Seeing the Good When Life is Hard

 This past month has been hard. Chad was in the hospital with diverticulitis, one of my children has lost their voice and has to see specialists for it (did you know there is a such thing as a vocal cord specialist), our dog, Dexter, passed away, the politics in this country are horrible causing contention on all sides (I don't handle contention well), and AI is making my main job feel less and less secure. Here's the thing through; I feel like I have been prepared for this difficult time. 

Many years ago (possibly when I was a teenager because I am just that weird), I decided I wanted to memorize as many church hymns as I could. I can't say that I have memorized all of them, but as I paid attention to those that were commonly sang, I started to remember at least the first verse more and more. I have found this talent to be very helpful. When things are hard, I often have a hymn or primary song come into my head. It is a comfort knowing that my weirdness has given me this gift. 

Last month, I watched the Relief Society broadcast. Sister Camille Johnson's talk struck my heart in a special way. The like that will forever stay with me was, "You can do hard with Jesus, or you can do hard alone." This small sentence from this wonderful talk is exactly what I needed to prepare me for what was coming sooner than I had expected. 

I am choosing right now to do hard with Jesus. I am still praying and studying my scriptures. The scriptures give me hope as I read the Book of Mormon and learn about what it was like right before Christ's birth and resurrection. As I pray for miracles, I am seeing them unfold in front of my eyes and am reminded of the miracles I have experienced in the past. This morning as I prayed with gratitude for the miracles in my life, the line from a hymn came to my mind, "There is hope shining brightly before us, and we know that deliverance is neigh."

Life isn't going to get easier just because I can see this glimmer of hope through the clouds, but I know that the Lord wants me to be happy. I know He prepared a way for me to do this as I work my way through this with my family. Will things get better soon? I don't know. Does it still feel like my family is being hammered on with hard things? Yes, but I am choosing to do hard with Jesus. 

Learning New Things

Last week, I watched a YouTube video about developing a personal curriculum. The idea is that people are meant to continually learn throughout our lives. We don't have to follow a curriculum set by a school and pay the money required to do so. We can learn about anything from the resources provided by the library and online. After watching this, I got so excited that I sent the link to my husband and my sister. Chad texted me back a little while later asking me what I wanted to learn and when I wanted to get started. I decided that I want to relearn French and finally learn how to play the ukelele. 

I learned French in middle school and high school. I knew enough that my friend and I used to speak to each other in French when we didn't want my boyfriend (her friend) to know what we were talking about. They were simple conversations, but it was fun at the time. I wouldn't say I was fluent, but I was on my way there. Since then, I have not used French at all except a few phrases here and there. Because of this, I have lost almost all of the knowledge that I had in this subject. It is one of my biggest regrets. I am determined to relearn as much as I can over the next year. 

Me wanting to learn to play the Ukelele came about in a slightly odd way. In 2021, Chad and I were on our way to church, listening to the radio, when John Tesch chimed in with his "Intelligence for Your Life" segment. This one was about the power of music. I don't remember everything he said, but I do remember that he said the ukelele was the easiest instrument to learn. For Mother's Day that year, I asked for a purple ukelele and got one. I learned to play a few songs that summer, but I haven't played it since. I am going to learn more about it and learn more songs this year. Maybe I can be as musical as my kids. Who knows? 

Of course, we will continue the learning paths we have been on for the last few years. We have a concrete plan for our spiritual learning together. It is the actual curriculum provided by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, "Come, Follow Me." We have worked on it off and on separately and together every year since it started. We have committed with each other to study it each night we are home. I think this will elevate our spiritual study and bring us closer together. We, also, will continue to read our ever-growing pile of lifestyle/self-help books/biographies. Our interests haven't changed. We just want to have more directed learning. 

I'm excited to get started on learning and relearning skills that I have wanted to work on for a while. This coming year will be my year to do so!

How has personal revelation drawn you closer to the Savior and to others?

(Talk given in church October 26, 2025)

As I think about this question, the one thing that comes to mind is that revelation is kind of a cyclical thing. As we grow closer to the Savior, we are more apt to be in tune with the revelations we are being given, and as we listen to and follow revelations, we continue to grow in this relationship. In my life, I have waxed and waned in my faith, but one thing has always remained true: when I have made the effort to reach out to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ, I have been given peace and direction when needed. In the scriptures, we are told more than once, “Ask, and it shall be given unto you…” In fact, when I searched this exact phrase in the Church Library app, I found it in the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the Doctrine and Covenants. I have found comfort in knowing that my Heavenly Father loves me so much that He is willing to help me as needed and as He sees fit, and all I have to do is ask. In his conference talk, Hear Him, President Nelson said, “...when we seek to hear - truly hear - His son, we will be guided to know what to do in any circumstance.” I may not always understand why I am being led in a specific direction, but I have been blessed when I have depended on the personal revelation I have been given. 

