Mammoth Tradition

Chad and his brother, Jeremy, have been going to Mammoth games since before I met them. Jeremy buys season tickets for the two of them. Ever since the first year we were married, they have taken the kids and I at least once a year as well. We love and look forward to this tradition! Sean struggles with large crowds and a lot of noises, but he will endure it for this game; Eric now brings Peyton along; and Noel asked about going at the beginning of the season. They sometimes say we don’t have traditions (which really isn’t true), but I know they like this one. I am so thankful for Jeremy’s generosity! 

Introverted Problems

I am an introvert, for the most part. I have been for as long as I can remember. In my preschool report card (I do still have it), I was marked down because I would rather play in a group of two or three rather than with the class. I am still this way in many ways. I also dread meeting new people. What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm weird? What if I am just not good enough to hang out with them? Some of these what ifs keep me from meeting new people that I later find out I would have really gotten along with, and sometimes they keep me from getting to know people I have already met better. I like to be included in things but fear the actual mingling part of it. 

This semester I have a class that really stretches my comfort level. I have an assignment in which I am supposed to go to a service club, such as Lions Club or the like, meeting. I could not find one in my area and got permission to go to a town hall meeting (thank goodness). Another assignment has me doing eight hours of service. I have known about this one for many weeks. I now have three weeks to complete it, and I get scared each time I think of reaching out to a local shelter or the victims advocacy group to find out if there is something I can do. At this point, I am hoping I can count making preemie hats for babies. The next assignment that has me shaking is one in which I need to interview two people who run nonprofit organizations. I have already texted my amazing cousin who founded and runs Foster Love which provides a "shopping" experience for foster kids at no cost to them or the families. I need to find another nonprofit that gives service to families or children in the next few weeks and set up a specific time to talk to Amber. (That is really hard for me.) Sometimes I wonder why I was lead to this major. I am sure I will be shown the why, but that won't happen if I let my fears get to me. 

I do not hate people. I love people. I love collecting their stories. Unfortunately, I live under the assumption that people do not like me or wouldn't like me if they got to know me.  

Strawberry Cream Dr. Pepper

We get Dr. Pepper every week for the household. Usually, we get cream soda and cherry Dr. Pepper but today we got strawberry cream and cream soda. I wanted to try this new flavor and was trusting it well enough to not get my regular flavor. The good news is that it is actually good. I would definitely drink it again. 

Food Problems

Chad regularly goes grocery shopping on Monday while I am working. This week, that could not happen because we have to wait until tomorrow when I get paid. That does not mean we have no food in the house. However, it does mean that a lot of the food we normally eat is fine, and we have had to get a bit creative. Last night, Chad made chicken nuggets from scratch. They were pretty good, but they were a bit dryer than I would have liked. He said next time he will try a different recipe. Tonight, we had hamburgers. Since we usually only cook 6 of the 8 burgers from the package, we had several packages with two patties in each. We had two left over buns from last week and a few sandwich thins that served the purpose well. The cheese was a bigger issue. The only cheese we had was string cheese. We each took a stick and manipulated it to fit on the burger the way we wanted. They weren’t as good as usual, but the weren’t bad either. 

Tomorrow, the kids and I will have a “gas station breakfast” like we did when they were younger. Then, I will go grocery shopping when I get off work. I can’t wait to have my regular foods again!

Chore Wheel

Last month, as a family we agreed on chores that we would take turns doing on a daily basis. We decided who who start with what chore and agreed to rotate them each week. We did it the first four weeks without a reminder of who was doing what. We probably could continue to do so, but that depends on how well I remember the rotation. Since I had to write N or S on the calendar to remind them who is supposed to take care of the dogs each week, I made this wheel to help us with this simple chore rotation. As I was making it, I let everyone choose a sticker to represent them from my box of stickers. I am quite happy with how it turned out. 

This Girl

 What happens when I leave my phone unattended around Noel? You would think I would've learned not to so such things by now. 

Overwhelmed

 I am overwhelmed quite often lately. My classes this semester are the hardest classes I have ever taken. (That makes sense because I have never taken 400-level classes until now.) Of course, this means that I do not have as much time for my husband or children as I have had in past semesters. I still try to give them as much attention as I can, but it is not always possible. What does this mean? I get guilt trips (mostly from Chad) about how I do not spend enough time with them, I feel pulled in many directions from day to day, and I don't really have much time for myself. 

I want to be able to feel like I have time to make real dinners like I used to, but that is not always possible. I guess if I started early in the day, I could do it. Who wants to start making dinner that early though knowing that it may be ready before Chad gets home from work or after whatever time sensitive thing is happening that day (church activities, Noel being picked up by her dad, Chad going to a lacrosse game, etc.). My days for cooking are Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. I could cook a real dinner on Saturdays, but Sean would probably not eat it which would leave only Chad and I to eat all of that food. I just feel like it would be a waste without Noel. I don't always want to really cook, but I wish I could when I was in the mood. 

