Laundry Woes

The good new is we have a new dryer. The bad news is we are being forced into a laundry room remodel. 

Last year, we had a small fire in our dryer and stopped using it. We bought a drying rack to use until we could buy a new one. Last week, Chad told me how much he had saved over the past few months and said he was going to buy a dryer. Once we had a delivery day and time, he took the old one out of the laundry room and I worked on cleaning where it had been. I quickly realized that the floor was wet next to the washer. I told Chad and we decided we should figure out that was leaking on the washer. 

After a few days, Chad had a chance to pull the washer out and realized there was more damage to the floor than we had expected. Now, we need to replace the floor and get a new washing machine. In the meantime, we will be going to the laundry mat at least once a week. It’s not going to be easy to fit this mini remodel and laundry mat trips into our schedule, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to. Wish us luck on our newest adventure!

Morning Person/Night Person

There are a lot of ways in which Chad and I are similar, but there is one big way in which we differ. Chad is a morning person. He often wakes before his alarm, has more energy, and talks the most in the morning. He hates when we point this out. He doesn’t want to be a morning person because “mornings suck.” I am more of a night person. I have more energy at night most of the time. If I didn’t have a kid to take care of and job to work in the morning, I would sleep in later. I have to have an alarm to wake up in the morning. Sometimes, it goes off for a little while before I realize what is going on. Chad can be a lot of handle in the mornings. I overwhelm him at night on occasion with how talkative I get after 9ish. I know neither of us are going to change, but we don’t need to. We just need to understand the other person does not function the opposite time of day. 

Some Things Never Change

 

When she was little, she loved playing in the dirt and would help me in the garden on a regular basis. Today, I told her I got the things we need to grow flowers, and she started playing in the dirt and planning what would be planted in the front of the house. The good news is that I may mot have to take care of the garden this year. I may not even have to plant it. 

Volunteering for the Race

Chad is going to do a duathlon in September in Loveland, and has been begging me to do it with him. The thing is, I have no desire to do it. It just doesn’t sound like fun to me. I’m am barely getting back into running and have no desire to race on my bike. I told him that I would cheer him on, but even though he didn’t say it, he was not happy with that solution. 

After officially signing up for the race today, he told me about their need for volunteers. He acted like it was a crazy idea pointing out that one of the benefits they listed was unlimited high fives (gross). I just turned around to face him and told him I wouldn’t mind volunteering. He was shocked and looked happy. Then, he sent me the link to sign up. 

I signed up to help at the aid station (passing out water and stuff). I don’t know everything that will be involved, but I am excited. I have considered doing this for a race in the past but didn’t know how to sign up. Now that I have, I can’t wait to learn this side of the race. 

A Bit Sad

Today, one of the members of the bishopric was released to serve a service mission in the addiction and recovery program for this area. His wife was also released as the advisor for my Young Women's class for the same reason. I was told that she was being released, but I was not ready for him to be. When they announced that he was being released, I cried a bit. He is such a loving and caring man and someone I look up to greatly. I know I will still see him and his wife at church each week, but not working with them in the youth program will be hard. I know I am sad for selfish reasons. They will be amazing in their new calling, but they will be missed by those of us who had the opportunity to serve with them over the past few years. 

Girls' Night

In general, I don't really like to go to parties or girls' nights with more than 3 or 4 people. I have come to realize that I no longer get invited to a lot of things my friends go to because I either decline or cancel most of the time. That means that I start to feel left out because I see pictures of parties knowing that I wasn't invited to or decided I didn't want to go to. 

This week, I was invited to another girls' night via group text. I didn't have most of the numbers in my phone, so I was very nervous about going. When a couple of friends responded that they would go but have to leave a bit early, I decided I would take the chance. After all, I knew those two and the person who invited everyone over. Right?

Yesterday, I was questioning myself. I wasn't sure I really wanted to go, but I want to be more social and want to feel included. About an hour before Noel left with her dad, I had her help me get ready. She helped me decide what to wear and talked me into going for at least an hour. (I know. I'm the adult, and she is the child. It goes both ways sometimes.) As I drove up to the house, I called my sister to keep my mind off of this party. 

Once I got there, I got comfortable quickly. I at least partially knew everyone there (which helps). We had comfortable conversation and good treats. I came home happy that I went. I hope that I am invited to such things again. I need to get out of my comfort zone more often. 

Happiness in One Picture

My best friend sent me this picture of our girls together. It looks like Noel was about 2. I’m guessing it was the summer. That summer our families spent a lot of time together as my friend and I worked out at least once a week at my house and we met for play groups in the park on a regular basis. This picture brings back so many good memories. It is hard to believe so much has happened since that summer, but I am so thankful for all of the happiness this picture brings to me. 

When She Eats

I have a hard time getting my daughter to eat sometimes. She has been dealing with stomach issues for a while that one doctor thought could be anxiety and others we have seen have no answers for us. I know she eats enough to sustain her, and she has been eating a lot better since she started online school. 

At the start of the week, he stomach seemed to be upset continually. She wasn't eating much and told me that when she did it was just to make me happy. Then, she all of a sudden had an appetite yesterday. I went to the grocery store to get all of the things on her list while she watched my work computer for a little while. When I got home, she make one of the biggest breakfasts I have ever seen her eat. It was actually more than she has eaten the entire day some days. Today, she made a similar breakfast. I am so proud of her for following her hunger queues. I can't say that I want her to eat like this on a regular basis, but for now it is a win. 

Fan Broke

Ever done I worked the overnight shift in2014 and 2015, I have slept with a fan on to help drown out noises. (If you need to sleep during the day, I highly recommend it.) in this time I have gone through several fans. The current one has been sitting next to my bed for 3 or 4 years and has been the one that has lasted the longest. It is nothing special. It’s just a small Honeywell fan that I most likely got at Walmart. 

I am sad to say that this fan that has lasted though me tripping on it, dogs running into it, and being turned on all night, every night for longer than and other fan I have had died. I few nights ago it was screeching when on hi, so I ran it on low all night (not ideal). Last night, it was even loud on low. Now, it won’t even turn on. I ordered another one just like it from Amazon, but it won’t be here until Saturday. Until then, sleep will be difficult. It could be worse (I am aware of that), but I can’t wait until Saturday. 

Forgot the Feeling

I have been trying to force myself to run and liking it a bit, but I just haven't been able to get that feeling that I loved when I ran in 2019 and 2020. I just kept telling myself that if I got to a certain point, I would get back to that "runner's high" type feeling that I have been craving. I finally got that feeling today! 

I have been walking instead of running a lot lately because I have had a hard time motivating myself to run. Sophie has been enjoying the walks, but I wanted more. I am thankful for all of the walks I have gone on lately, though. I think they have helped me built up to running again. It felt SO much better to run today than it did last time I ran. (I ran for the same length of time with the same intervals.)

I am excited for my next run. I need to make sure I don't let my schedule get in the way. 

Snacks Portioned

 

I know that part of the reason I struggle with my weight is I am not good with knowing how much a portion actually is. To try to remedy that, I bought some small containers last week. Then, I sat down and portioned out some peanuts and freeze dried blueberries for my snacks for this week. Will it be the answer to all of my weight issues? No. It doesn’t hurt to try, thought. Right?

