School Decisions

I have been trying to make the decision on what school I will be attending. I know that I need to finish a degree program. There are just a few questions that need to be answered: What program do I need to complete? Where should I go?

To really start this story properly, I would have to go back to September of 2007. I was at Women's Conference and President Thomas S. Monson (at the time he was the First Counselor in the General Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints) gave a talk that spoke to me more than any other conference talk has spoken to be in my life. More specifically two paragraphs spoke to me loud and clear. He said, "Beyond our study of spiritual matters, secular learning is also essential. Often the future is unknown; therefore, it behooves us to prepare for uncertainties. Statistics reveal that at some time, because of the illness or death of a husband or because of economic necessity, you may find yourself in the role of financial provider. Some of you already occupy that role. I urge you to pursue your education—if you are not already doing so or have not done so—that you might be prepared to provide if circumstances necessitate such.

"Your talents will expand as you study and learn. You will be able to better assist your families in their learning, and you will have peace of mind in knowing that you have prepared yourself for the eventualities that you may encounter in life." 

At the time, I didn't feel like I had a reason to question the relationship I was in. It wasn't great, but I didn't get married to get divorced. The person I was married to at that time had a full time job that was providing for us, and he was going to school. We were temple recommend holders, and lived the lifestyle that went along with that (at least that was what I thought). When I told him about this talk and how it really made me feel like I needed to go to school and get an education, he told me that I couldn't go because I wouldn't be able to handle the temptation and might cheat on him. (For those of you who know the story of my divorce, this is quite an interesting response.) I still couldn't shake this nagging feeling that I needed to go to school.

Skip ahead almost two years. The ex revealed some devastating news, and we separated for the first time. I could make decisions for myself. I started looking into schools and decided that online school would be best because I would have to go to work and leave my kids for the first time and didn't want to leave them for school as well. I decided to attend Everest Online University online and started less than a month later. I love it back then. I felt like I was finally accomplishing this goal that felt like a dream for what seemed like forever.
Now here I am, married to my best friend, someone who respects me, pushed me to reach my true potential, tries to help my reach my goals, and love me with all my quirks. I have been kicked out of school now twice. The first time during my divorce for not attending classes, and the second time for my GPA. I am being recruited back to Everest Online University, but I am trying to decide if it is really the right fit considering it has been four years since I started and I have yet to finish my two year degree. I have looked into other schools, and really like the idea of going to BYU-Idaho's online program. The only problem I have with that is as a transfer student they want me to have a GPA of 2.5 or greater. Mine was far lower than that. I looked into CSU Global Campus, but it just doesn't feel right for some reason.
 I am putting more research and thought it school than I have in the past. I have prayed about it a few times. For now, I feel like I should go back to Everest for at least a little while and raise my GPA so that I can open up more options. I don't think that I will finish my degree at this school because they make it really difficult to stay motivated by making me jump through hoops just to get signed up for classes each term. I know that I need to finish a degree program, I need to set an example for my kids, I need to have more opportunities for greater income and better jobs, and most of all, I need to show myself that I can accomplish a long term goal that I have set for myself.

Dates With Mom

At the beginning of the week, with with advise of both my ex and current husbands (who knew they would agree on anything), I started a reward system where the kids could earn a date night me. I got out an empty jar for each of them to decorate and told them when the jars were full, I would take them out for some one on one time. I made pom poms at the end of the day. The more good choices they made, the bigger the pom pom. I was a good idea, but I may have made those a bit big. All three kids earned a date with mom already. I took Sean out last night, and will be taking Eric this afternoon followed by Noel tonight. They all chose to go to Dairy Queen. This could be pricy. I am going to have to find something smaller to fill these jars. The idea was supposed to be me taking them out about once a month. At least it was a good kick off to the reward system though.