I want to be able to go out with friends without a guilt trip. I have plans on Monday with a friend that I don't get the chance to meet up with as often as I would like because of our schedules. I have been guilted by everyone about "abandoning" them. I literally have to take the day off of work to hang out with this friend. I work from home. I am here with them every day. Why can't I just have this one day this month to leave the house alone? 

I want to be able to visit my dad more often. Really, this is not on anyone. We just simply don't have the money for me to go out there very often. Thankfully, I am able to go more than I could in the past, and I am excited that I can go in a few weeks.  Maybe when I am done with school and no longer paying out of pocket for tuition, I could go more often. (One more reason to work hard and finish this degree.) Maybe I won't feel so much like I am letting my daughter down by leaving her behind after she is 18 and has a bit more say about what she does on the weekend, and I no longer have to ask permission to take her out of state. Really, she will be 18 later this year, and I will be done with school next year (hopefully). (Happy thoughts...)

I really want to be able to take a warm bath. No one is stopping me. I have done it a few times in the last couple of months. I am actually encouraged by Noel and Chad to do it more often. (It must be obvious that I need some time for self-care.)

I guess, I should concentrate on what I can do right now with what I have. I can take a warm back as I read a book. (I am currently reading Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry.) It's not a bad place to start. 

Feeling Cheated

I was in TikToc today just watching stuff on my For You page when three times in a row I saw posts for an open verse challenge from Dean Lewis for his song How Do I Say Goodbye . Each person poured out their heart as they presented a verse that beautifully illiterates how it felt to be in the hospital as a parent dies in the hospital. I could feel their anguish. The problem is that I felt a bit jealous at the same time. 

I didn’t get the chance to really say goodbye to my mom and brother. I did say goodbye when my mom stopped by to let me know they were headed out of town a bit earlier than they had planned, but there was an expectation that they would come back. I lost the person “who gave me my name and the color of my eyes” suddenly. There was no warning. 

I love this song! It really captures how it feels to lose a parent. In some ways it takes a bit of the sting away. (Yes. It still hurts sometimes.) It gives a bit of a sense of normalcy knowing that my feelings have been valid. 

Going to Utah

My dad's back yard

I am going to Utah next month with Sean. I bought the tickets and sent the itinerary to my dad to make sure he knows when I we need to be picked up and when we need to be back to the airport a few days later. I am really excited! I can't wait to get away for a little while. I am stuck in my house way too much, and I think it is affecting my mind again. I need a change even if it is only for a few days.

I know some people would ask why I am taking only Sean. Well, that answer is simple. He is the only one that can just leave without having to make arrangements or getting permission to do so. We will be leaving March 4 (a Saturday). Chad works Saturdays, and Noel has to be at her dad's house that weekend. I looked for tickets at a time I could take Noel, but they are about twice as much for the week of spring break as they are a the beginning of the month. Sean no longer goes to his dad's house and doesn't have a job and also wants to get out of the house. 

I don't have to take anyone with me. I went alone last time. I thought it would be nice to take at least one of the kids with me this time. I am only going to visit with my parents and see my best friend which makes this a perfect time to take someone with me. Sean needs some one on one time. He rarely gets it anymore now that he is done with high school and the clubs he was involved in. He used to get that with me when I picked him up.  (Noel gets one on one time when I pick her up from her dad's most Sundays.) 

I am excited for this trip. It will be a great mental reset, and I get to see my dad and my  best friend. 

Knitting Updates

I have finished three projects since I shared any pictures. First, I finished the gnome mittens. They left me with the desire to do more color work, but I would like to do it with bigger needles and heavier yarn. Next time, it will be a hat. Then, I finished another pair of socks for me. I’m still loving socks. They are great for keeping my hands busy when I need to be paying attention to something else. Most recently (as in today), I finished socks for Noel. I love that I can use the same pattern for both of us by just adjusting the length a bit. I still have a shawl in progress that has a knitted on, Celtic cable boarder. It will be a while before it is finished. The boarder is time consuming and requires a bit more attention. 

 What’s next? I have yarn for another pair of socks for me, and I am trying to muster up the will to make socks for Chad and Sean. (Their feet are bigger.) I have considered making Eric and Peyton socks as well, but I have yet to ask how long they need them to be. I, also, was given a unicorn crochet book for Valentines Day that I will be working out of. There are some cute stuffed unicorns, bookmarks, blankets, and more. Crochet is not my favorite, but I will do it for the right pattern. (The book was something I asked for, so it has the right patterns.)

