Time to Make the Doughnuts

When Chad and I got married, we registered at Target for a lot of fun stuff and stuff to decorate our home that I have always wanted. (We weren't really in need of a lot because we were combining two established homes. In fact we had so much of the basics that we had a yard sale last month that went pretty well.) A big part of what we registered for was kitchen gadgets (I LOVE kitchen gadgets!) My favorite one by far that we have received is the doughnut maker. It looks like a Homer Simpson doughnut (who wouldn't want that in their home?) When we first started using it, I was using the recipes that it came with. One day my husband came up with a great idea, using muffin mixes instead. It works great. I can have fun making doughnuts, the kids get to have doughnuts more often, and everyone is happy. I don't remember who gave this wonderful toy to me...I mean us, but I love it!

4 Day Weekend

I am so excited that I have a 4 day weekend this weekend. I was scheduled off today, tomorrow I am taking a paid day off, and I was scheduled the next 2 days off. I am so glad, and I so need it. I, also, get to spend all 4 days with my kids (added bonus). We aren't doing anything hugely exciting just spending time together. The only thing that would make it better would be if Chad had all 4 days off as well.

A Bit of Motivation

In case you haven't noticed, I have been having a hard time accomplishing my goals. I think that I just need to have more motivation. When explaining this to my sweet husband and telling him that the last time I was really motivated to get moving was a few years ago when I was in a goal competition with some friends. He thought that competition sounded like fun, so we are going to have a friendly competition between the two of us. Whoever can drink at least 4 cups of water, do at least 30 minutes of homework, exercises for at least 5 minutes, and do our one daily chore each day. We both know that we have no reason for not getting at least these things done each day, but they just are not happening. Whoever completes the tasks the most wins. The loser has to clean the bathroom. I am determined to not lose. I HATE cleaning the bathroom!

UGH! This Teacher!

There has been something about Eric's teacher that has bothered me for quite some time. The problem is she doesn't seem to know how to tell the truth, and she is really good at cutting me down and making me feel like I don't do enough for my child. (Didn't I get divorced from someone who treated me that way?)
At parent/teacher conferences she acts like there are no problems at all, and then a few weeks later asks to meet with me to discuss the fact that Eric has many missing assignments that were supposed to be done in class. I have had a few before or after school meetings with her (mostly after school because she flags me down as I am picking up my kids on my days off). The solution has always been that I need to bring him in early (which is hard to do because that means getting all of my kids ready a half hour early) or for him to stay late (which she has actually only done once or twice).
Last October, he was sent home with a stack of papers so large that needed to be finished that I could see how he may be overwhelmed. Heck, I was more than overwhelmed just looking at it and trying to figure out how I was going to get him through all of it. I did his homework packet with him and a few more worksheets each night.
Back in November she had the nerve to tell me that she understood I was going to school for myself but I needed to think of my kids right now. At the time, I was in training and having to work a very late shift for that training class, depend on my ex-husband and boyfriend (now my husband) and a few wonderful friends for childcare, live on very little sleep to make sure that my kids still got to school on time everyday, and try to fit in time to do school work (I got F's in both classes that term). Eric has rarely had problems getting his actual home work done, but his classwork has been a different story.  When his dad started helping with nighttime childcare, I made sure that Eric had what I felt to be a reasonable amount of worksheets to do in his backpack everyday.
At the end of the first semester, Eric made the honor roll. Instead of praising him for the effort he did put in, his teacher pulled him aside and told him that if he had actually tried, he would have made the Superintendent's list (that in and of itself caused problems this semester). By this time, I was working my regular shift. (I don't like the shift because it is a closing shift, but that is not the point to this rant.) I now had a bit more time with my kids. I get up with them in the morning, get them ready, and take them to school. I get home at about 8:30 which gives me about a half hour to do homework with them, get them ready for bed, and read to them before they go to sleep (see why I don't like the shift). I have about an hour and a half to two hours with my kids most days (it kills my heart, and hopefully will change soon).
The teacher started sending home five to ten pages of worksheets on top of the two that have to be done for homework each night. My babysitter won't do homework with the kids. My husband does his best. That really leaves me to get all of that done with him and make sure the before school or bed routines are done and make sure the other kids don't feel neglected in the process. Eric is a smart kid. When he knows his stuff and feels motivated, he can get it done quickly, but not that quickly. If the motivation isn't there, forget about getting anything done.
About two weeks ago, Eric's teacher flagged me down after school, like she has done several times before. She said that Eric has not been turning in anything that she has been sending home. I explained that we have been getting an additional two or three papers done each night to go with his homework pack. She pointed out that he had one past due homework pack (it had one or two pages not completed and it was already determined that he was behind on it because I was told that he didn't have one for a few weeks which was not really true). Then she jumped all over me about the one that was due that Friday (it was a Tuesday and he had the Monday night work done already) saying that not enough had been done in it yet. She pulled two papers out of his backpack that had not been completed that day in class and said something to the effect of me not making sure it would be done for another month (yes, I said IN CLASS). I looked and her and said that I was confused as to how she expected me to get him to do the work in my two hours a day I had with him if she, a professional, couldn't get him to do it in the seven hours she had him. She then turned the to a place that it should have not gone. She asked me if I would consider retention. I immediately told her know. He is too smart, doesn't need it, and would be bored out of his mind if he had to stay in the forth grade. She said that she didn't feel that he was mature enough to continue on and that he would struggle even more next year with getting his assignments turned in on time. I completely agree that he is a bit immature for his age, but I don't think at this stage in the game it is a reason to retain my child. She also said he just wasn't organized enough an asked is there were problems at home. Well, of course there are some problems at home for him. He is a ten year old little boy whose parents were divorced last year, and this year his mom got married to someone else. It is difficult for any kid. Heck, it was hard for me and I was older than he is. She suggested maybe he needed to be medicated. Um...NO! She told me that two or three worksheets per night were not enough and that she was going to send home at least seven per night that she expected to be done the next day and asked if it was ok for Eric to stay after school on Mondays for about a half hour. The babysitter said that she didn't mind so I said that was fine.
About a week later a friend was watching the kids for me and her son helped Eric complete about TEN pages of homework which was only half of it. That was the day that Eric's dad started his concern about Eric getting his work done. I talked to him an told him what was going on. We agreed that I would call and make an appointment with the principal. My next week day off was today, so we scheduled it for this morning at 9:35.
The meeting was mostly about how to get Eric to show that he knows his stuff without making him do all of the worksheets since his test scores are showing that he knows what he is doing. The thing is that we are so close to the end of the school year that there are only a few days even left of classwork before the grades get turned in. The teacher kind of agreed to back off on the worksheets. The principal and I also decided that we will have a meeting a the beginning of next school year with whatever teach he has to make sure she understands that Eric needs other ways to show he knows what he is doing without all of the busy work that he refuses to do anyway. When the principal asked if I felt that my concerns were address I explained that I didn't feel the threats of retention were addressed. He explained that if retention was a consideration, we would have started talking about it in December, not now. I explained how she had talked to me. She denied it. She said that she was sorry if that was the impression that I or Eric got from recent conversations. I again went over the basics of the conversation, and said that I am concerned if she is talking to me that way how is she talking to my kid. I don't want him in forth grade to think that he is a failure and not accomplishing anything. I don't feel that is the a good foundation for the future. I want him to be more successful in life than I have been. I don't want him to drop out of school or wait until his is in his 30's to go to college. I have tried very hard to make sure that he knows he is extremely smart for his age for as long as I can remember. All she could do was say she was sorry about the impression that she gave me and lie about the rest. Over all I think I got somewhere with the principal but no where with the lying teacher.
 I will continue doing what I am doing as a mom. I do my best. I work so they can have food and clothes and be able to go to the doctor when they are sick. I read a chapter of a book to them every night that I have them. I snuggle them when they are feeling lonely or sad. I wash their scraps and give them ice for their bumps. I make their lunches almost every morning. I put together a dinner for my husband to make them when I can. I am a mom. I live for my kids, and refuse to let ANYONE make me feel otherwise!