When my daughter, the youngest of three children, was a baby, I felt the need to further my education, but I thought that sending my husband at the time to school was more importan since he was the breadwinner. A little over a year later, I sat in a General Relief Society meeting at the Denver North Stake Center (I even remember where I was sitting) and felt this prompting stronger than I ever had as I listened to President Monson speak. His talk, “Three Goals to Guide You,” spoke to my soul in a way no other talk has before or since. The words that penetrated my heart were, “Often the future is unknown; therefore, it behooves us to prepare for uncertainties…I urge you to pursue your education…that you might be prepared to provide if circumstances necessitate.” I was denied the opportunity at the time, but a few years later, as I was facing divorce,  I signed up for online classes and eventually earned an associates degree. That degree eventually led me to a job that better suited my family’s needs and allowed me to work from home at a time when my teenage daughter needed me the most. There was no way for me as a young mom to know that this sweet little girl, who was almost 2 when I heard President Monson speak that Saturday evening, would need me in the way she did about 14 years later, but I am thankful for this revelation that persisted in me for so long. I am thankful for that degree as well as the bachelors degree I have received since then, and I don’t think I will ever stop learning whether it be formally or informally. 

For me, personal revelation is rarely this obvious, but when I am listening, it is clear. President Nelson said, “...our Heavenly Father communicates simply, quietly, and with stunning plainness that we cannot misunderstand Him.” I have learned that as I am diligent in doing the simple things such reading my scriptures, going to church, attending the temple, and going to the Lord in prayer, I am more in tune with the Holy Ghost and ready to listen to His promptings. In Doctrine and Covenants 64:33, we read, “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” We are not asked to know everything all at once. We aren’t even asked to believe everything at once. In his book, The Rock of Our Redeemer, Elder Bednar tells us, “Obtaining answers for ourselves is the pursuit of a lifetime.” We are asked to do our best to learn by doing as it says in Doctrine and Covenants 88:118, “...seek ye out the best books words of wisdom; yea, seek learning, even by study and also by faith.” As we seek for spiritual knowledge and grow our testimonies, we grow closer to our Savior and are more open to the personal revelation He sees fit for us to receive. 

About a year and a half ago, I felt prompted to read a book I had heard about but never wanted to read: The Miracle Morning. I am not really a morning person, and I knew that if I tried to follow the habits laid out in this book, I would have to get up even earlier than I already did. However, I ordered the book as I told my husband that it was worth a shot to read about habits other people use to further themselves in life. As I worked my way through each chapter, I found myself getting excited and thinking about how I could implement these habits into my life. I started getting up earlier and quickly decided that for the mediation part of the morning, I would start with prayer. I had been wanting to read my scriptures more regularly, so that was the obvious choice for reading material. As I did these things, my journaling became more meaningful and a regular part of my morning routine as well. As I searched for daily affirmations, I found myself adding scriptures to the list. Visualization has always been difficult for me, but I have found that the more I am focused on the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the more I spend this time thinking of ways to grow closer to Him. This morning routine that I was sure I was not going to fully implement in my life, has blessed it in immeasurable ways. For example, a few months after starting this process, the call went out for temple workers. Chad and I felt strongly that we needed to work in the temple. Through this calling, we have learned more about the covenants and ordinances performed in this sacred place, drawing us closer to the Savior, and I know we, and all who serve in the temple, have grown closer to the people we serve on both sides of the veil. 

One last story I want to tell happened just a few weeks ago. I have a dear friend who I have been friends with since we were pregnant with our oldest children. She has since moved from state to state over the years, and our correspondence has lessened as time has gone by. We, now, mostly send messages through Facebook Messenger here and there. On a random Wednesday, she sent me a message saying, “Hey! God put you in my head. How are you?” We exchanged quick updates about our families and let the conversation go where it needed to go. After a while, it led into a conversation about the influences of angels in our lives. I told her about feeling my mom, grandma, and other ancestors in the temple. Then, she told me of some small miracles that had happened in her life in which she knew it was the influence of God’s angels. She also sent me a conference talk and song about this topic. This may not have been the conversation that either of us expected when she sent that simple message that morning, but it was the conversation that I needed in a year that I have struggled with the death of my mom and brother more than I have in a while. We had not talked in over a year, and there was no way that she knew I needed this talk and song to comfort me. I am thankful that this dear friend listened to the personal revelation she was given that morning to reach out to me. 

President Nelson taught, “As we seek to be disciples of Jesus Christ, our efforts to hear Him need to be ever more intentional. It takes conscious and consistent effort to fill our daily lives with His words, His teachings, and His truths... We…hear Him more clearly as we refine our ability to recognize the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. It has never been more imperative to know how the Spirit speaks to you than right now.” As we strive to learn of Jesus Christ, we become closer to Him which allows us to feel the Holy Ghost more in our lives and receive personal revelation that can bless us and those around us. Elder Bednar said, “To face the future with faith, hope, and power, our lives need to be anchored to the ‘rock of our redeemer’ (Helaman 5:12). We are connected securely to and with Heavenly Father and the Savior as we worthily receive ordinances and enter into covenants, faithfully remember and honor those sacred commitments, and do our best to live in accordance with the covenant conditions we have accepted. And as we accept the invitation to ask, seek, and knock for the spiritual gift of faith in Christ and strive to learn for ourselves eternal truths, we further strengthen our bond to God and the Savior. And it is through that bond that we receive spiritual strength and stability." 

The Lord wants to bless us. He asks us to do so little compared to the blessings we are given. I know as we do the “small and simple things” he has asked of us, we will be blessed with the personal revelation brings us closer to Him and those around us. 

