This morning, I read Mormon 6. In this chapter Mormon sent an epistle to the Lamanites requesting they all gather at Cumorah thinking this would give them an advantage in battle. Instead, all but 24 Nephites (including Mormon and his son, Moroni) were killed. Mormon was left crying over the destruction of his people.
I have never been really into the battles in the Book of Mormon, but this one hit me a bit different. First of all, verse 7 says, "And it came to pass that my people, with their wives and children, did behold the armies of the Lamanites marching towards them; and with that awful fear of death...did they wait to receive them." As I read this I could feel their fear. My heart ached for those mothers watching as this large army came to destroy them. Then, when most of the people had been killed, Mormon did just say they were all gone but him and 24 others, he started in verse 11 saying. "And when they had gone through and hewn down all of my people save it were twenty and four of us..." followed by 4 verses describing the vast number of people killed. Then, verse 16 says, "And my soul was rent with anguish because of my slain people..." How could I not read this and feel deeply for what he witnessed? He did just lose one or two people in battle. (I know the pain of losing two loved ones at the same time.) He lost almost everyone. I could not even imagine what that kind of pain would feel like.
We often talk about how he was left after the destruction of his people and the loneliness he must of felt. However, I'm not sure we take the time to think about the anguish he felt at this particular time. We gloss over it. Today, it hit me. Mormon lost so much all at once. He was in pain and expressed that pain as he finished off this chapter. Today, I mourn with him.
I cleaned out a jar and washed a lid. Then, I poured the cream in in the jar and shook it until it became a solid. Now, I have butter and saved money by not throwing out the unused cream.
With the naked eye, I was only able to see some pink streaks in the sky. With my camera I was able to get a clearer view. I took one picture from my front porch (neighbor's house included) and one from the back porch (fence and street lights included).
I love that I live somewhere that I can experience such amazing things!
I have vague memories of my mom canning jelly, applesauce, and apple pie filling. The main memory is the smell that filled the house. I have craved that smell for many years not knowing exactly where to find it. Earlier this week, I remembered and made a plan to make and can applesauce this weekend. Today, the plan was executed with Chad as my helper.
We started with pealing, quartering, and coring nine pounds of apples. Then, we cooked them in a large pot until they were soft.
Next, Chad puréed them in the food processor and heated the purée to boiling while I washed some of jars. Then, we filled the jars to 1/2 inch below the top of the jars, smoothed out the air bubbles, wiped the tops, and put lids on the jars to prepare them for the water bath.
At this point, we filled the pot higher than the tops of the jars and boiled them for 20 minutes. The jars are now on a towel on the counter cooling.
My finished curtain was finally hung! It needs to be ironed, but other than that, it is exactly what I imagined.
I have been needing a covering for this window for many years. When I first moved in, there were only blinds that were partially broken. Those were thrown away a long time ago because Chad and I were worried about the kids' safety. I knew a lot of heat came through this big window in the summer and cold in the winter. I also hated that anyone could look right into my dining room.
I got more serious about trying to find a solution for this large window earlier this year and decided I wanted to make something. After learning that linens were the number one thing thrown away at thrift stores, I decided I wanted to make something using thrift store items. I took Noel with me to help with my vision. We found two curtains that could be shortened and sewn together and a tablecloth that I loved as an overlay. The result is something that I love. I can't wait to make creations like this for more rooms!
When reading The End of Mental Illness, I decided I needed to start a regular vitamin regimen. Each time I read about a symptom that seemed like something I could be dealing with, I added another supplement. I am now taking a multivitamin, magnesium, ginkgo biloba, fish oil, and iron. For the most part, I have taken these supplements for four or five months.
I don't know if it is making a difference because this book was the start of my self-help journey. The thing is that I don't really care if it is the changes I'm making with each book, the supplements, my greater concentration on spiritual matters, or everything combined. I have been feeling better, and I can't afford to send myself and my child to therapy. I am going to keep doing what I've been doing as long as I continue healing and progressing mentally and spiritually.
I have been studying in my scriptures a lot lately. I read in the morning as part of my Miracle Morning, and I listen/watch a scripture study podcast on YouTube called Don't Miss This later in the day. As I have dove deeper into them, I have accumulated some colored pencils and a pen to mark important passages and note insights as I go. The problem was that they kept falling out the flap that snaps down, and I didn't have another way to keep them with the scriptures.
One day I came up with a solution; I would put everything in a scripture bag. I looked online several places for the perfect bag. I found several that would work but none that I loved or could see myself carrying around. (I am one of those weirdos that likes to bring and use paper scriptures instead of using the app on my phone.) After looking for a few days, I decided I would make one.