Family History

It has always been a bit difficult for me to do family history because a lot has already been done on both sides of my family. My dad used to do research while my sister and I were at youth activities and continued to do so the same night every week for a few years after we graduated. All of my grandparents that I knew did many years of research as they went to various libraries. I have several memories of my mom dropping my grandma off at a big building in Indianapolis when I was little. I also have many family members on my mom's side that continually do family history work through the years. All of this means that so much has been done that I have felt there is little to nothing left for me to do. 

Today, I learned there are some things I can do. Family Search has  tasks, including hints, that I can do for family members already found. I currently have 70 tasks to do. These are things like comparing census records and social security records and attaching them to the record if they match.  I worked on some of them already, and it was satisfying to feel that I could actually do something. I love taking my ancestors to the temple and feel that this is something else I can do to prepare them to go. If I'm lucky, I will find new people. 

Busy Weekend

I had a busy weekend. I could even say it was a busy week. Tuesday, Noel took the SAT for the second time hoping to get a better score. Thursday, I needed to take Noel to get the last few things for the two spring formals she went to this weekend. Yesterday, she went to the first one in Fort Collins at Canvas Stadium with her friend from Wyoming. Then, her friend came home with us and spent the night. This morning, we met her family in Fort Collins (about the half way point) so she could go home. Then, I came home and started homework as Noel went back to bed. Eventually, she started getting ready for tonight's dance and was even more determined to look perfect. (I think she looked great both nights.) Thankfully, she took a time out to make dinner because I was so bogged down with homework that I didn't have the time. Another friend picked her up for tonight's dance in Denver at Mile High. 

For some people, this may not seem that busy, but combining all of that with my job and schoolwork was a bit stressful. I am willing to do just about anything for Noel including multiple trips to Fort Collins. 

When She Asks, I Create

 

Noel has been making plans for the summer and asked me to make her a washcloth and beanie for the first camping trip. Of course, I said I would. (Why would I deny someone who appreciates my craft?) She picked the yarn for the washcloth Friday, and I got to work Monday. It was finished yesterday, so I made a Chapstick holder to go with it. Hopefully, we can make it to Hobby Lobby in the next few days to get the beanie done. Once hers is done, the boys have requested one as well. 

So Cold It Hurts

Having an autoimmune disease sucks sometimes. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was about 21 or 22. I was diagnosed while trying to find out why I was not getting pregnant. The only symptom I noticed at the time other than the infertility was the weight gain. It didn't take long for me to notice the brittle hair, too. I didn't take it too seriously, though. When I was told that my baby could have issues with brain development if I did not take my meds while pregnant, I made sure I took them during the pregnancies. At the time, I did not understand how important the meds were for me, too. 

After Sean was born, I had a water cyst on my thyroid that the doctors were concerned was a tumor. I had blood work and an ultrasound done followed by the draining of a cyst (not a fun procedure). At this time, I was I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and was told I needed to take it more seriously. Spoiler alert...I did not. When funds were low, the first thing I cut out was my thyroid meds. 

As time has gone on, I have realized that there is more going on than I had realized. I am now on a high dosage and have more symptoms than in the past, even when on the meds. The one that I hate the most is my intolerance to hot and cold. The cold is far worse!

Tonight, I got to deal with my intolerance to cold. (I should point out that it was about 45F and raining when I was having these issues.) I took Noel to the doctor because she was not feeling well and to the gas station after for treats. I ran the heat in the car the entire ride home, and the house was warm when I got inside. The problem was that my feet got cold while out and about. It is really hard for me to warm up once I am that cold. I tried to grin a bear it for as long as possible. By the time dinner was over, my feet were so cold that they hurt. (Yes. That is a thing.) I ended up sitting in bed with socks, three blankets, and two dogs on my feet as the pain intensified. Thankfully, my husband understands my issues with being cold, and he climbed under my desk and turned on my space heater to warm up the room. It took about an hour, but I was finally able to be warm was the room got so warm he changed into sorts. 

I don't think this symptom will ever go away. If my feet get too cold, they will hurt. If my hands get cold, they will hurt. If anywhere else gets cold, I will always feel the cold down to my bones. Will that make me leave Colorado? Probably not. I just have to suck it up and accept it as one of the symptoms of Hashimoto's disease that I will deal with for the rest of my life. 

Walking Sophie

I have been walking Sophie a lot lately. Today, we walked about two miles which is kind of far for a old, small dog. She seemed to not mind though, for the most part. She did mind when we walked past a house with a blue heeler in the front yard. As he ran down the driveway barking, she stopped, so I picked her up and kept walking. When we got closer to the other dog, she climbed up to my shoulder and would let me put her down until we were past that yard. We do walk on Thursdays with my friend and her two small dogs, and (as I pointed out yesterday) we have two big dogs in our home with her. I am not sure why she was suddenly scared of this dog today, but I guess I will be carrying her at times during walks now. 

Oh, Dexter!

We have three dogs: a lab mixed named Dexter, a boxer mix named Aqua, and a pug/chihuahua named Sophie. Dexter is currently out only boy dog, and he had been peeing on everything that is mine lately. (At least , that’s how it feels.) 

Yesterday, as I was getting ready to go to the temple, I realized that he peed on my temple bag. Luckily, it was a weatherproof bag, so the clothing in to was fine. I was able to switch to a backpack last minute. Then, I went to put my coat on, and it stank like dog pee. I know that it wouldn’t have happened if I put it away Friday morning instead of on the back of a kitchen chair, but it was still frustrating to have to wear a light jacket on a chilly morning. 

Tonight, he peed on my dog. They all went in the backyard for a while and came in happily. When I picked up Sophie, she was wet. When I smelled her, I knew right away what had happened: Dexter peed on her. I gave her a bath (she was not a fan), and she smelled better quickly. 

I don’t know what to do to get him to stop. I don’t even know why it started. Dexter is 11 years old. Can he even be taught to stop at this point?

Wonder Woman Goals

 Last Halloween, I decided I wanted to be Wonder Woman. I was so excited when I found a shirt with a cape on the back! When it came, I found out that the reviews that said it ran small were true. (Yes. I know I am overweight, but I know what size I generally wear.) I wore it anyway to a party, but I was uncomfortable most of the night. 

I really want to be able to comfortably wear this shirt. I have decided to hang it on the wall next to my desk (where my hats are) as motivation. I am hoping that somehow this will give me the motivation I am desperately needing to lose weight. My hope is to be able to wear it on my birthday, July 18. If I am going to turn 45, I am going to do it my way. 

Celebrating Her

 

Yesterday was Peyton‘a birthday. We celebrated today. Since we haven’t shared many birthdays for her, so she is still a bit shy about asking for things. We took everyone to dinner at the place she chose, Waffle House, and we gave her the few things she asked for, gel pens and erasers, along with a Door Dash gift cad. (I couldn’t just give her those few things.) Then, we same back to the house for board games. My hope is that she felt special. 

