Why

 I often sit and wonder why this is my life. Why have I face so much death? There has to be a reason. I know the Lord has a plan for me. I just wish that it wasn’t filled with so much heartache sometimes. They say grief is proof that we love and have been loved. I guess that means that I love and am loved very much. 

I called my boss today because I am struggling to wrap my head around simple things that are even the littlest bit out of my daily routine. I told him about my friend, and I started to cry. He told me to take the rest of the day off. I apologized for not getting much work done today and asked if they even believe me anymore when I tell them stuff like this. He told me that not only does he believe me, I am one of only three of his employees that he does believe at face value. That means a lot to me, so why am I still lying here on my bed crying? 

My hubby thinks I just need to leave the house. Not only do I not want to right now, I don’t want to fulfill my responsibilities for the rest of the day. I just want to be lay here numb. I don’t know how else to grieve.