Being Useful

Lately, I have been reading You Learn by Living by Eleanor Roosevelt. I've learned a lot! I love this book. For people who question how much you could learn from a book like this that was published in 1960, I challenge you to read it and find for yourself how much it is still relevant today. 

Yesterday, I read a chapter about being useful. In this chapter, she points out that we cannot have true happiness by sitting around waiting for other people to do everything for us. When we get out into the community and do things for other people, it can bring us happiness. This chapter starts with her saying, "Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product. Paradoxically, the one sure way to be happy is deliberately to map out a way of life in which one would please oneself completely and exclusively. After a short time, a very short time, there would be little that one really enjoyed. For what keeps our interest in life and makes us look forward to tomorrow is giving pleasure to other people...Usefulness, whatever form it may take, is the price we should pay for the air we breathe and the food we eat at the privilege of being alive. And it is its own reward, as well, for itis the beginning of happiness, just as self-pity and withdrawal from the battle are the beginning of misery." She gives examples over being useful (giving service) throughout this chapter. She speaks of helping less privileged boys who needed someone to love and believe in them. She also talks about teaching our children to participate in family responsibilities and in the community. This coincides with the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in which we are taught to serve our neighbor. 

In Mosiah chapter 2 in the Book of Mormon, King Benjamin teaches the Nephites the importance of service. He explains to them that not only is he asking them to serve each other, he does it himself. In verse 12, he says, "I say unto you that as I have suffered to spend my days in your service, even up to this time, and have not sought gold nor silver nor any manner of riches of you." Then, he goes on in verses 16 and 17 to say, "Behold, I say unto you that because I said unto you that I had spent my days in your service, I do not desire to boast, for I have only been in the service of God. And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." He is teaching us that no one is above serving; not even the king. This a commandment of the Lord; not a commandment of men. 

I love learning from people who have really lived life. Eleanor Roosevelt was a wise woman who we can still learn from if we take the time to do so. The Book of Mormon, as well as other books of scripture, are filled with examples of people we can look up to and follow their examples. The more I read good book filled with wisdom, the better person I want to be. For now, I am going to look for ways to be useful by serving those around me. 

Searching for Peace

There is no way to ignore what is going on in this country.  People are hurting and angry and want someone to blame. In doing so, they blame people who are non the opposite end of the political spectrum. They do this with so much hate that they don't seem to care who they trample in their path to prove their point. In reality, all this does is create more anger and more hate on both sides. Sometimes, I wish they would sit down together and actually listen without cameras or the goal of proving their own point. I think they would see what the rest of us see if they did this. They are two sides of the same coin. 

This morning I woke up and opened Facebook before starting my day. (This always seems to cause more harm than good.) The first thing I see is someone's "fill Facebook with..." post which of course spewed hate in one direction. As I scrolled down, I see something just as bad spewed in the opposite direction. Both memes hurt my heart. I know there is nothing I could do or say they would change their minds. 

Then, I went to do my Miracle Morning as I should have done before opening anything on my phone. For the meditation part of it I prayed as I always do. This time I prayed for the comfort I needed from the hurt I have been feeling that has been growing over the past however many months or years. Then, I sat I silence and opened my scriptures to 2 Nephi 32. This short chapter gave me direction starting in verse 3. "...feast upon the words of Christ; behold the words of Christ will tell you all things what you should do." This tells me I need to change my focus away from the world and towards Jesus Christ, my rock and redeemer. Then in verse 9, we are told, "But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint..." This tells me that I need to pray more often. I am so thankful that this chapter happened to be the next chapter I was going to read!

As I took my short, morning walk, I thought about this chapter and considered what I need to change to draw closer to the Lord so I can feel His peace. I will be off of Facebook for at least a week, maybe longer. I will not be on TikTok longer than needed to continue my streak with my daughter. (I know it is silly to make that streak important, but it's just something to share with her.) I will watch conference talks in the morning. When Chad get home from work tonight, I will ask for a blessing to calm my mind. I hope that by doing these things, I will be able to heal my mind, body, and spirit. It at least won't make it worse. 

Deep(ish) Thoughts

Last Friday, Noel and I went to see Hamilton in the theater. We both loved it, but it made me think. Do I stand up for my beliefs or do I stay quiet while grinning and bearing the world around me? I was worried about this for a few days and eventually asked my husband if I was the kind of person who didn't stand for anything. He said that I stand for things when they matter to me. 

I have strong opinions about things. Most of the time I don't share them online because when I did in the past, the comments from both sides towards me were brutal. I share some religious quotes here and there, but mostly I just share pictures of my family and other things I do to keep the memories. Do the religious quotes count as standing for something? I believe it does. 

I believe that love is the answer to many of the problems in the world. I don't like the political world in this country because it is filled with hate. One side hates the other because they think and believe differently. Then one of the leaders from the opposite party is killed. (At least that is what this year has been like so far.) I have been saying that the two-party system is corrupt for many years. I even voted for a third-party choice that I hoped could at least rock the boat in 2016. I believe that if the higher-ups in each party were to show a little kindness and love towards people with different beliefs and strongholds, there could be less blood and carnage in the world. 

