The Daughter of...

I am a daughter. I will always be a daughter no matter what other roles I have in my life. I am the daughter of an accountant. That's what most people see because I work in billing. My dad is also very religious, as am I. These are the easy things to see. My dad is still alive. 

My mom influenced me as well. I don't know if I have any of her traits quite honestly. I love my mom. I miss my mom. I would love to have her back. However, i am at a point in my life when I have to acknowledge the pain. 

I am the daughter of someone who was mentally ill. She was in and out of psychiatric hospitals for a few years. The first time she went, my sister and I had to live with our aunt and uncle for a few months. I still don't fully understand why, but it was traumatizing. The other times, we stayed home and lived life as normal as possible while periodically visiting her on the weekends. Then, she left, and we didn't know where she went for a while. (I later found out she did this other times, but this time my dad didn't cover up for her.) I have memories of her outbursts, odd stories she would tell us, and her climbing into my bed crying during PTSD episodes when she lived in out basement. I was 15. 

As the daughter of a mentally ill mother, I am always looking for signs of it in me. When I get depressed, is it chronic depression or are life circumstances just hard right now? When I get angry and yell, am I mentally ill, or is this a normal reaction? When I cry uncontrollably, am I mentally ill, or is it ok to be this sad sometimes? I understand everyone has emotions. I know that just because my mom needed a lot of help to care for her brain properly, that doesn't mean I do. I also know that can accept help, and I do from time to time. However, I haven't had anyone even try to diagnose me since I was 13 because I'm scared. Most people are diagnosed with my mom's illness (which was more than just PTSD) are in their late teens to mid 20s. That doesn't mean I can't have the same of similar issues. It just means I'm less likely. 

After talking to a few people that grew up with a mentally parent that have said they have the same fear. However, I still feel alone in this fear. I think I will always be looking for signs of it in me and people around me. 

I am a daughter. I have a mom and a dad. I know the traits I have of my dad's. I don't know if I have any traits of my mom right now other than her smile. I love being like my dad in some ways. I hate that I don't know enough about my mom to know how I'm like her. All I can remember lately is the mental illness and the love she gave us when she was feeling well. 

Surrounding Myself with Spiritual Influences

As I have been working on bettering myself and my circumstances, I have been reading self-help books, working as an ordinance worker in the temple, and doing my internship through Catholic Charities so I can finish my degree. I have had a strong concentration on improvement while not losing my testimony of Jesus Christ. Each step that I am taking draws me closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ because of this concentration. 

This week, I have been doing a lot of e-learning at my internship. Most of it has concentrated on being trauma informed. One thing that I love about these trainings is that they combine mental health concepts with the teachings of Jesus Christ. 

The most recent training that I have been working on is about self care to help with vicarious trauma. One thing that struck me was the concept that to love others and God we must learn to love ourselves. It was pointed out that when asked by the Pharisees, "Master, which is the great commandment in the law?" Jesus gave an answer of love saying, "Thou shalt live the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." Then, He continued this with, "...Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (Matthew 22:36-39) The last part of these verses tell us we should love ourselves. If we don't, we can't love others the way they deserve to be loved. 

I am working with people who have been through real trauma. They have been dehumanized. They are looked down on by society in general. How can we make a change in even one person's life? I don't have all of the answers, but we need to take care of ourselves and carry on that love and care to those we can. I hope to be able to find my place in this space helping others, but I am learning that as I do what I can to find my space as a helper, I need to learn to care for myself as well. 

Mom Jewelry

There was a time I would have said I would never be ok with Mother's Day. Thankfully, I have finally started to enjoy it over the past few years. I think it took seeing it as a day to honor my contributions as a mother rather than mostly celebrating my spouse's mom because my mom isn't here to celebrate. It's not like I wanted a big thing about me, I just struggled with the reminder that I couldn't celebrate with my mom and didn't have the chance to come to terms with that. 

This year, I decided to honor the mothers that helped shape me into who I am today by wearing jewelry that was either theirs in the past or that they had given me. 

To honor my mom, I wore her CTR ring. It's tarnished from sitting in my jewelry box for many years, but that's ok. I was able to think about the woman that gave me life and taught me that it is ok to be different and expect to be loved. I wish I had embraced this lesson earlier in life. 

