Lifestyle Change

As we have searched for a better way of life that may help us save money now and in the long run, Chad and I have decided to ease into homesteading. We have bought books, watched videos, and joined Facebook groups to learn more about the lifestyle. It has been an interesting learning experience. The more I learn, the more I want to jump into it, but I know I can’t do it all. 

We are making all of our bread right now. We rotate making the main bread for the family. I make it one week; Chad makes it the next. I have also been making English muffins and sourdough bread once a week. This is the perfect start to a more natural lifestyle for us. 

The next step we are working on is gardening. I have started my composting again and will have enough to mix in the garden beds next month. I am also planning out what I will be growing and where. My backyard is will not be ready, so I will be doing it in the front yard again. In the two beds by the driveway, I’ll have pickling cucumbers, corn, and squash. In from of my porch, I will grow green beans and let them grow up the trellis. On top of the trellis, I am hoping to make boxes to grow strawberries. Then, in the back corner of the yard, I will put a few tomato plants. Other than that, we will be replacing what is left of the grass with xeriscaping and mulch (something we have wanted to do for years). As we harvest, we will start canning. 

The next thing we will be working on is getting ready for bees. Chad has been wanting to get bees and harvest his own honey for a little over a year. He has been reading a book about it and would be ready to start next February at the optimal time in this area. Apparently, he will have to work on it for over a year before he could harvest any of it. 

From there, we will figure out what is next. There will be apple and cherry trees in our future, and I definitely want to make most of our food which will happen as we go. We need to be less dependent on grocery stores and restaurants. This will help up financially and with our health. I don’t see us ever caring for livestock )even though we could have chickens if we chose) because I don’t think I could handle meeting my food face to face. Other than that, we would have to move. 

I am nervous to make all of these changes, but I think this is right for us. We can’t keep doing the same things we have always done. A drastic change in lifestyle is probably what we need.

Probably Need Help

My mind has been doing fun things lately. I am scared of way too many things. I don’t know when or how this happened. I understand being afraid of car accidents or being worried about the death of a loved one, but I don’t understand why I am so scared of the future right now. It seems like the closer I get to graduation, the more I am shutting down. I am excited to be done with school. I’m excited for my daughter to be done with school.

 I just don’t know what the future holds for any of us right now. Could this be because I have been fighting for everything for so long that I can’t just let it go. Maybe this change to a more traditional lifestyle will be the cure for what ails me. I just hope it isn’t the cause. I’m not great with big change, and I am plunging into it head first while being forced into one of the biggest transitions of my life. 

I know I should probably get therapy, but that is not in the cards for me right now. I am already spending more on therapy and doctor bills per month for my kid than I am saving in my HSA account. I just need the world to stop turning for a little bit so I can get my bearings. 

Sourdough Bread

 

I made my first sourdough loaf this weekend after carefully working on the starter for almost two weeks. I found the recipe on TikTok, and carefully watched and rewatched it before and during the process. I was sure I was doing it wrong almost the whole time. It just didn’t look like the video until I was ready to let it ferment overnight. 

Yesterday morning, I preheated the dutch oven in my oven and baked it. When it was done, I put it on a plate on the island until I got home from church. I worried the whole time that it would be too dense. As I cut into it, I was happy to see that it was bubbly and soft. It isn’t as tangy as most sourdough bread I’ve tasted, but I’m ok with that. I’m not a huge fan of the strong tangy flavor of most sourdough. 

Homemade Breakfast

 

I have really been enjoying my breakfasts this week. They have consisted of berries and a sandwich made of homemade English muffins, butter or cream cheese, and an egg. There is just something satisfying about eating something I have worked so hard at making. It’s a lot more filling than cereal and has far less preservatives. 

This was my second batch of English muffins, and they are far from perfect. I’m learning with each batch though. I still need to turn down the fire on the burner, and I may need to let the sourdough starter ferment a bit longer. I definitely need to be a bit more patient while making them. I am determined to make this work. 

Emotional Week

I have had a difficult week. I have a bit of a health scare, and the cousin I was closest to growing up called to tell me she is having significant heart problems. Between the two issues, I have been exhausted. 