A Still Voice

“And it came to pass when they heard this voice, and beheld that it was not a voice of thunder, neither was it a voice of a great tumultuous noise, but behold, it was a still voice of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper, and it did pierce even to the very soul—“ Helaman 5:30

We often expect a sign that God hears us and is there for us, but that is often not the case. He does not generally give us the big signs that we seek. It is often said in the scriptures that a still voice came out the darkness. 

When Christ came to the Nephites (one of the most significant events in history), a voice came from the heavens "it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice...being a SMALL voice, it did pierce them that did hear it to the center...it did pierce their very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn."

We need to stop looking for these big signs. Nephi's brothers saw an angel, but they still did not fully believe. However, when a still, small voice came, it pierced the souls of all that heard it (see the two verses quoted above). 

I would rather have a still, small voice testify to my "very soul" of the truthfulness of the gospel and have to search out my answers than have a seemingly huge sign that would be forgotten later. I know that Christ is my Savior. I know he suffered, died, and was resurrected. Because of Him, I can be forgiven for my sins. Because of Him, I am never alone. Because of Him, I can be with my mom and brother again. I will never again turn my back on the One who saved me. 

Porch Nest

For the past few years, we have had a bird family with a nest in a flower pot on our porch. It’s exciting when the babies hatch and we can watch the mommy bird feed the babies as the squeak and look up begging to be next. Sometimes we can see their heads poke up above the sides of the pot. I have tried to take pictures in the past, but the parents are protective and don’t want up getting that close. 

This year, I have not seen much activity there yet. A few weeks ago, I saw what looked like two birds working on the nest, but I haven’t seen them since. I hope it is just that they are there when you m not looking out the window. I keep the pot there for the birds, and I would be sad if they didn’t come back. 

A Bit Over My Head

Yesterday and today, I dove into my classes. Child and Family Advocacy seems to be what I had thought it would be for the most part. It is a 400 level class with a lot of reading and research. Social Media Marketing does not seem to be the simple elective that I had planned, though. I know very little about marketing, and some of the terms are foreign to me. I am hoping that I will catch on as I go considering it is a entry level class. I don't know what else I would take if I decided to drop it, so I am going to stick it out. Wish me luck!  

What Does Forgiveness Mean?

Tonight, Chad and I discussed forgiveness as we studied the “Come, Follow Me” lesson. We read Matthew 18:21-36 then listened to Elder David E. Sorensen’s 2003 talk, “Forgiveness Will Change Bitterness to Love.” I really liked this talk. He talks about the importance of forgiveness and not holding grudges. There were a few things that I highlighted as we listened. My favorite was, “Forgiveness means the problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on our future with God’s love in our hearts.”

I know that forgiveness does not mean I have to fully trust someone who has hurt me, but it does mean that I no longer hold that pain and anger in my heart. As I active to forgive for past, I will seek for the peace it can bring my future in my marriage and in my heart. The more I can let these things go, the greater my capacity is to love. 

My Week Planned

I am one of those people who get little done unless I have a checklist. I have tried several times to go without it, and it does not go well. For example, I skipped basically the entire month of March because of some personal issues I was dealing with and missed some assignments because of that which affected my grades. You would think I would learn that the methods that work when I am feeling good work when I'm a bit depressed as well. 

For the past few years, I have purchased a planner before the year starts that I am excited about. Last year, it was one that came with stickers and highlighters. This year is one I found on the Happy Planner website after a friend introduced me to their products. In this one, I can plan out my week as well as do my bullet journal stuff in the back. It has been a bit of an adjustment to the new format for the days, but I think I have finally figured it out.

Today, I sat down with Noel to plan out my week. (I'm not sure why she wanted to help me, but it was nice spending time doing something that I enjoy with her.) I let her pick out the colors that I used as we talked and joked around. When I misspelled a word (Who misspells dinner?), she helped me fix it. When she was ready to go watch a show she was waiting to start, she walked back to her room as I searched for the right stickers.

Here is my plan for the week: 

Thankful for Women of History

As much as I would like to see more women climbing the social ladder, I can’t help but see how far we have come. There was a time when women were nothing more than the property of their husbands. They were expected think and act as they were told to do. If they didn’t, there were consequences to be paid. Some of these consequences were done behind closed doors and others were more public. 

For the past few weeks, I have been reading about Elizabeth Packard. She dared to publicly have different beliefs than her husband. As a result, she was committed to an “insane asylum.” At the time, all it took to do this was a signed affidavit from the husband. Then, the fact that she no longer wanted to live with her husband, along with her trying to stick up for herself and other women, were used to keep her there. 

The book that I am reading goes into the general treatment of women who were deemed “insane” in the 1860’s. It was appalling and disgusting and inhumane. There have been times that I felt physically ill as I have read this book. 

I am thankful for women like Elizabeth Packard who fought for women’s rights, going against the grain. We don’t learn about them individually in school. I just happened to come across this book when I took Sean to Barnes and Noble last month. 

I am not one of those people who will say that we need to halt the progress of men/boys to let the women/girls rise above. However, I do believe that women should have the chance to excel if they choose to do so. We should be listened to as equal contributors and be paid equally for the same work. We should have our strengths celebrated alongside the strengths of men. 

We have come a long way in giving women the rights and dignities they deserve as members of the human race. My hope is they we continue to do so in a way that honors us as women.

Classes Starting

My next semester starts Monday, and the classes open today. I will be taking Intro to Social Media Marketing and Child and Family Advocacy for the next 14 weeks. 

I am quite excited for Social Media Marketing. It sounds like an interesting class that may help me find an internship or job. Also, I have considered looking to life coaching when I finish my degree, and it could help me advertise my business if I decide to go in that direction (just an idea I’m tossing around in my head). 

Child and Family Advocacy is required for my degree, but I am quite excited to start that class as well because a few other options I am considering. I have heard this class is hard, but that doesn’t surprise me considering it is a 400 level class. I have been wanting to take it since it started being offered to online students, but I had to take other classes to be able to do so. Then, I thought I should take Family Theory and Dynamics before I jumped into it (not sure why). I hope I continue to be excited about this class as I work through it. 

Once I finish this semester, I will only have two classes plus my internship to go. I am so close I can feel it! This time next year I will have a Bachelors Degree!

New Friend

It has always been hard for me to make friends. I just have a hard time trusting people. There has been more than once that I put my trust in someone who ended up stabbing me in the back. I am slowly learning to let my guard down, an I have been happy with the results. 

About this time last year, our ward boundaries were made bigger. Not long after this, a lady who is now in our ward invited Chad and me to a dinner party, and we went and had fun. Then, we talked to each other here and there at church. After a few months, she organized a girls’ trip and invited me. Then, she and her husband invited Chad and I over for New Year’s Eve. Since then, we have found times to spend together. For the past month, we have been taking walks together after I get off work on Thursday. 

It has been great to get to know a new person. We have a lot in common and many differences. I have learned a lot about myself through her and a lot about being a mom. She is different than my other friends. She seems to be able to make friends with everyone she meets. 

