Don't Say That

My cousin died week about a year after his wife died in the same manner. He had been struggling with her loss, but on the surface seemed to be doing better and was even engaged. I don't really know this cousin because I don't know my mom's side of the family very well. Only knew what was posted on Facebook. I knew of his engagement, the brain injury he suffered from a sledding accident in January, the selling of his house, and finding a new home for his dogs saying he couldn't take care of them after his accident. I didn't know about the demons he had been fighting since his wife took her own life. 

When I saw that my cousin's fiancée had posted about him, it thought it was another on about how much she loved him and the cute things he did for her. It wasn't. He died the same way as his wife. She is devastated. I feel so bad for her. She has posted about her feeling several times as a way of coping. 

Yesterday, she posted first thing in the morning saying how much she missed him. Not knowing how to support someone I don't know who lives in another state, I read through the comments to see what my sister or other cousins might have said. A comment made his late wife's sister telling this poor woman that she needed to think about the daughter that lost both of her parents the same way in 13 months. That's a bit heartless. There are many people suffering because of this loss. They need to be able to do so.

I remember being told I needed to think of the other people that had lost my mom and brother when I expressed grief many times. It started a few days after their death when my aunt told my sister and I that we were selfish for only listing their relationship to each other on the planned grave stones. It continued when people at church would constantly remind us that our sister was grieving when we were asked why we were less social than we had been before the accident. Then, it continued after my dad remarried as it was used against me when I was not handling being used as a scapegoat while still trying to figure out how to live without my mom and brother. It still happens every once in a while when I post about them on Facebook from my mom's family.

Those of us who have lost someone special know we are not the only ones who lost them. It doesn't need to be pointed out. When someone dies, the people left behind need compassion. Each person is hurting. Yes, it is tragic that my cousin's kids lost two parents to suicide in just over a year. That has got to be devastating for them! It is also tragic that a lady who was planning a wedding in just over a month lost the man she loves and planned to spend eternity with. If we want to look at all of the people suffering right now, we can include my aunt and uncle who now have to bury another son and my cousins who have lost another sibling. There are undoubtedly many more people that he touched that are sad right now. Don't tell one person who has every right to be devastated by this loss that she needs to think of other people. She knows about them. It doesn't change how she is feeling. 

Standing for Something - Book Review

 Many years ago, I either bought this book or was given it. I really don't remember when or how it came into my home. However, I do know I have never really read it other than using it as a reference for talks at church. 

When searching for self-improvement materials that would support my values and goals, I remembered I had this book sitting on the shelf in my living room and added it to my bag of books to read. I am so glad that I did! 

Standing for Something was published in 2000, but it is even more applicable today. How do I assure that I am a person I can be proud of? Follow the teachings of this book. I can have integrity, continue learning, offer forgiveness and mercy, express gratitude, live a life of faith, etc. As I do so, I will be a guardian of marriage and family as I learn to be a true leader. What more could I ask of myself?

As I read this book, I had a few breakthroughs. I know that it was written by a prophet of God. It contains inspired words that not only could help those who read it in 2000, it can continue to help those who read it and follow its teachings. 

Here are a few quotes that blew my mind: 

"We live in an intriguing age, a curious age in many respects, an age in which the ability and power to communicate, and therefore to influence and persuade, reign supreme. With the proliferation of technology, and the various forms of media clamoring to take advantage of it, has come an interesting side effect...It is impossible to read the columns or listen to the commentaries without sensing that there is a terrible ailment of gloom in the land. We are constantly fed a steady and sour diet of pessimism, fault find, send-guessing, and evil speaking of one another. The pathetic fact is: Negativism sells."

"For marriage to be mutually satisfying, there must be recognition on the part of both husband and wife of the solemnity and sanctity of their union and of the God-given design behind it. Husbands and wives, look upon each other as precious companions, and live worthy of that association."

"Each of us in an individual...There must be respect for those differences...the differences may make the companionship more interesting...There must be respect for each other's interests, there must be opportunities and encouragement for the development and expression of individual talent. Any man who denies his wife the time and encouragement to develop her talents denies himself and his children a blessing that could grace their home and bless their posterity."

