Killers of a Certain Age - Book Review

 

The book choice for my book club over the last month was Killers of a Certain Age. This is a book about a group of women who are paid assassins who have been working for "The Museum" for 40 years and are told they are being forced into retirement. However, they find out that they are not quietly going into retirement. They have a bounty placed on their heads. Through the book we are taken through the process of finding out why they have a bounty on their heads and what they do about it. 

When I was told the basic plot of the book, I was quite excited to read this book. For the most part, it is a good book. My main complaint is that the flash backs in the first half of the book are not in good places. Through the flashbacks, we learn how they are recruited, trained, and build relationships within the company. These are important bits of information, but I feel like it would have been better had they been at the beginning of the book and used a flash forward type of thing as the book went on. Another thing that may have worked would have been somehow including the recruiting and training into the dialog. I'm not a writer, so I don't even know if that would work. I just didn't like how the author would have a cliff hanger at the end of a chapter then suddenly change to something from the past. Again, this is only a criticism of the first half of the book. In the second half of the book, flashbacks were used to show the relationship between the main characters and the people they were perusing. This felt like a good use of flashbacks. (I'm not a total hater of the flashbacks. I just think it is used wrong or too much in a lot of novels now days.) The good part of the book is that the basics of the plot move along at a good pace. The imagery was perfect with not too much description but enough to really know, understand, and feel a part of what was going on. Overall, I gave this book 3 stars on Goodreads. I will probably not read the second book because I was satisfied with the ending of the book and don't feel the need to. One person in my book club read it and said it was ok but not as good as the first one. 

It took me almost 2 weeks longer to read than it should have (my deadline was July 16, but I finished today). This was not because it was a bad book. I have traveled over the last month which slowed me down, and I spent way too much time on my phone over the last few months. One of these days, I will give myself more time to read like I did at the beginning of the year. 

Turning 48

I turned 48 a week ago. I was so excited leading up to this day. However, when the day came, I was not as happy. There is so much behind a birthday in my world. 

Starting with my 44th birthday, I dedicated that I would celebrate it more than I had for a while. Starting with that birthday, I had officially out lived my mom. (I feel like that is not a normal thing to say for people in their 40s, but that's the life of a daughter who lost their mother at a young age.) Now, I can celebrate reaching milestones my mom looked forward to that she didn't get to see. I have been able to see all of my kids graduate high school. She didn't see any of us graduate. I will be able to be there when my kids get married, have their own kids, and anything else that is connected to them becoming full adults. My mom was gone before my sister and I did any of these things. Each year brings more experiences she was unable to experience in this life. I am so lucky to be able to live long enough to experience life in this way. How could I not celebrate this? 

On the other hand, being another year older and not accomplishing what I wanted to achieve in this time is frustrating. I wanted to be working on getting out of debt, but medical bills and car repairs have raised my debt instead. The frustrating part of this is that if we were able to save instead of paying credit card payments, I could have probably paid for these things without payment plans and more credit card debt. I wanted to lose weight and thought Chad's necessary change to his diet would help me. I didn't go on his highly restricted diet. It's hard, and I don't end up in extreme pain when I eat things like red meat, red meat, or fried foods. Plus, I work from home and am not as limited on what I can eat during the day. I wanted to be using my degree by now. I think I am in a way with my second job (Magic Club), but it's not how I imagined using it. Also, I don't need the degree to do this job. Most jobs I have found using my degree don't pay as much when starting as I get paid now. I can't take a pay cut, and I can't add anything else to my schedule right now. I think it is normal to think about what we haven't accomplished as we age. My husband has been doing it for years. The problem is that it is depressing to look at birthdays this way. I want to go back to being happy and excited that I am one year older and get to experience life longer. 

