Surrounding Myself with Spiritual Influences

As I have been working on bettering myself and my circumstances, I have been reading self-help books, working as an ordinance worker in the temple, and doing my internship through Catholic Charities so I can finish my degree. I have had a strong concentration on improvement while not losing my testimony of Jesus Christ. Each step that I am taking draws me closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ because of this concentration. 

This week, I have been doing a lot of e-learning at my internship. Most of it has concentrated on being trauma informed. One thing that I love about these trainings is that they combine mental health concepts with the teachings of Jesus Christ. 

The most recent training that I have been working on is about self care to help with vicarious trauma. One thing that struck me was the concept that to love others and God we must learn to love ourselves. It was pointed out that when asked by the Pharisees, "Master, which is the great commandment in the law?" Jesus gave an answer of love saying, "Thou shalt live the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." Then, He continued this with, "...Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (Matthew 22:36-39) The last part of these verses tell us we should love ourselves. If we don't, we can't love others the way they deserve to be loved. 

I am working with people who have been through real trauma. They have been dehumanized. They are looked down on by society in general. How can we make a change in even one person's life? I don't have all of the answers, but we need to take care of ourselves and carry on that love and care to those we can. I hope to be able to find my place in this space helping others, but I am learning that as I do what I can to find my space as a helper, I need to learn to care for myself as well. 

Life Changing Book

 

The book The Law of Love is such a wonderful book about how to love without the expectation of getting anything in return. He talks about how to implement it in all aspects of life using personal stories and inspirational quotes. Each time I opened this book, I felt edified. I love this book so much that I am planning to buy it for several people for Christmas. 

I Have This Bag

I have this bag of books under my desk waiting for me. It's full of nonfiction books that I want to read. Each time I finish a book, I lay these books out on my bed to decide which book I want to read next. These are all books that will help me become the person I want to be and heal from my past. The only problem that I have is that I keep adding to it.

The last book that I pulled out of my bag was The Law of Love by Steve Young. I started this book a few weeks ago and read it for about 10 minutes each morning before my bath. I am loving this book so far. It talks about the importance of loving God and other people fully without expectation of reward. As we learn to love as God loves, we naturally become the type of person I aspire to be. In this book, he quotes scripture, church authorities, and religious leaders from other churches. The chapter I finished this morning talked about the lessons in love that he learned through football. I have enjoyed this book from the beginning and am thinking of giving to the ladies I minister to for Christmas. I am fairly certain that the next book I will pull out of my bag will be the companion book The Law of Love in Action.

What other books do I have in this bag? 

• A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson 
• Habits of a Peace Maker by Steven T. Collis
• Standing for Something by Gordon B. Hinckley
• The Rock of Our Redeemer: Facing the Future with Faith, Hope, and Power by David A. Bednar
• Old-Fashioned on Purpose: Cultivating a Slower, More Joyful Life by Jill Winger
• The Doctrine and Covenants / The Pearl of Great Price Journal Edition (for next year's scripture study)

I am excited to read all of these books, but I won't rush myself because I want to savor them. I will keep reading at the same pace and soak in every concept. I will probably continue to add to the bag, too. 

Vitamin Regimen

When reading The End of Mental Illness, I decided I needed to start a regular vitamin regimen. Each time I read about a symptom that seemed like something I could be dealing with, I added another supplement. I am now taking a multivitamin, magnesium, ginkgo biloba, fish oil, and iron. For the most part, I have taken these supplements for four or five months.

I don't know if it is making a difference because this book was the start of my self-help journey. The thing is that I don't really care if it is the changes I'm making with each book, the supplements, my greater concentration on spiritual matters, or everything combined. I have been feeling better, and I can't afford to send myself and my child to therapy. I am going to keep doing what I've been doing as long as I continue healing and progressing mentally and spiritually. 

Just Not Good

 

I went into this book kind of excited and ready to learn. A lot of people seemed to like it, and the title is just fun. The problem is that it is just not a good book. 

