Family History

It has always been a bit difficult for me to do family history because a lot has already been done on both sides of my family. My dad used to do research while my sister and I were at youth activities and continued to do so the same night every week for a few years after we graduated. All of my grandparents that I knew did many years of research as they went to various libraries. I have several memories of my mom dropping my grandma off at a big building in Indianapolis when I was little. I also have many family members on my mom's side that continually do family history work through the years. All of this means that so much has been done that I have felt there is little to nothing left for me to do. 

Today, I learned there are some things I can do. Family Search has  tasks, including hints, that I can do for family members already found. I currently have 70 tasks to do. These are things like comparing census records and social security records and attaching them to the record if they match.  I worked on some of them already, and it was satisfying to feel that I could actually do something. I love taking my ancestors to the temple and feel that this is something else I can do to prepare them to go. If I'm lucky, I will find new people. 

Busy Weekend

I had a busy weekend. I could even say it was a busy week. Tuesday, Noel took the SAT for the second time hoping to get a better score. Thursday, I needed to take Noel to get the last few things for the two spring formals she went to this weekend. Yesterday, she went to the first one in Fort Collins at Canvas Stadium with her friend from Wyoming. Then, her friend came home with us and spent the night. This morning, we met her family in Fort Collins (about the half way point) so she could go home. Then, I came home and started homework as Noel went back to bed. Eventually, she started getting ready for tonight's dance and was even more determined to look perfect. (I think she looked great both nights.) Thankfully, she took a time out to make dinner because I was so bogged down with homework that I didn't have the time. Another friend picked her up for tonight's dance in Denver at Mile High. 

For some people, this may not seem that busy, but combining all of that with my job and schoolwork was a bit stressful. I am willing to do just about anything for Noel including multiple trips to Fort Collins. 

When She Asks, I Create

 

Noel has been making plans for the summer and asked me to make her a washcloth and beanie for the first camping trip. Of course, I said I would. (Why would I deny someone who appreciates my craft?) She picked the yarn for the washcloth Friday, and I got to work Monday. It was finished yesterday, so I made a Chapstick holder to go with it. Hopefully, we can make it to Hobby Lobby in the next few days to get the beanie done. Once hers is done, the boys have requested one as well. 

So Cold It Hurts

Having an autoimmune disease sucks sometimes. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was about 21 or 22. I was diagnosed while trying to find out why I was not getting pregnant. The only symptom I noticed at the time other than the infertility was the weight gain. It didn't take long for me to notice the brittle hair, too. I didn't take it too seriously, though. When I was told that my baby could have issues with brain development if I did not take my meds while pregnant, I made sure I took them during the pregnancies. At the time, I did not understand how important the meds were for me, too. 

After Sean was born, I had a water cyst on my thyroid that the doctors were concerned was a tumor. I had blood work and an ultrasound done followed by the draining of a cyst (not a fun procedure). At this time, I was I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and was told I needed to take it more seriously. Spoiler alert...I did not. When funds were low, the first thing I cut out was my thyroid meds. 

As time has gone on, I have realized that there is more going on than I had realized. I am now on a high dosage and have more symptoms than in the past, even when on the meds. The one that I hate the most is my intolerance to hot and cold. The cold is far worse!

Tonight, I got to deal with my intolerance to cold. (I should point out that it was about 45F and raining when I was having these issues.) I took Noel to the doctor because she was not feeling well and to the gas station after for treats. I ran the heat in the car the entire ride home, and the house was warm when I got inside. The problem was that my feet got cold while out and about. It is really hard for me to warm up once I am that cold. I tried to grin a bear it for as long as possible. By the time dinner was over, my feet were so cold that they hurt. (Yes. That is a thing.) I ended up sitting in bed with socks, three blankets, and two dogs on my feet as the pain intensified. Thankfully, my husband understands my issues with being cold, and he climbed under my desk and turned on my space heater to warm up the room. It took about an hour, but I was finally able to be warm was the room got so warm he changed into sorts. 

I don't think this symptom will ever go away. If my feet get too cold, they will hurt. If my hands get cold, they will hurt. If anywhere else gets cold, I will always feel the cold down to my bones. Will that make me leave Colorado? Probably not. I just have to suck it up and accept it as one of the symptoms of Hashimoto's disease that I will deal with for the rest of my life. 