Melissa Hortman was a democratic leader in Minnesota and killed for that reason. I don't know much about her politics. I only know what party she belonged to. From my understanding that was the only reason she was killed in her home. I also know that she was a mother. When someone decided to execute her, they took a mother and father (her husband was also killed), they took parents from these children. I don't know how old they were, but it doesn't matter. There was not a good reason for this. 

Charlie Kirk was a conservative activist that was shot this week because someone hated what he stood for. I only know a little of his public opinion and don't necessarily agree with everything I have heard. However, he was also a parent. Unlike Melissa Hortman, he was not hunted down in his home. He was shot at a public event on a college campus by someone who was too much of a coward to even look him in the eye. Just like Melissa Hortman, Charlie Kirk leaves behind children who now have to live without a parent. 

There have also been school shootings. A few weeks ago, children were killed while at a church service in their Catholic school. Some were killed. Many were injured. Why? Hate. The same day Charlie Kirk was killed, there was a shooting at a school. This one was in my home state, Colorado. Two kids other than the shooter were injured, and the shooter killed himself. What was his reason? Hate. 

We have a president that promised revenge against those who voted against him, and he is doing it. He holds federal funds, fires federal employees, sends the National Guard into cities, and often bashes the opposing party when speaking about anything. He seethes hate almost every time he speaks or posts online. 

Recently, a governor from the other party has taken to acting like the president with the cheers of his party as he does so. This is not the answer. Weren't we all raised being told, "Two wrongs don't make a right?" If he had a different message, I may lean more towards this party. Instead, it just proved my theory that these parties are two sides of the same coin. 

In contrast to the hate being spewed all around us, President Nelson had an op-ed published in Time magazine ahead of his 101st birthday calling for peace and dignity to be offered to everyone. In it he said, "Love your neighbor and treat them with compassion and respect...anger never persuades, hostility never heals, and contention never leads to lasting solutions...Imagine how different our world could be if more of us were peacemakers - building bridges of understanding rather than walls of prejudice - especially with those who may see the world differently than we do...There is power in affording others the human dignity that all of God's children deserve."

Last winter, I read a book by Steve Young called The Law of Love. This book made me feel more than any other book I have read. It made me look at people differently in a good way. I can feel the difference in how I view other people's actions. I have also noticed that I feel more deeply about how other people treat each other and want to find a way to spread love and joy even more than I did in the past. I honestly think that if more people were to read this book filled with quotes and examples of love and take the lessons to heart, the world would be a better place. 

I believe that everyone has some good in them even if I disagree with their public persona. I may not always be able to see it, but it is there somewhere. When we try to get along with them and show them love, we are often shown that softer side. I do have my boundaries and will not allow certain people in my life for the most part, but I am open to that changing if their behavior towards me/my family changes. (I have learned I need to protect my peace, too.)

I don't share these opinions very often out of fear, but I think it is time to do so. I am afraid of backlash, but I don't even know who will read this. I am not going to share it on social media because I know that I will make people I care about mad and will receive backlash. If someone cares enough to ask my opinion, I will share it. Thankfully, those who have actually taken the time to get to know me know this is who I am. I believe in love and acceptance no matter what you believe, who you love, your race, or anything else that makes you who you are.

Church this Week

 I absolutely loved church services this week. It started with Relief Society. We discussed the talk Draw Near unto Me by President Henry B. Eyring. I love this talk. In it, he talks about how we can draw closer to Christ. It goes along with Doctrine and Covenants 88:63:

"Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you: seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

I love this verse! Even when I struggled with my testimony, I believed in the power of prayer. Whenever I struggle spiritually, mentally, physically, etc., I know I can turn to prayer. I know that my Heavenly Father is always there for me and listens to my prayer. I have gone through enough difficulties in my life that I know He will not always pull us out of them immediately. We have to trust His timing. I can't say my life is perfect, but I can it is better than it was in the past.

Another way that I draw closer to my Savior is reading my scriptures. I have struggled with this in the past. At a particularly hard time in my life,  I sat in my stake president's office and told him that I struggled with my testimony because I didn't understand why I had to go through another trial. I felt like I had a harder life than anyone else around me. (I have learned since that was not always true.) He asked me what spiritual habits I had. I told him I personally was fasting with a purpose on Fast Sundays, praying and journaling about it daily, and reading the Doctrine and Covenants daily (the scriptures we were studying in Sunday School that year). I explained that I didn't understand how the Doctrine and Covenants applied to me and thought trying to study it was making things worse for my testimony. His simple response was to tell me to stop reading it. He didn't judge me for my struggle, he plainly gave me practical advise that would help. Since then, I have grown to love the scriptures, all of them. We are studying the Doctrine and Covenants again this year in Sunday School. I read through it by the middle of the year for the first time, and I could feel the Spirit as I did so. As I have progressed in the gospel, I have learned to love my time spent studying the word of God. 

I have also learned to love my service in the temple. I liked the temple when I was younger, but when I stopped going, I was more worried what other people would think of me not going than what I was missing out on because I didn't really understand what I was doing. I memorized what I needed to as an ordinance worker, but I didn't know why it was important. I am at a different place spiritually. I love the changes that have been made that make the ordinances more clear. I love going with my husband. He has become such a spiritual person and makes me want to continue to grow. The more we go to the temple together, the more I want to be there. One of the best decisions we made on our recent trip was to go to a temple at each stop. I hope to be able to do that on more trips. 