Today, we had a regular conversation about our daughters, work, and other day to day things. As we got back to our cars (we meet at a dirt road to walk), she told me how much better she has felt since the sun has been out more. I told her how much better I have been feeling lately as well. I felt a real connection. 

I have a few very close friends. Each of them have something different about them that draws me to them. I’m not even sure I could explain it really. I know I am meant to be friends with a few choice people, and I am glad I have them in my life. 

My Girl

 I knew I would have an amazing daughter one day. She and I would have a better relationship than I had with my mom. She would be smart, beautiful, and funny. She would be loved more than I ever was or would be. 

Noel is everything I imagined and more. I am so blessed to have her. I hope she knows how much I love her.  I hope she knows I will always fight for her. How could I not? She is one of the most important people in my life and always will be. 

Final Grades

My grades have been finalized. I am not real happy with my grades, but I know that they reflect the work I put into the classes. In Family and Community Relations (the class that stressed me out the most), I ended up with a 79.93%. I am kicking myself for not turning in any assignments the week I got home from visiting my dad. If I had turned in those two assignments, I would most likely have a B. In Family Theory and Dynamics, I ended up with a 79.39%. I think I turned in everything in that class, but I know that I would have a better grade if I studied better for the exams including participating in the study group I was out in. Both grades are passing grades, but they do nothing for my GPA. At this point, I am not planning to go to graduate school, but I would like the option open if I were to decide I want to in the future. 

What Progress?

 At the beginning of the year, I set some goals in the four areas suggested by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (spiritual, physical, social, and intellectual). I have not been doing very well in some of these goals, but I am ready to make a change. 

I want to keep making progress in the areas that I have had some success and add on that success. I recognize that some of my success has required effort and some has required habit formation. I believe that the areas I need to add focus to would require habit formation. I know that means work will be put into it, but my hope it that it becomes as simple to do eventually as listen to a chapter in the Book of Mormon has become. 

To track my progress, I am going back to the pie chart method that I tried when I attempted the Level 10 thing. I believe that having 8 specific goals (two for each category), I can have better focus and be less overwhelmed than having 10 broad categories. 

Happy Easter

 

It was said several times during General Conference that there would be no Christmas if there were no Easter. If Chiat has not sacrificed, bled from every poor, been humiliated, died, and been resurrected, we would have no reason to celebrate His birth. Had he not been willing to do all of this as a perfect man, we would not have a reason to celebrate Him. If He had not been resurrected, we would not have the hope of being with our loved ones for eternity. 

I love my Savior. I am so thankful for the Atonement. I am thankful for the knowledge that I can be with my mom and brother again. I am thankful for the hope my Savior has provided through His sacrifice and resurrection. 

Harry Potter with Sean

At the beginning of the Mammoth Lacrosse season, Sean and I decided we would watch one Harry Potter movie each night Chad was gone with his brother. Sean read all of the books multiple times in elementary school, and I rad them before the movies came out for the most part. We have each seen the movies at least once, but I felt this would be something nice that the two of us could do together. There is only one game left, but there are three movies. We have decided that we will find time on Saturdays to finish the  last two movies together while Chad is at work and Noe is with her dad. 

I have been enjoying watching these movies with Sean. I forget how fun they were. I think I’m going to read the books again when I am done with the books I’m reading right now. 

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing - Review

 

I finally finished Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing. In some ways I loved this book. I have read the reviews. Some are good, and others are not. It seems that people who just want to know more about Matthew Perry love this book. Then, there are the people who seem to expect it to be perfectly written and edited. 

I bought this book in December as soon as I heard about it because I have a slight obsession with Friends, and I love to learn about people’s backstories. I wasn’t able to start it until January, but for those reasons, I eagerly dove into the book knowing the time I had for reading personal books was limited. 

This book tells Matthew Perry’s life struggles in raw detail. I think it would have been a disservice to him had it been perfectly edited. For the most part, he tells his life story in a linear way. He talks of his upbringing following his parents' divorce, his rise to stardom, his struggles with addiction and dating, his love of God, and his road to recovery. 

Matthew Perry starts with what should have been the story of his death. One would think this would have been the wakeup call needed for him to get clean once and for all. ***Spoiler alert***It was not. 

If you want to read a literary work of art, this is not the book for you. If you want to learn the story of Matthew Perry's life and how he overcame the impossible, you will like this book. 

Waiting for Grades

I finished my finals and last assignments for the semester last night. These classes were the hardest I have taken to date. With only a few semesters left, I am ready to work hard to the end. 

Now, is probably the most nerve wracking part of the semester. I am waiting for all of the assignments I turn in last week, the few assignments due this week, and my finals to be graded. I currently have a B in each of my classes. I have done the calculations. The worst I could do is get Ds in each class. The problem is, that is not good enough. I need Cs or better to pass all degree specific classes. I don’t want tor have to take these classes again. 

Hurt…In a Good Way

Chad and I signed up for this year’s BOLDERBoulder a few days ago. That means it is time to be serious about training. Since my running has been sporadic at best, that means k have to get back on a regular running schedule. I know I keep saying I’m going to do this. 

Today, I started my training plan using my Jeff Galloway’s app. I like using this app because it helps me time my run/walk intervals. I did a 30 minute run for the first time in a long time. Now, my hips and legs hurt, but it is a good kind of hurt. 

I am proud of myself for getting out in the cold and making a plan to move forward. It is not always easy to make the time to workout, but I need to make myself a priority. 

Snacking Goals

I have been snacking way too much over the past month. This is causing issues in more than one way. First, it costs money to make runs to the gas station with Noel or have Door Dash deliver something. Second, I am setting a bad example for Sean and Noel. I know they are old enough for bad habits like emotional eating to have already taken hold, but maybe they can learn better habits. If it's not not too late for me, it's not too late for them. Third, my weight keeps going up. I need to find a healthier way.

I have been getting freeze dried food delivered once a month. I get them because I want to build up my food storage. I also want to eat them, though. Eating the foods that are being ordered and delivered anyway for my snacks would help with the issues I am having in part. 

I have decided that I am going to start having one snack a day of freeze dried fruit. This should help me save money, be a better example, and lose weight. It will not completely keep me away from the junk food. 

Mom Was There

Today, as I watched conference, listened to the talks, and took in the music, I could feel my mom comforting me. I have really been struggling with the events of the accident that took her and Anthony for the past month. I know the Lord heard my prayer yesterday for peace. There were many messages in conference about the peace the gospel brings. It was as though I those talks were tailored to me. The music especially hit me in a special place today. The last hymn in of General Conference was the one I sang with my friend at the funeral. The choir also sang one that I learned how to sign when I was in primary. When I think of signing, I think of my mom and dad. I think the Lord knew I needed to feel something special from conference to help me work through my feelings, and that is exactly what happened. 

Peace of General Conference

I am coming to the realization that a lot of what I am dealing with is because of the reopening of the wound of the death of my mom and brother. Trying to not deal with it is causing commotion in almost all areas of my life. I need to prioritize as I had said a few days ago, but I need to figure out how to do that in a way that I will feel peace. 