"Never in the history of the world has there been a more profound need for leaders of principle to step forward. Never before, at least not in our generation, have the forces of evil been so blatant, so brazen, so aggressive at they are at the present time. Things we dared not speak about in an earlier era are now constantly projected into our living rooms."

"We are involved in an intense battle. It is a battle between right and wrong, between truth and error, between the design of the Almighty on the one hand and that of Lucifer on the other. For that reason, we desperately need men and women who, in their individual spheres of influence, will stand for truth in a world of sophistry...We need moral men and women, people who stand on principle, to be involved in the political process. Otherwise, we abdicate power to those whose designs are almost entirely selfish."

 We live in a time that can be scary. People are mistreated. It is hard to discern between truth and fiction in the media (all media) at times. Spouses mistreat each other rather than build each other up. (My husband is my biggest cheerleader. Not everyone is that fortunate.) We have politicians that are more interested in things other than the good of the people. 

The world would be a better place if we could learn the simple things laid out in this book. We could all use more character growth. It could be healing for us individually and as a society. 

 

Mourning Still

A few months after my mom and brother died, my boyfriend at the time asked when I was going to get over it. I'm sure he just didn't understand, but it was harsh. We broke up a few months later. (Yep. I was a doormat for even before I met my ex husband.) I think I finally have an answer to that boy's question, though. Never. At least, not in this lifetime. 

I am sitting here 28 1/2 years after Anthony and Mom were taken suddenly crying over what we did have and wishing they were here. The last few weeks have been hard, and the last 3 days have been absolutely heartbreaking. 

I didn't get to experience an adult relationship with my mom. She died about a month after I turned 18. I was still in high school. I was at a baby shower a few weeks ago, and a question for a game was ask about what new parents ask experienced parents. The answers shocked some people, and someone made the comment that everyone just gets that kind of help or advice from their mom when the baby is born. I got help and advice from my mother-in-law at the time. I will forever be grateful that she took the time to help me with things in the beginning, but it is hard to ignore my mom wasn't able to be there. The other day a well meaning person said they understood how hard it was to lose a mother, and for them the hardest part was not being able to call her whenever they wanted. I never had that. Even after my mom moved out, we didn't have that. I was able to drive to visit her when I wanted, but I don't think it ever occurred to me to just call her. 

I'm glad most women have the kind of relationship that there are certain things they can just expect from their moms. I'm not mad about that. I hope my kids and I have that as they grow older and progress in life. However, I am also sad I never got to experience an adult relationship with my mother. I miss her terribly, and I understand that a big part of that is mourning for the things we never got to experience together because she was gone so young.

Sick All of the Time

This last few weeks, I have been sick, and it wasn't the first time over the last few months. I have been sick off and on since December which is the most I have been sick for a while. I am fairly certain that is because I have been working from home 5 years as of this week and don't get to leave the house as much as I would like. This means my immune system hasn't been building up as much as it would have if I had more contact with the public. 

I also had the joy of going to the ER in December and finding out that my asthma has gone from being exercise induced and fairly inactive to being viral induced as well and causing more problems. Now, I get to have a rescue inhaler with me and keep track of how many times per week I use it. If I use it too often, which I have been doing, I am supposed to be referred to a pulmonologist for further testing. I will probably keep going as I have until my ER bill is paid. 

I am currently still searching for an internship to finish my degree. I am hoping for an in-person position. Being around people will help me build my immune system while I network and work towards finding a job in my chosen field. Maybe, next cold and flu season will be a bit easier on me. 

Weight Loss Incentives

Earlier this week, Chad and I decided that we needed to have incentives to lose weight. Our big incentive, for when we reach our goal weights, is to have a weekend in the mountains with cross country skiing lessons (one of the ideas we had for our anniversary trip this year). The thing is, we have a long way to go (especially me). I suggested that we have incentives for smaller goals along the way. He agreed, and we sat down and discussed what would help motivate each of us. The only rule was no food rewards. 