Walking Sophie

I have been walking Sophie a lot lately. Today, we walked about two miles which is kind of far for a old, small dog. She seemed to not mind though, for the most part. She did mind when we walked past a house with a blue heeler in the front yard. As he ran down the driveway barking, she stopped, so I picked her up and kept walking. When we got closer to the other dog, she climbed up to my shoulder and would let me put her down until we were past that yard. We do walk on Thursdays with my friend and her two small dogs, and (as I pointed out yesterday) we have two big dogs in our home with her. I am not sure why she was suddenly scared of this dog today, but I guess I will be carrying her at times during walks now. 

Oh, Dexter!

We have three dogs: a lab mixed named Dexter, a boxer mix named Aqua, and a pug/chihuahua named Sophie. Dexter is currently out only boy dog, and he had been peeing on everything that is mine lately. (At least , that’s how it feels.) 

Yesterday, as I was getting ready to go to the temple, I realized that he peed on my temple bag. Luckily, it was a weatherproof bag, so the clothing in to was fine. I was able to switch to a backpack last minute. Then, I went to put my coat on, and it stank like dog pee. I know that it wouldn’t have happened if I put it away Friday morning instead of on the back of a kitchen chair, but it was still frustrating to have to wear a light jacket on a chilly morning. 

Tonight, he peed on my dog. They all went in the backyard for a while and came in happily. When I picked up Sophie, she was wet. When I smelled her, I knew right away what had happened: Dexter peed on her. I gave her a bath (she was not a fan), and she smelled better quickly. 

I don’t know what to do to get him to stop. I don’t even know why it started. Dexter is 11 years old. Can he even be taught to stop at this point?

Wonder Woman Goals

 Last Halloween, I decided I wanted to be Wonder Woman. I was so excited when I found a shirt with a cape on the back! When it came, I found out that the reviews that said it ran small were true. (Yes. I know I am overweight, but I know what size I generally wear.) I wore it anyway to a party, but I was uncomfortable most of the night. 

I really want to be able to comfortably wear this shirt. I have decided to hang it on the wall next to my desk (where my hats are) as motivation. I am hoping that somehow this will give me the motivation I am desperately needing to lose weight. My hope is to be able to wear it on my birthday, July 18. If I am going to turn 45, I am going to do it my way. 

Celebrating Her

 

Yesterday was Peyton‘a birthday. We celebrated today. Since we haven’t shared many birthdays for her, so she is still a bit shy about asking for things. We took everyone to dinner at the place she chose, Waffle House, and we gave her the few things she asked for, gel pens and erasers, along with a Door Dash gift cad. (I couldn’t just give her those few things.) Then, we same back to the house for board games. My hope is that she felt special. 

A Still Voice

“And it came to pass when they heard this voice, and beheld that it was not a voice of thunder, neither was it a voice of a great tumultuous noise, but behold, it was a still voice of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper, and it did pierce even to the very soul—“ Helaman 5:30

We often expect a sign that God hears us and is there for us, but that is often not the case. He does not generally give us the big signs that we seek. It is often said in the scriptures that a still voice came out the darkness. 

When Christ came to the Nephites (one of the most significant events in history), a voice came from the heavens "it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice...being a SMALL voice, it did pierce them that did hear it to the center...it did pierce their very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn."

We need to stop looking for these big signs. Nephi's brothers saw an angel, but they still did not fully believe. However, when a still, small voice came, it pierced the souls of all that heard it (see the two verses quoted above). 

I would rather have a still, small voice testify to my "very soul" of the truthfulness of the gospel and have to search out my answers than have a seemingly huge sign that would be forgotten later. I know that Christ is my Savior. I know he suffered, died, and was resurrected. Because of Him, I can be forgiven for my sins. Because of Him, I am never alone. Because of Him, I can be with my mom and brother again. I will never again turn my back on the One who saved me. 

Porch Nest

For the past few years, we have had a bird family with a nest in a flower pot on our porch. It’s exciting when the babies hatch and we can watch the mommy bird feed the babies as the squeak and look up begging to be next. Sometimes we can see their heads poke up above the sides of the pot. I have tried to take pictures in the past, but the parents are protective and don’t want up getting that close. 

This year, I have not seen much activity there yet. A few weeks ago, I saw what looked like two birds working on the nest, but I haven’t seen them since. I hope it is just that they are there when you m not looking out the window. I keep the pot there for the birds, and I would be sad if they didn’t come back. 