This morning, as I showered and got ready to watch General Conference, I prayed with deep emotion. In tears, I begged God to help me heal and feel peace. As I watched and listened to the speakers, I could feel the Lord tell me that I will be ok. There were a few talks that helped me. One talked about over coming discouragement. (The speaker made sure to differentiate between discouragement and mental health issues that need professional intervention.) I knew as I listened to him that he was talking to me. I know that I can feel the peace the gospel brings as I keep my covenants and trust in the Lord. 

I am so glad that my prayers were heard this morning. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father that wants to give me comfort and peace when I am willing to turn to Him. I am excited to find out what else I can learn and feel as I watch the rest of the sessions tomorrow. 

Need to Prioritize

"Your Heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6: 32-33

I have been overwhelmed a lot lately. I have a full time job and go to school part time. I also have a fairly demanding calling in the Church to go along with my divine calling as wife and mother. There have been many time lately that the roles of wife and mother have been so stressful that I struggle to fulfill my other roles in life. I struggle knowing that if I fail in this way or that way it would affect other people. This often leads to me neglecting my own needs to try to make sure others are taken care of. 

How many times have we had the lesson with the rocks at church. You know the one. Start with an empty jar, a pile of big rocks, a pile of small rocks, some sand, and a glass of water. How do we fit it all in the jar? We start with the largest thing, the big rocks. Then we move on to the small rocks, the sand, and finally the water. If we go in the opposite order, we will not fit everything in, and we will make a big mess. 

I need to figure out what my big rocks are and prioritize my time. I think I am spending too much of my time on the smaller priorities. I also need to make sure that I stop making myself the water. 

Getting Ready for Conference

This weekend, is General Conference. That means that we have the privilege of listening to the Lord’s representatives for two days. 

Last conference, in October, I got a journal ready to take notes about my impressions of each talk. I felt more prepared than I ever have and got more out of it. Since then, I have listened to the talks again a few time as well as talks from previous sessions. 

With the April session only two days away, I am going to be getting ready again. I am going to go to Family Dollar to get another journal and decide how I am going to format it again. I will probably do it like I did last time because I liked the outcome. Why change it if it worked for me?

Forgiveness Journey

Yesterday, Chad and I went to the temple. We both thought our appointment was at 4pm, but it was actually at 4:30. That meant that I was able to sit and read scriptures while waiting to do what I was there for. I read Alma 37 and felt a sense of peace as I did so. Then, I read Ether 14 and 15. As I read these chapters, I thought about the battles in my life that lead me away from the Spirit. 

I feel I need to start another forgiveness journey. I did this about 8 or 9 years ago and felt a strong sense of peace as I truly felt I had forgiven the person who had hurt me most. Since then, he has caused more pain in various ways which has brought up some of the bad feeling from the past. I need to resolve these feeling for myself as well as my children. Will we ever have even a glimmer of a friendship again. Probably not. I’m ok with that.  The feelings of animosity are just dragging me down and need to be resolved. 

I’m a Sucker

I am a sucker for a deal. Sometimes, it’s a good thing like buy one get one free on laundry detergent. Sometimes, I regret it. I have paid for subscriptions to three apps that I rarely use because on this impulse. 

In December, I was reading Jeff Galloway’s book and felt ready to start running again. I downloaded his app and got started. The problem is I hate the cold and don’t go to the gym often enough, so it doesn’t get used as much as it should especially with the BOLDERBoulder in 62 days. I know I need to just jump back in to running, but it’s hard even with an app that helps me run the way I want to run. (Hopefully, this will change real soon.)

In January, MyFitnessPal had a deal in a year of the Premium subscription. My intermittent fasting app free trial was ending, so I signed up for that feature and to be able to scan my foods. I haven’t used it for about the last mont. I got out of the habit when I went to my dad’s and have had a hard time getting back to tracking.  

Most recently, I get an email from my credit card company saying I could be eligible for 3 free months of the Door Dash Pass all I had to do was connect my card to the account. We prefer it over Grub Hub, so I tried it. Apparently, this is only for new subscribers, not returning. (I really should have learned my lesson on this one by now.) Really, if we didn’t get Grub Hub free, we would be paying for this pass. I don’t like the idea of paying for something we already (kind of) get for free. 

One of these days I may stop subscribing to stuff I won’t actually use. Today is not that day. 

He Lives

Last night, the missionaries came for dinner. They talked with Sean about video games, movies, and books. Then, they gave a lesson about Easter and asked what the resurrection of Christ meant for us. I feel it necessary to share on my blog. 

Christ’s resurrection means that God loved me enough to send His son, my brother, to this world to suffer and die for me. It means that He is powerful enough to break the bonds of death. It means all things are possible through Him. It gives me hope for the future. Because He died and was resurrected, I will see my mom and brother again. I love my Savior. I am thankful that he went through the worst so I can have the best. 

The Closer I Get

The closer I get to being done with my degree, the harder it is to concentrate on the work. I want the work to be easier, but that is not the reality of school. It keeps getting harder. That doesn't mean that I am going to give up. It just means that I have try harder to concentrate and pay more attention to what I am reading and watching for my assignments. 

There have been times this semester that I feel like I am going to break. I am in the middle of one of those moments. One of my classes requires things that are not normally required for undergrad students like grant writing. It also requires me stepping out of my comfort zone. It has tried me more than any other class. I am working so hard for this class and hope that I will make it out of this class with at least a C so that I don't have to take it again. I have only a few weeks left and am honestly worried that I will have to take it again. If by some miracle I pass both of my classes this semester, I will be graduating this time next year. If I don't, I may have to go one more semester than planned yet again. 

I really want to finish this degree. I have worked hard on it since September 2015. It has been a long road. I have gained a lot of knowledge as well as humility. I truly believe that the more we learn, the less we realize we know. I have no plans to continue on to a Masters program at this time. That may change in the future. For now, I just want to be done. 

New True Crime Show

Today, I watched a new Hulu show called Lessons of Murder in which a former FBI agent who now teaches a graduate program at the University of South Florida and her students analyze murders to see if they can figure out why they are killers as they profile them. They do this by interviewing family and friends of the victim(s) and the murderer when possible and looking into their past. Then, they interview the murderer. It is interesting to see the similarities in each person as well as the differences. When they interview the murderers, it is a bit eerie. In the first episode, he reveals one more victim as he claims that he did what was best for her because she was close to death anyway. The second guy continually declared his innocence even though there was enough evidence to put him on death row. The third episode featured a female serial killer (something very rare). When she was interviewed, she basically blamed the other people involved and gave a different timeline than anyone else. Also, I remember seeing her a few years ago on an HLN series about women in prisons. Back then, I felt sorry for her. I didn't really feel that way after listening to her actual crimes and history. 

I would highly recommend this show for anyone who likes true crime. It can be a bit disturbing, but it does not go into as much detail as some other shows. Also, the crimes are not being described in a way that shows how they figured out who committed the crime. We already know that. They are getting into his head and pointing out that these are not traits of most people in the world. 