Mine are:

• 10 pounds = Chad does dishes for a week
• 20 pounds = new nail polish
• 30 pounds = pedicure
• 40 pounds = Topgolf date
• 50 pounds = new stickers
• 60 pounds = Cross country skiing trip

Chad's are:

• 10 pounds = Rosa does grocery shopping for a month
• 25 pounds = get his bike fixed
• Goal weight = Cross country skiing trip

Chad has less incentives because he doesn't want to have more. He says he can't think of anything else that would help motivate him. I, on the other hand, need something to incentivize me throughout my journey. I don't know if this will help more than other things that I have tried including the fatty liver diagnosis, but I am willing to give it a try. I hate being this big. Thankfully, I am no longer married to someone who makes comments about my size, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to be more comfortable in my own body. 

So Close

 I am very close to getting my Bachelor of Science in Marriage and Family Studies. How close? I only have to do the internship. I have been this close for almost a year now, and I have put off the internship because I'm scared to put myself out there and don't know where to start looking for it. Ideally, I would find an internship that I can work in the evenings after I get off work and would be paid as a part time job. Realistically, I know it is unlikely that I would be paid, but I may be able to find something that I could do after work and on Saturdays. I have just let the fear take over and keep me from achieving this dream. (I do this way too much!)

Over the last few days, I have had two calls from the university. The first one was from advising reminding me that I need to do the internship by the middle of April. (I don't know if that is even possible.) She gave me a few options that could extend that deadline, but I would have to take more classes because I have been in school for so long. One of the options was to switch to a professional general degree in which I would have to take a handful of classes, but I would not have to complete an internship (very appealing). After talking over these options with Chad, I decided that changing to the professional general degree from marriage and family studies would be the best option and emailed her back telling her so. Today, the director of the department called me to let me know that if I could get going on an internship, he would do everything he could to help me complete the degree without taking any more classes. He said that this would be the best option because the internship could help me network and possibly lead to a job in a humanitarian field. This was followed up with an email that gives me the email address to reach out to the internship coordinator. 

I think I am ready to do an internship. I am worried about being gone most evenings. I don't want my kids or husband to feel neglected. However, I do like the idea of being able to switch to a career in which I can actually help people. That has been my goal for a long time.

Paige Fish Concert

 

Last night, my sweet daughter took me to a concert at a dive bar in Denver. She has played music by Paige Fish when we have been in the car together for a while. When Noel found out there was a concert that she could afford, she came to me and asked if I would go with her. I love live music and knew I already liked at least some of her songs. 

This concert was probably one of the less professional shows I have been to, but I thought it was pretty good. The bar was small, so it was packed which made it harder to see the stage and the crowd was quite young even for Noel (they sold under and over 21 tickets). The opening act impressed me, and Paige Fish sang beautifully. There is just something about a real soulful voice that I could listen to for hours. This was such a good pairing! 

I love that it is easy to find music from up and coming artists, and I love that my kids seek it out. I wouldn't be surprised if this artist is the next Sheryl Crow. 

Mom's Birthday

 

This past weekend, I went to a baby shower where we played a Family Feud style game in which one of the questions asked what a new parent might ask a seasoned parent advice about. I wrote down the basics: feeding, bathing, putting to sleep. I only got one right.  Then I heard someone make a comment about how the basics are pretty much learned when the mom comes to help her daughter care for the new baby. This was just one  more reminder of what I missed out on. I had a wonderful mother-in-law at the time that taught me the things I needed to know, but it wasn't my mom, and I had to ask. I didn't get to have my mom do these things because she died 7 1/2 years before I had my first child. I think this reminder hurt more because this shower was only 3 days before my mom's birthday. 

Now, it is my mom's birthday. I miss her terribly. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss hearing the sound of her voice. I miss her willingness to try to help me with hobbies she either doesn't really understand or doesn't like doing. I wish she were here but know my life would have been way different if she was. I will have to settle for knowing that I will be with her again, feeling her arms around me. 

Happy birthday, Mom! I love you! I can't wait for the day we will be celebrating together again. 

Breakfast with Sourdough

 

I am a bit obsessed with sourdough lately. I nave been making 2 boules a week most weeks (some unloaf, some regular), and I am the main person that eats it. Recently, I am loving breakfast sandwiches made with sourdough, a scrambled egg, and a slice of American cheese. It's kind of like an egg McMuffin leveled up. I know I will eventually eat something else for breakfast, but this is my favorite for now. 