A Bit Over My Head

Yesterday and today, I dove into my classes. Child and Family Advocacy seems to be what I had thought it would be for the most part. It is a 400 level class with a lot of reading and research. Social Media Marketing does not seem to be the simple elective that I had planned, though. I know very little about marketing, and some of the terms are foreign to me. I am hoping that I will catch on as I go considering it is a entry level class. I don't know what else I would take if I decided to drop it, so I am going to stick it out. Wish me luck!  

What Does Forgiveness Mean?

Tonight, Chad and I discussed forgiveness as we studied the “Come, Follow Me” lesson. We read Matthew 18:21-36 then listened to Elder David E. Sorensen’s 2003 talk, “Forgiveness Will Change Bitterness to Love.” I really liked this talk. He talks about the importance of forgiveness and not holding grudges. There were a few things that I highlighted as we listened. My favorite was, “Forgiveness means the problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on our future with God’s love in our hearts.”

I know that forgiveness does not mean I have to fully trust someone who has hurt me, but it does mean that I no longer hold that pain and anger in my heart. As I active to forgive for past, I will seek for the peace it can bring my future in my marriage and in my heart. The more I can let these things go, the greater my capacity is to love. 

My Week Planned

I am one of those people who get little done unless I have a checklist. I have tried several times to go without it, and it does not go well. For example, I skipped basically the entire month of March because of some personal issues I was dealing with and missed some assignments because of that which affected my grades. You would think I would learn that the methods that work when I am feeling good work when I'm a bit depressed as well. 

For the past few years, I have purchased a planner before the year starts that I am excited about. Last year, it was one that came with stickers and highlighters. This year is one I found on the Happy Planner website after a friend introduced me to their products. In this one, I can plan out my week as well as do my bullet journal stuff in the back. It has been a bit of an adjustment to the new format for the days, but I think I have finally figured it out.

Today, I sat down with Noel to plan out my week. (I'm not sure why she wanted to help me, but it was nice spending time doing something that I enjoy with her.) I let her pick out the colors that I used as we talked and joked around. When I misspelled a word (Who misspells dinner?), she helped me fix it. When she was ready to go watch a show she was waiting to start, she walked back to her room as I searched for the right stickers.

Here is my plan for the week: 

Thankful for Women of History

As much as I would like to see more women climbing the social ladder, I can’t help but see how far we have come. There was a time when women were nothing more than the property of their husbands. They were expected think and act as they were told to do. If they didn’t, there were consequences to be paid. Some of these consequences were done behind closed doors and others were more public. 

For the past few weeks, I have been reading about Elizabeth Packard. She dared to publicly have different beliefs than her husband. As a result, she was committed to an “insane asylum.” At the time, all it took to do this was a signed affidavit from the husband. Then, the fact that she no longer wanted to live with her husband, along with her trying to stick up for herself and other women, were used to keep her there. 

The book that I am reading goes into the general treatment of women who were deemed “insane” in the 1860’s. It was appalling and disgusting and inhumane. There have been times that I felt physically ill as I have read this book. 

I am thankful for women like Elizabeth Packard who fought for women’s rights, going against the grain. We don’t learn about them individually in school. I just happened to come across this book when I took Sean to Barnes and Noble last month. 

I am not one of those people who will say that we need to halt the progress of men/boys to let the women/girls rise above. However, I do believe that women should have the chance to excel fi they choose to do so. We should be listen to as equal contributors and be paid equally for the same work. We should have our strengths celebrated alongside the strengths of men. 

We have come a long way in giving women the rights and dignities they deserve as members of the human race. My hope is they we continue to do so in a way that honors us as women.

Classes Starting

My next semester starts Monday, and the classes open today. I will be taking Intro to Social Media Marketing and Child and Family Advocacy for the next 14 weeks. 

I am quite excited for Social Media Marketing. It sounds like an interesting class that may help me find an internship or job. Also, I have considered looking to life coaching when I finish my degree, and it could help me advertise my business if I decide to go in that direction (just an idea I’m tossing around in my head). 

Child and Family Advocacy is required for my degree, but I am quite excited to start that class as well because a few other options I am considering. I have heard this class is hard, but that doesn’t surprise me considering it is a 400 level class. I have been wanting to take it since it started being offered to online students, but I had to take other classes to be able to do so. Then, I thought I should take Family Theory and Dynamics before I jumped into it (not sure why). I hope I continue to be excited about this class as I work through it. 