Real Appeal Meetings

In January, I joined a weight loss group called Real Appeal. It was working great the first month, but I have slipped considerably since my anniversary dinner. Partly because I had to be off a bit with what I was doing that night, partly because it was followed by other celebrations and the trip, and partly because I had gotten to a point that I felt a bit out of control when it came to eating. I am currently in the process of going through past lessons (they are all available in a "library" on the app) to get back on track. I really think that if I follow the advice, I can lose weight and keep it off. 

For this group, I have signed up for weekly meetings where our coach goes through the lesson for the week, asks the group questions about how they are doing with their weekly goals, and gives tips for continued success. We are encouraged to interact in the chat as our coach goes through the lesson. There are a few people in my group that give answers that make them appear to be more than perfect. It makes me wonder why they are participating in something like this. For example, last week we discussed junk food substitutes, so our follow up question was how much of our food for the past week. I sat there thinking, "Since we went out to eat a few times, probably 50%." I know that is a high estimate and most likely wrong. I didn't respond in the chat because the first person to answer said 5%. How the heck is that even possible? Aren't we all overweight? Later, as she went through this week's discussion, she asked what we do while working to try to be more active. There were answers that sounded realistic like using a standing desk or taking walks on breaks. Then, there was that one guy that said he always takes the stairs. He even went as far as to tell us there are 53 stairs. When asked how we can be more active when watching tv, he started throwing out kettlebell exercises. Does anyone really do this? No elevator? Always working out while not working? Doing squats while brushing their teeth? If this is what fit people are doing, I will never be smaller and fitter. It is almost demotivating for this guy to comment. He makes everything seem unattainable 

Weight Loss Bet

Earlier this year, I was in two weight loss contests. I had one with my best friend that was to end at the end of January and one with Chad that was to end March 17. Both contests fizzled out. We all had different reasons and didn’t lose enough to do anything about it. Chad and I weighed ourselves today and had both gained since the beginning of the year. I gained less and will get a prize, but it feels tainted. I didn’t really earn it. 

Today, Chad and I decided we will start a new contest that  won’t last as long. Maybe if we have only have a short time before one of us gets a reward, we will work on it harder. The plan is that we will start tomorrow (my payday) and go until April 7 (my next payday). I know the odds are stacked against me medically, but I think I can do it. Wish me luck!

The Parallels are Astonishing

This morning, I was listening to Alma 48, and I was stunned at the similarities between what was happening then (about 72 B.C.) and now. Amalickiah had been given the reigns to rule over Lamanites and was now seeking for more power. He caused them to grow even more angry at the Nephites. At this point, "he having accomplished his design thus far, yea, having been made king over the Lamanites, he sought also to reign over all of the land, yea, and all of the people who were in the land, the Nephites  as well as the Lamanites." Then, they go into battle against the Nephites.   

As I listened to this, I thought about modern politics. Men and women fight for positions of power. They take these positions they desire as they are appointed. Then, they strive to find a way to not be subjected to the other political party. There have been times that I have been fear of the political parties literally taking up arms against each other. Even those with good intentions are lead in directions they had not imagined. 

We can fight against those trying to lead us astray. We can be like Captain Moroni and his army. We can "labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of [the] people." How do we do this? Verses 15 and 16 say: 

And this was their faith, that by so doing so God would prosper them in the land, or in other words, if they were faithful in keeping the commandments of God that he would prosper them in the land: yea, warn them to flee, or to prepare them for war, according to their danger;

And also, that God would make it known unto them whither they should go to defend themselves against their enemies, and by so doing, the Lord would deliver them..in keeping the commandments of God, yea, and resisting iniquity.

As we fight for the our freedoms and the freedoms of others, it is important that we do so as directed by the Lord. When we keep our covenants, we can be lead to act as God would have us act: with compassion, determination, kindness, and firmness in our convictions. We can be the army of God.  

Walking for Veterans

 

I singed up to walk 30 miles in April as I fundraise for an organization trying to end veteran suicide. I have already started the fundraiser on Facebook, and two people have donated so far. I am hoping to raise $200. 

As I get ready for this April goal, I have been take Sophie on walks. She LOVES it! We only walk a bit over a mile per day because she is a senior dog, and I don't want to do too much for her. The thing  is, I think she could make it further most days. When we get home, she tried to play with the other dogs and runs around the backyard. I can tell she will do great with this challenge. If she acts like she needs a rest day, I will give it to her. So far, she doesn't seem to want it, though. 

I hope to be able to reach both my fundraising goal and mileage goal by the end of April. I know I can do the walking. I hope my friends and family will step up and help me donate the additional $120 as well. 

Tiny Hats

For one of my classes this semester, I needed to do 8 hours of service. This was hard for me because I had to get out of my comfort zone. I talked to the police captain of my town, and he suggested volunteering for the local victims' advocate agency. I looked at their website because I have thought about doing this anyway, but I would not have the time to work for them because it requires 12 hour shifts and a 12 month commitment once the training is complete. I may look further into it when I get closer to my internship, but this was not something I could do with my current schedule. I kept searching and even reached out to a local shelter with not response. With only a few weeks to go, I felt like I was running out of options (there is really not much available in my area). Then, I saw a post on Facebook in one of my crocheting groups that talked about Project Robby. This organization gives donated crocheted hat, blankets, and angel wings to babies born sleeping. It was created by a lady who had a baby born sleeping that was given a little hat about his size and kept it as a security item to remind her of him. As soon as I read her story, I wanted to do what I could to help. I sent an email right away to see what she needed and how I could help. Now, I am sitting making the smallest hats I have ever made, thinking about the mamas who don't get to bring these sweet babies home. It makes me sad that they have to face this difficult challenge, and I hope that they can be comforted, even if it is just a little bit, by the tiny hat she is given.  

The Shirt

 When you have been raised by a dad who emphasized that your family was “Orange Irish,” you embrace it as an adult. It may have taken me 44 years to embrace my heritage, but I’m doing it. (Side note: I think I am enjoying holidays my own way more often the longer I work from home.)

Religious Freedom

 

I was raised to respect the beliefs of others even if they did not believe as I did. My dad was raised Methodist, and we went to my grandparent's church when we visited them. When I lived in Indiana, there were very few of us at school that belonged to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Even after moving to Colorado, I didn't ever feel that religion determined rather someone was a "good person." 

Many things changed with I became an adult. I have worked with people of all faiths without a thought of it affected how I felt about them until one day I was told by someone that I worked with told me she could no longer speak to me because of my religion. A few years later, I was challenged on my personal beliefs because they were shaped by my status as a Christian. I have also had someone tell me that they disowned parts of their family because they refused to bend on their beliefs. I have also been attacked on social media due to my beliefs. 

Over the past few years, Christianity has been heavily scrutinized. We are mocked and heavily scrutinized. Are all Christians "good people?' Of course not. Does that make all Christians "bad?" Also, no. Assuming you know someone because of the God they choose to worship is wrong. We should love others regardless of who or what they worship. 

In his General Conference talk in April 2022, Elder Ronald A. Rasband said religious freedom is the "freedom to worship in all its configurations: freedom of assembly, freedom of speech, freedom to act on personal beliefs, and freedom for others to do the same. Religious freedom allows each of us to decide for ourselves what we believe, how we live and act according to our faith, and what God expects of us." He goes on to summarize the persecutions the early members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints experienced. They were ran out of many areas, had extermination orders against them, and more. However, they didn't give up. They kept moving on hoping to one day have the freedom to worship as they felt was right. 