My gnome mittens drying on a towel.

My socks

Noel’s socks

Today’s Workout

I went to the gym today alone, and I LOVED it. I usually go with Chad and try to find enough to do while he runs and rows. Today, I was able to dictate how much time I was there which made it feel more natural and didn’t leave me wondering what to do for an extra 15 to 30 minutes. I walked on the treadmill at a 3 for 15 minutes then went to the weights to work on my arms for another 15 minutes. It felt great! I left with more energy than I have had for a long time. It was the perfect length of time. I can’t wait until I go back Friday!

Testing Woes

My school has started using Proctorio to proctor exams to try to prevent cheating. I have had classes that use it off and on for a couple of years and never had a problem until last night. I had an exam for my Family Theories and Dynamics class that was due by 11:59pm. I started taking it around 9pm. (Have I mentioned that I am a professional procrastinator?) I got through question 10, and the dog bumped my laptop which caused my camera to go out. This triggered a chat with the Proctorio people. They decided that it would be best to refresh the page and have me go back in, so they kicked me out and refreshed the page. When I tied to get back in, I couldn't. The exam was set for only one attempt. I had to send my teacher an email to explain what had happened. Luckily, she agreed to reset the exam so I can take it and gave me through Monday. I hope I can have the same momentum I had at the time I got kicked out as I do the test on my desk where the webcam can't be bumped by a dog. 

Our Month

February is really our month. Our anniversary is the 1st; Chad's birthday is the 9th; Valentine's Day is the 14th (I guess that one is for everyone). Last night, we went to a Valentine dance at the church. When it started, I was convinced that I was not going to like it because the main friend that I hang out with at church parties is out of town, and I didn't know who we would socialize with this time. Eventually, I found other friends for us to talk to, and the music got better for us to dance. Tonight, we went out to eat for our Valentine date. It was our second time going to Ted's Montana Grill. It changed since last time we went, but the food was still really good, and Chad was able to have a bison burger. I love that we have a month to celebrate us. At the same time, I am glad that is is mostly done. I need some me time. 

Heed Not

This morning, I listened to Elder David A. Bednar’s talk, “But We Headed Them Not.”  I really needed this message this morning. It’s not that I feel particularly picked on right now. I just feel like I needed a reminder to fortify myself so that when things happen, I can have a firmer foundation of truth. 

In this talk, Elder Bednar talks about the song Let Us All Press On. I l loved this hymn growing up and still have fond memories of learning it in primary and listening to my dad sing it sitting next to me in Sacrament Meeting. I never really thought about the meaning of the words, though. 

“…We will heed not what the wicked may say.” How do we “heed not?” We keep our covenants and “hold fast” to the word of the Lord. By doing this, we can fortify ourselves against those who will try to destroy our testimonies and pull us away from what is really important. 

I love this talk! I love that the Church has given us the resources we need to draw closer to Jesus Christ and learn from Him. 

He's 49

 

Happy birthday to the man who has taught me how it feels to really be loved! He came into my life when I needed him the most. I needed someone who respected me. I needed someone who wanted me to just be myself. I needed someone who would encourage me to better myself. I am lucky to be the girl who gets to call him my husband! 

Sock Saga

A few weeks ago, I ordered some new sock yarn that I was very excited about. As I finished the socks on my needles, I pictured the purple based stripe socks I would be working on next. The time finally came, and I opened the package to find a blue based striped yarn. I was so disappointed but started the socks anyway because it was the yarn I had. The more I knitted, the more disappointed I was with the yarn. I even put them to the side and worked on other projects last week because I didn’t want these socks. Finally, I decided I needed to find someone who would love them. When I told Noel my plan, she said she liked them. That was such good news. I didn’t even have to measure her foot because I made her some socks last month. For the rest of the day, I happily worked that first sock and started the next one. Now, I can’t wait to finish them because I love the look in her face when she is gown something. 

Running Update

 

A beautiful picture taken a the end of my run. 

I am happy to say that my running is getting to be more consistent. I really like that the Galloway RunWalkRun method is so customizable. I am currently running 30 seconds and walking 30 seconds. I am sure I will be able to raise the amount of run time as my body gets used to it again. 

Right now, I am getting ready to do the virtual Wonder Woman 5K that I planned to run around Thanksgiving. I had to stop my training in the fall because of an Achilles tendon injury. I was able to do a 5K with Chad in December (the Colder Boulder), but I had basically lost my mojo by then and have struggled to really get going since. Thankfully, it is slowly coming back and the snow melts. I know I can go to the gym and run on the treadmill, but it is not the same. I know I need to be more serious about it as we get closer to the races that I enjoy doing like the Bolder Boulder. 