Once I finish this semester, I will only have two classes plus my internship to go. I am so close I can feel it! This time next year I will have a Bachelors Degree!

New Friend

It has always been hard for me to make friends. I just have a hard time trusting people. There has been more than once that I put my trust in someone who ended up stabbing me in the back. I am slowly learning to let my guard down, an I have been happy with the results. 

About this time last year, our ward boundaries were made bigger. Not long after this, a lady who is now in our ward invited Chad and me to a dinner party, and we went and had fun. Then, we talked to each other here and there at church. After a few months, she organized a girls’ trip and invited me. Then, she and her husband invited Chad and I over for New Year’s Eve. Since then, we have found times to spend together. For the past month, we have been taking walks together after I get off work on Thursday. 

It has been great to get to know a new person. We have a lot in common and many differences. I have learned a lot about myself through her and a lot about being a mom. She is different than my other friends. She seems to be able to make friends with everyone she meets. 

Today, we had a regular conversation about our daughters, work, and other day to day things. As we got back to our cars (we meet at a dirt road to walk), she told me how much better she has felt since the sun has been out more. I told her how much better I have been feeling lately as well. I felt a real connection. 

I have a few very close friends. Each of them have something different about them that draws me to them. I’m not even sure I could explain it really. I know I am meant to be friends with a few choice people, and I am glad I have them in my life. 

My Girl

 I knew I would have an amazing daughter one day. She and I would have a better relationship than I had with my mom. She would be smart, beautiful, and funny. She would be loved more than I ever was or would be. 

Noel is everything I imagined and more. I am so blessed to have her. I hope she knows how much I love her.  I hope she knows I will always fight for her. How could I not? She is one of the most important people in my life and always will be. 

Final Grades

My grades have been finalized. I am not real happy with my grades, but I know that they reflect the work I put into the classes. In Family and Community Relations (the class that stressed me out the most), I ended up with a 79.93%. I am kicking myself for not turning in any assignments the week I got home from visiting my dad. If I had turned in those two assignments, I would most likely have a B. In Family Theory and Dynamics, I ended up with a 79.39%. I think I turned in everything in that class, but I know that I would have a better grade if I studied better for the exams including participating in the study group I was out in. Both grades are passing grades, but they do nothing for my GPA. At this point, I am not planning to go to graduate school, but I would like the option open if I were to decide I want to in the future. 

What Progress?

 At the beginning of the year, I set some goals in the four areas suggested by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (spiritual, physical, social, and intellectual). I have not been doing very well in some of these goals, but I am ready to make a change. 

I want to keep making progress in the areas that I have had some success and add on that success. I recognize that some of my success has required effort and some has required habit formation. I believe that the areas I need to add focus to would require habit formation. I know that means work will be put into it, but my hope it that it becomes as simple to do eventually as listen to a chapter in the Book of Mormon has become. 

To track my progress, I am going back to the pie chart method that I tried when I attempted the Level 10 thing. I believe that having 8 specific goals (two for each category), I can have better focus and be less overwhelmed than having 10 broad categories. 

Happy Easter

 

It was said several times during General Conference that there would be no Christmas if there were no Easter. If Chiat has not sacrificed, bled from every poor, been humiliated, died, and been resurrected, we would have no reason to celebrate His birth. Had he not been willing to do all of this as a perfect man, we would not have a reason to celebrate Him. If He had not been resurrected, we would not have the hope of being with our loved ones for eternity. 

I love my Savior. I am so thankful for the Atonement. I am thankful for the knowledge that I can be with my mom and brother again. I am thankful for the hope my Savior has provided through His sacrifice and resurrection. 

Harry Potter with Sean

At the beginning of the Mammoth Lacrosse season, Sean and I decided we would watch one Harry Potter movie each night Chad was gone with his brother. Sean read all of the books multiple times in elementary school, and I rad them before the movies came out for the most part. We have each seen the movies at least once, but I felt this would be something nice that the two of us could do together. There is only one game left, but there are three movies. We have decided that we will find time on Saturdays to finish the  last two movies together while Chad is at work and Noe is with her dad. 

I have been enjoying watching these movies with Sean. I forget how fun they were. I think I’m going to read the books again when I am done with the books I’m reading right now. 

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing - Review

 

I finally finished Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing. In some ways I loved this book. I have read the reviews. Some are good, and others are not. It seems that people who just want to know more about Matthew Perry love this book. Then, there are the people who seem to expect it to be perfectly written and edited. 