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful that He made a way for us to return to Him and our Father in Heaven. The way to learn of Him and return to Him is simple and hard at the same time. When we are willing to take the time and put forth the effort to learn of Him and draw nearer to Him, we receive blessings. I am thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me so much that He sent His son as a sacrifice for my sins. It was pointed out in Sacrament Meeting that Christ was part mortal, so he truely felt the pains and sorrows of mortality. When we reach out to Him in prayer, we can know that we are not alone. We can be lifted up by Him and through Him. I love my Savior!

Night at the Temple

Last night I subbed at the temple. Chad and I normally work the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays, but I have been filling in here and there when people go on trips and stuff. The thing is, I don't remember saying I was going to be a sub for this particular night. I remember being asked a few months ago and saying I needed to wait to give an answer because I was waiting to find out what my internship hours would be, but I don't think I ever got back to her. Then, Monday I got an email with me on the schedule for the following evening with a thank you for being willing to sub. (We usually get the schedule of where we will be and when the day before we work our regular shifts.) I was confused and a bit disappointed I wouldn't have the night to rest, but I was a bit excited to be scheduled to be working an endowment session. 

As I drove to the temple, I knew that there was a reason I needed to be there that night and assumed it was just to escape the world for a few hours. When I arrived, I was greeted by three women who thanked me profusely for showing up and being willing to be there (maybe the unanswered question was confusing to them as well). It felt so good and so natural to be there! About an hour in, I was assigned to work in initiatory, but there were too many workers, so I sat waiting to see if more patrons would arrive reading The Book of Mormon. 

I felt the need to read Ether  and started with chapter 1. When I got to the brother of Jared speaking to the Lord about needing light in the barges, my mind went to the symbolism of this. We often find ourselves in darkness needing light in our lives. I personally let current events bring me down a lot lately and crave the peace that Christ can give. Just as the brother of Jared asked the Lord to touch the stone to light the barges, I can ask Him to touch my spirit to bring light into my heart and mind. If I had not experienced the difference between my mind for the past week and my mind in the temple last night, I don't believe I would have made that connection. 

After this wonderful experience, I sat in the chapel with the organ playing familiar hymns and prayed to feel the Spirit of the messages and to be able to assist the patrons in whatever way possible. As I stood to welcome them and ask them to follow me, I could feel His spirit so strong that I already had tear in my eyes. This feeling was so strong throughout the session that it was palpable. Just as in January, the peace and joy I felt made making the sacrifice of leaving my family worth every second of being there. I was meant to be there even if I didn't know it.

I am so thankful to my Savior for the sacrifice He made for me. I am thankful for the grace and mercy He shows me when I need it the most. I have no doubt that I will continue to have these experiences and be shocked and in awe each time my Heavenly Father makes it known He is listening and understands what I need. It isn't the big grandiose signs people look for when the want "proof." It is the small things that we could miss if we weren't paying attention. In this case is was the little things that happened at the temple on a night that I wouldn't have normally worked. 

Easter 2025

This morning, I woke up with this hymn on my mind. This is the hymn that my dear friend sang with me at my mom's and brother's funeral. That sweet friend had never heard it before but willingly learned it for me (a service I could never repay). I told my husband that I was sad we so rarely sang it in church anymore. Then, one of the speakers incorporated into her talk. After that, as if he knew how badly I needed it, the bishop made an impromptu change in the program and had the congregation stand and sing this very special hymn. I stood listening to everyone sing as I cried in Chad's arms. I am so thankful to know that because of Christ, I will be with my family again. He lives! He made the ultimate sacrifice for us! He comforts me when I need Him the most! 

My Easter celebration was more difficult this year than I expected. I think my cousin's death has hit me harder than I thought it would and continually throws me in the a spiral of grief over my mom and brother. Somehow, today I felt it so strong. The only thing that pulled me out of it was celebrating Easter with my kids. I love my kids, and I am so grateful that they still let me spoil them in this way. 

After Day 2

Day 2 of General Conference was a bit harder to get through. This is only because I was tired and the second session of the day was during my usual Sunday nap. I made it through the morning session with no problem, but I slept through the first hour in the afternoon. Thankfully, I have it recorded and it is available on the church's website, and I can rewatch it anytime. 

My takeaway so far is that it is ok to not be perfect. This life is about progress. The Lord loves our efforts to keep our covenants. I have heard these things before, but it hit a bit different this time. 

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love that it is not a gospel of protection. It is a gospel of love and compassion, learning and growth, passion, and following the most powerful man to ever live on this earth. I am thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus of Latter-Day Saints. I know my efforts to love and live this gospel will help me progress throughout eternity and lead me back to my mom and brother after this life. 

After Day 1

Yesterday was the first day of the April session of General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Chad and I watched the first 2 sessions of the day together, then he went to a Mammoth game with his brother while I watched the last session on my own. I really enjoyed listening to the talks and music. They filled my home with the Lord's spirit. 

I went into the day with one question. "What can I do to progress in life?" I have been working on getting an internship but feel like I have been stagnant or slipping backwards in so many other areas lately. I want to progress spiritually, financially, in my relationship with Chad, and in so many other areas of my life. Before conference started, I prayed for an answer to this question going that, like others have said they have done, I would receive an answer. I got my wish. 

