfect at this, but I am getting better and feeling better as time goes on.
