My Running Journey

I have wanted to be a runner for a long time. I have been told many times that this is an odd goal or that whoever I happen to be talking to would hate to run as much as I would in my dreams. For a while this is made me feel like a weirdo. I would only run if I though little to no people could see me try. It didn't start this way, though. My desire to be a runner started at a young age.
At some point when I was in elementary school, I was convinced that I would be a great long distance runner. I joined the track team and ran the 400m run (a long run for a 10 or 11 year old). I came in last place and struggled to breathe while running. I still thought I could run.
In sixth grade I joined the cross country team with my older brother who was on the team the year before. I think our races were about 2K, but I am not sure. I just know they were significantly shorter than the high school teams. We ran the race course at our school everyday after school. I was always in last place (my brother didn't do much better). We just kept going every day and participated in each race. Our parents were proud of us no matter how bad we did. I remember finishing a race in tear because I could barely breathe, and a girl told me that I looked like I was showing off because I could only cry if I was finishing first. I took this to heart and wouldn't let myself cry until I was in the car from this point on. We didn't sign up for cross country the next year because we were getting ready to move, and they did not have school sponsored sports in middle school at our new school.
Let's fast forward many years later. My brother was gone. I had gone through a lot of crap. Things were finally calming down, and my new husband and I decided to follow this dream together (he had been a runner in high school and was ready to help me a bit). We signed up for a 5K and started training. I got shin splints and didn't get serious about my training when they healed. When we went to the 5K, he ran the entire thing. I ran just a little bit of it and blamed the heat (it was August). We did not really run again for almost 5 years.
This year, a group of ladies from church decided they wanted to do the Bolder Boulder (a 10K). When I saw that this was the 40th anniversary of the race, I decided that the race and me both turning 40 was a sign that this is my year to become a runner like that little girl wanted to do in the 80's. I started training by downloading an app and meeting with the group once a week. I have been working hard most weeks for the last several months only taking breaks for family deaths and a calf injury. The race is in 3 days. I do not know if I am ready, but I do know I feel more like a runner than I ever have. I will bring with me the memories of my brother and I joining that team together when he was in seventh grade and I was in sixth grade. I will do my best to make my big brother proud at this race as well as the others I have signed up for this summer.

Missing Them

I have had a rough week. I am not trying to whine or get attention for my problems. I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

Last week, on Thursday morning, my grandpa passed away. Somehow this took me by surprise. It, also, meant the loss of my childhood even more. I have so many memories of going to my grandparents' house with my cousins. I took my boys there when they were 2.5 years and 10 months old. As my sister and I drove around South Haven, MI, the realization that all of the traditions we had with my grandparents died with my last grandparent.
One more realization I had was that my family as I knew it was getting smaller once again as my sister, my dad, and me stood hugging each other at the cemetery. You see, when I was little, I lived with my mom, dad, brother, sister, and grandma. We would visit my other grandma and grandpa a few times a year. My Grandma Crawford (the one that lived with us) died about 1 or 2 months before my 11th birthday. My mom and brother were taken in when I was 18. Grandma Mitchell succumbed to the many illnesses she suffered almost 5 years ago. Grandpa Mitchell just couldn't live any longer as of last week. In a way, it doesn't seem fair for there to be only 3 of us left. Yes, we have added to that family. My dad was remarried less than a year after my mom and brother passed away which added 2 new family members, and my sister and I have been married with children which has added 7 more. It's not the same (good, just different).
The hardest part of this heartbreaking event was watching my dad say goodbye to his dad. My grandpa was given full military honors. The flag and brass were presented to my dad because he was the one that was also a veteran. After my dad was presented with the brass, he started to sway a bit. When he turned around, he was shaking so much with such little color in his face that a few of us were very concerned. I told Marleah to pass the baby to someone so we could help Dad. One of our cousins was more than happy to help as they watched the scene unfold. We helped my dad over to the car and embraced. Memories of Mom and Anthony's funeral came flooding to my brain and tears came flooding down my cheeks.
The other hard thing this week was that our sweet Lexie passed away while we were at church on Sunday. We knew it was coming. The average life expectancy of a beagle is only 14 years, and she was 16. She was also looking worse and worse for the last few weeks of her life. She had lost so much weight that she was scary to look at. Quite honestly, the way she was acting on Saturday, I wasn't sure she was going to make it through the night. When I started to pray for her to at least make it until I got back from the funeral, the thought that came to my head was that I needed to stop praying for this poor dog to live. That though broke my heart, but I knew it was true. When we got home from church she had passed away in her kennel. Chad put a sheet over it so that the kids didn't have to see her. Eric wanted to see his best friend, though. He dropped his stuff at the door, ran over to her, and cried in agony. I have never seen him cry that hard before. He just crouched down next to the kennel holding up the sheet for about 5 minutes. When I asked him what he needed, he just said he wanted to be alone. It broke my heart to see my son hurt so much. This was something I couldn't fix. His constant through everything we have put him through was gone, and I had to leave the next day. It wasn't fair.
Our poor other dogs have had a hard time adjusting to her being gone as well. Dexter, our lab mix, couldn't figure out how to go outside by himself for a few days. We were having to wake up Jasper, the chihuahua mix, and make him go outside with Dexter so that he could use the bathroom. The good news about that is it gave Eric a project to help him heal along with the dog. Eric would go outside with Dexter until he walked away and wasn't paying attention, and then he would go back in. Each time Dexter would stay out longer and longer. This morning, he was able to completely go out by himself.

