Seeing the Good When Life is Hard

 This past month has been hard. Chad was in the hospital with diverticulitis, one of my children has lost their voice and has to see specialists for it (did you know there is a such thing as a vocal cord specialist), our dog, Dexter, passed away, the politics in this country are horrible causing contention on all sides (I don't handle contention well), and AI is making my main job feel less and less secure. Here's the thing through; I feel like I have been prepared for this difficult time. 

Many years ago (possibly when I was a teenager because I am just that weird), I decided I wanted to memorize as many church hymns as I could. I can't say that I have memorized all of them, but as I paid attention to those that were commonly sang, I started to remember at least the first verse more and more. I have found this talent to be very helpful. When things are hard, I often have a hymn or primary song come into my head. It is a comfort knowing that my weirdness has given me this gift. 

Last month, I watched the Relief Society broadcast. Sister Camille Johnson's talk struck my heart in a special way. The like that will forever stay with me was, "You can do hard with Jesus, or you can do hard alone." This small sentence from this wonderful talk is exactly what I needed to prepare me for what was coming sooner than I had expected. 

I am choosing right now to do hard with Jesus. I am still praying and studying my scriptures. The scriptures give me hope as I read the Book of Mormon and learn about what it was like right before Christ's birth and resurrection. As I pray for miracles, I am seeing them unfold in front of my eyes and am reminded of the miracles I have experienced in the past. This morning as I prayed with gratitude for the miracles in my life, the line from a hymn came to my mind, "There is hope shining brightly before us, and we know that deliverance is neigh."

Life isn't going to get easier just because I can see this glimmer of hope through the clouds, but I know that the Lord wants me to be happy. I know He prepared a way for me to do this as I work my way through this with my family. Will things get better soon? I don't know. Does it still feel like my family is being hammered on with hard things? Yes, but I am choosing to do hard with Jesus. 

Hold On the Light Will Come (Book Review)

 At some point when I was growing up, my mom started listening to Michael McLean's music. I didn't really like it at the time. I think it was because it was my mom's music. When she died, I inherited her cassette tape collection by default. (I was the only one that wanted it for some reason.) I worked my way through each tape as I drove around as a way to connect to her. I ended up gravitating to Michael McClean more than any of the other artists for many reasons. 

Over the next few years, I was given a few more of his tapes that I truly enjoyed, and the person I was married to by this had more that I didn't have. As we switched over towards CDs, we included Michael McClean in the mix. He asked for "The Forgotten Carols" book and CD. His mom helped me find the special anniversary edition that year for Christmas. I loved listening to this CD as well as the others we collectively had for a while. When I was pregnant with Noel, his mom and I went to "Time Out for Women" and had the privilege of listening to Michael McClean speak and highlight this book. She bought it for him at the end of the conference. Lucky for me, one of the books left behind when that dude moved out was Hold On, the Light Will Come. (I wish he would have left "The Forgotten Carrols," as well.)

In October, I bought tickets to a production of "The Forgotten Carrols." (Unfortunately, it was canceled because they didn't sell enough tickets.) A few weeks after buying the tickets, I started reading this book, and I loved each chapter. 

"Hold On, the Light Will Come," is a book about Michael McClean's songs. Each chapter talks about a different song and why he wrote it. This unique format gives a peak into his life at the time he wrote the songs highlighted. After I read each chapter, I searched the songs on Spotify. I was able to listen to most of them giving a richer experience. (I wish the ex would have left the CD with all of the songs.) 

I loved everything about this book! You can judge me for taking so long to read it, but I took my time to enjoy each chapter. 

Paige Fish Concert

 

Last night, my sweet daughter took me to a concert at a dive bar in Denver. She has played music by Paige Fish when we have been in the car together for a while. When Noel found out there was a concert that she could afford, she came to me and asked if I would go with her. I love live music and knew I already liked at least some of her songs. 

This concert was probably one of the less professional shows I have been to, but I thought it was pretty good. The bar was small, so it was packed which made it harder to see the stage and the crowd was quite young even for Noel (they sold under and over 21 tickets). The opening act impressed me, and Paige Fish sang beautifully. There is just something about a real soulful voice that I could listen to for hours. This was such a good pairing! 

I love that it is easy to find music from up and coming artists, and I love that my kids seek it out. I wouldn't be surprised if this artist is the next Sheryl Crow. 

How Great Thou Art

The closing hymn in sacrament meeting this last Sunday was How Great Thou Art, a classic, well known Christian hymn. This brought back memories from my childhood. I remember an advertisement on TV selling Andy Griffith’s gospel album. My mom heard a clip of him singing How Great Thou Art and wanted this set of cassettes. She was struggling with the death of her own mother, and the combination of his voice and this hymn was a comfort to her. I don’t remember if she actually ordered the set, but I do remember her reaction when this commercial would come on. As I sang with the congregation, I felt comfort in this memory. I love these sweet memories of my mom experiencing the sweet, tender mercies of the Lord in her time of grief. 

The Power of Music

I love music. One song can change the whole atmosphere. It can bring emotions to the surface of any kind: happy, sad, love, etc. It can also bring back memories, good and bad. I have felt this way as long as I can remember even though I am not personally musically talented.

Today, at church, a couple played an arrangement of a hymn that my mom sang when I was little. He played the piano, and she played the cello. It was beautiful, and brought back memories of my mom. I could see her face and feel her around me as the words not spoken or sang at the time danced around in my head. I choked back tears as I listened to this beautiful music and let the memories wash over me. The hymn was I Need Thee Every Hour. It is so powerful and beautiful!

I need thee every hour,

Most gracious Lord.

No tender voice like thine

Can peace afford. 

I need the, oh, I need thee;

Every hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need thee every hour,

Stay thou nearby. 

Temptations lose their power 

When thou art neigh. 

I need the, oh, I need thee;

Every hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need thee every hour,

In joy or pain.

Come quickly and abide, 

Or life is vain. 

I need the, oh, I need thee;

Every hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need the every hour, 

Most holy One. 

Oh, make me thine indeed,

Thou blessed Son!

I need the, oh, I need thee;

Every hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now my Savior;

I come to thee!

Mom Was There

Today, as I watched conference, listened to the talks, and took in the music, I could feel my mom comforting me. I have really been struggling with the events of the accident that took her and Anthony for the past month. I know the Lord heard my prayer yesterday for peace. There were many messages in conference about the peace the gospel brings. It was as though I those talks were tailored to me. The music especially hit me in a special place today. The last hymn in of General Conference was the one I sang with my friend at the funeral. The choir also sang one that I learned how to sign when I was in primary. When I think of signing, I think of my mom and dad. I think the Lord knew I needed to feel something special from conference to help me work through my feelings, and that is exactly what happened.