Night at the Temple

Last night I subbed at the temple. Chad and I normally work the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays, but I have been filling in here and there when people go on trips and stuff. The thing is, I don't remember saying I was going to be a sub for this particular night. I remember being asked a few months ago and saying I needed to wait to give an answer because I was waiting to find out what my internship hours would be, but I don't think I ever got back to her. Then, Monday I got an email with me on the schedule for the following evening with a thank you for being willing to sub. (We usually get the schedule of where we will be and when the day before we work our regular shifts.) I was confused and a bit disappointed I wouldn't have the night to rest, but I was a bit excited to be scheduled to be working an endowment session. 

As I drove to the temple, I knew that there was a reason I needed to be there that night and assumed it was just to escape the world for a few hours. When I arrived, I was greeted by three women who thanked me profusely for showing up and being willing to be there (maybe the unanswered question was confusing to them as well). It felt so good and so natural to be there! About an hour in, I was assigned to work in initiatory, but there were too many workers, so I sat waiting to see if more patrons would arrive reading The Book of Mormon. 

I felt the need to read Ether  and started with chapter 1. When I got to the brother of Jared speaking to the Lord about needing light in the barges, my mind went to the symbolism of this. We often find ourselves in darkness needing light in our lives. I personally let current events bring me down a lot lately and crave the peace that Christ can give. Just as the brother of Jared asked the Lord to touch the stone to light the barges, I can ask Him to touch my spirit to bring light into my heart and mind. If I had not experienced the difference between my mind for the past week and my mind in the temple last night, I don't believe I would have made that connection. 

After this wonderful experience, I sat in the chapel with the organ playing familiar hymns and prayed to feel the Spirit of the messages and to be able to assist the patrons in whatever way possible. As I stood to welcome them and ask them to follow me, I could feel His spirit so strong that I already had tear in my eyes. This feeling was so strong throughout the session that it was palpable. Just as in January, the peace and joy I felt made making the sacrifice of leaving my family worth every second of being there. I was meant to be there even if I didn't know it.

I am so thankful to my Savior for the sacrifice He made for me. I am thankful for the grace and mercy He shows me when I need it the most. I have no doubt that I will continue to have these experiences and be shocked and in awe each time my Heavenly Father makes it known He is listening and understands what I need. It isn't the big grandiose signs people look for when the want "proof." It is the small things that we could miss if we weren't paying attention. In this case is was the little things that happened at the temple on a night that I wouldn't have normally worked. 

After Day 1

Yesterday was the first day of the April session of General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Chad and I watched the first 2 sessions of the day together, then he went to a Mammoth game with his brother while I watched the last session on my own. I really enjoyed listening to the talks and music. They filled my home with the Lord's spirit. 

I went into the day with one question. "What can I do to progress in life?" I have been working on getting an internship but feel like I have been stagnant or slipping backwards in so many other areas lately. I want to progress spiritually, financially, in my relationship with Chad, and in so many other areas of my life. Before conference started, I prayed for an answer to this question going that, like others have said they have done, I would receive an answer. I got my wish. 

As I listened to the talks, I got an overwhelming feeling that I need to grow my relationship with the Savior. I thought about this impression as the talks continued and during downtime. I'm pray daily, read my scriptures most days, go to the temple on a regular basis, and attend church and partake of the sacrament each week. What am I missing? 

I need to get past the checklists and follow the spirit to guide me towards a better relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am going to read Jesus the Christ. At first, I thought I would have to borrow the book from someone since I am not buying new books this year. I was a bit worried about doing this because I am a slow reader, and it would probably take a few months for me to finish it and return it. Thankfully, I don't have to do this. The entire book is available on the Church's website. I can read it directly on the website or app, listen to it, or print it one chapter at a time. I have decided to print it piece by piece and put it in a binder as I go. It may take me a while to finish this book, but I feel strongly that it is my next step to grow my testimony and relationship with my Savoir. 

Be Still

 About 4 months ago, Chad and I went to the temple and prayed for guidance on what to do with our professional lives. After doing an endowment session, we sat and prayed and soaked in the peace of the Celestial Room. As we did so, I go the impression to "be still." The longer we sat there, the stronger the feeling was that I just needed to be still. 