As I listened to the talks, I got an overwhelming feeling that I need to grow my relationship with the Savior. I thought about this impression as the talks continued and during downtime. I'm pray daily, read my scriptures most days, go to the temple on a regular basis, and attend church and partake of the sacrament each week. What am I missing? 

I need to get past the checklists and follow the spirit to guide me towards a better relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am going to read Jesus the Christ. At first, I thought I would have to borrow the book from someone since I am not buying new books this year. I was a bit worried about doing this because I am a slow reader, and it would probably take a few months for me to finish it and return it. Thankfully, I don't have to do this. The entire book is available on the Church's website. I can read it directly on the website or app, listen to it, or print it one chapter at a time. I have decided to print it piece by piece and put it in a binder as I go. It may take me a while to finish this book, but I feel strongly that it is my next step to grow my testimony and relationship with my Savoir. 

Standing for Something - Book Review

 Many years ago, I either bought this book or was given it. I really don't remember when or how it came into my home. However, I do know I have never really read it other than using it as a reference for talks at church. 

When searching for self-improvement materials that would support my values and goals, I remembered I had this book sitting on the shelf in my living room and added it to my bag of books to read. I am so glad that I did! 

Standing for Something was published in 2000, but it is even more applicable today. How do I assure that I am a person I can be proud of? Follow the teachings of this book. I can have integrity, continue learning, offer forgiveness and mercy, express gratitude, live a life of faith, etc. As I do so, I will be a guardian of marriage and family as I learn to be a true leader. What more could I ask of myself?

As I read this book, I had a few breakthroughs. I know that it was written by a prophet of God. It contains inspired words that not only could help those who read it in 2000, it can continue to help those who read it and follow its teachings. 

Here are a few quotes that blew my mind: 

"We live in an intriguing age, a curious age in many respects, an age in which the ability and power to communicate, and therefore to influence and persuade, reign supreme. With the proliferation of technology, and the various forms of media clamoring to take advantage of it, has come an interesting side effect...It is impossible to read the columns or listen to the commentaries without sensing that there is a terrible ailment of gloom in the land. We are constantly fed a steady and sour diet of pessimism, fault find, send-guessing, and evil speaking of one another. The pathetic fact is: Negativism sells."

"For marriage to be mutually satisfying, there must be recognition on the part of both husband and wife of the solemnity and sanctity of their union and of the God-given design behind it. Husbands and wives, look upon each other as precious companions, and live worthy of that association."

"Each of us in an individual...There must be respect for those differences...the differences may make the companionship more interesting...There must be respect for each other's interests, there must be opportunities and encouragement for the development and expression of individual talent. Any man who denies his wife the time and encouragement to develop her talents denies himself and his children a blessing that could grace their home and bless their posterity."

"Never in the history of the world has there been a more profound need for leaders of principle to step forward. Never before, at least not in our generation, have the forces of evil been so blatant, so brazen, so aggressive at they are at the present time. Things we dared not speak about in an earlier era are now constantly projected into our living rooms."

"We are involved in an intense battle. It is a battle between right and wrong, between truth and error, between the design of the Almighty on the one hand and that of Lucifer on the other. For that reason, we desperately need men and women who, in their individual spheres of influence, will stand for truth in a world of sophistry...We need moral men and women, people who stand on principle, to be involved in the political process. Otherwise, we abdicate power to those whose designs are almost entirely selfish."

 We live in a time that can be scary. People are mistreated. It is hard to discern between truth and fiction in the media (all media) at times. Spouses mistreat each other rather than build each other up. (My husband is my biggest cheerleader. Not everyone is that fortunate.) We have politicians that are more interested in things other than the good of the people. 

The world would be a better place if we could learn the simple things laid out in this book. We could all use more character growth. It could be healing for us individually and as a society. 

 

The Peace Settled In

 

Last week was intense. It felt like every time I turned on the news or hopped on social media, more people had reason to fear. Government employees were losing jobs that were considered safe in the past. There were talks of banning mental health medications. (Having grown up the way I did, I have strong feelings about this.) Those in charge even tried to change historical fact. (Can we say 1984?) The more I was bombarded with these things, the more overwhelmed I got. I had to do something about it. 

By the end of the week, I desperately needed to feel peace! Thankfully, I had already scheduled an appointment at the temple. I considered canceling it, and even talked over the pros and cons with my friend and my husband. They strongly encouraged me to go. During my prayer, I asked if I should go or stay home to clean as I do most Saturdays. Then, I opened my scripture and read this:

"Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits are contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice - yea, every sacrifice which I, the Lord shall command - they are accepted of me."-Doctrine and Covenants 97:8

 At this point, I knew I needed to make the sacrifice and go. I would still have the time to do laundry, dishes, and the other cleaning I was planning around the house. 

Now, I had faith that I would be blessed by serving in the temple. I was able to feel the excitement of going. I quickly showered, gathered by things, headed out the door, and drove to Fort Collins. As I drove, I craved the peace I knew I could feel once I was there. 