A Game Plan

I am sick of being broke (I believe my husband is too). We are going to set a game plan. Our first step has already started. We borrowed Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University from some good friends. And we have started listing to the lessons and taking notes. I think after the struggles that we have both gone through before we got married and in the last few months since we got married have made as angry enough to take action. I am determined to never go into debt again. Getting collection calls all day every day sucks. Worrying about losing the house sucks. Trying to explain to the kids that we can't go out to eat any more sucks. I have listened to his pod-casts in the past but didn't have the drive or determination to set a budget and stick to it. I am declaring right here, right now, I will make it though to the other end of this struggle with my husband and be happier in the end. We will win!

Goal Update

I had four goals for this last week. I did a good job this week. FINALLY!

My first goal was to walk the dogs at least 3 times. Chad and I went on two walks with the dogs and walked Jasper when picking Noel up from school the day after my last blog. I know that I can't attribute any weight loss to a few walks, but I am getting out and moving. Hopefully, I will be able to find the time to exercise soon, but for now walking the dogs is better than nothing.

My second goal was to my assignments Monday. I started reading one chapter for one class on Monday. I struggled to find time to read all week, and I was still up late finishing my assignments. I am going to have to revisit this area so that I am not struggling on Saturday night to get my assignments done and turned in by midnight.

My third goal was to read the scriptures to my kids every night. I am happy to say that I only missed one night that I had them (they go to their dad's  most Friday and Saturday nights). I am really hoping that the kids are getting something out of it other than it is cool when Nephi cuts of Laban's head. Either way, I am doing what I feel I need to do to teach my children the gospel.

My forth and final goal was to get at least one more show booked. I honestly didn't get this one done. I am having a hard time getting the courage up to call people and ask them if they want to host a show.

My goal for this week:

1. Walk the dogs 4 times
2. Read a chapter a day until they are all read
3. I will continue to read scriptures each night
4. I will make at least one contact a day for Pampered Chef

I know that I can accomplish these goals!

Yard Sale

Ok. I don't do this a lot, but I feel the need to advertise the yard sale my sister and I are having this weekend. It will be at her house (if you need the address let me know). We will both be selling tons of movies, some furniture, bikes, kid stuff, and much, much more! If you are interested, come on over. We will also have a lemonade stand ran by my adorable nephew if that helps persuade you...

Stressful Day

My day was so frustrating today.

It started with my 8 year-old being angry with me for making him a sandwich for lunch instead of packing cereal for him. It got to the point that he was yelling and screaming and crying because I made him pack the cereal for himself if he wasn't going to pack the lunch that I had made for him specifically. Once he calmed down from that fit, I got all the kids loaded up in the car. Then, the same child realized that he forgot his homework folder and book that he needed to bring to school. He demanded that I go get them off of the kitchen table. I calmly explained to him that he needed to go get them fast. He said I was a bad mom. The kids, then, ended up being late to school because of Sean's humongous fit.  My decision after dropping them off at school was that he will not be playing video games until his attitude gets better.

Work wasn't horrible for the most part. About a third of the way through, I got mad. I have been working hard. My stats are good for the most part. I have earned rewards. Someone who I feel didn't deserve a privilege that I have been trying to get, got that very privilege again. I was furious! My team leader agreed with me. I am going to go in a bit early tomorrow and talk to him again and make it known that I would like to be noticed for my sales at very least.

I vented to my wonderful husband on my way home from work and let it all out. I think I freaked him out a bit when I started crying. I am glad he just let me vent though. I kind of wish I was home when I was crying. I love being in his arms, and I know I would have felt better faster if i were in his arms instead of driving alone.

The good  news is that if these are my worst problems of the day, my life is better than it was 6 months to a year ago.

Don't Know What to Do

I find myself in need of money in a short amount of time (I won't go into details online). I have so far planned a yard sale with my sister and scheduled two Pampered Chef shows. (I will be making calls through this week to try to schedule more.) My wonderful husband who I clearly don't deserve is donating many things such as movies and video games to the yard sale as well as selling some of his gadgets online. I don't want to nor can I go farther into debt to bail us out this time. All I can think of to do is work my butt off and sell, sell, sell. I just hope it is enough.

Goals

It is no secret that I struggle when it comes to reaching goals. There are so many things that I want to do in life. The problem is that I don't have the time to do it all now. I do have time to do a few things though. I know I have to concentrate on the things that are most important right now. I have decided the important things to me right now are finishing school, teaching my children the gospel, building my Pampered Chef business, and losing weight.