Going to the Temple

I have some exciting news. Chad and I are going to the temple! The cancellation of my sealing to my ex-husband was approved on January 2. We will be meeting with the bishop tomorrow to work on our next step. Our plan is to be sealed on February 3. I can't even tell you how excited I am!
It feels completely different than when I was sealed before. Last time, it just felt like the next step in my life. This time I am so excited that I want to shout it on the rooftops. I know that this is right for both of us.

New Blog

I started a new blog to document my cooking adventure. It is called Druciana Cooks. For this blog, I will be making meals and deserts from recipes in books only. I feel like using recipe books is a lost art. Most of us just look up new recipes online while the books we used to use all of the time sit on shelves or in cabinets not being opened. I feel a bit sad for these books. I want to bring attention to these wonderful classics.

I'm Going to Try It

On Thursday, I was given a few boxes of cook books. I am quite excited to dive in! I am planning to go through the "cooking classes" first. My plan is to do one recipe per week, each Saturday. I know it is cheesy and a bit like Julie and Julia, but I really do like cooking and would love to learn more. I am excited to get started!

The Time Goes Too Fast!

It is hard to believe that 12 years ago today, the caboose to our little family was born. Noel is such a special little girl. I have been truly blessed to see her grow and learn. She is loved by almost everyone she meets. She has such a big personality, it is hard not to know when she is around.

Happy Birthday

Princess

He's 14

I am trying to do better at documenting things that happen in my family, but I am failing. I missed an important day.
Sean turned 14 on the 25th. He was able to enjoy 4 days of off and on birthday celebration. On Friday, September 22, I took off work and went to Boondocks with him. We played laser  tag, bowled, drove go-carts, and played in the arcade. It was a lot of fun! I was so happy that he chose to spend a day with me. The next day, we gave Sean his presents (a hamster from Noel and a board game he had been asking for from Chad and I and the Link hoodie from Eric a few days later when it arrived) and ate at Village Inn. My sister and her family were able to join us which was an extra special surprise since she has not been able to come up to this part of town since the baby was born in March. Sunday we went up to Chad's parents' house to celebrate his birthday and Chad's mom's birthday. We had another delicious dinner and some desert. They spoiled him by giving him an Eco Dot which he got set up the same night and has not gone a day without using it yet. Monday (his actual birthday), I made him a cake and we finally got to play the game he was given on Saturday.
I am so lucky that Sean is a part of our family. He is such a special boy, and I could not imagine my life without him.

Have to Get it Off My Chest

I am taking a break from Facebook. Why? Because when someone posted a meme comparing NFL players refusing to stand for the National Anthem to Rosa Parks, I was livid. My first thought was (and still is), "How dare they compare a group of millionaires that received a free ride to college to a true American hero who was actually oppressed?" I will not post this opinion on Facebook because I am a coward and fear the backlash of the people who post such memes. I do feel that the men who earn millions of dollars showing their talents to the world do deserve the income that they make, and I hope they are smart enough with that money that they will be able to live comfortably for the rest of their lives, but I do not think that they are oppressed in any way. Is this me being naive? Maybe. It will take a lot of convincing with many examples to change my opinion. Until either that happens or my poor brain calms down, I will stay away from Facebook and the claims that this is more than just a bunch of pampered stars having a fit.

They Grow Too Fast

I am sitting here looking at the pictures on the wall. The ones that look back at me are the kids' school pictures from last year. All I can keep thinking is how much they have grown in the last year. Sean especially looks a lot more grown up. I know that he has been maturing more lately, but I don't normally think about how much he has actually grown. I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

Piano Done

The challenge is complete!