This is Sean and I am new to blogging. So for starters, yes I am allowed to do this so, I'll just show a pic. All I said was " I'll just show a pic." I never said WHAT pic. I'm done cause my OLDER brother and my YOUNGER sister are annoying me. So I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Becoming Active

 My husband and I have been doing things to be more active. We have been riding bikes and training to run a few 5Ks at the end of the summer.  I have been doing some Zumba and Yoga DVDs as well. We are doing this to improve our health mostly.
This healthier lifestyle appears to be rubbing off on the kids. Last summer, they didn't want to do anything but sit and watch TV or play video games. They would complain if I even suggested that they do anything outside. This summer they complain more when we tell them it is time to come in. They do still complain at times that they are bored, but mostly when the neighbor kids aren't home to play with. They have in the last week randomly gone out to ride their bikes with  no prompting.

Circus Train

 

On my way home from work today, I had to stop and wait for for a train. I first, I was really frustrated because I got there just in time to see the crossing gates go down right in front of me. I was ready for the regular boring freight train to go past. Much to my excitement it was a circus train. Not just any circus train, THE circus train! I saw elephants through the windows. People waived to me as they passed by. You would have thought that I was a kid with how excited I was. I came home and told my family about it. I was expecting ooh's and ah's and questions about what I saw or didn't see through the windows. They amused me. I'll give them that. I will just hold on to my memory and excitement. It was awesome!

She Really Got Attention!

The Diva

The Diva's Hand

Yesterday, was the last day of Spring Break (since it was Friday, and the kids will be with their dad until Sunday). To end the week, I decided to bring the kids in to get their eyes checked. Eric had his eyes checked about 4 years ago, and the other 2 have never been to the eye doctor. The kids were nervous and excited. Noel VERY much wanted to get glasses. The boys didn't really, but they knew what I knew, it was most likely time.
We went to Target for their appointments (it is the closest place on my vision insurance). I filled out the paper work as the kids look through the frames to see if there was anything they would like. The boys were indifferent. Noel was in love! Then came the appointments.
Noel was first. She really tried to have problems seeing. When the doctor told her to guess, she always guessed correctly. When he made it a game, she would giggle and be right on the nose each time! No glasses for her, but she is being sent to a specialist for some pressure build up in her eyes. She was devastated!
Next up was Sean. He read the letters down the chart as instructed until her could no longer make out the letters. When the doctor asked him if he could guess, Sean just matter-of-factly told him, "No. I don't know what it is." I could tell this frustrated the poor doctor, but he just kept going. Sean was in that seat the longest of any of my kids. Apparently, he needs glasses for distance, but needs to take them off to read. I never heard of that, but ok.
Last up was Eric. I knew before taking him in that he would need glasses. He has been reading with the book or paper closer to his face and getting closer and closer to the computer screen. He was the main reason I was taking them. Despite his efforts to see, he needs glasses for everything. (Poor kid. It just isn't as exciting at 11 as it would have been at 7.)
We, then, started the task of picking out frames for the boys. They picked out what they liked as my sweet girl begged to get some too. I promised her we would get her some sunglasses as we picked up a few other things we needed at the store. When we were done there came the fun part.
I called their dad to let him know the results of their eye appointments, and he let me know he was on his was to get them for the weekend. Not having their clothes packed yet, I got them each an outfit for them to wear home on Sunday so that we wouldn't have to go back home. I got Noel the most adorable sunglasses ever to make up for her not getting the glasses she was dying for and a few other things I needed to get for the house. Then, I started trying to kill time by looking at the cost of things Eric will need for Outdoor Ed next month. As I was looking at water bottles, it happened. The kids started to play with the weights. Noel picked up a 2 lb. weight and laughed at how light it was. As she was putting it back Eric went to pick up another one and it slipped from his hand. I started to tease him about not being as strong as his little sister when his little sister started crying. She held up her hand. Her finger was already bruising and swelling up. I thought it may be broken and told her we may have to go to the ER. She was scared, so we paid for out things and went home to get ice (I totally forgot their dad was on his way at this point). When we got home, I got a baggie and put ice on her poor finger that by this time was twice as round as normal and put the kids clothes in a bag for them to take for the weekend. Their dad texted me to find out where we were, and I let him know we went home to get ice. He came to get the kids and looked at her finger. He thought the same as I did, and we decided she needed to have it looked at.
She walked into the ER with those adorable sunglasses on to hide her tears, and was treated like the princess that I always tell her she is. When she said the room was cold, they not only gave her a blanket, they wrapped it around her. Several nurses came down to see this cute girl dressed in pink with her "movie star glasses" and asked her what was wrong. Her response was always, "My brother dropped a 2 lb. weight on me finger. He didn't mean to. It was an accident. He just isn't as strong as me." An hour into her first ER visit, they decided to go ahead and x-ray her hand even though by this point they were pretty sure she just had a bruise. About an hour later, the conclusion was just that. It is bruised pretty badly.
That was one long, expensive afternoon!