Over the past year good things have happened, too. I have continued to grow my relationships with my children. I was able to help them financially and emotionally (hopefully) when needed and asked. I have become so good at my job that I am actually bored even when I am so busy that I feel like I will never complete my spreadsheets and other tasks. My husband and I have worked on our relationship by doing things like taking walks (until it got too hot), camping, fishing, going to the gym, working in the temple together, and other things. (It's amazing how much better marriage is when both people are all in.) I have a bigger garden this year than I have had in the past. Not all of it has survived the heat we are experiencing this summer, but it's exciting to have so much growing still. I made my best batch of hand soap and have a request from my daughter to make more for her to take with her when she moves out. (I love that she loves my soap.) The biggest accomplishment I made since my last birthday (less than a week after it) was getting my bachelor's degree. I was a 10-year process, but it is an accomplishment that I made that changed me for the rest of my life. 

I have no idea when the next year will bring, for the most part. I have do have some hopes that I would like to turn into goals. I want to be back to being a person to makes and reaches goals. I am in the process of figuring out what I want to accomplish over the next year that is achievable. So far, I know I will be keeping both of my jobs and continue working in the temple one night a week. I will also definitely be planting a garden next year using what I have learned from my accomplishments and failures to make it more successful. I will also continue to read, crochet, and knit. I am thinking that what I need to add to my life is a more regular workout routine. Chad and I have yearly passes to the local rec center, and I want to get enough use out of them to make the money we paid back in December worth it. While doing that, I would like to get back into running in some way. I just don't know what that looks like right now because I am not going to wake up any earlier to run before work. (I get up at 5:00 to have time to do my Miracle Morning and shower before I start work at 6:30.) I think the workouts will be my main focus on top of the other things I am already doing. I just need to refine what I want it to look like. 

Saturday Morning

 I love my Miracle Morning! I love it on Saturday even more! During the week, I feel rushed because I start work at 6:30 and don't want to get up any earlier. Sundays are full of distractions. Saturdays are my chance to take my time in the silence to really soak everything in while Chad is at work and everyone else is sleeping. 

On Saturday, I get to make myself breakfast, sit at the table, and take my time to go through each step. I start with prayer/meditation. Then, I open my scriptures and read at a speed that feels comfortable rather than trying to get in a chapter or two within a specific amount of time. That is typically followed by journaling combined with visualization. I write about what is going on in my life as I dream about what is to come and try to come up with the next step to get me there. After that, I open up my bullet journal and recite my affirmations. I finish it up with a bit of movement which is typically walking laps around my island as I read another nonfiction book (right now it is The Autobiography of Eleanor Roosevelt). This is the most relaxing time of the week. Do I like other times of the week? Of course! I just really love this time I get to learn and reflect.  

The Invisible Live of Addie LaRue - Book Review

I believe I have a new favorite book, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. The author, V.E. Schwab, is a wordsmith! It has been a long time since I've listened to or read a book that has made me feel something real other than when I read scriptures, but this feeling is different. The words of this book are almost poetic, and there is so much symbolism that even I am able to see it and enjoy it. 

This book is about a girl who makes a deal with the devil, or as they call it, the darkness, but she doesn't understand how it will manifest. Instantly, she is forced to live centuries being forgotten by everyone as soon as she is out of sight. One day, she meets a man who remembers but only because he is also cursed due to a deal he made with the same devil. 

Here are some of my favorite passages:

"Take a drink every time you hear you're not enough.

    Not the right fit.

    Not the right look.

    Not the right focus.

    Not the right drive.

    Not the right time.

    Not the right job. 

    Not the right path.

    Not the right path.

    Not the right future.

    Not the right present.

    Not the right you.

    Not you.

    (Not me?)

    There's just something missing..." (page 229)

"...when the devil speaks again, there's a new depth to his voice, a steady warmth like a blanket drawn around his shoulders. Hendry Feels himself learn into it. 

    'You want to be loved,' says the stranger...'And I can give that to you for a price of something you won't even miss...'

    And he doesn't think any of this is real.

    So it doesn't matter.

    Or perhaps the man in the rain is right. 