As I sat down in the Endowment Room and the doors closed, I felt a rush of relief. It was such a strong feeling that tears ran down my face. I sat through the session soaking in the peace and relief that can only be felt through the spirit of the Lord. My prayers were answered!

Be Still

 About 4 months ago, Chad and I went to the temple and prayed for guidance on what to do with our professional lives. After doing an endowment session, we sat and prayed and soaked in the peace of the Celestial Room. As we did so, I go the impression to "be still." The longer we sat there, the stronger the feeling was that I just needed to be still. 

We drove home talking about our impressions. He seemed to be given a clear answer, but I was quite confused about what I felt I was being told to do. What did "be still" mean? As I contemplated it over the next few days, I decided to lean into it and try to figure it out. I even bought stickers with a scripture about being still on them. I began to think that it meant that I didn't need to do anything other than support my husband in his endeavors. I had been going to school for quite a while, and he had supported me for so long. Maybe it was his turn to shine. As time went on, I think I became more chaotic in some ways rather than still and supportive. 

Fast forward to last night. I was reading, annotating, and highlighting a General Conference talk that I had chosen at random from my General Conference Addresses: Journal Edition book from the most recent conference. The talk it landed on when I opened it was, "Seek Him with all Your Heart" by Bishop L. Todd Budge. The theme I picked up on from it was the importance of being still. THIS WAS THE ANSWER I WAS LOOKING FOR! It had been right here in a talked given in October. How did I not catch that months ago? 

In this talk he has many nuggets that stuck out to me. First of all, he quoted President Nelson saying in 2021, "...quiet time is sacred time - time that will facilitate personal revelation and instill peace." He later points out, "The gospel of Jesus Christ gives us opportunities to return to Him often. These opportunities include daily prayers, scripture study, the sacrament ordinance, the Sabbath day, and temple worship...what may be needed is not necessarily more time but more awareness of and focus on God during the times we already set aside for Him." The final nugget that stood out to me was, "As we concentrate our hearts and minds on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and listen to the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost, we will have greater clarity about what is most needful, develop deeper compassion, and find rest and strength in Him."

I don't need to just do nothing. I don't need to sit back and support my husband. I need to be still as I develop a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. As I do so, I will have more clarity in my life and receive answers to my questions. I need to let go of the chaos and lean further into the light available to me through the gospel.

Temple with Michelle

 

Michelle, one of my best friends, and I have been going out to dinner or breakfast at least once a month since October of 2020 when my therapist at the time told me to find someone to do this with. These are months when we find reasons to go out more. This month being one of those months. We went to breakfast last weekend, she took me with her family to the Christmas train when her son-in-law couldn't go. Yesterday, we went to the temple together. It is such a wonderful way to wrap up the year!

Michelle and I have gone to the temple together before, but this was a special trip. Her birthday is next week. He late husband had a tradition of taking her to the temple on or as close as possible to her birthday. Two years ago, I took her for her first birthday without him. Last year, her so took her. This year, we went together for her birthday again. I would love to keep this beautiful tradition going for her as long as she'll let me. Being in the temple is one of my favorite things to do. Going with such a special friend makes it even better. 

So Much Destruction

This morning, I read Mormon 6. In this chapter Mormon sent an epistle to the Lamanites requesting they all gather at Cumorah thinking this would give them an advantage in battle. Instead, all but 24 Nephites (including Mormon and his son, Moroni) were killed. Mormon was left crying over the destruction of his people. 

I have never been really into the battles in the Book of Mormon, but this one hit me a bit different. First of all, verse 7 says, "And it came to pass that my people, with their wives and children, did behold the armies of the Lamanites marching towards them; and with that awful fear of death...did they wait to receive them." As I read this I could feel their fear. My heart ached for those mothers watching as this large army came to destroy them. Then, when most of the people had been killed, Mormon did just say they were all gone but him and 24 others, he started in verse 11 saying. "And when they had gone through and hewn down all of my people save it were twenty and four of us..." followed by 4 verses describing the vast number of people killed. Then, verse 16 says, "And my soul was rent with anguish because of my slain people..." How could I not read this and feel deeply for what he witnessed? He did just lose one or two people in battle. (I know the pain of losing two loved ones at the same time.) He lost almost everyone. I could not even imagine what that kind of pain would feel like. 

We often talk about how he was left after the destruction of his people and the loneliness he must of felt. However, I'm not sure we take the time to think about the anguish he felt at this particular time. We gloss over it. Today, it hit me. Mormon lost so much all at once. He was in pain and expressed that pain as he finished off this chapter. Today, I mourn with him. 

President Nelson’s Messages

 

President Russell M. Nelson is the president and prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He leads the Church in the Lord’s way, with love and kindness. He became the prophet in 2018 after the passing of Thomas S. Monson. 

A while ago, I heard someone talking about how they were listening to all of President Nelson’s messages in the Gospel Library app. At the time I thought they were crazy. Who has the time to search through all of the talks, devotionals, and articles he has done since becoming the Prophet? Well, you don’t have to do all of that searching. Someone has already done it, and it has been put in the app as a study plan that can be followed. When I was done listening/relistening to the conference talks from the last General Conference, I was searching for my next plan, and this one came up. I thought it sounded interesting and queued it up. Since then, I have listened to one message a day(most days). It has been an interesting experience. I have learned from almost all of his messages, even the short ones that are mainly temple announcements. I have noticed a change in how I study scriptures and view my relationships. I have felt closer to my Heavenly Father. I have given myself more goals. I have a more positive outlook on life. 