To honor my former mother-in-law, I wore a bracelet she gave me a long time ago. This was a reminder of her unconditional love. She took me in and loved me when I needed a mother's love and didn't have a mother on earth to do so. I will forever be grateful for the example she set for me children and me. 

For my stepmother, I wore a necklace she gave me a few years ago. We had a rocky start, but she has always loved my children with all of her heart. Now, we get along well, and I see the strength she has in her to push through the many struggles she still faces on a daily basis. 

I hope to embody the lessons these wonderful women have taught me for the rest of my life. When people say, "You must have had a great mother." I can say, "I had three."

Getting Closer

I finally started my internship this week, and I love it! I have wanted to be part of the solution for so long. With this position, I can finally do just that. 

I am working 16 hours a week with Catholic Charities helping people who need it. I have only done 2 shifts so far, but I have already learned a lot about helping those in shelters. I have mostly observed at this point, but I can't wait until I am trained enough to have a more active role. 

When I was getting divorced, it was known that my job sucked and I wanted a different one. When asked what I wanted to do, I would just say, "I want to make a REAL difference." The problem was I didn't know what I wanted to do or how to do it. All I knew was working in a call center was not going to get me there. 

About 4 years later, after earning an associates degree in business, I decided to go back to school. This time I started with the Pathways program and transitioned into online classes through BYU Idaho. This time I prayed about the program in which I would be enrolled and what career I would be working towards. I had the distinct impression that I should work an a degree in marriage and family studies with the goal of working in a shelter. I have worked hard on this goal while working a full time job in the shipping industry, raising 3 kids, working to have a healthy relationship with my husband, and growing my faith in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

This internship is the last step to achieving the goal of getting my bachelor's degree and a big step towards what will hopefully be a fulfilling career helping people who need it rather than helping line the pockets of corporate executives. Leaning what little I have at this point, makes me want to learn more and strengthens my resolve to do what I can to make this world a better place for those who need it the most. I can't wait to see what the future brings!

Planting Flowers and More

Chad took off work on Saturday to pick up an order of bees which only took about an hour, so we had most of the day together. We took advantage of that by working in the yard. Noel even joined us after she got home from work. 

Since Chad is starting his bee journey, he wanted to plant a pollinator garden. He cleared the back corner of the front yard that we tried to make a salsa garden last year and failed. It has been cleared nicely, now. He planted a few varieties of flowers, some bulbs, and some wildflower seeds. They are all known to attract bees and should help with his goal of being able to harvest honey next year. 

Noel has been wanting to make a small flower garden under her bedroom window for a while, and this was her chance to do it. She even used her own money to buy the flowers and a decorative fence. She spent quite a bit of time clearing the weeds and grass from the area she wanted to plant as well as around it to try to keep the weeds out for as long as possible. The result was so impressive that I may consider doing something similar under all of the bedroom windows in the future. Of course, we would have to look for low or partial sun flowers for the windows on the north side of the house. 

I worked on the same flower and garden beds that I have been working on for many years including the one I created last year. I cleared weeds and planted flowers and blueberries. I will plant vegetables this weekend. My plan is to use the flower bed in front of the porch as a small three sisters garden with corn, beans, and cucumbers (hoping that is close enough to squash). One of my garden beds will be another attempt at a salsa garden with tomatoes, peppers, onions, and cilantro. The other one will have Swiss chard, carrots, and one more plant that has yet to be decided. We will also be clearing room by the cherry tree for pumpkins. 

We still have a long way to go to reach my dream of a drought resistant yard without grass. My grass is all dead, and we are trying to mitigate the weeds as best we can until we can fill the front yard in with plants and steppingstones. In the meantime, we will be cleaning up the backyard that has yet to be worked on and decide on an agreed vision for that. I am hoping to have a yard that is sustainable and enjoyable for everyone. 

Axe Throwing

Tonight, Chad and I went axe throwing after working out at the gym. There is a great axe throwing place near the movie theater in town that other people have been going to and we have talked about trying for a few years. Mondays are discounted, so of course, that's the day we chose to go. I was a bit hesitant and ended up loving it.  Had was excited and was not disappointed. I would highly recommend doing this as a date night to anyone thinking about it! 