Why Disney?

 

We have had the Disney+ bundle with Hulu for many years. The only problem we have had is that Hulu forces us to log off and log back in every so often. It was kind of exciting when Disney+ added the Hulu stuff to the app because we didn't have to worry as much about the Hulu thing. 

Now, we have an interesting complication with Disney+. Both of the TVs with Rokus gave us a message that they are not showing as part of the household all of a sudden. Why? I have no idea. They are accessed by the same WiFi network as everything else. It is a simple fix, but a bit more difficult when the account holder is at work and can't always answer calls or texts. 

Yesterday, Noel got this message. Chad is the account holder and works installing and repairing internet and cable. I tried to call in case he was between jobs. Then, I took a picture of her screen and sent it to him asking for help fixing it. When he got the chance he called. We requested the code needed. He had to check his email and read it off to us. Had he been home, he would have navigated the remote and it would have been fixed a lot quicker. 

I understand the idea of trying to crack down on account sharing, but this is frustrating. It is literally accessed by the same home network. Why is it only the Rokus that are being targeted? Be smarter about this Disney.

The Peace Settled In

 

Last week was intense. It felt like every time I turned on the news or hopped on social media, more people had reason to fear. Government employees were losing jobs that were considered safe in the past. There were talks of banning mental health medications. (Having grown up the way I did, I have strong feelings about this.) Those in charge even tried to change historical fact. (Can we say 1984?) The more I was bombarded with these things, the more overwhelmed I got. I had to do something about it. 

By the end of the week, I desperately needed to feel peace! Thankfully, I had already scheduled an appointment at the temple. I considered canceling it, and even talked over the pros and cons with my friend and my husband. They strongly encouraged me to go. During my prayer, I asked if I should go or stay home to clean as I do most Saturdays. Then, I opened my scripture and read this:

"Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits are contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice - yea, every sacrifice which I, the Lord shall command - they are accepted of me."-Doctrine and Covenants 97:8

 At this point, I knew I needed to make the sacrifice and go. I would still have the time to do laundry, dishes, and the other cleaning I was planning around the house. 

Now, I had faith that I would be blessed by serving in the temple. I was able to feel the excitement of going. I quickly showered, gathered by things, headed out the door, and drove to Fort Collins. As I drove, I craved the peace I knew I could feel once I was there. 

As I sat down in the Endowment Room and the doors closed, I felt a rush of relief. It was such a strong feeling that tears ran down my face. I sat through the session soaking in the peace and relief that can only be felt through the spirit of the Lord. My prayers were answered!

Making Weight Loss Goals Again

I have rewatching Biggest Loser lately after watching a podcast episode on YouTube where Jillian Michaels interviewed some of her past contestants that have continued to be successful. I loved listening to them talk about their time on the show and decided to search out old episodes after they said they are available to watch. I found seasons 10 to 17 on Prime. It looks like the rest may be available to purchase on there, but I'm not willing to do that. 

I am very inspired by this show. I know that losing as much weight per week as they did is not healthy, but watching what I eat and exercising is healthy. This show gives me hope that weight loss is possible. 

I finished season 11 last week. For about the last month or so of that season, the girls were getting to be smaller than me and losing 3 or more pounds per week. So far, this is the most inspiring part of the show. I think I can lose 2 or 3 pounds a week if I really try. 

Another inspiration from this show came from one of the men. Each week, he wrote his goal weight of the week. Each week, he met or surpassed his goal. I have decided to follow this example by putting my goal for the week on my hand. This is not going to be an easy goal to meet, but I think I can do it through a lot of hard work. 

I know I have tried to lose weight many times just to gain it all back. I hope to be able to create the habits necessary to lose weight and keep it off. 

Chocolate Raspberry Sourdough

 Today, I made a raspberry and chocolate sourdough loaf. It was originally going to be made with strawberries and white chocolate chips, but we have a lot of chocolate chips in the house, and there were no strawberries at the grocery store last night. I started making it first thing this morning, and we had it with dinner. It tastes like a desert instead of bread. 