So far this year, I plan to do the Bolder Boulder in May, a half marathon on Labor Day, and the Colder Boulder in December. I am sure Chad and I will find a few 5Ks to sprinkle in through the year, but we don't have anything planned yet. Right now, I am just going to concentrate on my love for running again rather than trying to do too many races. 

3 Days Away

I know my husband’s birthday. We have celebrated it every year. I try to make him feel special when it comes around. Today, I realized that day is only 3 days away. (How is it already February 6?) Realizing how close Chad’s birthday is, I hopped on Amazon and ordered him some presents. The kids were asleep, so I just let them know what we got him later. As they looked through what I ordered, they both said I am spoiling him. I’m ok with that. I spoil Sean and Noel a lot. It is Chad’s turn. He will get his gifts on his birthday, and I will make him a special dinner Sunday when I don’t have to worry about if he will get home from work in time to gave a warm dinner. One of these days I will be put together enough to get gifts at least a week in advance and the dinner will be nicer than my current budget allows. 

Geese

Noel drove home from her dad's house today (like she does most Sundays). As she drove down the neighborhood streets, we had to wait for a few minutes for something we don't come across very often...a gaggle of geese. 

Anniversary Tradition

 

After we were married, we learned that some friends of ours had a really fun tradition of going to a restaurant they had never been to together for their anniversary each year. This sounded like so much fun that we adopted it as our own. There have been times that we had to do things like go to a pho place that we hadn’t been to because that was all we could afford. Thankfully, that is no longer the case. 

Tonight, we went to a place called Shells and Sauce in Denver. It was a quirky Italian restaurant that we both enjoyed. I had stuffed shells with scrimp. The shells cooked perfectly, and the shrimp was firm and full of flavor. I would highly recommend this restaurant to anyone. Just make sure you have a reservation. It is a busy place!

The More I Learn

After telling a friend about my faith journey, I was told about the Come Back Podcast. In this podcast, a lady who left the Church in the past and came back after fighting some serious demons interviews others who left and came back for various reasons. I have watched at least one episode a day for several days. There are people who left because they felt their studies showed things contrary to what they had been taught through their lives, people who got involved in drugs and alcohol, a guy who had joined a gang, and more. Each person has their own personal story of coming back, but the common thread is that came back because it is true and it makes the most sense. 

I have my own "come back" story. There was a time when I was making decisions that I came to regret. There was a time that I told myself I was only going to church because it was good for my kids. There was a time that I could never see myself going back to the temple, reading (listing to) scriptures daily, or holding a calling. The thing is that I never lost my testimony of prayer, but I had lost my testimony in other ways. I just couldn't see why I needed to be different from other people. I couldn't see how it would benefit me. After all, I had tried "doing everything right." I ended up with a dead mom and brother, divorced, and barely able to pay my bills. This was not the life I thought I would have. It was not the life I felt I had been promised. What changed?

I had to come to the realization that my faith and actions do not always determine my wealth (or lack thereof), the life expectancy of my friends and family, or how other people treat my children, my husband, or myself. I do not get to choose how my life is blessed or the trials I face. What I can determine is how I see the world, my testimony of Jesus Christ, and how I serve others. 

The reality is that the more I learn both secularly and spiritually, the more I believe in the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know there are not explanations for everything within the gospel. I also know there not everything can be explained by science or other academic ways. Each science and social science class that I have taken has helped my testimony grow. I know that there are many things science can not explain which takes me to the conclusion that there is a God that knows all who created the earth and everything in it. 

I will not debate with someone who is only looking to put me down or argue, but I will have a conversation about my beliefs with anyone who is willing to do so in a respectful way. I have done so many times and will continue to do so. The more I learn, the more I want to share. 

Slowly Creeping Down

As I said earlier this week, I have been participating in a weight loss program through my health insurance. What I have not said is that after quitting karate last year I gained weight fast and was at my heaviest near the end of last year. I hating the way my body felt and cringed when I saw pot of myself (I don’t see that part changing anytime soon). I am happy to say that my weight has been slowly dropping since I started doing this. Begging accountable to a coach once a week in a group makes me want to do better. The food is good, and it is easy to follow. I don’t even have to eat exactly what they lay out in the plan. I just do my best to stay under 1700 calories a day. I’m not perfect, but I have done it enough to make a difference. 

11 Years

It is hard to believe that I have been married to this man for 11 years! He healed me in more ways than I thought possible. He taught me that it is ok for me to just be me. I fall more in love with him everyday. 

Soda Stream

 This is my newest obsession! Chad got me a Soda Stream for Christmas, and I have used it every day since. I of course love the Diet Dr. Pete (Dr. Pepper). I also really like the lemon aid and diet root beer. The only flavor I don’t like so far is the diet cola. 