Religious freedom does not mean we need to eradicate religion. It means we should accept all points of view and allow each other to worship "how, where, or what they may."

Feeling God's Love

Last night, I was able to sit back and read for a while. (Time that is hard to find most days.) My book of choice lately has been Matthew Perry's Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing. In the interlude after chapter 6, he describes a moment after praying in which he felt encompassed with the love of God. This experience helped him stay sober for 2 years and has helped him in times since according to the book. 

I loved reading this. I feel that people do not talk about their spiritual experiences often enough. If we talked about it more, it could help others feel God’s love. We don’t have to be encircled with light as Matthew Perry describes. It can be something as simple as a friend checking on us when there was no way they could have know we were struggling or the wonderful feeling we get as we walk though nature. 

Elder Michael T. Ringwood said, “…Heavenly Father has a personal plan of happiness for each of us. Because God sent His Beloved Son for us, the miracles we need will ‘[fall] on [the very] day’ necessary for His plan to be fulfilled.”

Blue Skies

Today is a beautiful day! After work, Sophie and I went for a walk in perfect weather. The sun was out, and the temperature was just right. I love that have a work schedule that allows me to enjoy an afternoon like this!

That Last Sock

The problem with knitting a bunch of socks is that eventually you are tired of knitting them and need a change. This inevitably happens half way through the last sock of a pair. 

Over the past 4 or 5 months I have knit 3 pair of socks for me and 2 pair for Noel. I had fun making most of them. (Noel’s gray pair were a bit plain and boring.) I have also knit one and a half socks for a pair that I really want. The problem is that I have so many other things that I want to knit or crochet that I am struggling to make this last sock. 

I know I will finish this sock. I will hopefully finish it this week. It is just hard to make myself do it when I am ready to move on. 

Embracing My Heritage

When I was growing up, my dad would wear a bright orange (think traffic cone) zipper hoodie every St. Patrick's Day. He would insist that this was the right color because our family was "Orange Irish." The only thing that I understood about this was that there was some kind of dispute between them and the "Green Irish," but I did not really understand because I didn't really care to know for some reason. I was just embarrassed that my dad would wear that jacket and refuse to wear green. 

About 20 years later, I had a friend at church that embraced his Irish heritage and was wearing a tie that reflected that around St. Patrick's Day. Once, he asked me why I wasn't wearing green, and all I could say was that my dad had taught me that I was "Orange Irish," so the green didn't matter as much. His response was that I must have Irish heritage if I even knew about that because most people haven't delved into history enough to even mention it. I miss that friend. He was a great man. His wife if one of my best friends, and I know she would love me to do something because of my memories of him. 

Last weekend, I asked my dad what being a proud "Orange Irish" meant. He explained the religious persecution our ancestors endured which lead them to Scotland then to America. There is a proud religious heritage in my family that I want to represent. 

Tonight, I did a search on Amazon for an "Orange Irish" shirt. I was shocked that there were several to choose from. I ordered an orange t-shirt with a shamrock that has both the Irish and Scottish flag in it. It should be delivered Thursday, and I will proudly wear it to represent my family and the hardships they endured.  

Ready to be Done

I so badly want to be done with school at this point. Between my associates degree and working on my bachelors degree, I have been in school since 2009 for the most part. The last year has been intense, too. I know the classes should be getting harder, but I am getting burnt out. There was a time I thought I would get a masters as well, but I can’t see myself doing that now. Instead, I am going to put effort into finishing my degree and finding a job in which I can use my experience in accounting and my education in marriage and family studies. Only 3 semesters after this one including my internship. I can do this. I didn’t get this far to only get this far.

Secrets Revealed

Every so often, my dad tells me things about my mom that were previously kept secret from my sister and me. For example, I did not know her mental health diagnosis until about 10 years ago. I only knew she was in an out of the hospital. I think he keeps things from me to try to protect me in a way. The thing is that I think it would have been easier to have known because I have done a lot of work to help me live with the complicated relationship I had with my mom as well as the feelings I have faced because of her sudden death.

While visiting my dad this last weekend, we had some intense conversations. One of these conversations was about the accident that killed my mom and brother. I was told after it happened that they were both asleep when it happened and had died on impact. I was under the impression that the car hit the guardrail head on essentially impaling my mom and sending Anthony out the rear window. I learned that this was not what happened. My dad apparently ordered a copy of and read the accident report. 

The first thing I learned was that the car hit the guardrail on the side at about the passenger door, where my mom was sitting, which is probably how she was injured. The problem is that she did not die instantly. She bled out. I used to have nightmares of Anthony lying in a ditch crying for someone to find him. As it turns out, there is a possibility that my mom was in pain as she died (something she often said she was scared would happen). 

The other thing that I learned was that there was a possibility that Anthony woke up and saw that the car was going off of the road and tried to recover it. My dad believes this because the accident report indicated that the car spun out. If the car spun out, he could not have been ejected the way he was. 

I have been trying to process this information for the last five days. Each day has been more difficult. I have been able stay busy each evening so far this week. It helps a bit, but I need to find a way to come to terms with the idea that they may have both suffered before they died. 

Temple with the Youth

Tonight, the youth got to go to the temple for baptisms. I am one of the lucky ones that gets to be both mom and leader. I love taking Noel on these trips when she is able to go. It is an added bonus to take one of the girls I serve. There is just something about these girls. 

Last Day/ Going Home

Today was a pretty good day. This morning, my sweet daughter called me around 7am and talked to me for about an hour. I love hearing from her when we are apart. It was a great way to start my day. After every one was awake, we went to the bookstore for Sean to get a few more books because he finished all three that we bought for the trip. Then, we went to a yarn store in downtown Provo called Heindselmam’s Knit and Gift Shop. It was such a great shop, and the people were really friendly. Sean even got to pet a puppy. After that, my dad let Sean choose where to go for lunch, and he chose In-n-Out Burger. After lunch, we made sure we were fully packed and visited with my parents for a bit longer before saying goodbye to Bev and having my dad take us to the airport. 

Good news: we had no problems with out flight. It took longer for the passengers from the previous flight to get off the plane that it probably should have, but the boarding process was not too bad for us. We took off only about 20 minutes late and landed right on time. Sean enjoyed the flight this time. With it mostly going as planned, he was able to relax and take it all in. I got him a window seat, so he leaned his head on the window and watched out it the whole way. He described the engine to me before we took off and pointed out how little we could see through the clouds as we landed. It took some of the stress off of me, and I enjoyed his excitement. (I know he is 19 and not little, but I can’t ever see myself not enjoying my children.)

I like visiting my parents, and it is always good to be home. The only things I would change from my trip would be to have caught an earlier flight that was less likely to be delayed (not that I could have predicted that), and I would have liked to have a car so I could get out of the house when everyone was sleeping. 