I have been working on losing weight. I have been walking the dogs more often with my husband. I have been eating less. My happy news about my weight is that last Friday when I weighed myself, I finally got down to 170! I have been working towards this goal for about a year. Somehow I was able to get down to 171, but then I would start gaining back. Now I am down to 170.  Woo! Hoo! Now on to 165!

I successfully completed my last term without giving up. That is a big step for me. When I got to the point that the classes were getting harder and more overwhelming and I wasn't sure if I could do it any more, my wonderful husband encouraged me and let me bounce ideas off of him for the papers I was writing. I am on Spring Break this week, so I get to rest my mind for a bit before I start my new classes on Monday. I would like to get B's or better this time around. I tried for it last term, but fell short of my goal. I am going to work harder this time to succeed on my goal.

My kids are being given messages about how bad religion in general is, especially my religion. I can tell by the way the act when at church or when church matters are brought up. I have the kids most of the time. I need to have a greater influence on them. I need to do my job as a mother to tech my children about Jesus and what He did for us. I hurt my heart on Sunday while the speakers were talking about the resurrection, my oldest child told me he didn't believe any of it was true and there was no point to what they were saying. The gospel has always been a part of my life. I need my kids to learn the things that I hold so dear to my heart.

When it comes to my Pampered Chef business, I had gotten discouraged last month and let it get me down. I need to get it built up so that I can stay home with my kids and give them the attention that they deserve. I am tired of working to pay for daycare and gas and insurance. I really don't feel like I am making any money once those things are paid for. In fact, my husband I I think that it may cost more for me to work than it would for me to quit, but I need to build up my business before I can quit my job because I have to make the money to pay for gas and insurance at very least.

I am going to do my best at updating my goals still. I believe that the things that I am concentrating on are what are most important to me and my family.

My goals for this week:

1. Walk the dogs 3 times
2. Start my assignments Monday
3. Read scriptures to the kids before their nightly story
4. Book at least one more show

Morning Adventure

This morning, while taking my kids to Grandma's and Grandpa's house so that I could go to work, my wheel started wobbling. I stopped the van, got out, and checked the tire that seemed to be the problem to see if it was flat (I thought that was a reasonable conclusion). The tire was not flat, so I decided to continue my journey. As I got closer to my destination, it shook more and more. I slowed down and hoped that I would make it to the Crumpleys' house so I could explain what was going on and, hopefully, be on my way to work. About a mile away from my safety point, I heard a very loud pop and my front driver's side wheel flew past my window as the car skidded slowly to a stop. All of the kids were in the car (which is what made it more scary). Noel's response from the back was, "What was that?" Eric started shaking and talking about how scary it was.  Sean had the more humorous response. He said with all of the enthusiasm imaginable, "Did you see how high that went?" I, then, proceeded to call Rob to rescue me. As he was on his way, I called my loving husband who offered to call in to work to help me. Luckily, Rob was able to make arrangements to get me to work and offered to work on my car while I was working. Chad picked up the kids after work (have I mentioned how much I love that man). Marleah (the best sister EVER) picked me up from work and let me hang out with her until Chad could pick me up. My day started out interesting, and became a lesson in how much I am loved by many people.

Goal Update

Ok. I know I am way late on this, but life is happening. I won't go into the specifics right now.

So exercise is not something that happens much. I have walked once or twice to pick up the kids when off of work. I say that totally counts. I'll do better. I just have to make the time.

When it comes to school work, I am doing good. I am not getting the work even started until Saturday, but I am getting everything in on time. So far, I have brought one grade to a B and the other one is really close.

This week I will go on a walk at least 2 days, and I will get all of my assignments in on time and do my best on them. That means I need to start them tonight!

Goal Update

Yep. It is that time again. Time for me to share how I have been doing on my goals.

I am going to start with my school goals. I didn't meet them all this week, but I did get my assignments turned in on time. I can't blame anyone but me. I didn't really get started on any of it until Friday night. I was finished around 11:30 Saturday night. I just checked my grades. I got good grades on the assignments, only missing a few points for not siting my reference on one assignment. So my grades so far are: 78.86% in Introduction to Business and 70.91%  in Principles of Management. I have 5 weeks left of this term. It will be a lot of hard work, but I can pull B's out of these classes!

When it comes to my goal of working out, I am not doing well at all. I have felt so overwhelmed with life the last week that I have not wanted to add anything to my daily routine. I need to. I know that . Not only will working out help with my appetite and weight problem, it will help with my moods. I am far less depressed and overwhelmed when I work out.

With how overwhelmed I have been feeling, I have added something else that I am quite excited about. I truly believe that it will take a lot of pressure off of me when I get into the groove of it. I am now an independent consultant with The Pampered Chef. I am so excited about it. I am going to work hard on building my business so that I can make it my only job and work my own hours.

Ok. Now for my goals for this week. I am going to have my Intro to Business chapter read by Tuesday night. I am going to have my Principles of Management chapter read by Thursday night. I am going to have my assignments started by Friday night and turned in on time Saturday night. I will work out at least 3 time this week (this time I'm serious). I will get at least one solid booking for this month. I will fill my prescriptions so that I am sane again (that one is more for my sister and husband that have to listen to me complain).

Jackpot

I think I hit the jackpot! I married a great man this time. He loves me for me. He constantly reminds me of that, too. He steps in and helps with the kids when I need him. He lets me cry when I am overwhelmed with life. He helps clean the house. He lets me know that the things I do are good enough. He understands me more than I do. He loves me more than I deserve!

I have the most beautiful little girl! She is smart and adorable. I love when I get the chance to spend time with her.

My boys are so special! They are the smartest little boys I have ever known. They are so loving. They always tell me that the would rather be with me than at anywhere else.

I love my family!

It All Costs Money

After finding out that my oldest child once again took the time to grind a bar of soap into the drain, I explained that everything in this house costs money. They looked at me like I was crazy. Noel, in her cute 6 year-old way, said, "You mean even my toys?" LOL

Feeling Like a Failure

I have been working outside the home for almost 3 years now. I have one child that really remembers when I was able to stay home with him, one child who kind of remembers, and one who only remembers that she could pretty much do anything she wanted while Mom slept because of working the graveyard shift. I don't want to work outside the home all of the time. Don't get me wrong. I like working. I just don't like the stress it puts on my kids, me, and my new husband.

