Seeing the Good When Life is Hard

 This past month has been hard. Chad was in the hospital with diverticulitis, one of my children has lost their voice and has to see specialists for it (did you know there is a such thing as a vocal cord specialist), our dog, Dexter, passed away, the politics in this country are horrible causing contention on all sides (I don't handle contention well), and AI is making my main job feel less and less secure. Here's the thing through; I feel like I have been prepared for this difficult time. 

Many years ago (possibly when I was a teenager because I am just that weird), I decided I wanted to memorize as many church hymns as I could. I can't say that I have memorized all of them, but as I paid attention to those that were commonly sang, I started to remember at least the first verse more and more. I have found this talent to be very helpful. When things are hard, I often have a hymn or primary song come into my head. It is a comfort knowing that my weirdness has given me this gift. 

Last month, I watched the Relief Society broadcast. Sister Camille Johnson's talk struck my heart in a special way. The like that will forever stay with me was, "You can do hard with Jesus, or you can do hard alone." This small sentence from this wonderful talk is exactly what I needed to prepare me for what was coming sooner than I had expected. 

I am choosing right now to do hard with Jesus. I am still praying and studying my scriptures. The scriptures give me hope as I read the Book of Mormon and learn about what it was like right before Christ's birth and resurrection. As I pray for miracles, I am seeing them unfold in front of my eyes and am reminded of the miracles I have experienced in the past. This morning as I prayed with gratitude for the miracles in my life, the line from a hymn came to my mind, "There is hope shining brightly before us, and we know that deliverance is neigh."

Life isn't going to get easier just because I can see this glimmer of hope through the clouds, but I know that the Lord wants me to be happy. I know He prepared a way for me to do this as I work my way through this with my family. Will things get better soon? I don't know. Does it still feel like my family is being hammered on with hard things? Yes, but I am choosing to do hard with Jesus. 

My Body Relaxed

Lost week, Chad was in the hospital very sick. He went to the ER under the advice of his primary care and ended up being admitted for a few days. I had just taken a week off of work and was worried about taking more time off. Each day, I would work in the morning until visiting hours began. Then I would head over to the hospital for a few hours, come home and work the rest of my hours for the day. After work, I made dinner and headed back to the hospital until visiting hours were over. Then, I would go home, spend time with the kids, and go to bed. I called out for my shift at the temple and my magic job. Everyone was very understanding. I was exhausted but more worried about him than me. 

Thursday afternoon, he was sent home with antibiotics and a special diet as well as instructions for if this issue happened again. The next few days were a bit difficult because he didn't have as much energy as usual. 

This morning, he was able to do his regular exercise and eat a normal breakfast without pain. It was such a relief! All of a sudden, I felt like I didn't have to check on him continually. During my lunch break, I took a nap as usual. Then, I sat at my desk watching my email for invoices to process. I ended up lying my head back and falling asleep for another hour. I have never done that before! (Thankfully, I work from home , so no one noticed.) I hadn't realized how the events of last week had affected me until I woke up from my unintentional nap. I hope I don't have to go through that again for a long time. 

Feeling Empowered

I just finished Old Fashioned on Purpose by Jill Winger. I love this book! I love that she talks about old fashion habits, routines, and ways of living that can slow down life and make it more satisfying. As I was reading it, I decided to follow her advice about my garden. I had been planning to try to find a way to put part of it in the back yard and some in the front yard because I thought it would be weird to have my front yard covered in fruits and vegetables. She suggested that people living in neighborhoods could tear out their grass and just make it a garden. I don't have an HOA, so this is actually a possibility for me. I have already started to ready the front yard for this. When my neighbor asked what I was doing in the yard, I told him my plans. He seemed to actually like the idea. I can't wait to get this idea really going!

I am also going to work on cultivate a community. In the book, she talks about ways to do this. I have wanted to host dinners more often (I haven't done it since my friend who did it a lot moved). I think I can do it on a small scale periodically. I am currently thinking maybe I'll see if I can get something put together for Memorial Day. I have also been talking about putting together a knitting/crocheting circle for a few years. I even had a plan almost in place with someone at church. We just didn't have a place to do it because my dogs are crazy and she was living with her parents. Now, I know I can reserve a room at the library. (I don't know why I didn't know this sooner. Sean literally did it with his D&D club the summer after he graduated.) I don't know how to recruit people for it, but I want to get it done. 

In the final chapter, she makes the point that if you are considering to doing something, think about it instinctively. When you think about it, do you really hate the idea of doing it or are you just scared because it is something new? I have been considering learning to fix sewing machines and starting a business from my home doing that. I know there is a market for it in my area because the only shop I know of in town has closed. That means people need to either learn how to do it themselves, or they have to drive at least 30 minutes to have it done. I have been diagnosing and fixing mine and Noels machines for a while and have gotten fairly good at cleaning and oiling them as needed. I would love to learn more and really be able to fix machines. Making some money on the side would be an added bonus. I just need to find the classes to learn it which I know can be found online.