    He just has nothing left to lose. 

    In the end, it's easy.

    As easy as stepping off the edge.

    And falling. 

    Henry takes his hand, and the stranger squeezes, hard enough to reopen the cuts along his palm. But at last, he doesn't feel it. He doesn't feel anything, as the darkness smiles, and says a single word.

    'Done.'" (pages 233-234)

"A curtain falling on a play: the lovely sets, the stagings, the trained actors all vanish behind the darkened cloth.

    Surrender.    

    An order whispered in the dark.

    A demand made over and over and over for years - until it stopped. How long ago did he stop asking? But of course, she knows - it was when his method changed, when his temper towards her softened." (page 410)

I could go on and on about this book. It has woken something inside me that I didn't know was there: a greater love for fiction. Who knew that joining a book club at the library could bring me this much joy? 

Checklists and Planner

 

I keep going back and forth between bullet journaling and checklists in my planner. I would love to find some kind of balance using both, but I haven’t figured that out yet. 

For now, I'm back to using my planner. I feel like it gives me a better day to day overview and a more consolidated list of my daily goals that lead me to my larger goals. For the past couple of weeks, I have pulled out my markers and stickers usually used for the bullet journal. This has made it more visually appealing and fulfills part of the creative spirit I am often looking for in the bullet journal. Rather than writing a list in one or pencil on a black and white page, I get to create something that is unique to me each week. 

Mother's Day 2026

 

I used to have a hard time with Mother's Day. My mom died a month after I turned 18, so I never had a Mother's Day with my mom as an adult. In 2020, I was finally able to take my time, celebrate my mom, grieve experiences I felt robbed of, and be celebrated by my husband and kids without having to go to celebrate someone else (I know this part is selfish). This was what I needed to heal and finally be able to enjoy Mother's Day. We still send my mother-in-law a gift, and my husband calls her. However, I am allowed to spend time a lone to think of my mom, and my husband and kids celebrate me. 

This year, we had a plan. Chad was going to make homemade fettucine noodles and alfredo sauce with broccoli and a cherry cheesecake for dessert. I made rolls the day to go with it when I made bread the day before. This dinner didn't happen. 

After church, we had lunch; Eric came over; and Chad started on the cheesecake. Then, Eric, Sean, and I planted some shrubs and flowers that I had bought not long ago. When we were finishing up the last shrub, Chad came to the back door and told me he was in pain and may need to go to the ER. He was having a diverticulitis attack from eating too much rice. We made the decision together that he would lie down, take some Tylenol, and drink some water as he monitored his pain. If it got worse, we would go to the hospital. It started to get better, but there was no one to make dinner, and we didn't have anything for a backup out of the freezer. The kids and I ordered from Red Robin instead of having the planned dinner. On the way to pick up our order, we stopped at the gas station to get soda for us and apple juice for Chad. (Apple juice was his dinner because that was what we were told to do before he was discharged from the hospital in March.) We still had the cheesecake for desert after we played a game. I continually checked on Chad through the night. He eventually felt well enough to come out of our room and spend time with everyone before Eric left. 

Mother's Day didn't exactly look like we had planned. The dinner I dreamed of was not able to be made. That didn't matter. I was able to spend my time with my children, and they all got along. We laughed, we played, we ate good food. What more could this mama want?

Harry Potter Sweater

I finished my Harry Potter sweater last fall, but I didn't block it and weave in the ends until this last week because we didn't really have much cold weather this winter. Since Tuesday was a bit on the cool side, I decided Monday that I would hand wash, block, and weave in the ends so I could wear it to the temple before it got too hot to even consider wearing it. Thank goodness it is a light sweater, though. It was barely cool enough to wear. 

Here is the finished product while blocking:

While wearing:

I love this sweater! I was worried that it was going to be too small because I have gained so much weight over the past few years, but it fit beautifully with a bit of room. I hope to be able to wear it a lot more in the future.