I bought this book in December as soon as I heard about it because I have a slight obsession with Friends, and I love to learn about people’s backstories. I wasn’t able to start it until January, but for those reasons, I eagerly dove into the book knowing the time I had for reading personal books was limited. 

This book tells Matthew Perry’s life struggles in raw detail. I think it would have been a disservice to him had it been perfectly edited. For the most part, he tells his life story in a linear way. He talks of his upbringing following his parents' divorce, his rise to stardom, his struggles with addiction and dating, his love of God, and his road to recovery. 

Matthew Perry starts with what should have been the story of his death. One would think this would have been the wakeup call needed for him to get clean once and for all. ***Spoiler alert***It was not. 

If you want to read a literary work of art, this is not the book for you. If you want to learn the story of Matthew Perry's life and how he overcame the impossible, you will like this book. 

Waiting for Grades

I finished my finals and last assignments for the semester last night. These classes were the hardest I have taken to date. With only a few semesters left, I am ready to work hard to the end. 

Now, is probably the most nerve wracking part of the semester. I am waiting for all of the assignments I turn in last week, the few assignments due this week, and my finals to be graded. I currently have a B in each of my classes. I have done the calculations. The worst I could do is get Ds in each class. The problem is, that is not good enough. I need Cs or better to pass all degree specific classes. I don’t want tor have to take these classes again. 

Hurt…In a Good Way

Chad and I signed up for this year’s BOLDERBoulder a few days ago. That means it is time to be serious about training. Since my running has been sporadic at best, that means k have to get back on a regular running schedule. I know I keep saying I’m going to do this. 

Today, I started my training plan using my Jeff Galloway’s app. I like using this app because it helps me time my run/walk intervals. I did a 30 minute run for the first time in a long time. Now, my hips and legs hurt, but it is a good kind of hurt. 

I am proud of myself for getting out in the cold and making a plan to move forward. It is not always easy to make the time to workout, but I need to make myself a priority. 

Snacking Goals

I have been snacking way too much over the past month. This is causing issues in more than one way. First, it costs money to make runs to the gas station with Noel or have Door Dash deliver something. Second, I am setting a bad example for Sean and Noel. I know they are old enough for bad habits like emotional eating to have already taken hold, but maybe they can learn better habits. If it's not not too late for me, it's not too late for them. Third, my weight keeps going up. I need to find a healthier way.

I have been getting freeze dried food delivered once a month. I get them because I want to build up my food storage. I also want to eat them, though. Eating the foods that are being ordered and delivered anyway for my snacks would help with the issues I am having in part. 

I have decided that I am going to start having one snack a day of freeze dried fruit. This should help me save money, be a better example, and lose weight. It will not completely keep me away from the junk food. 

Mom Was There

Today, as I watched conference, listened to the talks, and took in the music, I could feel my mom comforting me. I have really been struggling with the events of the accident that took her and Anthony for the past month. I know the Lord heard my prayer yesterday for peace. There were many messages in conference about the peace the gospel brings. It was as though I those talks were tailored to me. The music especially hit me in a special place today. The last hymn in of General Conference was the one I sang with my friend at the funeral. The choir also sang one that I learned how to sign when I was in primary. When I think of signing, I think of my mom and dad. I think the Lord knew I needed to feel something special from conference to help me work through my feelings, and that is exactly what happened. 

Peace of General Conference

I am coming to the realization that a lot of what I am dealing with is because of the reopening of the wound of the death of my mom and brother. Trying to not deal with it is causing commotion in almost all areas of my life. I need to prioritize as I had said a few days ago, but I need to figure out how to do that in a way that I will feel peace. 

This morning, as I showered and got ready to watch General Conference, I prayed with deep emotion. In tears, I begged God to help me heal and feel peace. As I watched and listened to the speakers, I could feel the Lord tell me that I will be ok. There were a few talks that helped me. One talked about over coming discouragement. (The speaker made sure to differentiate between discouragement and mental health issues that need professional intervention.) I knew as I listened to him that he was talking to me. I know that I can feel the peace the gospel brings as I keep my covenants and trust in the Lord. 

I am so glad that my prayers were heard this morning. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father that wants to give me comfort and peace when I am willing to turn to Him. I am excited to find out what else I can learn and feel as I watch the rest of the sessions tomorrow.