The idea I came up with was to use the left-over yarn from a sweater I made earlier this year to make a modified version of a bag form the same pattern book. The original pattern was a bag that lied flat, but I wanted it to fit around the book, so I made sides for it. Also, the original pattern was twice as tall as I needed it, so I just made it shorter. Finally, I wanted the handles to be shorter because I wasn't looking to have one that went over my shoulder, so I made them shorter. Other than that, I basically used the pattern as written.
Within two weeks of starting it, I had a bag for my scriptures that I love. It is big enough for the book, gum, and my colored pencils and pen. It was harder than I thought it would be, but it was totally worth it!
I have been doing the Miracle Morning for about 3 months now, and I can feel the difference in my day-to-day life. I have become more active, calm, and organized. I feel like since I am accomplishing 6 goals first thing in the morning, I am motivated to do more with my day.
In my day planner (I still use an old school paper planner), I have many daily goals outside of my Miracle Morning routine. I have a cleaning goal (dishes plus one other task), an exercise goal (for now it is a walking challenge I'm doing with my sister), a goal to get rid of at least one thing, and anything else that needs to be done that day. I get the sense of accomplishment that I have been missing for about four and a half months, and I love it. I feel like nothing can stop me from becoming the person I need to become. It is amazing how small tasks can lead to bigger things.
My issues with the book started in the first section. She talks about frequency and source energy as if the reader is already familiar with these terms. I was not. I learned more about it as I read the book, but I was lost at the start. Then, she acknowledged that she had been an atheist who found God but would refer to Him in more ambiguous way throughout the book. That rubs me wrong. I understand trying to make the material universal, but this crossed a line in my opinion.
As I moved into the remaining sections of the book, it got better, and I was starting to enjoy it a bit. I even underlined parts that felt significant (I do this in a lot of books). The problem: each chapter has a list of things to do. That can be a bit overwhelming. I can't make that many changes in how I operate my day to day all at once. Also, there was little to no flow from chapter to chapter. She explained why this was so in one of the chapters saying that she sat down with note cards and wrote down chapter headings/ideas then tackled the one by one in random order. I kind of felt done with the book at that point but wanted to push through because I paid money for this book and didn't want to feel like it was a waste.
I had to stop reading it the chapter about money (the longest chapter). She give no practical advise. She basically just tells people to stop believing money is evil and they deserve to have enough to live and help others. Not bad I guess if that is your problem. It's not mine. I just need to create better habits around money. I can't go out and buy a fancy car because I believe I am worth it and hope to make enough for the payments. I also can't quit my job to chase a dream. These are totally irresponsible behaviors! Why would a self-help book recommend them?
What did I get out of the book? Believe in yourself. Take a leap of faith from time to time. Don't be afraid of everything. If I have positive energy, I am more likely to receive positive energy. The thing is, I can/have learned those lessons from multiple sources.
Overall, I did not like this book. It can be confusing and overwhelming. If you want to learn and develop yourself, you can get the little that can be learned from this book just about anywhere else.
A couple days ago, I went through my pantry and other food cabinet to purge expired food as well as organize them. It took about an hour to pull everything out as I looked for expiration dates, wipe the shelves down, and organize it all. I do this about once a year and am always excited about the results.
I have obviously stopped posting as much on this blog. It hasn't been a conscious decision for the most part. A big part of it has been because I have been journaling daily as part of my Miracle Morning. Also, I was struggling with knowing what to post and what not to post and had stepped back a bit while trying to make those decisions.
A paper journal has many advantages. I love sitting down and writing. There is just something cathartic about it that I can't fully explain. I can spill my guts out without judgement or backlash and just sit in the moment. Also, if some server crashes, the journal is still preserved. Having lost my mom at a young age, I see the value in having these records of my innermost thoughts, too. I have no idea if they will have any kind of sentimental value to anyone other than me, but they will be in existence if someone wants to learn about the real me.
A few years ago, it had become obvious that a few people I didn't really want to know certain things were reading my blog. When I vented about this, the backlash directed at one of the children was horrible. Since then, I have been trying to make sure not to post things that could have those results. It's exhausting and a reminder of the controlling crap I endured in a past relationship. A bout 4 or 5 months ago, a comment left on here made it obvious that at least one of these people are still reading what I post. (Hi!) I went into a spiral of fear and depression that I didn't know how to get out of myself. This sent me into a deeper dive of self-help books than I have ever gotten into, and it is helping. It has also lead me to journaling on paper again. I guess you can say that those who have been doing what they can to cyber stalk me have helped me find the parts of me I didn't even know were missing. Thank you, I guess.
Am I going to continue posting? Yes. I just won't be doing so on a consistent basis. I will still post about books I love, my testimony of Jesus Christ and His gospel when I feel inspired to to so, major life events, my knitting or crocheting, and any other time I feel the need to do so. I just won't be posting nearly every day like I had been for a while. My sanity is more important than the $0.03 I earn off of this per month.