Back to the Gym

 

I finally went back to the gym today. I keep saying that I’ll go and change my mind at the last minute. Today, Chad encouraged me to go with him. I almost canceled on him because I didn’t want to go out in the cold (it was 5 degrees outside). I’m glad I didn’t let the cold keep me from going, though. It felt good to get on the treadmill and run then do a bit of weight lifting. I hope to talk myself into to going more often. 

The Food

 

I joined a weight loss plan through my insurance. It has been a great way to make small weekly goals that help me work towards my larger goal. I understand that creating small habits will help me get where I want to be if I concentrate on those habits rather than the end goal. 

One of the things this program came with was a booklet with meal plan ideas as well as recipes. So far everything I have tried has been really good and filling. I made substitutions when I feel the need, but I make sure that those substitutions will not derail me. 

Today for lunch I had one of the suggested meals with a substitution. The suggestion was a whole wheat pita with romaine, tomato slices, Canadian bacon, and an egg. I cooked my egg different, and I had a sandwich thin instead of pita bread. That actually saved me about 20 calories. This sandwich was really good! I can't wait to try more meals!

Time With My Girl

Noel has spent most of the month working hard in her schoolwork. I promised her that if she kept up on her classes, I would take her to a movie the last weekend each month.

 Today, we saw Missing. It was a great movie! It was done completely through social media, phone calls, security cameras, and a computer screen. I thought it would be distracting, but it gave it a different element that drew me in even more. 

After dinner, she and I spent more time together. We sang karaoke in the living room for about an hour. 

Noel and I have needed this kind of time together. I can’t wait until next month to do this again. (I know she will earn another movie.)

Mitten Update

Remember the gnome mittens I started not long after my birthday? Well, I procrastinated the thumb in the first mitten for a little while. Once I sat down with the video, I was able to work through it. I did have to stop and rewind it a few times. There were very clear instructions. It just took me a bit to catch on as I knit along. I am happy to say that the first mitten is completely done, and the second mitten only has the thumb left. Then, they will need to be blocked before I can wear them. I’m d so excited! They should be ready just in time for the temps to cool plummet again.  I’ll post a picture of the final product when they are ready. 

The Nails

We gave Noel gel nail polish for Christmas, and she has been asking to do my nails with that kit for a few weeks. We finally sat down for her to do them a few nights ago. She did such a great job! I love them!

Newest Socks

 

I finished another pair of socks last weeks and wore them today. I was sad that they looked so different. I ordered two skeins in a kit. I assumed they would be from the same due lot. Apparently, that was not the case. I delayed wearing them because it frustrated me that one was mostly dark while the other was mostly light. When I put them on this morning, the frustration was gone. I love that they as similar but not the same. They are so pretty. I will have to order from this company again. 

The Small Dog

Sometimes I think this little dog is my spirit animal. She is not a fan of being cold. When I lay down on the bed, she will curl right up to me (see the picture above). On days like today when I feel particularly cold for apparently no reason (the heat is set to 74), she seems to be cold as well. She will even climb under the covers with me. I love this sweet little doggy! 

Girls' Trip to the Temple

I got to go to the temple again today. This time it was with other ladies from church. There were five of us in the car, and we went to the endowment session together. I love going to the temple with my husband, but there is something about going with other women that gives me an experience that is enjoyable in a different way.

Since I started going back to the temple sometime after Chad and I were married, I have always done work for names that were submitted to the temple. This time I felt the need to find a name from my own family tree. Last night, I went online and found a name that needed work done. I printed it this morning before I was picked up. Alice M. Wilmot was the wife of my first cousin three times removed (the wife of my great-grandma's cousin). Even though I had not seen or heard her name before it came up as I was searching from someone who was ready for this step, I felt a connection to her that I have not felt other times when I have done endowments. This experience has given me the desire to find more ancestors to help in this way. 

Reading Preferences

I seems to go though different reading preferences during different times of my life. There was a time when I absolutely loved Mary Higgins Clark. The mysteries were intriguing, and the books were not full of sec and foul language like other mystery novels. Then, I discovered Nicholas Sparks. I could finally read romance that wasn’t raunchy. I would check out his books from the library, and the ex would give me a the newest Nicholas Sparks novel for Christmas each year. Then, I moved on to quick, easy reads that I could read on my Kindle as I went to bed. Lately, I have been liking nonfiction. It takes a bit longer to read it because I want to soak in all of the details. I don’t get a lot of time to read outside my schoolwork, but I try to put aside time to read for pleasure. 

Caramel Corn

 

When the kids were little, I often made treats for the kids. They thought it was fun. I mostly saw it as a way to have snack foods in the house. A little while ago Sean and I talked about how I used to make caramel corn. He missed me doing stuff like that. Since that conversation, everyone has been asking me to make it again. (Chad wasn’t around at the time, and Noel was too little to remember.)