Easter 2025

This morning, I woke up with this hymn on my mind. This is the hymn that my dear friend sang with me at my mom's and brother's funeral. That sweet friend had never heard it before but willingly learned it for me (a service I could never repay). I told my husband that I was sad we so rarely sang it in church anymore. Then, one of the speakers incorporated into her talk. After that, as if he knew how badly I needed it, the bishop made an impromptu change in the program and had the congregation stand and sing this very special hymn. I stood listening to everyone sing as I cried in Chad's arms. I am so thankful to know that because of Christ, I will be with my family again. He lives! He made the ultimate sacrifice for us! He comforts me when I need Him the most! 

My Easter celebration was more difficult this year than I expected. I think my cousin's death has hit me harder than I thought it would and continually throws me in the a spiral of grief over my mom and brother. Somehow, today I felt it so strong. The only thing that pulled me out of it was celebrating Easter with my kids. I love my kids, and I am so grateful that they still let me spoil them in this way. 

Letting Fear Win

I have been letting fear win way too much lately. I have two big tasks that need to be done as soon as possible, but I keep putting them off because I am scared of the outcome. The problem is that I am causing more problems by doing this. 

One big thing that I have procrastinated on is my internship approvals. I waited for an email telling me if everything was approved, but I wasn't getting it. Something told me I should check my school email (I can't remember when the last time I did that). I finally checked my school email, and my request was declined because it wasn't detailed enough 6 days ago. If I had stopped worrying about it and just checked the correct email address, I could have started my internship by now. 

The other thing that I need to do is get my passport. I don't know why am scared to do this. I need it for the trip I have planned with my friend this summer. I can still go, but I can't get off the boat if I don't have the passport. My first step is to make sure I have by birth certificate and make an appointment at the post office. Hopefully, I can get it done quickly because the cruise is in a little over 2 months. I will be doing these things by the end of the week. I can't believe I have waited this long to do this.

Of course, there are other things that I need to do that I keep putting off. I didn't used to be this bad at finishing things. I wish I could get to the root cause of it and fix myself.

After Day 2

Day 2 of General Conference was a bit harder to get through. This is only because I was tired and the second session of the day was during my usual Sunday nap. I made it through the morning session with no problem, but I slept through the first hour in the afternoon. Thankfully, I have it recorded and it is available on the church's website, and I can rewatch it anytime. 

My takeaway so far is that it is ok to not be perfect. This life is about progress. The Lord loves our efforts to keep our covenants. I have heard these things before, but it hit a bit different this time. 

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love that it is not a gospel of protection. It is a gospel of love and compassion, learning and growth, passion, and following the most powerful man to ever live on this earth. I am thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus of Latter-Day Saints. I know my efforts to love and live this gospel will help me progress throughout eternity and lead me back to my mom and brother after this life. 

After Day 1

Yesterday was the first day of the April session of General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Chad and I watched the first 2 sessions of the day together, then he went to a Mammoth game with his brother while I watched the last session on my own. I really enjoyed listening to the talks and music. They filled my home with the Lord's spirit. 

I went into the day with one question. "What can I do to progress in life?" I have been working on getting an internship but feel like I have been stagnant or slipping backwards in so many other areas lately. I want to progress spiritually, financially, in my relationship with Chad, and in so many other areas of my life. Before conference started, I prayed for an answer to this question going that, like others have said they have done, I would receive an answer. I got my wish. 

As I listened to the talks, I got an overwhelming feeling that I need to grow my relationship with the Savior. I thought about this impression as the talks continued and during downtime. I'm pray daily, read my scriptures most days, go to the temple on a regular basis, and attend church and partake of the sacrament each week. What am I missing? 

I need to get past the checklists and follow the spirit to guide me towards a better relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am going to read Jesus the Christ. At first, I thought I would have to borrow the book from someone since I am not buying new books this year. I was a bit worried about doing this because I am a slow reader, and it would probably take a few months for me to finish it and return it. Thankfully, I don't have to do this. The entire book is available on the Church's website. I can read it directly on the website or app, listen to it, or print it one chapter at a time. I have decided to print it piece by piece and put it in a binder as I go. It may take me a while to finish this book, but I feel strongly that it is my next step to grow my testimony and relationship with my Savoir. 

Internship Coming Together

 I have been working hard at finding an internship so I can graduate in July. I believe I have found one that will be a perfect fit for me. As long as everything continues to go smoothly, I will be doing my internship at Catholic Charities helping people with navigating employment options. I am so excited! 

When I interviewed for this position last week and learned more about the organization, I knew that I wanted to be involved in any way that I can. The supervisor I spoke to is exactly the kind of person I could see looking up to as a mentor. Everything about being there with her felt right. 

