Mother's Day 2026

 

I used to have a hard time with Mother's Day. My mom died a month after I turned 18, so I never had a Mother's Day with my mom as an adult. In 2020, I was finally able to take my time, celebrate my mom, grieve experiences I felt robbed of, and be celebrated by my husband and kids without having to go to celebrate someone else (I know this part is selfish). This was what I needed to heal and finally be able to enjoy Mother's Day. We still send my mother-in-law a gift, and my husband calls her. However, I am aloud to spend time a lone to think of my mom, and my husband and kids celebrate me. 

This year, we had a plan. Chad was going to make homemade fettucine noodles and alfredo sauce with broccoli and a cherry cheesecake for dessert. I made rolls the day to go with it when I made bread the day before. This dinner didn't happen. 

After church, we had lunch; Eric came over; and Chad started on the cheesecake. Then, Eric, Sean, and I planted some shrubs and flowers that I had bought not long ago. When we were finishing up the last shrub, Chad came to the back door and told me he was in pain and may need to go to the ER. He was having a diverticulitis attack from eating too much rice. We made the decision together that he would lie down, take some Tylenol, and drink some water as he monitored his pain. If it got worse, we would go to the hospital. It started to get better, but there was no one to make dinner, and we didn't have anything for a backup out of the freezer. The kids and I ordered from Red Robin instead of having the planned dinner. On the way to pick up our order, we stopped at the gas station to get soda for us and apple juice for Chad. (Apple juice was his dinner because that was what we were told to do before he was discharged from the hospital in March.) We still had the cheesecake for desert after we played a game. I continually checked on Chad through the night. He eventually felt well enough to come out of our room and spend time with everyone before Eric left. Today, it is like it didn't happen at all. 

Mother's Day didn't exactly look like we had planned. The dinner I dreamed of was not able to be made. That didn't matter. I was able to spend my time with my children, and they all got along. We laughed, we played, we ate good food. What more could this mama want?

Continuing to Receive Answers

Life has been hard lately. To say I have felt knocked down is an understatement. Over the past month, I have found myself turning to my Heavenly Father more than ever. Each time, He answers in the ways that I need. It isn't always big, but it doesn't have to be for me to know that He is there, answering my prayers, and caring about my mental wellbeing as well as my spiritual wellbeing. 

This week, I have been in tears several times not knowing how to deal with the pressures and rejections I have been facing. On Tuesday, I went for my regular shift at the temple where I was reminded that it was the right place to be over and over. I could feel the love of Christ as I performed my duties and served the patrons the way the Lord would have me do. On Wednesday, Chad and I took our regular walk. As he always does, he listened to me as I rambled on about my day. When we got close to the end, I told him how I was feeling about the rejection I had recently faced and the stress I was feeling about all of the medical issues in our household right now. When we got back to the house, he sat with me on the sidewalk in front of the house and just let me cry and let my feelings out. I told him I felt like life has been crapping on me since I was 10 (when the grandma that lived with us was diagnosed with cancer and died). He just listened and let me air it all out. I needed that more than anything at that time. Then, my child with no voice asked me to take them to their next specialist appointment. I thought this was going to be a difficult endeavor because I would have to work with both of my bosses to make this happen. I said a prayer and texted them both. I had to ask one to be able to work and hour earlier that day, and I had to let the other know that I would not be able to work the last day of Magic Club for the semester. Both were understanding when I explained what was going on. That was a small answer to my prayers that I needed but wasn't sure would work out. I know most people would look at these things as coincidence or people just being caring, but I choose to see them as God showing me the compassion that I really need right now. 