My health scare ended up to be a false alarm, but I have been worried for about 3.5 weeks. Last month, I went in for a regular mammogram, and they called be a few days later to schedule a follow up because there was an abnormality on the left side. The soonest they could get me in for more imaging including an ultrasound was 3.5 weeks out. In the meantime, I was able to look at the report and scans as my mind swirled with possibilities. As I checked in, they told me there was a possibility they would only need to do the additional mammogram images , but to plan on being there long enough for everything that was scheduled. After the mammogram images were done, I waited for the doctor to look everything over. Then, she did a handful of ultrasound images and left the room again. It was, then, determined I needed a few more images.at that point, the mysterious doctor behind the door said it looked good. The spot they were seeing was a lymph node with smooth boarders and good flow. It was such a relief! 

The night before this terrifying appointment, my cousin called in tears. Apparently, she had an allergic reaction to some shots in the fall when she renewed her foster license and ended up with double pneumonia. While she was healing from that, she had a “cardiac event” and waited until the next day to take the trip to the hospital. Since then, she has not been doing well. The problem is that they are not close to much medical care. The closest cardiologist has a 6 month waiting list. She was finally able to find on in another state that looked over her scans and discovered leaky valve. This doctor can see her sooner, but the earliest appointment available is in April. 

I am thankful that I am at least relatively healthy, but I am worried about my cousin. She has a lot of responsibilities and no energy. I wish I could take her place. She is one of the best people I know. The world is a better place with her in it. I hope she can continue to spread her light. 

Meet Freida

 

I started a sourdough starter last week on Monday. Growing her has been a learning process. In day 3, I thought things were going great. She was bubbling and seemed happy. Two days later, she went flat, but I didn’t want to give up on her. I just kept discarding and feeding as the instructions told me to, but couldn’t help thinking I was doing something wrong. In Sunday, I found a Facebook group for sourdough beginners and took a deep dive into the tips and tricks for growing the started and making the perfect bread. I followed a few of the tricks (feed with half wheat/half white flour and use filtered water), and she perked right up. In fact, when I ched on her tonight for her 12 hour feeding, she had completely filled the jar and was about to spill out. Chad happily helped take care of her as I worked on the English muffins. I am hoping she stays happy. I really want to make sourdough bread this weekend. Wish Freida and I luck!

Soap Time

I finally made soap again! It has been a few years, but I really do like this process. There is something fun and exciting about playing with oils and chemicals, and when it comes out right, it is so satisfying. 

I first made soap in 2020 when I was worried about losing my job and started an Etsy shop. After I closed down the shop, we used the soap as hand soap in the bathroom. Last time it was getting low, Chad tried his hand at making it, and it turned out lumpy and runny in places. When I went to take it out of the molds a liquid squirted out that burned my hand. That made me a bit scared to make it again. Plus, I wasn’t sure if the equipment was still good and was concerned I would have to get more. 

Well, I am in this phase right now where I want to make things for the household and see what will save us money in the long run. I don’t see myself using this in the shower, but I work from home and would welcome a different soap in the bathroom by the sink. I got paid on Thursday and needed to take Noel to Hobby Lobby for something for the dress she is making, so I grabbed some new molds while I was there. Once I was home, I inspected my equipment and ordered new gloves and more coconut oil (Chad uses it for his granola as well). It was all delivered today, so I took the chance to make soap after dinner. So far, I am pleased with the results, and I’m crossing my fingers I be even more happy when I take them out of the molds tomorrow. 

Learning to Sleep in the Dark

The TV was a way to drown out the noises when I worked the graveyard shit about 9 or 10 years ago, and it has been a great way to turn off my brain since then. This has caused many problems. First of all, I struggle to sleep when I’m not at home because there is rarely a TV in the room and the phone isn’t a great replacement or always an option. Also, Chad hates sleeping with it on because of all of the light in the room. Then, there are the times when an obnoxious show comes on and wake us both up. (I’m talking about you, SpongeBob.) I’ve known something had to change for a long time. After all, Chad deserves to sleep as much as I do. 