We drove home talking about our impressions. He seemed to be given a clear answer, but I was quite confused about what I felt I was being told to do. What did "be still" mean? As I contemplated it over the next few days, I decided to lean into it and try to figure it out. I even bought stickers with a scripture about being still on them. I began to think that it meant that I didn't need to do anything other than support my husband in his endeavors. I had been going to school for quite a while, and he had supported me for so long. Maybe it was his turn to shine. As time went on, I think I became more chaotic in some ways rather than still and supportive. 

Fast forward to last night. I was reading, annotating, and highlighting a General Conference talk that I had chosen at random from my General Conference Addresses: Journal Edition book from the most recent conference. The talk it landed on when I opened it was, "Seek Him with all Your Heart" by Bishop L. Todd Budge. The theme I picked up on from it was the importance of being still. THIS WAS THE ANSWER I WAS LOOKING FOR! It had been right here in a talked given in October. How did I not catch that months ago? 

In this talk he has many nuggets that stuck out to me. First of all, he quoted President Nelson saying in 2021, "...quiet time is sacred time - time that will facilitate personal revelation and instill peace." He later points out, "The gospel of Jesus Christ gives us opportunities to return to Him often. These opportunities include daily prayers, scripture study, the sacrament ordinance, the Sabbath day, and temple worship...what may be needed is not necessarily more time but more awareness of and focus on God during the times we already set aside for Him." The final nugget that stood out to me was, "As we concentrate our hearts and minds on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and listen to the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost, we will have greater clarity about what is most needful, develop deeper compassion, and find rest and strength in Him."

I don't need to just do nothing. I don't need to sit back and support my husband. I need to be still as I develop a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. As I do so, I will have more clarity in my life and receive answers to my questions. I need to let go of the chaos and lean further into the light available to me through the gospel.

Struggling is Okay

When I was growing up, I was lead to believe that I would have very little struggles if I were to be faithful. I understand where this advice was coming from, but it is dangerous advice and not true. There were time in my life when I felt on top of the world spiritually, doing my very best to do what was right, but my world came crashing down on me anyway. 

Life is not easy no matter who you are and what path you choose to follow. There was a talk during this last conference that addressed this very issue. (I don’t remember who was speaking or if it was from the Sunday morning or afternoon session.) When we struggle, we are not alone. Jesus Christ suffered all, and we can draw on His strength when we need it the most. He is there to comfort us when times are hard. 

Does this mean everything will get better just by praying, reading scriptures, and going to church? No. We have been given access to get help when it is needed. There is no reason to be ashamed of reaching out to a professional or taking medication for these struggles. My mom did it, and I’m glad she did. I’ve done it from time to time and should probably do it more often. When we use these tools in combination with being faithful to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we can be made whole. 

“…peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.”

Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-9

A Still Voice

“And it came to pass when they heard this voice, and beheld that it was not a voice of thunder, neither was it a voice of a great tumultuous noise, but behold, it was a still voice of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper, and it did pierce even to the very soul—“ Helaman 5:30

We often expect a sign that God hears us and is there for us, but that is often not the case. He does not generally give us the big signs that we seek. It is often said in the scriptures that a still voice came out the darkness. 

When Christ came to the Nephites (one of the most significant events in history), a voice came from the heavens "it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice...being a SMALL voice, it did pierce them that did hear it to the center...it did pierce their very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn."

We need to stop looking for these big signs. Nephi's brothers saw an angel, but they still did not fully believe. However, when a still, small voice came, it pierced the souls of all that heard it (see the two verses quoted above). 

I would rather have a still, small voice testify to my "very soul" of the truthfulness of the gospel and have to search out my answers than have a seemingly huge sign that would be forgotten later. I know that Christ is my Savior. I know he suffered, died, and was resurrected. Because of Him, I can be forgiven for my sins. Because of Him, I am never alone. Because of Him, I can be with my mom and brother again. I will never again turn my back on the One who saved me. 

Happy Easter

 

It was said several times during General Conference that there would be no Christmas if there were no Easter. If Chiat has not sacrificed, bled from every poor, been humiliated, died, and been resurrected, we would have no reason to celebrate His birth. Had he not been willing to do all of this as a perfect man, we would not have a reason to celebrate Him. If He had not been resurrected, we would not have the hope of being with our loved ones for eternity. 

I love my Savior. I am so thankful for the Atonement. I am thankful for the knowledge that I can be with my mom and brother again. I am thankful for the hope my Savior has provided through His sacrifice and resurrection.