This morning, I was once again in tears after the second call in about a week in which my parents made sure that I know they will not be helping me in any way and that things are harder for them. (My stepmother has significant health issues, and my dad works very hard at his job.) I understand that my struggles are not as bad as other people, but it would have been nice to be shown some compassion while I'm in the trenches this one time. I prayed this morning, as I usually do, for my child to be healed and to feel God's love once again. Then, I read my scriptures, did my daily affirmations, and got in the shower where I was hit with a stronger wave of depression. I did all I could do at this point. I closed my eyes, looked up to the sky, and just prayed for this feeling to be taken from me. As I got out of the shower, I had a feeling I should listed to a talk from General Conference. I opened the app on my phone and pulled up the next talk in my queue. It was All Who Have Endured Valiantly by David A. Bednar. Just reading the title of the talk helped me know the Lord was listening to my prayers. As I listened to the talk, I was reminded that I am here to grow spiritually. I have been given spiritual gifts to help me and others through this life. I need to look for ways to show charity to others and help them make it through this life as well. I have been shown compassion throughout the last few weeks by people outside of my family such as both of my bosses, the temple workers on my shift whether they know what is happening or not, my husband, and my children. It is my turn to show compassion and serve. Elder Bednar said, "As we follow, love, and serve the Savior, we gradually focus less on our own desires and interests and more on understanding and addressing the needs of others...Charity, then, ultimately possesses us." This is my answer today. I need to stop turning inward and worrying about myself. I need to turn outward and look to help those around me. 

Christmas 2025

 

This year, we had a good Christmas. Eric came over around 9am, and we opened presents together. I think everyone was happy with the gifts they received. I know that I worked hard to try to make sure to buy things that Eric, Sean, Noel, and Chad wanted or needed. We also do a not-so-secret-Santa, and I think everyone did a good job finding something for the person they needed to buy for which was decided in a drawing of names on Thanksgiving. My favorite reaction of the day was Noel when she opened her ironing board. I got her a small tabletop ironing board that she could easily tuck under her bed or in her closet because she doesn't like mine when she is sewing. Who knew that was exactly what she was wanting. Eric seemed to be most excited about the Dune box set. He lost his love of reading in elementary school, but he has found it again now that he can really choose which books he reads. Sean was happy about the video games he opened, but he also got a chuckle out of the shirts I gave him. Chad was excited about the cookbooks he got because they are not only filled with recipes, they also have the historical content behind the recipes. One of them even has the historical recipe and modern recipe. I was most excited about getting Elenor Roosevelt's autobiography. After presents, we played Clue for a while and ate a roast dinner before we went our separate ways. (Eric went home. Sean and Noel went to their dad's house. Chad and I took a nap.) 

Noel's 20th Birthday

 

Noel turned 20 over the weekend. She was so celebrated by many people. Throughout the day, she would tell me of more people messaging and texting her to wish her a happy birthday. After some tough years in the past, it made my heart happy to know that she now has good people in her life that are willing to take even a little bit of time out of their day to do such a simple thing to make a difference in her day. 

With Noel's birthday being on the weekend, we were able to spend the day with each other on her actual birthday for a change. We started the day off getting breakfast and streaming Wicked. Then, we went to Red Robin and headed to the theater to see Wicked: For Good. We loved the movie. She is actually going to see it one or two more times this week. 

After the movie, we went home to rest a bit before going to Olive Garden as a family. Then, we went home for dessert, presents, and karaoke. (All her choices.) I hope she had a good birthday and knows how much she is loved. 

It Feels Weird

My youngest child will be turning 20 in a few days. This means a few things. First, I will no longer have any teenagers. They are really all adults now. Also, she will be the age I was when I married my first husband. )Why did no one say I was too young? Oh. That's right. They didn't care as long as they didn't have to pay for it.) Then, there is the reality most people wouldn't even think of: my youngest child will officially be older than my older brother. I'm not doing great with this thought. I was relieved when the boys made it past 19. This is different somehow. 

Mom and Sean Day 2025

 I made a tradition of having a day with just the birthday kid around the time I married Chad because I knew that at least one of them was having a hard time with all of the changes over the previous year. it actually started with me taking Eric with me to court for an expired license plate ticket. I called him out of school and told him he could spend the day with me. It was a simple thing that meant a lot to him. When Sean's birthday came around 8 months later, he wanted a day with me, too. I have made a point to spend a time with them for their birthdays ever since. Now, we get to do something more, and they each get to pick what we do. I am glad that they still enjoy this. 