My issues with the book started in the first section. She talks about frequency and source energy as if the reader is already familiar with these terms. I was not. I learned more about it as I read the book, but I was lost at the start. Then, she acknowledged that she had been an atheist who found God but would refer to Him in more ambiguous way throughout the book. That rubs me wrong. I understand trying to make the material universal, but this crossed a line in my opinion. 

As I moved into the remaining sections of the book, it got better, and I was starting to enjoy it a bit. I even underlined parts that felt significant (I do this in a lot of books). The problem: each chapter has a list of things to do. That can be a bit overwhelming. I can't make that many changes in how I operate my day to day all at once. Also, there was little to no flow from chapter to chapter. She explained why this was so in one of the chapters saying that she sat down with note cards and wrote down chapter headings/ideas then tackled the one by one in random order. I kind of felt done with the book at that point but wanted to push through because I paid money for this book and didn't want to feel like it was a waste. 

I had to stop reading it the chapter about money (the longest chapter). She give no practical advise. She basically just tells people to stop believing money is evil and they deserve to have enough to live and help others. Not bad I guess if that is your problem. It's not mine. I just need to create better habits around money. I can't go out and buy a fancy car because I believe I am worth it and hope to make enough for the payments. I also can't quit my job to chase a dream. These are totally irresponsible behaviors! Why would a self-help book recommend them? 

What did I get out of the book? Believe in yourself. Take a leap of faith from time to time. Don't be afraid of everything. If I have positive energy, I am more likely to receive positive energy. The thing is, I can/have learned those lessons from multiple sources. 

Overall, I did not like this book. It can be confusing and overwhelming. If you want to learn and develop yourself, you can get the little that can be learned from this book just about anywhere else. 

Why I Don't Post as Much

I have obviously stopped posting as much on this blog. It hasn't been a conscious decision for the most part. A big part of it has been because I have been journaling daily as part of my Miracle Morning. Also, I was struggling with knowing what to post and what not to post and had stepped back a bit while trying to make those decisions. 

A paper journal has many advantages. I love sitting down and writing. There is just something cathartic about it that I can't fully explain. I can spill my guts out without judgement or backlash and just sit in the moment. Also, if some server crashes, the journal is still preserved. Having lost my mom at a young age, I see the value in having these records of my innermost thoughts, too. I have no idea if they will have any kind of sentimental value to anyone other than me, but they will be in existence if someone wants to learn about the real me. 

A few years ago, it had become obvious that a few people I didn't really want to know certain things were reading my blog. When I vented about this, the backlash directed at one of the children was horrible. Since then, I have been trying to make sure not to post things that could have those results. It's exhausting and a reminder of the controlling crap I endured in a past relationship. A bout 4 or 5 months ago, a comment left on here made it obvious that at least one of these people are still reading what I post. (Hi!) I went into a spiral of fear and depression that I didn't know how to get out of myself. This sent me into a deeper dive of self-help books than I have ever gotten into, and it is helping. It has also lead me to journaling on paper again. I guess you can say that those who have been doing what they can to cyber stalk me have helped me find the parts of me I didn't even know were missing. Thank you, I guess.

Am I going to continue posting? Yes. I just won't be doing so on a consistent basis. I will still post about books I love, my testimony of Jesus Christ and His gospel when I feel inspired to to so, major life events, my knitting or crocheting, and any other time I feel the need to do so. I just won't be posting nearly every day like I had been for a while. My sanity is more important than the $0.03 I earn off of this per month. 

My Next Book

I finished the Miracle Morning today, so I have to move on to my next self-help type of book. I have two waiting for me, You Are A Badass: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero and  A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. I want to read both. The decision of which one to read first is difficult. I asked Chad his opinion and looked them a bit more closely to decide. 

I am going to read You Are A Badass first. Chad likes the title, but I had to look at it for what it was and remember what made me buy it. My goal with these books is to create a better life. I think this one will help me get closer, and it having a humorous tone will help me want to read it. 

The other book sounds wonderful and has been in print since 1992 which tells me it is a good book. I bought it because I loved a quote that was used in the Miracle Morning that resonated with me. It will for sure be my next book. For now, I am happy with my decision.