Piano Cleaning Time

Unfortunately, this is what my piano area currently looks like. It WILL be cleaned this week. 

Scared for a Bit

I went to long into my other blog to post about my lack of success this week and saw a very scary screen saying that the blog had been deleted. Then, I went to try to long onto this blog. Again, I saw the same screen. I quickly went to my son who had just spent some time on the Nintendo website on my laptop and ask repeatedly what he did, if he deleted my blogs (including his blog). He said he didn't know. I may have yelled a bit about all of the family history lost.
I, then, grabbed my laptop to see what had happened. Apparently, he had accidentally disabled my Google account. This included my email, blogs, and other Google products. (I really only noticed the blogs at the time.) I went through the process of enabling my account. It is all back now, thank goodness. I comforted my then bawling boy. Life is now back to normal...as normal as it can be anyway.

Proud of My Boy

As many people know, my boys have been hesitant to accept the priesthood. Last week my oldest, Eric (15), decided he was ready to be ordained as a Teacher in the Aaronic priesthood. He, of course, didn't tell me. He tols the Young Men's president and a counselor in the bishopric. I was told by the counselor because he was also called to the presidency of the Teachers' quarm in our ward.
Today, Eric was ordained by his grandfather. I was so happy that tears came to my eyes. I didn't know if this would ever happen, but I am glad that my son not only made this decision, he made it on his own.

Making Grandma Mitchell's Pickles

I have been making my grandmother's pickles for the past 2 weeks (it is a 14 day recipe). As I started making the syrup, many memories that have come to my mind. The smell is such a wonderful reminder of the woman that I remember when I was young.
To me, it is the smell of Sunday dinner. On Sundays, she would make roast with all of the fixings. In the middle of the table were pickles. The best pickles anyone has ever tasted. Pickles that only Grandma could make. The next day she would serve the leftovers to make sandwiches and pickles.
Yesterday as I worked on the syrup, I thought of being a child in her home in Milford, IL (this is not where she lived for the last 20 or so years of her life). I could remember being in her kitchen "helping" her get dishes to set the table. The kitchen usually smelled like the smell I will always associate with one person, Grandma.
As I thought about this great lady, I remember how much love she had for her grandchildren and great grand children. I remembered that last time I visited her in Michigan (I have good memories of her there. Just not as many.) My boys were very small. Sean was 10 months old, and Eric was 2.2 years old. I remembered her taking my baby on her lap and reading to him. She was so amazed that he would just sit on her lap and let her read to him. Sean is now 13 and loves to read. I like to think that he got that love from her.
I hope that one day I will be able to make this recipe as good as my grandmother. I hope to be able to pass this recipe down so that the family recipe and memory of my grandma will continue on.

Tender Mercy

https://www.obu.edu/rotc/tribute-to-the-american-flag/

When considering the tender mercies in my life, I was having a hard time this week. Then, I was overcome with the spirit as we sang "The Star Spangled Banner" in Sacrament Meeting today. I am privileged to be a citizen of the most wonderful country in the world. I have the freedom to worship as I see fit. I have the freedom to vote. I have the freedom to speak out when I feel that thing are not right. I have many other freedoms that some people take for granted. I am honored to be chosen to be born in and be able to continue to live in such a wonderful country.

Tender Mercy

My tender mercy this last week was a wonderful talk that was given in Sacrament Meeting last week. It really made me think about the things that I needed to do differently with my kids to try to continue to teach them the gospel in the home. It seems like the older they get, the more resistant they get to the teachings of the gospel. I knew I had been lacking on a few things like Family Home Evening and scripture study, but I needed the reminder. I have talked to my husband,and we decided to start having Family Home Evening again. I think this will really make a difference in my family.