A few weeks ago, I started setting the sleep timer on the TV like I did when I was a kid. The first few nights were difficult. I would wake up when the TV turned off and have to figure out another way to get back to sleep. I settled on getting out my Kindle and reading. Slowly, I would wake up less often each night. I can now sleep most nights but til the dogs or my alarm wake me. I still read with my Kindle when I need, but that is usually when the dogs wake me and I go back to bed. 

I am so happy with this change. Chad seems to be happy with it, too. Maybe someday I will figure out how to fall asleep without the TV. It would make travel easier and probably make my husband happier. 

Purple Sweater Done

I finally finished my FRIENDS sweater. I love the purpleness of it. I love the yellow frame on the pockets. I love how warm it is. I will definitely be wearing this often. 

This sweater really challenged me. I have never crocheted something like this, and the only sweaters I have made were knit as one piece. Sewing it together was the most challenging part for me. I have also only knit the few sweater I have made. Learning new techniques and stitches really worked my brain. I am excited to continue to learn my crafts. There are more patterns I will make from this book. 

Bread Plan

While I was a single mom, I made all of the bread for my family. I felt it was healthier and less expensive than store bought bread. My former mother-in-law gave me some of the supplies when I told her this as I picked up the kids after work one weekend (she often watched them when I needed help). I loved eating this bread and liked that I was putting less chemicals in my kids’ body. 

Now, we are trying to find ways to save money knowing child support will be done soon and wanted to set ourselves up for the future. Making bread is one solution I settled on. The ingredients aren’t that expensive, and I want to find ways to eat less chemicals again. Thankfully, Chad is an amazing baker and will be sharing the responsibility of doing this with me. Noel was very excited about this plan because she likes this kid of bread, too. 

After buying a few more bread pans (I was down to one), I got to work. I made my trusty bread recipe I got at church; it’s the same one I use for cinnamon rolls. By the end of the night, I had three light, fluffy loaves of bread. It made for a tasty breakfast. 

Mom’s Birthday

 

My mom’s birthday is one of those days that are hard. I miss her. I wish she were here I miss her laugh and her smile. I miss her hugs the most. When she would hugged me, it was like being enveloped in love. Her arms would pull me in like I was the only person she ever wanted to hug. I’ve never been hugged by anyone else like she did. I know she is doing great things in the next life. It is selfish for me to want er here. Someday, I will leave this life and be greeted with her embrace. 

I love you, Mom. Happy birthday in heaven. 

After We Do All We Can Do

For many years, I have heard people at church say that the Lord will help us after we do all we can do. I understand that He loves effort, but I don’t think it means we can’t go to Him while we are still searching for answers. 

I know my Heavenly Father wants to help me along in this life. He wants me to reach out to Him throughout the trial. That doesn’t mean we will be given the answer to a problem right away, but it does mean He will comfort me when I need it, clear my mind when it is jumbled, give me peace in tribulations, and so much more. Prayer is one of the tools we have been given to help us through this life. Sometimes prayer is “all we can do.” I refuse to believe that a loving God doesn’t understand that. Sometimes, the mental clarity or comfort is what we need to find a solution. This is also ok. 

I think it is dangerous to tell people they have to do everything they can on their own before they ask for divine intervention. It can feel lonely, confusing, and difficult to get through the hardest parts of life without reaching out to our Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ. Nephi didn’t build a boat poorly before asking for help. He asked for help and acted upon the inspiration he received. Moses called upon the Lord for help when the people were hungry and thirsty, and he wasn’t turned away. What makes us think we are better than the prophets of the scriptures? 

I know the Lord ways to help me and is willing to guide me. I may be called to action, and I hope to be able to answer that call. However, I could be given other aides that I need at the time. 

Mammoth Tradition

 

Chad’s brother gets season tickets to the Colorado Mammoth each year for him and Chad. This has been going on longer than I have known them. One if the first things they wanted to do with the kids and me was take us to a game. Each year since, we have carefully looked at the schedule for a time we could all go once a year. Then, Jeremy, Chad’s brother, sells his tickets for the week and buys tickets for all of us. This is one tradition that everyone seems to enjoy. I’m sure it will fizzle out at some point, but for now, this is one more day we can spend together as a family. 