The only obstacle I have left is for my application with the school to be approved. I am little worried about that part because I am not sure it is related enough to Marriage and Family Studies. Honestly, if it isn't I would be devastated because I don't have a backup plan, and I really want to do this. 

When the internship is done, I hope I will be able to work for an organization like Catholic Charities. I want to be the kind of person that makes a difference in other people's lives. It has always been my wish and is even more so now that I am so close to the goal of graduation. 

Don't Say That

My cousin died last week about a year after his wife died in the same manner. He had been struggling with her loss, but on the surface seemed to be doing better and was even engaged. I don't really know this cousin because I don't know my mom's side of the family very well. I only knew what was posted on Facebook. I knew of his engagement, the brain injury he suffered from a sledding accident in January, the selling of his house, and finding a new home for his dogs saying he couldn't take care of them after his accident. I didn't know about the demons he had been fighting since his wife took her own life. 

When I saw that my cousin's fiancée had posted about him, iI thought it was another one about how much she loved him and the cute things he did for her. It wasn't. He died the same way as his wife. She is devastated. I feel so bad for her. She has posted about her feeling several times as a way of coping. 

Yesterday, she posted first thing in the morning saying how much she missed him. Not knowing how to support someone I don't know who lives in another state, I read through the comments to see what my sister or other cousins might have said. A comment made his late wife's sister telling this poor woman that she needed to think about the daughter that lost both of her parents the same way in 13 months. That's a bit heartless. There are many people suffering because of this loss. They need to be able to do so.

I remember being told I needed to think of the other people that had lost my mom and brother when I expressed grief many times. It started a few days after their death when my aunt told my sister and I that we were selfish for only listing their relationship they had to each other on the planned grave stones. It continued when people at church would constantly remind us that our sister was grieving when we were asked why we were less social than we had been before the accident. Then, it continued after my dad remarried as it was used against me when I was not handling being used as a scapegoat while still trying to figure out how to live without my mom and brother. It still happens every once in a while when I post about them on Facebook from my mom's family.

Those of us who have lost someone special know we are not the only ones who lost them. It doesn't need to be pointed out. When someone dies, the people left behind need compassion. Each person is hurting. Yes, it is tragic that my cousin's kids lost two parents to suicide in just over a year. That has got to be devastating for them! It is also tragic that a lady who was planning a wedding in just over a month lost the man she loves and planned to spend eternity with. If we want to look at all of the people suffering right now, we can include my aunt and uncle who now have to bury another son and my cousins who have lost another sibling. There are undoubtedly many more people that he touched that are sad right now. Don't tell one person who has every right to be devastated by this loss that she needs to think of other people. She knows about them. It doesn't change how she is feeling. 

Standing for Something - Book Review

 Many years ago, I either bought this book or was given it. I really don't remember when or how it came into my home. However, I do know I have never really read it other than using it as a reference for talks at church. 

When searching for self-improvement materials that would support my values and goals, I remembered I had this book sitting on the shelf in my living room and added it to my bag of books to read. I am so glad that I did! 

Standing for Something was published in 2000, but it is even more applicable today. How do I assure that I am a person I can be proud of? Follow the teachings of this book. I can have integrity, continue learning, offer forgiveness and mercy, express gratitude, live a life of faith, etc. As I do so, I will be a guardian of marriage and family as I learn to be a true leader. What more could I ask of myself?

As I read this book, I had a few breakthroughs. I know that it was written by a prophet of God. It contains inspired words that not only could help those who read it in 2000, it can continue to help those who read it and follow its teachings. 

Here are a few quotes that blew my mind: 

"We live in an intriguing age, a curious age in many respects, an age in which the ability and power to communicate, and therefore to influence and persuade, reign supreme. With the proliferation of technology, and the various forms of media clamoring to take advantage of it, has come an interesting side effect...It is impossible to read the columns or listen to the commentaries without sensing that there is a terrible ailment of gloom in the land. We are constantly fed a steady and sour diet of pessimism, fault find, send-guessing, and evil speaking of one another. The pathetic fact is: Negativism sells."

"For marriage to be mutually satisfying, there must be recognition on the part of both husband and wife of the solemnity and sanctity of their union and of the God-given design behind it. Husbands and wives, look upon each other as precious companions, and live worthy of that association."

