Noel is 6!

My sweet girl loves sharing a birthday with her cousin!

Happy Birthday, Noel and Tommy!

Help Tamara Fight Cancer!

Making a Better Me

I have been working lately on making a better me. I was inspired by a Relief Society lesson the last time I went to the Stanley Lake Ward about to-do and to-be lists. I have goals in life that I will not reach if I just sit around doing nothing to better myself (that is where the to-be list come in). I am working on spiritual, physical, and educational goals (the to-do lists). I know I do this a lot, and when things get hard, I seem to quit and go back to the way I was.

First of all, I am working on being more spiritual. I am reading my scriptures every morning. I want to read the entire Book of Mormon again. I am not going to push myself to finish by a certain time. That just stresses me out and makes me stop. I am just going to sit back and read. I can feel the change in my attitude as I do this already.

My next goal is physical. That is where the working out comes into play. I am going to finish this eight week program that I started. I don't know if I will lose weight, but I know I will be stronger by the time I am done.

My last goal is educational. I am going to earn my Associates in Business. I am not dwelling on my mishaps in the past, even if it effects my grade right now. I am not looking forward to see what I will need to do in coming weeks. I know that will just stress me out. My plan is to just take it one week at a time.

I know that by working on these to-be and to-do lists I will be a better mom, sister, friend, employee, and most importantly, a better ME.

Picures By Amber

Holy Muscles!

I have been very sporadic with my exercise in the last year (yes, I am finally admitting it). Yesterday, I got out my Wii Biggest Loser Challenge and decided to, one more time, start a new program. This time I picked one that is mostly Box Fit routines figuring it will keep me interested the longest (time will tell). I, also, decided to do 40 minute workouts. It has been hard! I didn't realize how out of shape I really was or how many muscles I rarely use. While doing the routine set for me today, all I could think was how much my muscles ached. I had to remind myself to keep pushing and finish and that it would be worth it in the end. I haven't worked out this hard in a long time. I sure hope my body continues to let me push through the discomfort each work out that I do.

New Job

I have been looking for a new job on and off pretty for about the last year and a half. I had a few interviews, sent out who knows how many resumes, filled out a lot of online applications. It finally paid off. Yesterday I was offered a new job! I will be starting on November 14. I will be in another call center, so I know it is not exactly ideal. However, I will finally have Sundays off, guaranteed! They aren't even open on Sundays (for now at least)! I will be taking a bit of a pay cut, but I am positive that I can make that work. I am willing to make the slight sacrifice in pay to have the time with my kids.

I have to thank my dad for recommending me to apply. I know he will get some kind of spiff for me working there, but I know that he also understood how unhappy I was with my hours at my current job.

There are only two bad things that I can think of right now with me getting a new job. First  of all, I am losing my babysitter. She is the best babysitter I have ever had. She truly loves my kids, and they love her. The days and hours won't work for her, which I totally understand. The other thing is that I will be leaving my friends at Dish. I have made some great friends, and I hope that we can continue those friendships.

October 15

Sean was baptized by his Grandpa Crumpley (he is the expert, you know).

I was so proud of him for making this decision.

Eric's Favorite Tradition

When going through the mound of paper in Eric's backpack, I came across and assignment he had done about his favorite tradition. As in the past, I am going to copy exactly what he wrote including punctuation.

My favorite tradition is when we eat chicken on the 4th of July. It was my mom's idea. We usually get KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken). On the side, we get macoroni. My brother, Sean, is always dejected and thinks we should get McDonald's. But then I say, "So what?: Anyway, back to the tradition. My favorite part of the tradition is that the chicken is delicious. It's so delicious, I always crave it! Whenever July 4th comes around, I feel triumphant inside, because that's the day I can eat the best chicken in the world! As you may have noticed, I love to eat chicken on the 4th of July.

 

Lost Dog

Our dog, Lexie, ran off on Friday. She is a sweet dog. My poor boy misses her so much!  I hope we can find her soon.

Where Did I Go Wrong?

I don't know what is wrong with me today. I know I have a pretty good life. I have good kids, a job, and I am starting back at school on Monday. The thing is, I feel really depressed today. I keep thinking of the things that have gone wrong in my life.

I never wanted to be a single mom, and I didn't get married to get divorced. I got married when I was 20, and we were sealed in the temple a year and a half later. I lived a very strict lifestyle for most of my marriage. No matter what I did or didn't do, I was never good enough. I didn't clean the house well. I didn't take care of the kids properly. I had medical issues that made it hard to get pregnant. I didn't do anything like his mom in the beginning. Then, I was too much like his mom. I wasn't religious enough. Then, I was too religious. I had gotten to the point that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was one person at work, another at home, and another at church. What it all boiled down to was he cheated on me several times and finally left me for someone else.

I try to be a good mom. I have people tell me that I am. Most people that have babysat my kids tell me they are good kids. The problem is that I can't keep them in bed, get them to eat most of my cooking, or do their homework with out a struggle.

I feel like Eric's teacher blames me when he doesn't do his school work. I do make sure he gets his homework done most of the time. When he comes home with unfinished work from the last month it frustrates me. This kid spends most of his day in school, misses his only 15 or 20 minute recess most of the time, and I have to try to keep him engaged for one or two hours when he gets home. She has him call me and tell me the work he needs to complete, and today he didn't even have that work at home for me to help him. I want to be a good mom, but how can I when my almost 10 year old doesn't even bring home the work.