I currently work until 8pm. That means that I take my kids to school in the morning and come home in time to put them to bed at night. I see my kids maybe 2 hours a day, and pay someone else to see them a lot of the other time.

Due to this work schedule, Sean has been acting more depressed, Eric was flat out refusing to go to school today, and Noel has been a lot more clingy. I started trying to set a side more time to spend with Sean on Sundays. Most Sundays I can do this, but the last few weeks have been hectic with trying to clean out Chad's apartment and the washing machine breaking. I don't even know what to do about Eric. I got him to school about an hour and a half late today. The poor kid seems like he has the wight of the world on his shoulders. I keep trying to tell him that all he needs to do is be a kid, but it doesn't seem to help. Noel is just reacting to every thing the only way she knows how. I have started reading to all of the kids at night lately. When I read to her, I sit next to her on her bed and let her pick the book. It seems to help. I just wish I could do more.

Any one who says that working moms are selfish and don't really love their kids are wrong. I work because I have to. I have bills to pay. All the love in the world doesn't keep a roof over the kids heads and food in their bellies.

Goal Update

Ok. I know I'm a day late. Yesterday was a crazy day. I'll get into that on another post.

For my weight  loss goal. I sucked at this one this week. I was having problems motivating my self to do anything. In other words, I didn't work out at all. I need to start running sometime this week so that I can be ready for the Boulder Boulder and Color Run this May. I know I am crazy for doing both of them so close together, but I have always wanted to try the Boulder Boulder, and the Color Run is for a good cause and something I think the kids can do.

As for school work, I got all of my assignments turned in on time! Woo Hoo! I didn't meet my goals of having the chapters read by Wednesday, but I was close. They were finished on Thursday. Since that was a day late, so was the goal of getting my assignments started. They were started on Friday. The good news is that I was able to get them done on time though. I had a team assignment that I ended up doing on my own. I got 100% on it! I now have brought both of my grades up to C's with 6 weeks left in this term. I know I can get them up to B's in no time.

Ok. Goal time. I am going to start running this week. I will start tomorrow morning after I drop the kids off at school (I have errands to run today before work). I am going to follow the Couch to 5k program. I know the Boulder Boulder is longer than that, but I need to start somewhere. For school, I am going to keep the same goals. I will have the chapters ready by Wednesday night and the assignments started by Thursday night. By reading on my lunch breaks and before I go to work, I shouldn't have a problem with this. Wish me luck!

Goal Update

It is Sunday, goal day.

My first goal for the week was to exercise at least 20 minutes three times. I was concerned taht this wasn't going to happen. Then I went to Chad's apartment to help him clean it up and get everything moved out. Yesterday, I spent at least 20 minutes going up and down the stairs twice. Today, I spent even more time going up and down the stairs. This apartment is on the third floor. My butt, legs, knees, and back hurt so much. It totally counts!
My other goal for the week was to get all of my assignments done and turned in on time. I got half of my assignments in. I was foolish enough to procrastinate my homework until Saturday, the day they were all due. By the time we got back to the house last night, it was about 10pm. I can usually get my work done on time within the 2 hours. I probably could have last night had I not been so exhausted.

I am going to keep my exercise goal for this week. I will get exercise for at least 20 minutes 3 times. When it comes to homework, I read the chapters needed for each class by Wednesday and start the assignments by Thursday. Wish me luck!

Complement From the Teacher

I worked hard on a paper for my Introduction to Business class last week. I even went through the heartbreak of my paper disappearing into the abyss. Luckily, I had most of the work in my head, and I was able to re-do the paper and get it turned in only a half hour late (I have online classes). When I opened the grade book I found that not only did I get a perfect 80 out of 80 points, I got a great compliment from my teacher.

"You did an excellent job on this paper in many ways.  I was truly impressed by the way you expressed yourself in this paper.  It is obvious to me that you not only understand the material but put a lot of effort in making this a successful paper.  I especially liked how you integrated into a descriptive paragraph all of the components that Eric needs in order to build a successful business plan.

Your APA style is good. Please continue to use the same format for the rest of our class.

I am sure that you can tell from your grade that your efforts really paid-off! 

Thank you again for this truly enjoyable submission.

Professor Shaps"

I love being rewarded for my efforts!

New Year, Newish Goals

I made new goals for the year. I am going to actually lose weight this year. I am going to run the Boulder, Boulder. I am going to get a B or better in all of my classes this year. These will be challenging goals, but I can achieve them. I will achieve them.
The first goal of losing weight is something I have been saying for a few years now. I am determined that this is my year. I am going to be down to 135 pounds by the end of they year. Had a good start in January. I am down to 171 pounds. The only thing I really changed is that I have been drinking less soda and taking my lunch to work. These changes were made partially because I wanted to lose weight and partially because I can't afford to have vending machine lunches anymore. I am also going to start working out again this week. My goal for this week is to get at least 20 minutes of exercise 3 times.
My next goal for the year is another one that I have listed before. I am going to run the Boulder, Boulder. I have wanted to do this since my dad participated when I was in high school. I am now married to someone who loves running, and he has ignited this dream again, I can't go running outside while it is this cold because of my asthma, but I will start running as it warms up. I am going to do the couch to 5k plan. I have an app on my phone that will help me do this. I am hoping to be able to start this 9 week program in 2 weeks. That will give me time to get up to the 5k level as well as give me a few weeks to continue running the distance before taking on the race with my husband.
My other goal for this year is to get a B or better in each of my classes. I have been struggling in school for quite a while. Last year I was kicked out for non-participation. This year, I am on academic probation because I failed both of my classes last term. I have finally decided that the degree program that I carefully thought out 3 years ago is the right one for me. (I really do like learning about business.) I think that I just needed to get through some junk in my life before I could focus on my future. Now that my present life is better, I am determined to keep up with making it better. I am going to get my degree and have the life that my family deserves! The way that I am going to do this is by getting all of my assignments turned in on time. So far I have C's in each of my classes, but I am only 4 weeks into my 12 week term. I will keep working hard and bring them up to B's in no time.
I know I need to report my progress to someone to meet my goals. I have support at home from my husband to talk to about my daily progress and ways to better fit my goals into the time that I have available, and I will report on my blog weekly. I don't expect that everyone will want to read my progress, but I can track it better by writing and reading my weekly posts.