The Lord Will Find a Way

When the Lord has a message that needs to be shared, He will find a way for that to happen. In Jeremiah 36, Jeremiah is not able to go into Judah to preach to and warn the people. The solution was that he dictated his message to Barauch and these prophesies are made into a book. The king responds to this by destroying the book. Rather than giving up, Jeremiah dictates to Barauch again. This time he adds to his message. (Jeremiah 36)
We have seen this in modern times as well. Joseph Smith dictated the 116 pages in the Book of Mormon. He allowed Martin Harris to take them temporarily, and Martin Harris lost the manuscript. Joseph Smith was instructed by the Lord to not re-translate the pages because those who were seeking to destroy the message of the Book of Mormon would alter the words (Doctrine and Covenants 10:10-11). Luckily, the Lord had known this would happen when the Book of Mormon was being written in Nephi's days. Nephi had been instructed to write some of the same things as his father (1 Nephi 6:1).
These are examples of how the Lord will find a way for his message to be taught to those who need it at the time they need it. We are privileged to have a prophet on the earth today who continues to receive revelation for the Church. Elder James E. Faust told us in a conference talk, "The prophets, seers,and revelators have had and still have the responsibility and privilege of receiving and declaring the word of God for the world." Once great thing about living in our day is that when these revelations are revealed to us, we can hear the prophet tell them to us in conferences. If for some reason we miss those conferences or want to refer to them again, they are published the following month in the Ensign which we can access online and though apps on our phones/tablets.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/quote-meme-uchtdorf-1222045?lang=eng

When I was 17, my mom told me excitedly about a proclamation that was revealed to the women of the Church at women's conference on September 23, 1995. This proclamation has continued to be used to teach us about the divine nature and purpose of the family. My mother loved this doctrine. She passed away less than a year later. I truly believe that the timing of this revelation being given to the church prior to my mother's death was not a coincidence. She needed to learn this doctrine in this life, and she needed to feel the excitement she felt about the gospel in that moment.

Tender Mercy Research

I found an article/conference talk about tender mercies by Elder Bednar from the February 2012 issue. He pointed out that we are are able to have tender mercies in our lives. There is not a qualification process. My favorite quote from that article is, "I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them."

Fasting

http://www.relatably.com/q/fasting-quotes-christian

Isaiah 58 has so much packed into the 14 verses it comprises, I would suggest everyone read it. The principle that stuck out to me was in verses 5-8, fasting. 

Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I was taught to fast the first Sunday of every month. I do not really remember being told until I was older what the purpose of the fast was. It was a continued struggle for me to follow this principle. When I was pregnant and nursing, I thought it was great that I did not "have to" fast for a while. It was not until June of 2009 that I was taught the true meaning of the fast. 

The first part of 2009 was very difficult for me. My husband at that time was more interested in talking to a girl online than spending time with me or the kids. He even took a month off of work to "write," but ended up chatting with her most of the time instead. In June he went on a trip to meet his "writing friends." While he was gone, I talked to my friend about the troubles I was having in my marriage. She suggested that I fast and pray about it that Sunday which just happened to be fast Sunday. She told me to read an article in the Ensign to help me know how to have a more meaningful fast. I followed her advise. I read the article. Then, I fasted. I remember praying and crying to know what to do to save my marriage. A few days later, it was confirmed that my husband had been cheating on me while away with his "friends." I was so confused. 

About a month after the revelation that would later change my life, the man I was married to and I decided through counseling that we were going to try to work things out in our marriage and stay married.  About an year and a half later, he moved out for good. I questioned why we got back together if it was going to end up in divorce anyway. When I prayed about it, I was reminded of my righteous desire that I had fasted and prayed about. The Lord was trying to help me.

http://keywordsuggest.org/gallery/261065.html

Asking for help is not the only reason to fast, though. As a classmate of mine pointed out it also helps us feed the poor. When we fast, we donate money to the Church. It is called Fast Offerings. We are asked to donate the money that we would have spent for the meals we went without. That money is then used to help feed people in need. 

I have struggled with this principle most of my life. I am going to try harder to follow it in the future to have an honest fast that will help lift the burdens of myself or others. 

Two Tender Mercies

I have been listing to the scriptures as I get ready for work, and it has made a big difference in my day. I can really see how my mood is better, and I am more ready to deal with the challenges that life puts in front of me. I did not realize what a difference it would make.
I have continually been able to see tender mercies in my life. This week the main one was the change I recently had with my job. I was miserable working in the call center at work and stressed out by all of the changes and with not knowing if I would have a job by the time they were done with the restructuring. I prayed for help a few months ago daily because I was so stressed out and depressed that I did not know what to do with myself. I had also been applying for jobs because I though that a change was what was needed. One day, a supervisor came over to talk to my supervisor to see if he knew anyone wanting to work in the billing department. I overheard the conversation and knew that this was meant for me. That day, I started the process of contacting the supervisor in the billing department and made sure he knew I wanted the job. I have now been working in that department for about three weeks. It has made a big difference in my life at home as well as at work. I have been getting back on track with my school work,and I have more patience with my kids.