Thinking About Her

A few days ago, I was out with some friends when one mentioned that she would be 65 later this year. That got me thinking. My mom's birthday is Monday. She would be turning 60 this year. I wonder what she would she would be like had she lived this long. Would she be close enough to have sleep overs with my kids? Would she and I have a close relationship? Would she have given me the emotional support I needed during my divorce? Would she have been there for me when I had my kids? What kind of grandma would she be?

Sean's Resolutions

Phone Call From My Kids

                                    
My kids go to their dad's the first 3 weekends of the month. They often complain that they didn't really do anything on Saturday and were bored. Since my oldest has a cell phone, I remind them that it is perfectly ok to call me since I rarely work on Saturdays anymore.
Yesterday, the oldest child decided to do just that. I had a great conversation with him about the books that he likes to read and the dinner that they had with their dad the night before. (Did you know Macaroni Grill has pepperoni bigger pepperoni on their pizza than Subway has on their sandwiches?) After about 30 minutes of talking to my oldest child, the other kids realized who he was talking to and wanted to talk, too. I, then, was able to talk to them for a while about what they had been doing that morning and the books they enjoyed reading and other things that they wanted to talk about.
By the time I got off the phone, I had been on the phone for about 45 minutes, but it didn't feel like more than 5 or 10 minutes. I am so glad that my oldest decided to call me and the others wanted to talk to me as well. It is amazing how those sweet children can brighten a day where I was sucked in by current events. I am truly blessed to be their mom.

Christmas Books

To bring the spirit of Christmas into my home this year, I am using my story time with the kids to read Christmas stories. So far I have read one chapter book (a chapter per night) and two other stories. The chapter book we read was AWESOME! The final chapter had me teary eyed and brought a beautiful spirit into the home. This book was The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. We got it as a family gift years ago, but I had never read it completely. I saw the movie years ago, but didn't really remember it other than the goofy stuff in it. I am so glad that I found it while cleaning and decided to share it with my kids. I hope to be able to find more books that can bring the same spirit through out the month.

An Early Christmas

I have to share my kids. It is not the best or most fun way to live, but it is the reality of no longer being married to my kids' father. This year is his turn to have the kids on Christmas. A reality that...well...sucks. I told the kids that they were getting to spend Thanksgiving at home this year because they were going to be with Daddy for Christmas quite a while ago.
Last weekend the reality of them not being here on Christmas day hit me and made me start thinking of ways to still make the season special as well as trying to figure out when we were going to be able to celebrate Christmas (working in the service industry means that I have to work Christmas Eve). After talking it over with my husband, we agreed that December 23rd would work best. It is a Sunday meaning neither of us has to work, and we will be going to church and being filled with Christmas messages (a great way to remind the kids what Christmas is really about).
I explained this to the kids a few nights ago and suggested that Eric write a letter to Santa to request that he make one exception this year and stop by 2 nights early. My poor sweet Eric had tear welling up in his eyes. He was fine with writing the letter and even left room for his brother and sister to sign. As I looked it over and told him what a great job he did, he started crying. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he didn't want to go anywhere for Christmas. He just wanted to be home. This melted my heart. I looked into my sweet 10-year-old's face and told him that could understand that, but his daddy loves him too and it is his turn. I don't know if it really made him feel any better. It is moments like that thought that I just want to say, "Then you can stay home if that is what you want." I can't. I have to share. Being a grown-up is hard sometimes.