2.1.12

I married the most wonderful man who loves me for who I am...no matter how crazy!

Pampered Chef Grand Opening

I am excited to announce that I am starting a Pampered Chef business. This Saturday will be my Grand Opening at 6pm at my house! Everyone is invited! The good new is, since I am now a Pampered Chef consultant, you can book your own show with me if you are not able to make it!

Noel is 6!

My sweet girl loves sharing a birthday with her cousin!

Happy Birthday, Noel and Tommy!

Help Tamara Fight Cancer!

Making a Better Me

I have been working lately on making a better me. I was inspired by a Relief Society lesson the last time I went to the Stanley Lake Ward about to-do and to-be lists. I have goals in life that I will not reach if I just sit around doing nothing to better myself (that is where the to-be list come in). I am working on spiritual, physical, and educational goals (the to-do lists). I know I do this a lot, and when things get hard, I seem to quit and go back to the way I was.

First of all, I am working on being more spiritual. I am reading my scriptures every morning. I want to read the entire Book of Mormon again. I am not going to push myself to finish by a certain time. That just stresses me out and makes me stop. I am just going to sit back and read. I can feel the change in my attitude as I do this already.

My next goal is physical. That is where the working out comes into play. I am going to finish this eight week program that I started. I don't know if I will lose weight, but I know I will be stronger by the time I am done.

My last goal is educational. I am going to earn my Associates in Business. I am not dwelling on my mishaps in the past, even if it effects my grade right now. I am not looking forward to see what I will need to do in coming weeks. I know that will just stress me out. My plan is to just take it one week at a time.

I know that by working on these to-be and to-do lists I will be a better mom, sister, friend, employee, and most importantly, a better ME.

Picures By Amber

Holy Muscles!

I have been very sporadic with my exercise in the last year (yes, I am finally admitting it). Yesterday, I got out my Wii Biggest Loser Challenge and decided to, one more time, start a new program. This time I picked one that is mostly Box Fit routines figuring it will keep me interested the longest (time will tell). I, also, decided to do 40 minute workouts. It has been hard! I didn't realize how out of shape I really was or how many muscles I rarely use. While doing the routine set for me today, all I could think was how much my muscles ached. I had to remind myself to keep pushing and finish and that it would be worth it in the end. I haven't worked out this hard in a long time. I sure hope my body continues to let me push through the discomfort each work out that I do.

New Job

I have been looking for a new job on and off pretty for about the last year and a half. I had a few interviews, sent out who knows how many resumes, filled out a lot of online applications. It finally paid off. Yesterday I was offered a new job! I will be starting on November 14. I will be in another call center, so I know it is not exactly ideal. However, I will finally have Sundays off, guaranteed! They aren't even open on Sundays (for now at least)! I will be taking a bit of a pay cut, but I am positive that I can make that work. I am willing to make the slight sacrifice in pay to have the time with my kids.

I have to thank my dad for recommending me to apply. I know he will get some kind of spiff for me working there, but I know that he also understood how unhappy I was with my hours at my current job.

There are only two bad things that I can think of right now with me getting a new job. First  of all, I am losing my babysitter. She is the best babysitter I have ever had. She truly loves my kids, and they love her. The days and hours won't work for her, which I totally understand. The other thing is that I will be leaving my friends at Dish. I have made some great friends, and I hope that we can continue those friendships.

October 15

Sean was baptized by his Grandpa Crumpley (he is the expert, you know).

I was so proud of him for making this decision.

Eric's Favorite Tradition

When going through the mound of paper in Eric's backpack, I came across and assignment he had done about his favorite tradition. As in the past, I am going to copy exactly what he wrote including punctuation.

My favorite tradition is when we eat chicken on the 4th of July. It was my mom's idea. We usually get KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken). On the side, we get macoroni. My brother, Sean, is always dejected and thinks we should get McDonald's. But then I say, "So what?: Anyway, back to the tradition. My favorite part of the tradition is that the chicken is delicious. It's so delicious, I always crave it! Whenever July 4th comes around, I feel triumphant inside, because that's the day I can eat the best chicken in the world! As you may have noticed, I love to eat chicken on the 4th of July.

 

Lost Dog

Our dog, Lexie, ran off on Friday. She is a sweet dog. My poor boy misses her so much!  I hope we can find her soon.

Where Did I Go Wrong?

I don't know what is wrong with me today. I know I have a pretty good life. I have good kids, a job, and I am starting back at school on Monday. The thing is, I feel really depressed today. I keep thinking of the things that have gone wrong in my life.

I never wanted to be a single mom, and I didn't get married to get divorced. I got married when I was 20, and we were sealed in the temple a year and a half later. I lived a very strict lifestyle for most of my marriage. No matter what I did or didn't do, I was never good enough. I didn't clean the house well. I didn't take care of the kids properly. I had medical issues that made it hard to get pregnant. I didn't do anything like his mom in the beginning. Then, I was too much like his mom. I wasn't religious enough. Then, I was too religious. I had gotten to the point that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was one person at work, another at home, and another at church. What it all boiled down to was he cheated on me several times and finally left me for someone else.

I try to be a good mom. I have people tell me that I am. Most people that have babysat my kids tell me they are good kids. The problem is that I can't keep them in bed, get them to eat most of my cooking, or do their homework with out a struggle.

I feel like Eric's teacher blames me when he doesn't do his school work. I do make sure he gets his homework done most of the time. When he comes home with unfinished work from the last month it frustrates me. This kid spends most of his day in school, misses his only 15 or 20 minute recess most of the time, and I have to try to keep him engaged for one or two hours when he gets home. She has him call me and tell me the work he needs to complete, and today he didn't even have that work at home for me to help him. I want to be a good mom, but how can I when my almost 10 year old doesn't even bring home the work.

Noel is very clingy lately. I don't totally know why. I know she doesn't like that I have to work so much, but that is not something that is going to change. Without another income, I have to work as much as possible. It seems to be worse for the first few nights after she spends the weekend with her dad. I wish there was something I could do that would help her, but nothing I do works.
Sean is a sweet boy. I do feel lucky that he has adjusted to change well. I wish he didn't try to follow his brother's lead so much. I need to find a way to teach him that he is special just because he is Sean, not because he is Eric's little brother.