I would highly suggest that others search out President Nelson’s messages. I know there are more from his time as a general authority. I think I will have to search them out, but this is a good start. 

Random Thoughts of the Week

I have had a lot of random thoughts going through my head lately. They have invaded so much that I’ve been struggling to sleep the last few nights. Some are political or religious in nature, and others come from who knows where. 

First: New York is trying to force Chic-fil-a to be open on Sundays? That is wrong in so many levels. I understand they have donated to anti-LBGTQ organizations. That is not a good thing. This is not how to retaliate. Maybe they could kick the restaurant out of their state? They wouldn’t do that because they enjoy the tax revenue they get from all of the people buying the delicious food. Maybe they could boycott the restaurant because they don’t agree with their values? That’s what a normal person would do. (In my opinion.) Instead of doing these things, they want them to go against their beliefs and open the one day a week that would breach RELIGIOUS practices. Is that even constitutional? I would think not. Religious freedom and free commerce are protected under the constitution of the United States. Also, the argument that people will be starving while they travel on Christmas Eve is lame. Are there no other restaurants travelers can go to that day? As they wage this war against this business, are they doing the same to other businesses that choose to close their doors one day a week? 

Ok. That is probably the most heavy one. It just makes me mad that so many government officials don’t know or care about the liberties granted us by our founding fathers. 

Second: I love Christmas more each year. We may not be able to make this one as nice as the last couple of years due to inflation, but I am determined to make it as perfect as I can. I know I have gotten everyone things they didn’t ask for, but I hope they like them. Seriously, what are Eric and Peyton going to think about the taco holders? Was that a dumb idea? Hopefully, they at least get a chuckle out of them. Also, I want more Christmas sweaters. 

Third: I have great friends. I really don’t mind that I don’t have a lot of them. I feel like I have carefully curated the ones I have. I don’t feel ill towards most of the people in my life that I don’t regularly spend time with. I just choose to be friends with people that I feel a genuine connection. I get invited to parties with other people and enjoy being around them, but I don’t think I could create a deep bond with that many people. 

Fourth: I am so thankful for my membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have been though a faith crisis and come back. I love my Savior and want to honor His sacrifice for me. I know the teaching of the Church are true. I am thankful my parents, especially my dad, raised me in this church. I have a testimony of eternal families. I know I will see my mom and brother again. 

Fifth: I am never going to finish these socks. What was I thinking? Maybe I can just give Eric one sock with the promise of the other one for his birthday…no. That probably a dumb idea. 

And these are just the thoughts that roll around continually. That doesn’t even count the little things here and there. How does one sleep when all of this is happening all of the time? Maybe I need psychological help…

My Books

On the shelves above my desk, I have mostly decorative items, but I also have four books. Two of them are reminders of my past life that I was able to bring into how I currently live. 

One of these books is a Nicholas Sparks book I bought to take camping this last summer. I like Nicholas Sparks books. In my 20s I devoured them. For quite a few years my ex would buy me the latest for Christmas because he was my favorite author. At the same time, I would checkout his other books at the library when I got the chance. I don’t read Nicholas Sparks as much now because I have been reading more nonfiction and doing a lot of school work, but I have plans to read this one as much as I can when my classes for this semester are done (only 2 days until finals are due).

The other important book on this shelf is my scriptures. I no longer carry the physical book to church because I use the Gospel Library app when out and about, but I do read from the physical book at home. For many years, I either used the set my dad bought me when I was a teenager after my other set was damaged or used my mom’s. The problem was that I didn’t want to mark up my mom’s too much because I loved seeing her handwriting and what was important to her. Also, the set I used in high school have been showing their age for quite sometime. At some point after the ex left, I adopted his scriptures that he asked  for Christmas when we were first married. He used to take them to all church meetings back then, but he didn’t really mark them. I have been reading from them and marking them as I see fit for quite sometime. I love reading them and seeing what I marked as important in the past. I feel like I am not only learned from reading them again, I am also learning from my past self. 

These books could be replaced if I chose to do so. There will be a time that the Nicholas Sparks book is replaced. It may be by another book by him, it may not. I can almost guarantee that it will be a pretty book like this one. I don’t see myself wanting to replace the scriptures. To me, they are an external reminder of one of the most important things in my life, the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I don’t intend on this changing. 

Powerful Words

“ In this, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we worship Him who commenced His infinite Atonement in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was willing to suffer for the sins and weaknesses of each of us, which suffering caused Him “to bleed at every pore.” He was crucified on Calvary’s cross and rose the third day as the first resurrected being of our Heavenly Father’s children. I love Him and testify that He lives! It is He who leads and guides His Church.” President Russell M. Nelson

I have been listening to President Nelson’s teachings since he became the president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in 2018. I am doing thins with the help of the Gospel Library app study plan. It has already compiled the talks and messages. All I am doing is going down the list one item at a time. The last couple of talks were so powerful! They were both given on Easter Sunday, and the one today speaks of it being Easter and its significance. It feels to hear these inspiring words. They are pulling me out of my emotional slump.