"Each of us in an individual...There must be respect for those differences...the differences may make the companionship more interesting...There must be respect for each other's interests, there must be opportunities and encouragement for the development and expression of individual talent. Any man who denies his wife the time and encouragement to develop her talents denies himself and his children a blessing that could grace their home and bless their posterity."

"Never in the history of the world has there been a more profound need for leaders of principle to step forward. Never before, at least not in our generation, have the forces of evil been so blatant, so brazen, so aggressive at they are at the present time. Things we dared not speak about in an earlier era are now constantly projected into our living rooms."

"We are involved in an intense battle. It is a battle between right and wrong, between truth and error, between the design of the Almighty on the one hand and that of Lucifer on the other. For that reason, we desperately need men and women who, in their individual spheres of influence, will stand for truth in a world of sophistry...We need moral men and women, people who stand on principle, to be involved in the political process. Otherwise, we abdicate power to those whose designs are almost entirely selfish."

 We live in a time that can be scary. People are mistreated. It is hard to discern between truth and fiction in the media (all media) at times. Spouses mistreat each other rather than build each other up. (My husband is my biggest cheerleader. Not everyone is that fortunate.) We have politicians that are more interested in things other than the good of the people. 

The world would be a better place if we could learn the simple things laid out in this book. We could all use more character growth. It could be healing for us individually and as a society. 

 

Mourning Still

A few months after my mom and brother died, my boyfriend at the time asked when I was going to get over it. I'm sure he just didn't understand, but it was harsh. We broke up a few months later. (Yep. I was a doormat for even before I met my ex husband.) I think I finally have an answer to that boy's question, though. Never. At least, not in this lifetime. 

I am sitting here 28 1/2 years after Anthony and Mom were taken suddenly crying over what we did have and wishing they were here. The last few weeks have been hard, and the last 3 days have been absolutely heartbreaking. 

I didn't get to experience an adult relationship with my mom. She died about a month after I turned 18. I was still in high school. I was at a baby shower a few weeks ago, and a question for a game was ask about what new parents ask experienced parents. The answers shocked some people, and someone made the comment that everyone just gets that kind of help or advice from their mom when the baby is born. I got help and advice from my mother-in-law at the time. I will forever be grateful that she took the time to help me with things in the beginning, but it is hard to ignore my mom wasn't able to be there. The other day a well meaning person said they understood how hard it was to lose a mother, and for them the hardest part was not being able to call her whenever they wanted. I never had that. Even after my mom moved out, we didn't have that. I was able to drive to visit her when I wanted, but I don't think it ever occurred to me to just call her. 

I'm glad most women have the kind of relationship that there are certain things they can just expect from their moms. I'm not mad about that. I hope my kids and I have that as they grow older and progress in life. However, I am also sad I never got to experience an adult relationship with my mother. I miss her terribly, and I understand that a big part of that is mourning for the things we never got to experience together because she was gone so young.

Sick All of the Time

This last few weeks, I have been sick, and it wasn't the first time over the last few months. I have been sick off and on since December which is the most I have been sick for a while. I am fairly certain that is because I have been working from home 5 years as of this week and don't get to leave the house as much as I would like. This means my immune system hasn't been building up as much as it would have if I had more contact with the public. 

I also had the joy of going to the ER in December and finding out that my asthma has gone from being exercise induced and fairly inactive to being viral induced as well and causing more problems. Now, I get to have a rescue inhaler with me and keep track of how many times per week I use it. If I use it too often, which I have been doing, I am supposed to be referred to a pulmonologist for further testing. I will probably keep going as I have until my ER bill is paid. 

I am currently still searching for an internship to finish my degree. I am hoping for an in-person position. Being around people will help me build my immune system while I network and work towards finding a job in my chosen field. Maybe, next cold and flu season will be a bit easier on me. 

Weight Loss Incentives

Earlier this week, Chad and I decided that we needed to have incentives to lose weight. Our big incentive, for when we reach our goal weights, is to have a weekend in the mountains with cross country skiing lessons (one of the ideas we had for our anniversary trip this year). The thing is, we have a long way to go (especially me). I suggested that we have incentives for smaller goals along the way. He agreed, and we sat down and discussed what would help motivate each of us. The only rule was no food rewards. 

