Christlike Friendships

Today, in Sacrament meeting, the speakers spoke about Christlike friendships. One speaker talked about how Christ showed friendship by doing things like helping people who needed it and laying down His life for us. He likened it to a story of his father who would stop in a visit a man who was bedbound almost daily until his own death. He talked about the unselfishness of friendship and the necessity of forgiveness. 

As I listened to him speak, I thought of the ladies I work with at the shelter. These women literally have next to nothing. All of their belonging have to fit on or under their bed. Some of these women are the sweetest people I have ever met, and they are the outcast of the ladies in the shelter. They sit alone and are often ridiculed for being different, but they are the ones who will sit with others who are left out and try to include them.

Over the last three weeks, I have been the recipient of their kindness. Twice, I have been waiting outside the gate in my car, waiting for security to let me in. Then, one of the participants saw me as they were waiting to be let in. When security came to the door, they would ask for permission to push the button to let me in. Then, there was a lady that I had talked to a few times that saw me coming in and cleared a table for me saying she knew I had not where else to go in the shelter. One more lady that made me think even more about this was a sweet lady who is openly ridiculed for exercising in the facility. (I feel the need to point out that she does this off in an area out of the way but visible of other people.) It appears to me that she may not have any friends in this shelter. She has been alone every time I have seen her including mealtimes. Thursday and Friday this week, she noticed that I was sitting by myself at the table near the lunchroom, and she came and sat with me. She was quiet, working on a puzzle one day and drawing/painting the next. I told her goodnight as I left, and she smiled and returned the gesture. These gestures mean the world to me. They have nothing, but they are doing the small things to make me more comfortable when I am there to help them (none of these ladies have wanting my help looking for more permanent housing). I guess this is what people mean when they say they get so much more out of serving other people than the other people get sometimes. 

One Month Left

I only have one month left of my internship. In some ways, it will be nice to be done. However, I will also be sad to be done. I love helping other people and feel that I am doing it in a small way in this internship. I like the people I have been working with and the many things I have learned about this population. Working with them gives me a greater sense of purpose, and I know I will find a way into this field again. The only thing I won't be sad about is the time commitment. Doing this on top of my regular job and everything else going on in my life has been hard. 

I am considering trying to find something part-time similar to what I have been doing when I am done with everything this summer. I would love to find my way into working more permanently with people experiencing homelessness, and I think that dipping my toe into it more would be beneficial. I have looked online at job openings and know that I would not be paid what I need to leave my current job. However, it I were to find my way into this field and work my way up to better pay and benefits, I would quit my current job and jump into this type of work full-time. I have said many times that my job just kind of fell into my lap as a way out of the call center, and I mainly stay because I have a wonderful boss who does what he can to keep our team together. It just doesn't fill the purpose I know my life needs to have.  

Exhausted but Happy

Working an internship part-time along with working my full-time job and trying to take care of the household along with my church responsibilities is exhausting! My regular job is a good job. I get paid fairly well, I have been working for the company for long enough that I can basically take off when I want (within reason of course), and I have a good boss that actually looks out for his employees. I love my internship. I get to work with people that actually need help. I have been saying for a long time that I wanted to do something that would make a difference, and this is my chance. I also love my family and want to take care of them to the best of my ability. Things have gotten hectic at home for a few weeks, but I'm sure it will calm down soon enough. I am the Relief Society secretary and work in the temple twice a month most months. I wouldn't want to walk away from anything I am doing. It is exhausting but fulfilling. I look forward to having less responsibilities, but I am also worried about life being boring when it happens. Who knows? Maybe, I will be one of those people that doesn't completely slow down. 

Surrounding Myself with Spiritual Influences

As I have been working on bettering myself and my circumstances, I have been reading self-help books, working as an ordinance worker in the temple, and doing my internship through Catholic Charities so I can finish my degree. I have had a strong concentration on improvement while not losing my testimony of Jesus Christ. Each step that I am taking draws me closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ because of this concentration. 

This week, I have been doing a lot of e-learning at my internship. Most of it has concentrated on being trauma informed. One thing that I love about these trainings is that they combine mental health concepts with the teachings of Jesus Christ. 