The recipe came from a Facebook post. I'm fairly certain it was AI generated because I had to alter it to work. I believe I altered it enough to avoid any copyright issues that could come up from posting it. 

Raspberry Chocolate Bread

Combine:

• 1 cup active sourdough starter
• 1/2 cup squished raspberries 
• 3/4 cup warm water
• 2 1/2 cups all purpose flour 
• 1 Tablespoon granulated sugar 
• 1 teaspoon salt
• Red food dye as desired 

Kneed the dough for 8 to minutes or until smooth. Shape into a ball and place in lightly oiled bowl. Cover and let raise 4-6 hours. Laminate the dough on a lightly floured surface. Spread raspberries and chocolate chips on the dough. Shape the dough and place in a proofing bowl. Cover and let raise for 2-3 hours. Preheat oven to 450. Place dough in a Dutch oven and bake with the lid on for 20 minutes. Remove the lid and bake an additional 20-25 minutes or until the bread is a golden brown. Cool and serve. 

Valentine's Day 2025

Chad and I agreed that our trip last weekend counted as anniversary and Valentine's Day. (We often combine them since they are so close together.) It kind of made the day boring, especially since I already gave the kids their gifts. However, we did still celebrate a bit. 

First, Noel went shopping after work and bought me some presents: a weighted stuffed bunny, body butter, and socks that I can wear to church and the temple because she knows I'm not a fan of wearing my purple long socks with emojis with dresses (I will wear them to church with my boots if it's cold). These gifts were so thoughtful that they almost made me cry. She is seriously so thoughtful!

Then, made a heart shaped pizza. It was a bit lopsided, but still tasty. Sean and Chad even tried to convince me that it looked more like a heart than I claimed. 

After dinner, Chad and I went out for ice cream...at the grocery store. Are we romantic or what? He even searched for the rocky road that I really wanted. 

Finally, he went to bed as I stayed up until the boyfriend went home. The sweet small thing he did, and often does, was put the remote on my pillow. He likes to sleep without the tv, but I need the distraction for my brain. When we go to bed at separate times, he puts the remote and sometimes my Kindle on my pillow so I don't have to search for them in the dark. Then, I make sure the sleep timer is set so he doesn't have to sleep without it on too much at night. (We have tried sleeping without the tv, I struggle to fall asleep.) 

I love my family and the little things they do to show love. We may not need a day set aside to prove it, but it nice to have a day set aside just for love.

Feeling the Love

 

As we get closer to Valentine's Day, I am doing things around the house to help us all feel loved. I already gave my kids their presents, little stuffed hearts and candies, and yesterday I made sourdough with a heart in the scoring. I will also be making heart shaped pizza on Valentine's Day and Valentine bread the following day. I love that there are so many cute ways to celebrate this day of love. I wish there were other days during the year to give me an excuse to do such things. 

Chad's Birthday

 

Last night, we celebrated Chad's birthday. It was a day late because we wanted Super Bowl food on his birthday and knew we be concentrating on the game. He agreed that it would be better if we waited a day. 

I think he had a good celebration. It wasn't the big party he had last year, but he wasn't turning 50 this year. We had dinner and desert at home with all of the kids. He chose chicken enchiladas, Snoop Dog's brownies, and ice cream. We also played a game of Exploding Kittens. After dinner, he opened his gifts, and we sat around talking and enjoying each other's company. 

I don't know for sure if he enjoyed his celebration, but he seemed to have liked it. My hope is that he felt special and loved. 

13th Anniversary Trip

 Chad has been looking forward to our 13th anniversary for a long time. As soon as he found out that my first marriage lasted 12 years, he said that we needed to do something big for lucky 13. At first, we were planning an Alaskan cruise. That idea changed to a train ride across the country. Then, we thought visiting our friends in Florida and going to Universal Studios would be fun. (He can get free tickets to Universal Studios because of his job.) Eventually, we landed on a trip to Colorado Springs where we would stay in a historic hotel and play tourist. 

Friday night, we headed down to Colorado Springs and checked into The Mining Exchange. This historic hotel was probably the fanciest hotel we have ever stayed. We took advantage of the valley parking, checked in, and went up to our room. We were impressed right away with the amazing customer service, the cleanliness, and the many amenities. 