Day 2 in Provo

Today was pretty good. I spent a lot of the morning in Bev’s room talking to her and doing a puzzle. Then, my dad came home from work with some groceries, we had lunch, and we went our separate ways for a bit: Dad went back to work; Sean went downstairs to read; Bev took a nap; and I sat in the kitchen doing homework. 

Carrie and her younger girls came over around four, and we got to bust with them are a little while which was really nice since I haven’t seen them since we came out her in 2019. We were able to catch up a bit and are hoping she feels well enough to stop by next time she is supposed to be driving through Colorado. 

After a bit more visiting with my dad, he made one of Sean’s favorite dinners (spaghetti). While we ate and talked some more. 

Around 8pm, my best friend came and picked me up so we could see each other while I’m here. We went to Chili’s. She had dinner, and I had an appetizer and dessert. We caught up with each other for a few hours before she brought me back. 

After saying my good nights, I went to the guest room to wind down and go to sleep. 

I have really enjoyed my trip so far. It has been nice to see everyone. There are more that I wish I had time to see, but it is a short trip, and I don’t have a car here. 

Day 1 in Provo

By the time our plane landed, we got off the plane and walked across the airport to find my dad, and he drove us to his house through a snowstorm, it was 5:00am. We were told which rooms were made up for us and went to bed. 

I set an alarm for 7:30 to make sure I would be ready for church on time, and it worked. Even though I had just over 2 hours of sleep, I was shower, dressed and ready to go on time. Of course, it is helpful the the church is basically around the corner. I enjoyed church for the most part. It is hard to be in a different ward, but it is good to hear the insights of others. 

Once we got back to the house, my parents took a nap and I talked to Chad. He had had a long night waiting for updates to make sure we arrived safe and was awaken by the dogs bright and early. I paced the house, looked at books on the shelves, and checked on Sean as I talked. It was nice to talk to him, and I got to have a conversation with both him and Noel as he picked her up from her dad’s. When they were home, we hung up and I went to bed for a longer nap. 

Once we were all awake, I had Sean come upstairs so we could all hang out, talk, and eat. Sean went back downstairs when the conversation got too intense as Dad and I talked about Anthony’ and Mom’s death. We continued talking until Bev needed help. Then she had me go get Sean again because she worried that he was being neglected (he wasn’t, but she is Grandma). 

Now we are fed and headed back to bed for the night. Tomorrow, we will be doing a bit more. Carrie and the girls will be coming over. Then, I will be headed out with my best friend that evening. My dad says he needed to go into the office for at least half of the day. As to not overwhelm Bev, Sean and I will probably walk over to the grocery store to get Sean some frozen pizza (he is the pickiest eater I have ever met, and Grandma is worried that he is t eating enough). I’m excited to see people I love tomorrow! 

Delayed Flight

As of 11:33 pm, Sean and I are sitting at DIA waiting to fly out to Salt Lake to visit my dad and stepmom. We booked a flight that originally supposed to depart at 11:22pm, but it has been delayed several times and is now set to depart at 1:02 am. Sean was quite nervous about this trip to begin with because it is a new experience and there are more people around than he is comfortable with. With each delay he has become more disenchanted with this trip. He has even said that he wished we went on the train because at least we were going somewhere. I kind of have to agree at this point. We arrived early to pay for my carryon and have our seats changed to assure we are sitting together. At this point we have been here over three hours and will be waiting at least another hour and a half (unless there is another delay). 

Update: It is now 2:55am, and we are finally in Salt Lake. It has been a VERY long night!

Her Birthday

 

Today is my mom's 70th birthday. It is hard to think of her being that old. Her age has been frozen in time. She was 43 when she passed away. I believe that she would have continued working on her mental health issues and continued to heal. She would have continued building her faith as she helped others learn about the goodness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She would have been a wonderful grandma. She would have been as involved as possible as I learned to care for my babies. 

My mom was a wonderful person who loved deeply. She was not a perfect person, but she was and is my mom. I love her. I am thankful for the knowledge that the family bonds can last beyond this life. I long for the day when I can once again feel her arms around me. I hope I lived my life in a way that makes her proud to say I am her daughter. 

Recycling Motivation

We have talked about joining Waste Management’s recycling program since they took over the trash collection contract for our town. I just never got around to calling them to have a cart delivered to our house. A little over a month ago, it was brought up again. Then, we got notified that the town would be switching to Republic Services as of March. The flyer said that we would be getting the same carts from them that would be collected. It also said that if we wanted more or less than we had, we would need to wait until after March 1. To our surprise, we had a recycle bin delivered as well as a trash bin.

Now, we have mo excuse. All of those Amazon boxes and   soda boxes can now be sent for recycling. We even bought a bin to put next to out trash can inside and to the kids to rinse out cans and glass bottles. So far, it seems to be a natural transition. It’s even making me want to get back to get back to composting. 

Technology Curse

My husband loves technology. I like it when it is useful. There are somethings he understands better than me and vice versa. For example, through my job and my schooling, I have learned a lot about spreadsheets that he doesn't understand, and he knows more about why cell phones work because he likes to learn about that kind of thing. Between the two of us, we have a fairly good base knowledge. 

November 2019, we had to get a new furnace because the other one broke down and was leaking stuff that made it dangerous and more expensive to repair. When we did so, they gave us a Nest thermostat that can be controlled through an app on the phone, on the Alexa device, and on the wall. A few days ago, all of these forms of control failed. Chad went into the hall to see if it was just not connecting to the Wi-Fi, but it was completely not working. The only thing he could do was reset it and the apps. After about an hour of him yelling at the thing, he got it working better than it was before it bonked. Now, it is on a weird schedule and will only stay at the temperature I want it during the day for about a half hour because the default schedule believes we are not home during certain hours. It is not hard to fix, but it can get a bit tedious on cooler days. (I may need to just put the app on my phone as well.) Even though it can be frustrating, it is still not as frustrating as it was to have to live in a cold house with only space heaters for a week or two for the furnace to be installed. 

I love that we can have technology that allows us to control things with our voice. When it is working properly, it is a lot more covenant. (I know my bedroom/office is down the hall, but I have had a lot of work to keep up on lately.) The problem is that if that main component does not work, we can have a big problem on our hands if not fixed in a timely manner. Chad would love to have more smart devices in our home. I am just not sure I want to be held hostage by the house if something were to malfunction. 

Short Naps

The dogs and I have a routine that seems to work for us. When I take my lunch break, I set a timer, lie down in bed, read a few pages in my book (still working on Matthew Perry's book), and go to sleep. I take a 30 minute break. About 20 minutes of that is sleep. It is just enough to help me through the rest of my work day. 

The dogs seem to like this as much as I do. When I tell them it's naptime, they climb on the bed and cuddle up to me. That's right, three dogs cuddled up around my legs and against my back (I sleep on my side). When the timer goes off, I get out of bed as they look at me as if I just did something horrible by sitting at my desk next to the bed instead of being in the bed. 

There are times when I need a regular nap when I get off work because I get up so early. The dogs don't seem to be as excited when that happens, but that could just be because it is usually just me falling asleep doing homework or watching TV. Most of the time, I will wake up from those naps with one or two dogs curled up next to me.