My job is a job. Some days it is ok. Other days it sucks. I should probably get a new job, but lately I lack the motivation to apply to more jobs. I had an interview in April that I felt really good about, but I got turned down for the job. That was the fourth or fifth interview that didn't work out. I was so discouraged that I decided not to even try for a while. Now, I just don't feel like I have the time.

My life is not how I thought it would be at 33, and not how I want it to be by the time I am 34. I do like my life most of the time. I just have days where I look at my circumstances and feel depressed. I want more out of life. I want to be a man to put his arms around me and tell me he loves me. I want to have a job that makes a difference. I can't even call my mom to vent. My sister and dad are great, but sometimes I just want my mom.

It's Thursday...Update Time!

I have been doing better at getting my work outs in. Having that jar on the counter to track my time working out helps with the motivation a lot! I have decided that I am going to do a girls night at my house when the jar is filled. I am going to get the Wii out and have everyone bring snacks and just have fun. I am happy to announce that I get to go to Walmart and buy some pretty yarn this weekend! I haven't lost any weight, but I am hoping that is soon to follow.

My house is cleanish most of the time. I think I am just going to keep doing my best rather than make a specific goal. I have been so busy cleaning up after mice, that I can't even think about one specific room cleaned and vacuumed every day (not that I am not cleaning my house).

I am going back to Everest Online University. I started the process yesterday, and if everything goes well, I will be starting classes on October 17. I will be finishing up my Associates in Business for now and go from there. I need to make a better life for me and my kids. I want to be the example they deserve. I want to be happy in my career.

I'm In Love!

The screen saver on my computer cycles though my pictures.  Every time I look at it I see my beautiful children as they grow up. I am so lucky to be their mom!

Sean Is 8

I keep telling him he is not allowed to have birthdays. Here he is being disobedient!

Getting It Together

So maybe I keep failing because I don't have enough to look forward to. I know am working towards 3 rewards for my exercise/weight goals (other than the actual weight loss). I keep coming up with more ideas. A few nights ago, I thought, "Why limit myself to the reward I want this week? I'm going to add in my other rewards from weeks past." I have decided that I am going to get some pretty cotton yarn if I can work out at least 3 times in a week for at least 30 minutes. I am going to get my hair done when I get down to 165. I also got out a jar and some macaroni noodles to earn another goal. I am putting one macaroni noodle in the jar for every 5 minutes that I exercise. When that jar is full, I am going to have a party. Most likely a girls night type thing. I am hoping that all of these things help. I really need to get off my lazy bum and stop talking about it. I seem to do decently on my days off, but the days I work are a challenge.

My house is getting cleaner and cleaner. I haven't seen a mouse in a bit, but I know they are still around. I'm going to keep up with the poison as well as get more. I am getting better at keeping up with the laundry, and my living room is looking great.

I get worn out with everything that has to be done, but I know that it will be worth it in the end. I love my kids. They deserve me to be the best I can be. They deserve a clean house. They deserve everything I can give them.

Good Day

Today, after picking up

from

,I had a

 

with

.

We went to

and picked lots of

 !
I love

!

Happy 60, Dad!

  

...and he thought we would for get such an important day.

Side Tracked

I haven't hit much in the way of goals this week. I have been so sidetracked by my mouse problem, I have not thought about any other cleaning. I have gotten cleaning accomplished, but I haven't concentrated on the living room specifically. I have cleaned my pantry and done my best to keep the crumbs and food off of the kitchen counter. At least my kitchen is clean...

Exercise has been an up and down thing. I need something to motivate me. Some how my waist line just isn't enough to motivate me. I know I need to lose to be healthy. I want to be healthy. I want to fit back into my clothes that I love.

Speaking of healthy, I went to the doctor yesterday for a regular thyroid check. I decided I don't like their scale. It adds about 10 pounds compared to my home scale. I also am going to have to start taking yet one more medication. I started it last night  and feel sick to my stomach today. I hate the side effects. I am hoping it will fix the problem though. Time will tell.

EEK!

I don't need to have the weather change for me to know it is fall. I get mice in my house to remind me. In the past, there was a cat in my house to kill vile things. This year, however, I have no cat (she moved out in January with her owner). With no cat in the house, the mice are worse this year than in the past. I have nest in my closet. It has made me scared to go into the closet because, well, they scare me. Last week, when getting something out of my pantry, a mouse saw me and ran back down the shelves and freaked me out. My solution to that, I spent 4 hours cleaning out the pantry and getting rid of the food they had gotten into. I now have nothing in the pantry that the mice can get into. I, also,  got some poison and put it next to the nest. So far, I have found 3 dead mice and threw them  away in the trash where they belong. I have seen a few more scurrying away, and I will get them, too. My plan this weekend while my kids are with their dad and after I get off work is to pull everything out of my closet and see what in there needs to be thrown out and get it vacuumed and the walls scrubbed. The nest will be gone! I am not going to let them win! This is my home!

I Must Exercise!

I am having a hard time motivating myself to exercise lately. I started a new program on my Biggest Loser game. I hope to be able to complete it this time. My goal is to get down to 165 pound in the next 4 weeks. That is only 6 pounds to lose. I can do this! I have done it in the past. When I hit this goal, I am going to get my hair done. Yep that is right. I am going to make myself pretty again.

Life Keeps Going

Last week was a hectic week for me. I decided to go back to school. The anniversary of my mom's and brother's accident passed. My boyfriend broke up with me. My ex-husband was being, well, himself (ugh).

After learning that the company that I work for has acquired more companies and they are expected to grow a lot in the next five or six years, I decided to go back to school to get an IT degree. I was going to take this semester off, but after talking it out with a few people, I decided to get back as soon as possible. I researched several schools, and decided on one that I felt would fit my needs the best. I feel good about this decision. I will write more on that when everything is started. Right now I am still working on the paper work to try to get an exception with financial aide because my income this year is far less than it was last year when my ex-husband was still in the picture.