Proud Mama Moments

This was in Sean's Friday Folder this last week. He did a great job!

Noel excitedly shared this with me today. Now I have proof that she knows how to read (she tries to convince me otherwise).

Eric brought these home in his Friday Folder.

Martin's Cove Trip

For Labor Day, we decided to take a day trip up to Martin's Cove. (FYI it is not really "day trip" distance. I would suggest planning to spend at least one night up there to get anything out of it.) We also decided to stop at a couple other little historical stops on the way. We all had a lot of fun!

Our first stop was the Lincoln Highway Monument. It was at the Welcome Center as we were driving into Wyoming. Eric read all of the signs (of course). He even read the displays in the Welcome Center. It was a nice little stop (and it had some of the cleanest bathrooms for the whole trip). It was definitely a good place to get out and stretch. 

If you look really close, the kids are in this picture.

We traveled for a ways longer and longer and...well...we took an unintentional 2 hour detour. (Did you know there is more than one HWY 287 in Wyoming?) We did get back on track and stopped at our next stop, Fort Steele. It is just a little place just off of the highway and almost in ruins. The kids liked it, and there were signs that pointed to where things used to be and were the stuff that were still standing were. Again, Eric read every sign and really took in the information.

Then we went on to Martin's Cove. It was great! We pulled and rode in hand carts. Then we went through the visitors center and learned about pioneer life, followed by going through the museum buildings to learn more about the Mormon pioneers as well as the Sun family that owned the ranch the museum was now at. 

The last historical stop was at Fort Casper. We got there 20 minutes after it closed so we couldn't go into the museum, but we did get some pictures from the parking lot and played on the playground before our journey home. 

Does anyone know what this is? We didn't, but Sean took a lot of pictures of it.

We all had a great time. The kids are already talking about what they want to do when we go next year!

The Secret's Out

I am going to preface this by saying: if you want to comment, I don't want advise on how to solve the problem. I am just frustrated.

I potty trained all of my kids when they were about 2 and a half. That means that for the oldest it has been about 8 years, the middle about six, and the youngest about 4. One would think that by now they would all be over having "accidents." That one would be thinking wrong. I have only one child that seems to have mastered the concept of using the toilet every time they need to go. That would be my middle child. The one that most people think would act out the most to get attention. (He does have his moments, but not in this area thank goodness.)
My oldest is in 5th grade. He doesn't have any mental disorders. He is extremely smart. He had an "accident" so bad at school today that they had to not only give him pants to wear, but a shirt as well. Somehow it doesn't bother him or embarrass him to pee in his pants at school. In fact, school is the only place that he does this. I make him do a load of laundry each time. That doesn't seem to help (the darn kid likes doing laundry). Today is the beginning of the second week of school, and it is the second day my kid has needed a change of clothes. Last week they called me and asked me to bring him clothes. I got irritated and once again (like I have been doing the last few years when the same person has called me to bring him clothes) told the them that I have to be at work. I can't just drop everything to bring this child who more than knows better a change of clothes. I offered to send clothes for him to drop off at the nurses office like they suggested in years past. This time they didn't think it was a good idea. My next step is to do what this child thinks is incredibly embarrassing and send him to school every day with a plastic bag of clothes to change into "just in case" for him to carry in his backpack every day for a month. If he has to use them the month starts all over. I am at my whits end with this. He doesn't have this problem at home. The school always suggests I get him tested for bladder problems. I really don't think that is it. If that was it wouldn't he have the problem over the summer. He didn't have one single "accident" all summer that I know of. Not when he was with me or the babysitter anyway.
 My youngest child lately thinks that not only is it ok to "just go a little" in her pants, she doesn't seem to understand that by continuing to wear the pants, she can get infections. I wish that was the worst of it. Last week, while in the shower, she went number two, left the shower on, and when I went in to ready the shower for her brother, she said it was the dog. Strange how it wasn't there when she got it, the door was closed while she was in and as soon as she got out, and there was a stinky pile of yuck that definitely didn't smell like the dogs' messes in there the next time I opened the door. I had to turn off the shower, quickly clean it, and try to think of some kind of discipline for something I never thought a child would do. She did a load of laundry (I was too taken back to think of anything else).
Tonight, when my oldest went to brush his teeth, my oldest found a human surprise on the bathroom floor. REALLY? How can someone get that close and just go on the floor instead of the potty. I tried to get the culprit to clean it up, but she wouldn't admit to it. (Apparently, she not only has a bathroom problem, she has a truth telling problem.) Since it was a bit past bed time, I just cleaned it up myself this time. UGH!
My solution for now it to have the two that don't know how to use the bathroom do yet one more load of laundry each tomorrow and assist each other in cleaning this room that one doesn't seem to know how to find and the other doesn't seem to know where to go in it.
I keep trying to remind myself that they are just children and it is my job to teach them how to be successful. I can say I am doing a good job in most areas. I just need to get this thing nipped in the bud before go insane!