This year, I was unable to talk off work for Sean's birthday because work was crazy in September, so we made the plan to do something the first weekend I was free. I told him to choose what we would do, as usual. At first, he said he would look to see what movies were showing. There was nothing (not too surprising). Then, he came to me asking if we could go to the escape room nearby. I booked us an appointment for this past Saturday for the room with a dragon theme. 

We had so much fun! Some of the puzzles were harder than others, but we worked together as a team and finished with 9 seconds remaining. 

Then, we went to McDonalds, as we always do for our day together. Overall, it was an enjoyable morning/afternoon. I hope he knows how much he is loved. 

Memories of Uncle Barney

My Uncle Barney passed away this week. He was one of my favorite uncles growing up. I have so many fond memories of him. He was the fun uncle that we liked to play with. 

My Uncle Barney was in a wheelchair because of on illness from his childhood. Back then, they didn't understand that when someone was bedridden, it was important to try to move their arms and legs to prevent atrophy. The thing is, when we were little, we didn't think about it. He was just the fun uncle that would give us rides in his chair. We could climb up on his lap, and he would wheel us around and pop wheelies. We thought it was the best thing ever. It wasn't until we learned about people with disablities in second grade that I really thought about him being different. 

Uncle Barney was a professor at the University of Alabama. I looked up to him for this reason and always thought of him as the smartest person I knew. Reading is obituary, I learned that he almost didn't become a teacher. After earning his bachelor's and master's degrees, he had wanted to stay at the University of Illinois to be a mentor for the disabled, but his professors encouraged him to do more. He went on to be a CPA before deciding to get his PHD in accounting and becoming a professor. He still advocated for the disabled, though. He even learned woodworking so he could make his own wheelchair ramps when needed. 

I haven't been able to see him much in adulthood other than for funerals because traveling to Alabama just hasn't been in the budget. I regret not making it a greater priority. I will miss Uncle Barney. 

Graduation Trip - First Leg

This week, Chad and I are doing a trip for my graduation in which we are going to St. George, Utah, to visit his mom and uncle for the dirty part. Then, we will head to Rexburg, Idaho, for my graduation and to see my sister and her kids. Lastly, we will go down to Provo, Utah, to visit my parents and see my stepsister before heading home and stopping to see one of my favorite people. 

St. George is a bit different than I had imagined. I thought it would be a lot more open with less people. However, it is beautiful! We drove in Sunday night, arriving around 8pm at Chad's uncle's house. That night we got settled, had a bit of ice cream, and went to bed. Monday morning, we did the tourist thing and walked around the St. George temple grounds. 

Then, we went to see Chad's mom at her apartment. She took us on a tour of the community, introduced us to her friends, took us shopping for my birthday, took us swimming in the fitness center, and took us out to eat. It was a full day, and we were ready to go to bed early. This morning, we went to the Red Cliffs temple with Chad's, aunt, uncle, and mom to do sealings. 

Then, we went on our way to head up to Rexburg, taking a detour to a ghost town about an hour away which was totally worth the time it took to get there and walk around.

Exhausted but Happy

Working an internship part-time along with working my full-time job and trying to take care of the household along with my church responsibilities is exhausting! My regular job is a good job. I get paid fairly well, I have been working for the company for long enough that I can basically take off when I want (within reason of course), and I have a good boss that actually looks out for his employees. I love my internship. I get to work with people that actually need help. I have been saying for a long time that I wanted to do something that would make a difference, and this is my chance. I also love my family and want to take care of them to the best of my ability. Things have gotten hectic at home for a few weeks, but I'm sure it will calm down soon enough. I am the Relief Society secretary and work in the temple twice a month most months. I wouldn't want to walk away from anything I am doing. It is exhausting but fulfilling. I look forward to having less responsibilities, but I am also worried about life being boring when it happens. Who knows? Maybe, I will be one of those people that doesn't completely slow down. 