Today, I finally made the caramel corn when Noel asked so sweetly. It wasn’t the same recipe as I used before because I don’t have that recipe book anymore. I found one online that was easy to follow. 

I loved the process, and everyone liked it. I will definitely be making it again!

The Pantry

 

Yesterday, Chad and I got in a fight because…I’m not going to say on here (cyber stalkers may use it against me). Afterwards, we went out separate ways and cleaned. He cleaned the bathrooms, and I cleaned and organized the pantry. 

I have been saying I would organize the pantry for a while. We had small appliances on shelves and everything else was just shoved in there wherever a spot was found. It was ridiculous and made it impossible to find anything. I knew it was going to be a difficult project, so I kept putting it off. 

Yesterday, as a way to channel my anger, I got to work. I pulled everything out and whipped down the shelves. Hearing the cans clink together, Noel came out of her room to see what was going on and decided to help. She checked expiration dates and organized everything into groups (veggies, fruit, pasta, beans, etc.). I put the appliances (ice cream maker and triple crockpot) on the floor and cans on the shelf. I am very thankful for her help and happy about the end result. 

The next step is can organizers so we can keep it organized and fit more in when needed. 

“Running” in the Snow

 

I promised myself that I would run 3 times this week, and I prefer running Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. That meant I needed to get out today. Of course, I waited until it started snowing to get out the door. Did I have fun? A bit. Was it hard? Kind of. Honestly, if the snow blowing in my face was the worst part. It slowed me down a bit because I couldn’t see. I am just so glad I got out and tried. 

Trying Again

After spending another $350 on groceries for the week, all I could think was how there has to be another way. I don’t want to have to get a second job just to be able to buy groceries for the family. Once I sat down in a quiet room alone to do homework, I got an idea. We can go back to getting freeze dried food. 

We tried it in the past but couldn’t really afford it because we weren’t really integrating it into our diet and couldn’t afford it with everything else (there is no way that we could have afforded this kind of grocery bill back then). The food that we did eat was good, but the kids wouldn’t touch it. 

Times have changed. We make more now, and we eat better. Also, I understand better how to order from the company we used to make sure we get food we will actually use. 

I am excited to have started my monthly shipments again. I hope we will be able to maintain it and learn better how to integrate into our diet. 

Temple Day

Chad and I went to the temple to do sealings today. We were able to seal his grandparents together as well as some other ancestors of his. It was such a special experience! I have not done this often enough. Most of the time when I go to the temple I do endowment sessions. I like doing them, and I can do it with or without my husband. I could technically do sealings without Chad, but there is something special about doing it with him. I love that I can be reminded of our marital covenant. I love the feeling of renewing our sacred commitment as we help other have this eternal bond. We will be going back again in February as part of our anniversary celebration. I am so excited! 

The Day After Shots

Yesterday, I went to see the doctor for another thyroid check. While I was there, I decided to get my flu shot and COVID booster (one in each arm). I don't have adverse reactions other than a sore arm with most shots. I forgot that COVID shots seem to be the exception. 

The first COVID shot I got was the J&J shot that they stopped using for the most part a few weeks later. I had the worst reaction I have ever had to that one. I was in bed sick the rest of the day as well as the following day. 

Since there was no booster for the shot I had originally, I was given the Moderna booster about this time last year. It made me light headed and nauseous for a few days. It was so much better than the reaction to the first one that I didn't even think about it this time. 

This time around, I was given the Moderna booster in one arm and the flu shot in the other arm (I have never had issues with the flu shot). Last night, I had no issues other than not having much of an appetite. This morning was a different story. I woke up very nauseous and light headed. I even considered calling in sick (something I haven't done since I started working from home). After I had a bit of ramen, I started to feel better, but it came back. By the time we had dinner, I felt just as bad as I did this morning. I am hoping it passes quickly like the first time. 

Knitted Socks

I am loving knitting socks lately. For the most part the are the same stitch over and over again. This means I can knit while reading and watching videos for school and when I have to be on conference calls tor work. I have to pay a bit mor attention when I do the heals and toes, but they can be done easily while watching tv. The best part about knitting socks is that when I am done, I have really warm socks that fit perfectly. 

I know that I will eventually get tired of knitting socks and move on to something else. For now, I will enjoy knitting colorful, warm, perfect socks. 

He’s 21!

 

My Eric is 21! I am so proud of the man that he has become and is still becoming. He is thoughtful, sweet, kind, and smart. He loves deeply and gives the best hugs. I am excited to see how he shapes his future. 