Things I Never Thought I Would Say

"Yes, Eric, you can make your bed instead of playing if you want."

"Have fun organizing your dresser, Princess."

I think aliens have taken the place of two of my children...

Tomatoes

We have a tomato plant in the front yard that is getting quite big. It has yet to produce any tomatoes, but there are a lot of flowers on it. Yesterday, when getting out of the car, Noel says, "Hey, Mom! Look! We have LOTS of tomatoes on this plant!" I asked her where because I wasn't seeing what she was seeing. She points to a group of flowers and says, "Right there. At least they will be..."

Moving Things Around

I have decided to move things around a bit. I realized that my blog that started off to be about my family life was getting to be more and more about my struggle with goals (mostly weight loss). I have decided to split it up a bit. I will now have a blog for my family journal and one for my personal goals. I am really hoping that this will help motivate me to achieve my goals. Come see Druciana's YoYo when you get the chance!

Olympics With the Kids

I am so happy that I can watch the Olympics with the kids this summer. The boys love the swimming. Noel loves gymnastics. I like both (works well for me). I swell with pride as I hear my children chant, "USA, USA, USA, USA," as I am making dinner in the next room. I find it fun that my daughter doesn't really care what team "the girl with the eyeshadow" is on, she just cares that she is wearing make up. I like being able to talk to Eric about his memories of watching 4 years ago. It is fun to remember my brother, sister, and I watching as kids and trying to reenact what we were watching all over the family room. Heck. I just love the Olympics!