August 30, 1996 is a day that will forever be in my mind. On that day my family was basically cut in half by a tragic accident. My mom's roommate was driving. She fell asleep at the wheel and hit a guard rail. My mom and brother, who were asleep at the time, were killed instantly. I still have days that I want to cuddle up to my mom or feel the protection of my big brother. This year marked the 15 year anniversary of that tragic accident. It is true that time does heal wounds, but not completely.  It doesn't sting as much, but there are days that it does still sting.

I am only going to touch on this real quick because it was part of my week. I am not going to dwell on it though. My boyfriend broke up with me last week as well. I have to admit I saw it coming. I am not really angry about it. I just wasn't a fan of the manner of the break up or the day that it happened.

I am, also, not going to go a lot into the manner of my ex-husband. He still tries to control me in some ways. He makes me think that he is going to take the kids away. I just have to remind myself that he is my ex for a reason. Not just because he didn't want to be married to me anymore. I needed to not be married to him anymore.

When it came to goals, I didn't really accomplish any of them. I did lose weight, but not by exercising. By the end of the week, my living room was clean. In fact, I cleaned it more than I have ever cleaned it. I moved furniture. I even shampooed the carpet (thanks to the extended lend of a capet cleaner from my friend). It took me about 3 hours to accomplish it all, but it is done and looking great! I got the dining room almost as clean, too. It is amazing what I can get done when I am bored!  I will get back on track this week, hopefully.

Getting Better

I am happy to announce that even though I have yet to reach my goals, and yet to earn a prize, I am getting better. My living room is cleaner more often, and I have worked out more in the past week than I did the previous week.

When it comes to my living room, there were only a few days that I didn't get it clean (I wish I could say it was only days that I was working). Since my living room/dining room area are the rooms that people see when they first come into my house, I want them as clean as possible as often as possible. Even though I have yet to reach my living room goal, I am adding the dining room to it for that reason. My goal this week is to have the living room and dining room cleaned and vacuumed at least once a day. I really want to get that painting hung, so I think I will accomplish it this time.

As far as working out goes, I used the broken part for the Wii as an excuse to not work out at all. Tuesday night I stopped using it as an excuse and pulled out one of my exercise videos finally started working out again. That night I told myself that I was not aloud to have soda the next day unless I got some exercise in first. The next morning I got out another video and did a work out after dropping the boys off at school. Today, I made the same rule for myself. I walked the boys to school and walked to and from the gas station before I aloud myself a soda. The threat of cutting off my soda seems to get me into gear. I am going to have the goal of working out at least 3 days this week again. If I do that, I will get some pretty yarn.

I know that I can do this. I am feeling a bit more motivated now that the kids are back in school.

And the Lazy Award Goes To...Me

I don't know what is wrong with me. I just can't reach my goals lately.  I am going to start over today. This time I will accomplish...something at least.

For my cleaning goal this week, I am going to keep the same goal. I am going to pick up and vacuum the living room everyday. I need a better reward though. I am going to reward myself with hanging my new painting that I got for my birthday. (I can't get my pics to work on here lately, but the pic of the painting is on my facebook page.)

For my weight loss goal, I am not going to concentrate on my weight as much as my habits. I am going to work out at least 3 days this week. If I can do that, I will get some pretty cotton yarn.

Wish me luck!

Goal Update

I did great on my goals for the first few days. It is really hard for me to get back into the swing of things for some reason.  I really want to get my life in order. My kids need to learn good habits. They will learn a lot of their habits from me since I am the parent they are around the most. I have got to step up my game and stop being so lazy. I am going to restart my goals tonight. I can do this. I will check in next week. Maybe if I keep in mind that others, no matter how few, are checking in on my progress, I would accomplish my goals.  I am going to place my orange goal folder somewhere that it is more visible to remind me to get the daily stuff done.
My main cleaning goal for this week is to have my living room and vacuumed everyday. My reward will be finally taking down all of my pictures and rearranging them in a way that my ex-husband is less of a presence in my home (I know it is lazy pathetic that I haven't done this yet).
My weight goal for this week is to get down to 170 by next Thursday.

A Random Act of Kindness

I have been driving on a doughnut for about 2 or 3 weeks because I had a bald tire that picked up a few nails and a tack. I would rather have gotten a new tire, but with how much we get sent home due to low call volume, I just couldn't. I made a comment yesterday to the guy I sit next to, who I have only been working with for a few months, about not being able to speed to work due to the gimpy tire. He asked if it was the same tire from a few weeks ago. I told him it was. Then we logged into our computers and started taking calls. I didn't really think much about the interaction we had just had. It was just idle chit chat. About an hour later he gives me a note that says if I give him the tire he would get it fixed for me the next day.  I was shocked! The last time I had a flat tire, I drove on the doughnut for about 2 months until people from church found out and took care of it for me. When I went on my last break, he followed me out to my van and took the tire out of my trunk. Tonight, during our break, he followed me out to my car again and put the tire back in the trunk. It was a totally different tire. He said it was a used tire that he got for only about $20, but I was shocked that he did that for me. He said that it was not a big deal, and that he would be a jerk if he didn't help me because I have 3 kids that ride in that van as well. It is a big deal to me. People don't usually do this kind of stuff for me. I am going to have to have someone help me change the tire still, but I can do that easier than I could get the tire. I am so glad that there are people out there that are willing to go out of their way to help.

Feeling Guilty

I am feeling like I am sending my kids to whoever will take them this weekend. According to the parenting agreement I have with their dad, I have them this weekend. I have to work on the weekends though.  Yesterday, my regular babysitter watched them until I got home around 7pm. I, then, had only about an hour to an hour and a half before they went to bed (yes, I am one of those mean parents that make my kids go to bed when it is still light out in the summer). This morning, they got to watch one cartoon before they had to get dressed, packed, and off to my sister's. I had to drop them off early enough for me to be to work by 9am. They are spending the night at her place tonight because it is easier for her than me dropping the kids off at 6am tomorrow so that I could be at work by 7am. Tomorrow, I work a split. I will be with my kids for church and a little while after. Then, they will be going to another babysitter's until I get off (I am scheduled until 9:30pm, but my be sent home earlier if the call volume is low). Monday, my regular babysitter will be back, and there is a chance I won't get home until bedtime.  I hate this. As school gets closer and closer, I am realizing how little I will see my kids once they go back and I start classes.