Mine are:

• 10 pounds = Chad does dishes for a week
• 20 pounds = new nail polish
• 30 pounds = pedicure
• 40 pounds = Topgolf date
• 50 pounds = new stickers
• 60 pounds = Cross country skiing trip

Chad's are:

• 10 pounds = Rosa does grocery shopping for a month
• 25 pounds = get his bike fixed
• Goal weight = Cross country skiing trip

Chad has less incentives because he doesn't want to have more. He says he can't think of anything else that would help motivate him. I, on the other hand, need something to incentivize me throughout my journey. I don't know if this will help more than other things that I have tried including the fatty liver diagnosis, but I am willing to give it a try. I hate being this big. Thankfully, I am no longer married to someone who makes comments about my size, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to be more comfortable in my own body. 

So Close

 I am very close to getting my Bachelor of Science in Marriage and Family Studies. How close? I only have to do the internship. I have been this close for almost a year now, and I have put off the internship because I'm scared to put myself out there and don't know where to start looking for it. Ideally, I would find an internship that I can work in the evenings after I get off work and would be paid as a part time job. Realistically, I know it is unlikely that I would be paid, but I may be able to find something that I could do after work and on Saturdays. I have just let the fear take over and keep me from achieving this dream. (I do this way too much!)

Over the last few days, I have had two calls from the university. The first one was from advising reminding me that I need to do the internship by the middle of April. (I don't know if that is even possible.) She gave me a few options that could extend that deadline, but I would have to take more classes because I have been in school for so long. One of the options was to switch to a professional general degree in which I would have to take a handful of classes, but I would not have to complete an internship (very appealing). After talking over these options with Chad, I decided that changing to the professional general degree from marriage and family studies would be the best option and emailed her back telling her so. Today, the director of the department called me to let me know that if I could get going on an internship, he would do everything he could to help me complete the degree without taking any more classes. He said that this would be the best option because the internship could help me network and possibly lead to a job in a humanitarian field. This was followed up with an email that gives me the email address to reach out to the internship coordinator. 

I think I am ready to do an internship. I am worried about being gone most evenings. I don't want my kids or husband to feel neglected. However, I do like the idea of being able to switch to a career in which I can actually help people. That has been my goal for a long time.

Paige Fish Concert

 

Last night, my sweet daughter took me to a concert at a dive bar in Denver. She has played music by Paige Fish when we have been in the car together for a while. When Noel found out there was a concert that she could afford, she came to me and asked if I would go with her. I love live music and knew I already liked at least some of her songs. 

This concert was probably one of the less professional shows I have been to, but I thought it was pretty good. The bar was small, so it was packed which made it harder to see the stage and the crowd was quite young even for Noel (they sold under and over 21 tickets). The opening act impressed me, and Paige Fish sang beautifully. There is just something about a real soulful voice that I could listen to for hours. This was such a good pairing! 

I love that it is easy to find music from up and coming artists, and I love that my kids seek it out. I wouldn't be surprised if this artist is the next Sheryl Crow. 

Mom's Birthday

 

This past weekend, I went to a baby shower where we played a Family Feud style game in which one of the questions asked what a new parent might ask a seasoned parent advice about. I wrote down the basics: feeding, bathing, putting to sleep. I only got one right.  Then I heard someone make a comment about how the basics are pretty much learned when the mom comes to help her daughter care for the new baby. This was just one  more reminder of what I missed out on. I had a wonderful mother-in-law at the time that taught me the things I needed to know, but it wasn't my mom, and I had to ask. I didn't get to have my mom do these things because she died 7 1/2 years before I had my first child. I think this reminder hurt more because this shower was only 3 days before my mom's birthday. 

Now, it is my mom's birthday. I miss her terribly. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss hearing the sound of her voice. I miss her willingness to try to help me with hobbies she either doesn't really understand or doesn't like doing. I wish she were here but know my life would have been way different if she was. I will have to settle for knowing that I will be with her again, feeling her arms around me. 

Happy birthday, Mom! I love you! I can't wait for the day we will be celebrating together again. 

Breakfast with Sourdough

 

I am a bit obsessed with sourdough lately. I nave been making 2 boules a week most weeks (some unloaf, some regular), and I am the main person that eats it. Recently, I am loving breakfast sandwiches made with sourdough, a scrambled egg, and a slice of American cheese. It's kind of like an egg McMuffin leveled up. I know I will eventually eat something else for breakfast, but this is my favorite for now.