French Bread Making

Yesterday, I decided I wanted to make bread to go with our dinner. Since I am back down to only one bread pan, I decided to make French bread (2 loaves on a cookie sheet). It took about 3 hours from start to finish, but I loved it. I felt like I was finding a part of myself that I was missing. Maybe, I will start to like cooking and baking again. 

Noom Update

 

Over the past few months, I have been learning to create a healthier life. I still love my junk foods, but I don’t eat nearly as much as in the past. I am becoming more active. I am trying to have better sleep habits. What are the results? My clothes are fitting different, and my weight is slowly going down. 

When I put on my clothes this morning, I realized my belt is in the last notch. That means I will be taking a trip to the thrift store soon for another belt. I probably won’t buy smaller pants until my weight goes down more. Of course, I will most likely be looking for something to wear in the summer by then. 

Finding Fabric

 

Noel is making her prom dress. Yesterday, we drove out to Joann Fabric to buy everything we needed. When choosing the fabric, I had her hold up the fabric and took pictures of each (I deleted all but her top 2 choices). I love that the people in this store didn’t bat an eye at the way we do such things. When I take pictures of clothing at other store so she can make a decision, we get all kinds of weird looks. At Joann’s, they just let us do our thing. By the way, she chose the red. 

Grandparents Wedding

A few days ago, my cousin from my dad’s side posted the above picture with one simple question. “What happened August 1, 1947?” I knew right away what these two were excited about. That was the day they were married. I answered and posted the picture of their wedding invitation. 

I love look at the pictures she has developed from our grandpa’s negatives. There is so much history in them. I also love seeing my grandparents young and in love.

My Cousin’s Wife

I am not close to my mom’s side of the family, but I keep up with some of my cousins on Facebook. This last Saturday, I hopped on Facebook, and the first thing that I saw was my cousin’s wife was missing. He had made a missing poster and asked for help. She had apparently left for work that morning and had not been seen since she left work early and made some kind of purchase at a local mall. Her phone had been turned off, and they had reason to be greatly concerned when she didn’t come home that evening. Being in a different state, the best I could do to help was share his post and ask my Utah friends and family to help. 

My cousin did everything he could to find his wife. He reported her missing, kept track of the places searched, followed up on the leads he could, and more all while taking care of their daughter. To me, this is super hero status. 

Unfortunately, it turned out that his worst fears had come true. After 6 days of searching, she was found in a parking lot only half a mile from her job. She had succumbed to her demons. Now, her family has to plan her funeral. 

I would never judge her for making this decision. I can’t. I have never been in the position where I felt leaving this life was the only answer. I feel sad for her feeling this was the only option. I feel sad for my cousin having to deal with this grief. I feel sad for her kids knowing how hard it is to live without a mother. I pray my cousin can feel a sense of closure and comfort during this time of immense grief and pain. 

He has a Go Fund Me to help pay the unexpected bills. Please, help him if you can. https://gofund.me/7fbdecd6

Tuesday Movie

 It’s hard to find inexpensive dates this time of year. However, we have discovered that AMC theaters has huge discounts on tickets for Tuesday nights. We discovered this last month when we saw The Boys in the Boat. Tonight, we took advantage of it and saw One Love (a movie about Bob Marley). Considering I’m not a huge fan of these kind of movie, it is the perfect way to enjoy time spent with the hubby doing something he enjoys. 

Knitting and Crocheting Plans

I have kind of lofty knitting and crocheting goals for this year. My main goal is to knit 3 sweaters. I also have plans for 2 afghans, throw pillows for the couches, some hats, and at least one poncho other than the one I am currently making. Of course, I will finish the things that have been started and take one or two things out of “timeout.”

I have good start on the sweaters. Noel picked out her year and pattern months ago, and I have been actively working on it for about a month and a half. 

Then, I’m going to make the Poison Apple Pullover from the Knitting with Disney book. It will be a great Halloween sweater and nice enough to wear anywhere.

I will wrap up the sweaters with a Christmas sweater. (Was there any doubt that I would?) I have narrowed down three patterns. I’m thinking it will depend on when I finish the Poison Apple Pullover and if I still want to do color work. 

For my couches, I am going to make an afghan and pillows with Friends references from my Friends crochet book. I will be changing the background color to match.

I know other things will be made/completed. Of course, I’ll blog about it as I go.