After checking out their art gallery, we changed into our nice clothes and went to dinner at Red Gravy, and little Italian restaurant around the block from where we were staying. This was the kind of place where we didn't feel out of place dressed up, but there were also people there in jeans. The food was good, the service was decent, and we lest happy that this was the place we chose.

In the morning, we had breakfast at the hotel and headed out to play tourist more. 

We started with hiking at The Garden of the Gods. We had stopped here with the kids when we did our staycation in 2022, but they didn't want to hike, so we just walked around one little area and took pictures. This time, we hiked what we could of a small loop (some of the trail was closed for maintenance). It was beautiful! I hope we go back to hike other parts of it in the future. We even saw a small heard of big horn sheep as we were leaving. 

Next, we went to Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. We had heard plot was one of the best zoos. The kids have been talking about it since they went with their grandparents years ago. It was very nice, but smaller than we had expected, and some of the animals were inside areas we couldn't get to because of the cold. We were able to see a lot of animals, though as we made our way through this cute zoo build on the side of a mountain. 

Finally, we went to Ivywild School, a historic school that has been made into a food court. It was cute! The classroom were the restaurants and stores. For the most part, the school feel was still there. We got souvenirs at the small gift shop and ate deep dish pizza after roaming the halls of this unique building. I would totally recommend going if you are into historical buildings. 

This trip was perfect for us. We were able to do everything we planned, have good conversation, and not totally break the bank. I wish we could do stuff like this more often, but I guess it wouldn't be a big, special anniversary trip if we did. 

So Pretty

 

I have been making sourdough bread since last spring. I have been able to make it taste good, but haven't made one as pretty as I wanted yet. I had decided around Christmas time that I just wouldn't be one of those people that made fancy sourdough even though I had found a few recipes I liked. 

Today, I made another un-loaf thinking it would turn out just like the last one. However, this time my starter hadn't sat dormant for as long. I carefully followed the recipe, and ended up with my prettiest loaf to date. 

This may be my new favorite recipe after all. 

Smack in the Face

 Chad found a documentary series on Max called The Weight of the Nation. It is an HBO original that originally aired in 2012, and it is very eye opening. This 4 part series goes through the risks of being obese, what we can do about it, and how to help kids on the path to obesity. To me it was all information I had heard here and there, but having it all in one place was a bit scary. 

I have been overweight most of my adult life. When I was in my early 20s I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism a bit after the weight gain started. As I had kids, it got a bit worse. At least one point, I started counting calories and exercising with friends which was fun. (That's right. I wasn't doing it to please my husband at the time like he claimed.) Then, I really started to lose weight once he was gone. Unfortunately, I have gained it all back plus some since being married to Chad. 

In 2017, I was diagnosed with fatty liver disease, and I freaked out. I got very serious about tracking my food and exercising. Each time I went in for a follow up, I had lost weight. However, I also kept getting diagnosed with more issues while my thyroid was not being given the priority I thought it needed, so I switched to a different doctor that I had seen that was further away. They said I had no indication of having a fatty liver. I was relieved and went back to my old way of eating. 

I am now close to my heaviest weight in my life. I don't like it, and I'm uncomfortable a lot more than I should be. I already read a book about a fasting regime and started a workout routine. However, after watching this documentary, I am back to feeing scared about my health. I feel the urgency to take off as much weight as is healthy. I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want diabetes. I don't want cirrhosis. I am making changes. I just hope it isn't too late. 

Un-Loaf Review

 

I made the viral un-loaf over the weekend because I was unable to take the time to make sourdough for the last few weeks. (It normally takes the whole Saturday). As I was telling Chad how much I was missing having it in the house, I remembered people talking about the un-loaf in the sourdough group I follow on Facebook and decided to try it. 

I started the process Saturday night after getting home from the Mammoth game. It was late enough that waiting 14+ hours meant that I didn't have to do the shaping until after church. Then, I was able to take a nap (my favorite after church activity) while I waited for the next rise. After that, it baked for about an hour with the lid on and 5 minutes with the lid off, so I was able to relax while it baked as well. 

