The pictures above appeared in my Facebook memories today. I remember when they were taken 15 years ago. I had seen a suggestion somewhere to do a time capsule at the beginning of the year (there is a blog post about it from that year). One of the things I included for each person was a picture (the ex was deleted off of my Facebook page years ago). We each stood in front of the beautiful Christmas tree that we bought not long after Noel’s 3rd birthday. At this point, I knew something was wrong in the marriage and was desperately trying create happy memories.
I have complicated feelings when I look at these pictures. I love seeing the kids’ little faces. I often miss the simplicity of these ages. At the same time, I remember how it felt to do these things like this alone for the most part. I could feel the resentment as I tried to get the ex to leave the girls he was chatting with online in the bedroom. I would rather remember the happy, innocent, sweet faces of my children. They have been my reason for everything since before they were born. My hope is that in the future, the kids will be the only memory I have when I see these pictures.
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