Noel is very clingy lately. I don't totally know why. I know she doesn't like that I have to work so much, but that is not something that is going to change. Without another income, I have to work as much as possible. It seems to be worse for the first few nights after she spends the weekend with her dad. I wish there was something I could do that would help her, but nothing I do works.
Sean is a sweet boy. I do feel lucky that he has adjusted to change well. I wish he didn't try to follow his brother's lead so much. I need to find a way to teach him that he is special just because he is Sean, not because he is Eric's little brother.

My job is a job. Some days it is ok. Other days it sucks. I should probably get a new job, but lately I lack the motivation to apply to more jobs. I had an interview in April that I felt really good about, but I got turned down for the job. That was the fourth or fifth interview that didn't work out. I was so discouraged that I decided not to even try for a while. Now, I just don't feel like I have the time.

My life is not how I thought it would be at 33, and not how I want it to be by the time I am 34. I do like my life most of the time. I just have days where I look at my circumstances and feel depressed. I want more out of life. I want to be a man to put his arms around me and tell me he loves me. I want to have a job that makes a difference. I can't even call my mom to vent. My sister and dad are great, but sometimes I just want my mom.

It's Thursday...Update Time!

I have been doing better at getting my work outs in. Having that jar on the counter to track my time working out helps with the motivation a lot! I have decided that I am going to do a girls night at my house when the jar is filled. I am going to get the Wii out and have everyone bring snacks and just have fun. I am happy to announce that I get to go to Walmart and buy some pretty yarn this weekend! I haven't lost any weight, but I am hoping that is soon to follow.

My house is cleanish most of the time. I think I am just going to keep doing my best rather than make a specific goal. I have been so busy cleaning up after mice, that I can't even think about one specific room cleaned and vacuumed every day (not that I am not cleaning my house).

I am going back to Everest Online University. I started the process yesterday, and if everything goes well, I will be starting classes on October 17. I will be finishing up my Associates in Business for now and go from there. I need to make a better life for me and my kids. I want to be the example they deserve. I want to be happy in my career.

I'm In Love!

The screen saver on my computer cycles though my pictures.  Every time I look at it I see my beautiful children as they grow up. I am so lucky to be their mom!

Sean Is 8

I keep telling him he is not allowed to have birthdays. Here he is being disobedient!

Getting It Together

So maybe I keep failing because I don't have enough to look forward to. I know am working towards 3 rewards for my exercise/weight goals (other than the actual weight loss). I keep coming up with more ideas. A few nights ago, I thought, "Why limit myself to the reward I want this week? I'm going to add in my other rewards from weeks past." I have decided that I am going to get some pretty cotton yarn if I can work out at least 3 times in a week for at least 30 minutes. I am going to get my hair done when I get down to 165. I also got out a jar and some macaroni noodles to earn another goal. I am putting one macaroni noodle in the jar for every 5 minutes that I exercise. When that jar is full, I am going to have a party. Most likely a girls night type thing. I am hoping that all of these things help. I really need to get off my lazy bum and stop talking about it. I seem to do decently on my days off, but the days I work are a challenge.

My house is getting cleaner and cleaner. I haven't seen a mouse in a bit, but I know they are still around. I'm going to keep up with the poison as well as get more. I am getting better at keeping up with the laundry, and my living room is looking great.

I get worn out with everything that has to be done, but I know that it will be worth it in the end. I love my kids. They deserve me to be the best I can be. They deserve a clean house. They deserve everything I can give them.

Good Day

Today, after picking up

from

,I had a

 

with

.

We went to

and picked lots of

 !
I love

!

Happy 60, Dad!

  

...and he thought we would for get such an important day.

Side Tracked

I haven't hit much in the way of goals this week. I have been so sidetracked by my mouse problem, I have not thought about any other cleaning. I have gotten cleaning accomplished, but I haven't concentrated on the living room specifically. I have cleaned my pantry and done my best to keep the crumbs and food off of the kitchen counter. At least my kitchen is clean...

Exercise has been an up and down thing. I need something to motivate me. Some how my waist line just isn't enough to motivate me. I know I need to lose to be healthy. I want to be healthy. I want to fit back into my clothes that I love.

Speaking of healthy, I went to the doctor yesterday for a regular thyroid check. I decided I don't like their scale. It adds about 10 pounds compared to my home scale. I also am going to have to start taking yet one more medication. I started it last night  and feel sick to my stomach today. I hate the side effects. I am hoping it will fix the problem though. Time will tell.

EEK!

I don't need to have the weather change for me to know it is fall. I get mice in my house to remind me. In the past, there was a cat in my house to kill vile things. This year, however, I have no cat (she moved out in January with her owner). With no cat in the house, the mice are worse this year than in the past. I have nest in my closet. It has made me scared to go into the closet because, well, they scare me. Last week, when getting something out of my pantry, a mouse saw me and ran back down the shelves and freaked me out. My solution to that, I spent 4 hours cleaning out the pantry and getting rid of the food they had gotten into. I now have nothing in the pantry that the mice can get into. I, also,  got some poison and put it next to the nest. So far, I have found 3 dead mice and threw them  away in the trash where they belong. I have seen a few more scurrying away, and I will get them, too. My plan this weekend while my kids are with their dad and after I get off work is to pull everything out of my closet and see what in there needs to be thrown out and get it vacuumed and the walls scrubbed. The nest will be gone! I am not going to let them win! This is my home!

I Must Exercise!

I am having a hard time motivating myself to exercise lately. I started a new program on my Biggest Loser game. I hope to be able to complete it this time. My goal is to get down to 165 pound in the next 4 weeks. That is only 6 pounds to lose. I can do this! I have done it in the past. When I hit this goal, I am going to get my hair done. Yep that is right. I am going to make myself pretty again.