At first, I was a bit disappointed in the final product because it isn't as tall as I'm used to and it wasn't as tangy as I wanted. However, I realized that it isn't going to be the same as a classic sourdough boule because it is made with a different process. Also, the tangy flavor comes from the started. I'm not sure why, but my starter seems to be losing its flavor. 

That being said, I will be making this again. I have grown to love sourdough bread for many reasons, and this is a way to have it without being stuck at home for an entire day every time I want to make it. I will, also, make more traditional loaves when I am able. 

Fasting Like a Girl - Trial

 I finished Fast Like a Girl this month. For the most part, I really liked this book. The idea that timing the length of our fast to our hormonal fluctuations makes a lot of sense. One of my first thoughts was, "No wonder intermittent fasting is so much harder some weeks!" As I read, I soaked up as much information as possible. (This is part of the reason I am such a slow reader.) There were some parts that I didn't fully agree with because they went against the knowledge I have had from classes and other books, but for the most part, this book made sense. 

I have decided that I am going to try her plan for a few months and see if it helps me feel better. I have already written it out on a calendar for the next three months. I am starting with her 30 day starting plan. The following 30 days I'm doing the advanced starter. Then, I will be doing her suggestion for people with thyroid issues. I am combining this with regular exercise to try to even out my hormones that have been out of wack most of my adult life. 

What am I not changing? I will still be drinking my Diet Dr. Pepper in the morning. In my opinion, of people can have coffee with heavy cream, I can have diet soda. I don't understand how having coffee with a fat bomb keeps you in a fasted state but diet soda doesn't. You get caffeine your way and let me get mine the way I want. I will also not be switching to grass fed beef and dairy products. That is just not in my price range, and I haven’t seen any studies showing significant benefits (not saying they don't exist). 

I want to make significant changes in my health, and I am hoping this fasting protocol will help. I just don't know what else to try.

Sushi Night

 

While grocery shopping one day, I had mentioned that I would like to learn to make sushi. Chad remembered this and brought me a sushi making kit and cookbook for Christmas. I finally got to use it to make dinner yesterday. 

This book has some unconventional recipes (hotdog and kimchi sushi, for example) which is good because I have some picky eaters in my family. I landed on chicken and cucumber sushi. 

This was in some ways a harder process than I had imagined and in some ways easier. The kit I was given has what they call a sushi bazooka. All I had t do was load rice on each side, add the chicken and cucumber, close it up, and shoot it onto the nori sheet. That already made it easier than I had anticipated. However, I didn't read the instructions, I just looked at the pictures the first time. This means I didn't fill it enough and shot it the wrong way on the sheet. I ended up having to spread out the stuff and rolling it like I would have had I not had this tool. The next time I still didn't have enough stuff in it, so it rolled weird. The next two attempts were much better.

Sushi was fun to make and tasty. My pickiest kid even ate two pieces, and my other kid ate all but the nori of three. (They are 19 and 21 and still very picky.)

New Case

 

About 8 or 9 years ago, Chad's brother gave me his old Kindle as long as I promised to use it. At the time, he often upgraded his electronics each time a new model came out and would give the previous one to a family member. I was more than happy to take this one. I got it with a black leather case that I never fully liked, but it was nice enough that I didn't search for anything else. 

A few months ago, the case started falling apart. One of the magnets even came out. At this point I decided I wanted a new one that was not only not falling apart. I wanted a pretty one. As I looked for one, I found there were not many options because apparently this model of Kindle was only sold that one year. I eventually found two that I liked and put them on my wishlist. 

When Christmas came around, I didn't get either case. However, I was given a gift card from Chad's mom. I used the gift card to buy the case I liked the most, and I love it. It is pretty, works great, and isn't falling apart.

I will have this Kindle as long as it keeps working. I know and understand that this case may wear out before the Kindle dies, and I may have to be creative about how to deal with it at that time, but I'm ok with that. For now, I will enjoy this pretty case. 

Jill

Yesterday, I found out that the baby I bounced and rocked when I was about 16 or 17 is now a grown woman with a baby and has been in my ward for about a month or two. How did I find out this was the same girl? Her mom, one of my favorite people from that time of my life, was visiting and found me in the chapel. I was go excited that I had to hold back the tears! 