The most recent training that I have been working on is about self care to help with vicarious trauma. One thing that struck me was the concept that to love others and God we must learn to love ourselves. It was pointed out that when asked by the Pharisees, "Master, which is the great commandment in the law?" Jesus gave an answer of love saying, "Thou shalt live the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." Then, He continued this with, "...Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (Matthew 22:36-39) The last part of these verses tell us we should love ourselves. If we don't, we can't love others the way they deserve to be loved. 

I am working with people who have been through real trauma. They have been dehumanized. They are looked down on by society in general. How can we make a change in even one person's life? I don't have all of the answers, but we need to take care of ourselves and carry on that love and care to those we can. I hope to be able to find my place in this space helping others, but I am learning that as I do what I can to find my space as a helper, I need to learn to care for myself as well. 

Getting Closer

I finally started my internship this week, and I love it! I have wanted to be part of the solution for so long. With this position, I can finally do just that. 

I am working 16 hours a week with Catholic Charities helping people who need it. I have only done 2 shifts so far, but I have already learned a lot about helping those in shelters. I have mostly observed at this point, but I can't wait until I am trained enough to have a more active role. 

When I was getting divorced, it was known that my job sucked and I wanted a different one. When asked what I wanted to do, I would just say, "I want to make a REAL difference." The problem was I didn't know what I wanted to do or how to do it. All I knew was working in a call center was not going to get me there. 

About 4 years later, after earning an associates degree in business, I decided to go back to school. This time I started with the Pathways program and transitioned into online classes through BYU Idaho. This time I prayed about the program in which I would be enrolled and what career I would be working towards. I had the distinct impression that I should work an a degree in marriage and family studies with the goal of working in a shelter. I have worked hard on this goal while working a full time job in the shipping industry, raising 3 kids, working to have a healthy relationship with my husband, and growing my faith in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

This internship is the last step to achieving the goal of getting my bachelor's degree and a big step towards what will hopefully be a fulfilling career helping people who need it rather than helping line the pockets of corporate executives. Leaning what little I have at this point, makes me want to learn more and strengthens my resolve to do what I can to make this world a better place for those who need it the most. I can't wait to see what the future brings!

Letting Fear Win

I have been letting fear win way too much lately. I have two big tasks that need to be done as soon as possible, but I keep putting them off because I am scared of the outcome. The problem is that I am causing more problems by doing this. 

One big thing that I have procrastinated on is my internship approvals. I waited for an email telling me if everything was approved, but I wasn't getting it. Something told me I should check my school email (I can't remember when the last time I did that). I finally checked my school email, and my request was declined because it wasn't detailed enough 6 days ago. If I had stopped worrying about it and just checked the correct email address, I could have started my internship by now. 

The other thing that I need to do is get my passport. I don't know why am scared to do this. I need it for the trip I have planned with my friend this summer. I can still go, but I can't get off the boat if I don't have the passport. My first step is to make sure I have by birth certificate and make an appointment at the post office. Hopefully, I can get it done quickly because the cruise is in a little over 2 months. I will be doing these things by the end of the week. I can't believe I have waited this long to do this.

Of course, there are other things that I need to do that I keep putting off. I didn't used to be this bad at finishing things. I wish I could get to the root cause of it and fix myself.

Internship Coming Together

 I have been working hard at finding an internship so I can graduate in July. I believe I have found one that will be a perfect fit for me. As long as everything continues to go smoothly, I will be doing my internship at Catholic Charities helping people with navigating employment options. I am so excited! 

When I interviewed for this position last week and learned more about the organization, I knew that I wanted to be involved in any way that I can. The supervisor I spoke to is exactly the kind of person I could see looking up to as a mentor. Everything about being there with her felt right. 

The only obstacle I have left is for my application with the school to be approved. I am little worried about that part because I am not sure it is related enough to Marriage and Family Studies. Honestly, if it isn't I would be devastated because I don't have a backup plan, and I really want to do this. 

When the internship is done, I hope I will be able to work for an organization like Catholic Charities. I want to be the kind of person that makes a difference in other people's lives. It has always been my wish and is even more so now that I am so close to the goal of graduation.