I know that I need to work, and I need to go to school to support my kids now and in the future. I want to be a good example for my kids. I want them to understand that having an education and willingness to work is important. I want them to know that I love them and will do whatever I need to do to give them a future. Knowing all of this stuff in my head doesn't make me feel less guilty when they ask me when I can do something with them or why they have to have a babysitter.

Goals...Here I Go Again

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I want my life to be.  I want a clean house. I want to get down to 145 pounds at least. I want my kids to know that I am the boss. (I know good luck on that one.) I want to get a degree so that I can make a future for my kids and me. Since I haven't been able to get to sleep lately, I decided last night to make some small goals to help me achieve a few of my bigger goals.  I am also working on some with a friend of mine and her mom in a contest where the loser does a small act of service for the winner. I put these goals on paper and found a nice folder dedicated to goals.  It is a bright orange folder sitting on my desk (if that doesn't remind me to do them, I don't know what will). I have, also, decided to report my progress on my blog to make me more accountable for my goals (it worked a few years ago).

My first big goal is to have a cleaner house (it is cleaner than it was a year ago, but still not clean enough). What I have done to help me accomplish this is I made a morning and night to do list. Each list has four things on them that I need to get done daily. They aren't big, but they are a start and with the way I am, I will most likely do more than what is on these lists. I will be happy to get them done however. I am going to reward myself in some way. I just haven't decided on the reward yet.

The other big goal that I am going to work on is weight loss. I know I say this a lot. I have a few motivating factors right now. First of all, I can no longer wear the clothes that I was so excited to fit back into a few months ago. I know this is my fault. My habit have slipped recently. I need to get back to portion control and exercising.  My other motivating factor is that my boyfriend is working very hard at losing with this goal. (Yes, I admit it, I am more motivating when people around me work on the same goal.  I'm sure I am not the only one.) To accomplish this goal I am doing a few things. My friend and I have two goals in our contest that will help, exercise and eating veggies. I have also made of goal of having only one Dr. Pepper a day. I know I should cut it out completely, but I can't do that right now. I am going to have to slowly wean myself of the stuff.

When I reported weekly before I was reporting on Mondays because that was what was most convenient at the time. I will try to report on Thursdays this time because that will be the end of my "weekend."

Taio Cruz Dynomite Lyrics

Boyfriend

I have been dating a wonderful man lately, Jason. We dated in high school and recently met back up on facebook.  He treats me so great! I didn't think that I deserved being treated like this until I started dating him.  He tells me that I am beautiful and gorgeous. He gives me parenting advise without judging me. He makes me laugh and smile. He makes me feel special!

So Blessed

I have had the chance to sit back and think about my life lately.  It is not going exactly how I expected, but I really don't have a bad life.  I am wonderfully blessed with great kids, the best sister in the world, a dad who had to play both mom and dad for most of my teenage years, and the most supportive friends I could ever ask for.

First off my kids are a bit traumatized with all of the changes going on around here, but they are adjusting easier than I thought they would.  I don't have a lot of big problems with them.  We fight over bed time and dinner, but other than that, only the little things that most kids do.  They are loving and energetic.  They are my world!

My sister is my best friend.  She has given me food when I have been out, fixed my van when it was broken, watched my kids in a pinch, listen to me vent without trying to fix my problems, and so much more.  I can barely go a day without talking to her.  I am so glad that we are able to figure out time lately to see each other more often.  I don't know what I would do without my sister.

My dad was the best parent and example I could have asked for.  He took over the roll of both parents when I was about 13.  He helped us though everything and never complained about it. He went in to work incredibly early to be home for us when we got home from school and make dinner for us before we went to work.  He took me prom and homecoming dress shopping. We had heart to hearts. My dad is once again supporting me emotionally.  I love my daddy so much!

I try to be friends with every one because I believe there is good in every one.  Of course, I don't have a lot of close friends, but I prefer it that way. I have had to have a lot of help in the last six months. I have tried so hard not to be a burden on anyone, but they have stepped up and helped me no matter what. With my work schedule, I have had to have babysitters for odd times. There is always someone who is willing to watch them no matter what the time. For a little while after my ex-husband left, I needed to vent or cry. They, and my sister, were always a phone call away. One friend even let me invade her house and cry on her shoulder a few times this last winter.

I am the most blessed person on earth to have such wonderful people in my life!

It is OFFICIAL!

I got the best news when I checked my email today! I am officially divorced! I feel like a huge weight has been taken off of my shoulders. Now I can feel like my life is just that, MY life. I don't have to worry about someone else trying to dictate it for the first time in a long time. Realistically, I am am people pleaser, and will always do things to try to make other people happy, but I don't have to worry about someone taking advantage of that. I can pursue my dreams. I can be Rosa Mitchell again! (Not that I don't like the Crumpley family. I just need to be me.) I am so excited to get on my my life. I can't even describe this feeling.

No Computer? AHHHH!

About 2 weeks ago, my computer turned off and refused to turn back on.  Not good!  I was just about to post preschool graduation certificates and pictures. Now they are lost in the giant paperweight in my dining room. Ugh! That isn't even the worst part. I go to school online only.  With all the drama in my life I have failed my last 2 terms, and now if I don't participate before this Saturday I will be kicked out of school. Not good!  I have divorce papers that I need to sign, scan, and email back to my lawyer.  I haven't been able to do that either.  I have a claim in for my roof to be fixed with he insurance company. I couldn't even access that, and I was foolish enough to sign up for all e-documents with them. I have been totally lost without a working computer that will connect to the internet.  At least I have facebook on my phone (funny to think I had it shut down until a few months ago, and now I would be lost without it).  I never realized how much I rely on the computer, especially the internet, for day to day activities.
Today, I thought of a solution to my woes. My ex-husband has a laptop that he rarely uses. We are on decent terms right now. He knows my situation, and has even tried to fix my gimpy computer.  I sent him a text and nicely asked if I could borrow his laptop until I can get mine working.  He agreed. (Thank goodness!)  It is good to know that in a pinch if he has a way to help me, he still will.
Now, I am able to do the things I desperately need to do and the things I would like to do (thanks to a man that I have a better relationship with now that we are no longer married).

Celine Dion - Goodbye's (The Saddest Word)

Getting past Mother's Day is difficult for me. I miss my mom. I think I listened to this song at least 10 times in the car on Sunday.