Jill is one of the most influential people from my teenage years. She was one of my youth leaders for a few years and was there for me and my sister when my mom and brother died. I always thought she was so glamorous and cool because she was beautiful, wore high heels (even when pregnant) and was the only mom I knew who worked outside the home. She was also kind, thoughtful, and loved us unconditionally. She never judged me for having parents that were separated then divorced. She let me be when I needed it. I loved her so much that when Eric was little, we brought him to meet her when we took him out for Halloween. Of all of the youth leaders I had growing up, I would say she and Amy were the best. 

Now, her daughter is in my ward, and I get to see Jill more often! I may seem weird to still have heroes like this, but she is one of the people that made me who I am today. I owe a lot to this amazing woman! 

Bread Bowls and Memories

 

When I was in high school, I hung out with my brother here and there. (He was really a great brother!) One of the places he would take me was Perkins where I would order a salad in a bread bowl sitting in the smoking section, and we would talk and laugh and enjoy being friends and siblings. 

How 1990s is that memory? We used to be able to buy soups, salads, pastas, and more in bread bowls. That was before people were afraid of bread. We also used to have smoking and nonsmoking sections in restaurants in which there was either an accordion curtain, half wall, or just a sign between sections. If I was eating with Anthony, we were always in the smoking section. (Apparently, we didn't realize or care that it wasn't good for my asthma.) this of course was before we learned how dangerous secondhand smoke was for us. Also, Anthony died in 1996. He didn't live to see these things go away. 

While making my weekly sourdough batch, I thought of my brother, Perkins, and those bread bowls and decided that I would make bread bowls with broccoli cheese soup this week. I found a recipe online for the bread bowls and searched my recipe books for the broccoli cheese chowder that I love and waited patiently for Friday to come. 

Finally, that day came, and I got to make this meal I was looking forward to. I started making the bread bowls around 2pm (luckily work was slow) and carefully followed each step of the recipe. They were smaller than I expected, but that was a good thing because I can no longer eat like I did in high school. Then, I made the soup. As soon as it was all done, we sat down and put it all together. This was one of the best meals I have had in a long time! I will definitely be making it again. 

2025 Reading Goal

 At the beginning of 2024, I set a goal to read 6 books through the year. Little did I know, I would  end up in a self-help deep dive. Between nonfiction and fiction reading, I achieved my goal by the middle of the year and upped my goal to 10. As I spent at least 10 minutes a day on self-help, read my fiction series when I went to bed, and found other moments to read here and there, I finished the year having read 14 books. I know this isn't a lot to some people, but it's significant to me. 

This year, my goal is to finish at least 15 books. I think I can go over that goal, but I will be happy to have read more than last year. Right now, I am working on three books: Fast Like a Girl, Garters and Gargoyles, and Standing for Something. My bag of books has 7 more books in it that I will finish by the end of the year. I also have books here and there around the house that I read a few chapters from for classes but didn't finish that I will pick up and books in my Kindle that I will start when I finish my fiction book to get me to and past my goal. 

I have the goal of not buying any new books this year unless I have read everything I have that I haven't read. I don't think I will be buying any new books. Although, there is a possibility that I will get a library card...

KFC Bowl Knockoff

 

First of all, I need to give credit where credit is due. I got this idea from Aggressive Tutorials on TikTok. Noel and I both saw the video, and thought it would be interesting to try. She didn't want to make it her night of cooking, so I did. 

To start off, I made mashed potatoes. My family prefers real potatoes over the flakes. That's easy enough. I just washed and cut potatoes and boiled them until they were so soft that they were almost falling apart. Then, I put them in the stand mixer with milk and butter and mixed them while working on everything else. 

Then, I put the chicken nuggets in the air fryer.

While waiting for those, I mixed two packets of brown gravy. (She did two types of gravy, but this is what my family likes.)

While that simmered, I opened a can of corn, drained it, and put it in a bowl in the microwave. 

Once everything was heated up or cooked, I put it all out on the table along with some shredded cheese for my family to build their own "bowls." (I sat out plates instead of bowls.)

Each person built up what they wanted. I think it was a success and will be trying it again. Maybe next time I will make it with baked potatoes. That sounds delicious!