Being Myself

I admire people who are completely comfortable being themselves no matter what. I am good with being myself at home. My husband is my best friend. He knows more of my secrets than anyone. I can be myself with my sister and my really close friends. However, it has gotten to a point on facebook that I am not sure I can be myself. I have about 200 "friends" on facebook. I enjoy keeping my contacts with people from the past. I am glad I have a way to keep in touch with people I have worked with recently (for the most part). I am so worried about offending people that I barely know that I don't think I can voice my opinion on there. So here we go. If you decide that my views are offensive. If you take me off of your friends list on facebook. So be it. I need a place to be me. I have already removed some, and depending on who you are may not even notice if you get rid of me.
Here gos nothing:
I am a Mormon. I believe in the teachings that I have been taught though out my life. I take my kids to church every Sunday.I believe that by taking my children to church and teaching them about God and Jesus Christ. I get offended when people speak ill of my religion. If I didn't believe in the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I would not still be going.
I don't believe in gay marriage. I am not completely anti-homosexual, I just believe that marriage is to be between a man and a woman. I don't believe in ostracizing anyone who feels differently than I. Everyone is meant to be happy and is entitled to their own opinions. I have personal reasons my vies that I will not share in a public venue.
I am completely monogamous. I have know the pain of being cheated on. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. When I hear people that are in committed relationship talk about the people they have on the side and how they are hiding it from the person they supposedly love, it sickens me. If it would just kill you for them to leave, do betray them in the worst way possible.
My kids are my world. I would do anything for them. I do have to work to try to support them. That does not mean that I don't love my kids. If I had the option, I would stay home with them. I just don't have that option right now.
As someone who has lived as a single parent for a little while, I respect people who have to raise their children alone. Luckily, I still had my kids' dad in their lives. I also had a great support system (I have the best sister and friends a girl could ask for). I couldn't imagine doing it completely by myself.
I have been divorced. Sometimes it is the right decision. I didn't marry my first husband to get divorced. I didn't just give up when it got a bit tough. It was not the easy way out by any means. It was a decision that affected many people. The purpose of the divorce was not to harm others, it was to try to stop a bad situation from becoming worse.
I am not against guns. I really don't think about them much. You won't catch me protesting either way.
I know bad things happen. I believe that the world is a scarier place than it was when I was a kids. I try to protect my kids as much as possible.However,  I don't want to live my life in fear. I live in a small, safe town. I want my kids to feel safe. I will let them play outside without telling them a bunch of scary stories about kids that have been kidnapped or killed.
I am a hard worker. I am finally being recognized for my efforts at my job. I will not apologize for being picked to do a project based on my skills and stats. I will not apologize for taking vacation time that I have earned. I will continue to work hard. I would like to be able to socialize at work, but if people are going to hate me and not talk to me because I have earned a few (very few) privileges, they can go ahead and do so.
I am lucky to be married to a man who truly loves me and my children. He listens to my craziness. He lets me cry when I am overwhelmed with life. He values my opinion. I used to wish to have the kind of marriage that my friends had where I would feel valued as a person. I finally have that. I really do love that man!

Tuesday

Imagine this...You are running a little late for work. The kids are now, finally, loaded in the car. You are still telling them not to touch each other  or speak to each other if they can't be nice. You put the car into reverse to get out of the driveway. You need to stop the car to put it into drive and it doesn't stop. You think, "I know the breaks have been a bit soft lately, but this is crazy. Maybe since I am wearing heals, I am just not pushing the break right." You go on to the first stop sign and realize it is not your heals, you are not stopping here either.

This is exactly what happened to me two days ago. Luckily I live in a small town and no one is taking there kids to school to make the street busy. I was able to safely go around the block, get back home, and put the car into park to stop the car on the driveway (yes, I know this is bad for the transmission, but I had 3 kids in the car and needed to stop it). I made the the kids get into my husband's car and asked him to take the kids to the sitter so that I could get the car figured out. I made some calls, moved around as much money as I could, and arranged for a tow truck to pick me up (I figured that I shouldn't drive until I could safely stop). Then, I decided that since I mooched off of so many people while I was single, I would just walk home. Besides, it was only about a 10 minute drive. It couldn't be that bad of a walk, right? Wrong. I learned that a 4 mile drive may only be 10 minutes, but a 4 mile walk takes me about 2 hours. To make matters worse, I live in a very small town. Most of my walk was on a road that has practically nothing on it. The only business between home and the shop we took the car is Family Dollar. On a day that topped out at 97, that is not great. I was so thirsty. I stopped at Family Dollar to just get a drink. I ended up getting some jelly beans as well. As I crossed a small bridge where there was no where else to walk other than in the road, I walked as far over as I could . A little old lady driving an SUV called me an idiot as she passed by. I can just about guarantee that if I just randomly decided to go for a candy/soda run, I would have gone to the Shell station where I could walk on sidewalks. 

This is how I ended my vacation from work. I of course had to call in since I live in the boondocks, there is no mass transit.