Faith Over Fear

The world can be a scary place. There are murders, natural disasters, riots, and more. I have to admit that I let the fear get to me lately. It has affected my mental health. I have done my best to try to not let it affect me. I keep myself busy with friends and family (going to parties, baptisms, doctor appointments, etc.). I listen to conference talks and chapters in the Book of Mormon on a regular basis. I have jumped into my studies. These have all been great distractions, but when I lie in bed at night, I worry about so many things that I don't get to sleep until after 11pm most nights. Through all of this, I do my best to hide it from the people around me. Do they really need to hear about my problems when they are going through so much more? 

This morning, I listened to President Nelson's talk from the Saturday morning session of the last General Conference. In this talk, he addresses the fears of the people. He quoted Matthew 11:28-30: 

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me,...and ye shall find rest in your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

I needed this message today before I sink down in the depths of depression I was in a few years ago. The world is not going to be an easy place to live in, but we do not have to get sucked into everything. I need to concentrate less on the news and more on my relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I can over come the problems of the world. 

What is going on?

This year has started off a bit crazy. There was flooding in California, police attacked in Times Square, a celebrity ran over by his own snowplow, a football player who collapsed on the field after a tackle, and a family taken out by a father who killed himself as well. I really hope that this is not an indicator of the year to come. I fear for the future of this country and the world. 

My mind has been all over the place with the events of the week so far, especially the murder/suicide in southern Utah. A former friend of mine that I still have contact with was friends with the mother of the family killed. This lady is devastated from hearing that someone she was close to was killed in this manner (as I am sure everyone else involved is). How does one come to terms with this? I have lost family members and friends in car accidents, but at least I knew no one chose to end their lives. These were true accidents that left a hole in my hearts as well as others. I could not imagine having to come to terms with the idea that not only had I lost a loved one, but someone chose to take them from me. I imagine that I would be mad and confused. How does this just happen? 

I do not know this family. All I know about them is what the lady I know has said and the little bit in the news. Yet, somehow, this had deeply affected me. I just don't understand how a father could kill his children. I guess I will never know because I have not known that kind of evil in my life. 

Work in Progress

As I was reading Atomic Habits, I realized I had too many habits that I was trying to change and track at one time. For the new year, I have decided I am going to concentrate on the four areas we teach the youth to work on: physical, spiritual, social, and intellectual. Within these areas, I have identified two things to concentrate on to help me grow into the person I want to be. In doing so, I rated myself on a 1 to 10 scale. My plan is to reevaluate myself at the beginning of each month. Thankfully, I was able to find a planner that has a monthly page to assist me in this endeavor. 

Atomic Habits - Book Review

For the last couple of months, I have been reading Atomic Habits by James Clear whenever I get the chance. (Let's face it. I am a full-time employee, part-time student, mother, and wife. It takes me a while to read books sometimes.) I love this book. It has given me a clearer direction on how to create habits that will help me become the person I want to be. I will definitely be refining my process as I try to improve myself day by day. 

At the beginning of the book, it talks about the importance of improving one percent at a time rather than going from 0 to 100 all at once. By improving one percent at a time, we are breaking everything down into manageable bites. If the habits are too hard, we are more likely to give up. Also, making too many changes at once is less effective than making small, intentional changes little by little.

This book breaks down how to create new habits by using stories to show the importance of four different steps to creating lifelong habits as it emphasizes the importance of making small steps. First, make it obvious. Then, make it attractive. Next, make it easy. Finally, make it satisfying. 

There are so many great quotes from this book! I wouldn't even know where to start. I highly recommend anyone who wants to make improvements in any area of their life. It is an amazing book!

Day 25 (Christmas Day)

 

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11

Day 24

 

“ Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,

Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.” Matthew 1: 22-23

I am thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He gave to ultimate sacrifice so give us the opportunity to live with Him and our Heavenly Father again. 

Day 23

“During the holiday season, we celebrate the light and truth Jesus Christ brought into this world. 

Our quest in life is to seek for light and truth and receive the magnificent blessing of having Him walk with us, despite the darkness that exists in the world today. Throughout this wonderful time and the rest of the year as well, we should consider how light and truth help us walk with the Savior. Walking with Him is always the road best traveled.” Ulisses Soares

Day 22

 

“ Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the ​​​light​ of the world: he that followeth me shall not ​​​walk​ in ​​​darkness​, but shall have the light of life.” John 8:12

I am thankful for my sister. We may drive each other crazy at times, but we have a bond that is very special. No one knows me like she does. 

Day 21

 

“And they began to know that the Son of God must shortly appear; yea, in fine, all the people upon the face of the whole earth from the west to the east, both in the land north and in the land south, were so exceedingly astonished that they fell to the earth.