Easter 2025

This morning, I woke up with this hymn on my mind. This is the hymn that my dear friend sang with me at my mom's and brother's funeral. That sweet friend had never heard it before but willingly learned it for me (a service I could never repay). I told my husband that I was sad we so rarely sang it in church anymore. Then, one of the speakers incorporated into her talk. After that, as if he knew how badly I needed it, the bishop made an impromptu change in the program and had the congregation stand and sing this very special hymn. I stood listening to everyone sing as I cried in Chad's arms. I am so thankful to know that because of Christ, I will be with my family again. He lives! He made the ultimate sacrifice for us! He comforts me when I need Him the most! 

My Easter celebration was more difficult this year than I expected. I think my cousin's death has hit me harder than I thought it would and continually throws me in the a spiral of grief over my mom and brother. Somehow, today I felt it so strong. The only thing that pulled me out of it was celebrating Easter with my kids. I love my kids, and I am so grateful that they still let me spoil them in this way. 

Valentine's Day 2025

Chad and I agreed that our trip last weekend counted as anniversary and Valentine's Day. (We often combine them since they are so close together.) It kind of made the day boring, especially since I already gave the kids their gifts. However, we did still celebrate a bit. 

First, Noel went shopping after work and bought me some presents: a weighted stuffed bunny, body butter, and socks that I can wear to church and the temple because she knows I'm not a fan of wearing my purple long socks with emojis with dresses (I will wear them to church with my boots if it's cold). These gifts were so thoughtful that they almost made me cry. She is seriously so thoughtful!

Then, made a heart shaped pizza. It was a bit lopsided, but still tasty. Sean and Chad even tried to convince me that it looked more like a heart than I claimed. 

After dinner, Chad and I went out for ice cream...at the grocery store. Are we romantic or what? He even searched for the rocky road that I really wanted. 

Finally, he went to bed as I stayed up until the boyfriend went home. The sweet small thing he did, and often does, was put the remote on my pillow. He likes to sleep without the tv, but I need the distraction for my brain. When we go to bed at separate times, he puts the remote and sometimes my Kindle on my pillow so I don't have to search for them in the dark. Then, I make sure the sleep timer is set so he doesn't have to sleep without it on too much at night. (We have tried sleeping without the tv, I struggle to fall asleep.) 

I love my family and the little things they do to show love. We may not need a day set aside to prove it, but it nice to have a day set aside just for love.

Bowling with the Family

In the past, we had a tradition of going to a movie as a family for New Year's Day. It has had to change here and there for a few reasons. This year, it looked different because we couldn't all agree on a movie. Instead, we chose to go bowling. Since Eric and Noel both had to work on the 1st, we chose to go New Year's Eve. I don't know if everyone had fun, but I do know that I love any chance I get to be with all of my kids. I hope they never feel too old to hang out with Mom. 

Christmas Day 2024

"And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins." Matthew 1:21 

A Day of Celebration 

Today was a great day full of smiles and gratitude and fun. My oldest came over at 8am. The others stayed in their rooms until he got there so they would all experience the magic at the same time. This is what the saw as they walked into the living room.

They were all happy and excited as they went through their stockings and opened gifts. 

Then, we went to Starbucks for peppermint hot chocolate and goodies, made a ham dinner, and just enjoyed each other's company. 

I am thankful for this wonderful day to celebrate the Savior's birthday and spend time with family. I love this day, and I love this family of mine!

Anthony's 48th Birthday

 

Anthony would be 48 today. That is odd to say knowing he has had 29 birthdays since he passed away at 19. He didn't get to live the life we dreamed of together. There was no wife. There was no son named Marc Anthony. We never bought a small newspaper together. The kids in this picture who still have all of their baby teeth didn't know what the future would bring. They just knew they were forever siblings. Thankfully, we will always be siblings and will be together in the afterlife. We are a forever family. 

Happy birthday, Anthony! I hope you are celebrating with Mom.