For they knew that the prophets had testified of these things for many years, and that the sign which had been given was already at hand; and they began to fear because of their iniquity and their unbelief.” 3 Nephi 1:17 & 18

I am thankful for doctors that listen. I have dealt with bad doctors for myself and my daughter. Last year, it took three visits over several months to be finally told my daughter had strep. The office we go to now diagnosed her right away last month. I dealt with similar issues for my own health issues. We both go to the same office now where they listen and send us (mostly her) to specialists when needed. We may need to go to more visits as we rule out a few things, but we are not being treated like our concerns are invalid. 

Day 20

 

“Christmas means giving. The Father gave his Son, and the Son gave his life. Without giving there is no true Christmas, and without sacrifice there is no true worship.” Gordon B. Hinckley 

I am thankful for modern technology. With it I can talk to my family, attend school online, and work from home. I can still be the mom my kids need while continuing to improve myself and contributing to the household income. Is it hard to be home so much? Yes, but I know that is what is needed right now, and I am glad the technology exists for me to do so. 

Day 19

 “How will we worship him this season? Endlessly shopping? Hustling about and adorning our homes? Will that be our tribute to our Savior? Or will we bring peace to troubled hearts, goodwill to those in need of higher purpose, glory to God in our willingness to do his bidding?” Ronald A. Rasband

I am thankful for my heater. A few years ago, our heater went out, and we had to live with space heaters for about a week while we waited for it to be replaced. It was not as warm in the house as it is when we have a working furnace. I am so glad we do not have to worry about that as we go into an extremely cold week. 

Day 18

 

“How is Christmas regarded today? The legend of Santa Claus, the Christmas tree, the decorations of tinsel and mistletoe, and the giving of gifts all express to us the spirit of the day we celebrate; but the true spirit of Christmas lies much deeper than these. It is found in the life of the Savior, in the principles He taught, in His atoning sacrifice–which become our great heritage.” Howard W. Hunter 

I am thankful for my brother. He was the best brother in the world. He was one of my best friends and my protector. Today, his birthday, I miss him more than other days. I am thankful that families are forever. 

Day 17

 

“Each of us is an innkeeper who decides if there is room for Jesus!” Neal A. Maxwell

I am thankful to live in such a beautiful state! I love that I am just an hour or two from the mountains. 

Day 16

 

“When we see shepherds, may we remember to be humble. When we see wise men, may we remember to be generous. When we see the star, may we remember the Light of Christ, which gives life and light to all things. When we see a tiny baby, may we remember to love unconditionally, with tenderness and compassion.” Bonnie L. Oscarson

I am thankful for my dogs. They are so sweet! My little Sophie is a small bundle of love. Aqua is a bundle of energy with the best doggie smile. Dexter is our protector who would do anything to make Chad happy. There are days when they drive me crazy (usually while I’m working), but the love they share makes it more than worth it. 

Day 15

 

“The birth of Christ is the central event in the history of earth — the very thing the whole story has been about.” CS Lewis

I am thankful for my stepmother. There was a time when I would never have thought I would say that, but our relationship has grown over the last 10ish years. She has let me call and cry to her without judgment. She supports me in my craziness. Most of all, she loves my children in the best way. She is an amazing woman with incredible strength. 

Day14

 

“ And when we find Him, will we be prepared as were the wise men of old to provide gifts from our many treasures? They presented gold, frankincense and myrrh. These are not the gifts Jesus asks of us. From the treasure of our hearts Jesus asks that we give of ourselves.” Thomas S. Monson

I am thankful for my car. It has its quirks, but it has been getting us all over for almost seven years. Chad and I have had a lot of bad luck with cars, but so far, this little Kia has kept us going. 

Day 13

 

“ It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” Dr. Seuss 

I am thankful for my dad. I have looked up to him most of my life. He is a spiritual giant. I love hearing the story of how he joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He continues to work hard to make sure his wife has everything she needs. He may not express it as freely as I would like, but I know he loves us and is excited when we visit. I love my daddy and feel blessed to still have him in my life. 

Day 12

 

“When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation, which President Thomas S. Monson just taught us, and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives. Joy comes from and because of Him. He is the source of all joy. We feel it at Christmastime when we sing, “Joy to the world, the Lord is come.” And we can feel it all year round.” Russell M. Nelson

I am thankful to be given the opportunity to continue my education. I love learning! I am so lucky to have a husband who encourages me in my pursuit to better myself. 

Day 11

 

“And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the ​​​testimony​, last of all, which we give of him: That he ​​​lives​!” Doctrine and Covenants 76:22

I am thankful for my talents. When I was younger, I was a bit embarrassed to know how to knit and didn’t work on further development. As I became an adult and had children I started knitting more. Over the past ten years, I have grown exponentially in this area. I love sitting and knitting. I love the peace and calm it gives me. I love seeing the progress as I go. I just love knitting!