She Loves Me

 Last night, Sophie hopped on my bed while I got ready for the night. When I came out of the bathroom, this is what I found. She had rearranged my sheet and blankets to make her own cocoon. As soon as I tried to take a picture, she wiggled out a bit and posed for me. Then, I straightened my covers and climbed in bed as she made her way under the covers as well to curl up to my legs. This little dog is so wonderful! I promised myself I wouldn’t get attached after losing Jasper so abruptly. Oh well! She deserves the love!

Redoing the Seams

Apparently, I have been doing the seams on the Friends sweater wrong. I need to take them out and start over. This is so frustrating! I figured it out a few days ago and promptly put it to the side for later.

I have never make a sweater that had to be pieced together before, so this is something new for me. When you add to it that it is a crocheted sweater, it makes it even more complicated. (Knitting is more my thing.) I really want it to be done and ready to wear. Part of me wants to find out if there is someone that can do it for me. The problem with that is that I wouldn’t know how to do it next time. 

I can figure this out. I just need to sit down with it when I have a chunk of time to do so. I’ll bet I could get it done if I had a few hours to devote to it. Maybe that’s a Sunday project. 

Time Change Woes

I usually adjust to the fall time change fairly well, but I am struggling with it this time around. I naturally stay up late and watch TV while Chad goes to sleep, but I have to get up early and start work at 6am. Most days I am a bit tired as I try to keep up with this schedule and end up napping during my lunch break. Apparently, my body has gotten used to waking up at 5am. This week, I have been waking up a bit after 4 am. I hope this changes soon. I am exhausted. I need my sleep. I am already dreading the spring time change. 

A UPS Company

The company I work for has been acquired by UPS. We were told it was happening in September, and that they expected all of the regulatory stuff to go through in all of the countries involved by the end of the year. Well, it happened a bit quicker than expected. As of last Thursday, we are officially a UPS company. Today, I noticed that everything that has our logo on it on the computer has been updated to say “MNX a UPS company” rather than just MNX. 

As of right now, this means nothing for my job. I know that anything can change at any time because it is corporate America. I just hope to be able to keep this job for another year to make sure I can get though my travel plans next year with my accrued vacation time. I like my job for the most part. It give me the flexibility I need to be able to take care of my family. I will hopefully be able to find something that pays more in a different field to match my degree once I have it. 

Using Birthday Yarn

 

My sister bought me yarn for my birthday on Amazon. She chose the type of yarn and sent me a link to choose which set of colors I liked. I, of course, chose the most purple combination offered. 

I have been so involved with other projects since then that I hadn’t taken the time to look for a project that would suit this yarn. However, with the hats for my kids and my sister’s family done and my sweater at the stitching phase, I am now ready to make something with this yarn. 

Yesterday, I sat down and used the advanced search option on Ravelry, put in the attributes of the yarn, and searched for the perfect project. Unfortunately, the first 3 or 4 that caught my eye were discontinued patterns (how does this happen so much). Then, I saw a pattern for a pillow type thing. It is perfect! Would I rather be knitting? Yes! There just wasn’t a pattern with an existing pattern with the yardage requirements that fit what I have. It is a fun project, but I have made a few tweaks that work better for me. I have a feeling this will be another quick project. I wonder what I’ll do next. 

Golden Bachelor Girls Night

I want to a girls night in which we watched The Golden Bachelor. It was weird. I haven watched the Bachelor or the Bachelorette in a long time, so I knew some of what was going on, but not all. I think I was the only one there that hadn’t watched it in a while. One of the girls even has friends that had auditioned for the show. They were totally into it, but I am not really drawn to stuff like that anymore. The thing is that after 3 episodes, I feel drawn to it in a way. I want to know who he chooses. I guess that is why it has been in for so long. 

Umbrella Time

 I decided to make an umbrella from the same book as the purple sweater with some of the yarn I have lowing around. I didn’t make this for me or anyone in my family, though. I stuffed it with Hershey Minis and gave it to a friend. It was a fun, quick project that I can do for other friends as well. 

Sewing the Sweater

 I started sewing the seams on my sweater today. Fist, I laid it out on the table to make sure it was set to be seen properly. Once it was laid out, I got start. So far, I have seen the left front to the back. I’m hoping to finish the rest tomorrow. I’m so happy this is working out so well!

Sophie the Unicorn

 I forgot about Sophie’s costume until today, so we tried to put it on her for pictures after dinner. It too two of us: one to hold her still, and one to put the costume on her. She was not a fan of it. When I put her down, she just stood in one spot for a while. Then, she started walking backwards like she does when she is under blankets. Eventually, she sat down by the piano and wiggled out of it. I wish she liked it. I would put it on her as a coat in the winter if she would let me. I guess we will just stick to the sweater for now. 

Halloween Pizza

I love getting holiday shaped pizzas from Papa Murphy’s. Getting heart shaped pizzas on Valentines Day was one of the few traditions I kept after the ex left. I don’t know why, but a heart pizza for Valentines Day and Jack-o-lantern pizza for Halloween just tastes a bit better. 

Today, I ordered a Jack-o-lantern pizza online around 2:30 to pick up at 4:45 as I took Noel home from school. When I got there, the line was going out the door and a bit down the sidewalk. I called to see if the pizza was ready, and they told me it would talk another 30 to 40 minutes. I went home and sent Chad back a half hour later thinking it would be ready to pick up. It was not. 

We hen Chad got there, he was told to stand in line but not where to stand. The first line was apparently only for people who had yet to order. When he got to the front, he was sent to the other line, so he called me to tell me what was going on. After 10 or 15 minutes in that line, he called again wanting to just cancel the order. I was fine with that as long as we got out money back and he came up with a backup plan for dinner. At this point, an employee told the people in this line that they could cancel the order the next day and wait 2-3 days for the refund. I didn’t like this idea. They already charged my card because it was an online order. He agreed with me and stayed in the line. Once he got to the front of the line, they started the order. Apparently, even though I ordered 2 hours in advance and checked in when it was scheduled to be ready, it was not ready yet. In fact, they were making the pizzas that were ordered in person first. Chad was finally home an hour after he left. 

I have never had issues with this Papa Murphy’s in the past. They were definitely overextended. The point of irritation for me is that online orders are usually a high enough priority that this shouldn’t have happened. We were able to get our pizza, but it was a pain to get. I may have to make it myself in the future. 

Ready for the Lights

 

Noel finished the puzzle today. All of the missing pieces were found in shoes, on the floor, and with all of the other pieces. 

When I said I may not mount it with the lights, Noel was sad because she wants to see it with the lights now that she put so much work into it. I told her I would work on it, but I ram into a small issue; the puzzle glue that cam with the puzzle is solid. It will have to wait until I can get some glue. I guess we will just cover it up for a few more days. 

Matthew Perry Gone

Photo credit: https://www.google.com/amp/s/pagesix.com/2023/10/28/photos/matthew-perry-through-the-years-the-friends-stars-life-in-photos/amp/

I am not the kind of person who is saddened by most celebrities’ deaths, but there have been a few that have gotten to me: John Ritter, Robin Williams, Luke Perry, and now, Matthew Perry. I am not the type of person that cries over the death of people I don’t personally know, but I do feel sorrow for the loss of these talented people. 

The loss of Matthew Perry feels a bit different from the others. I watch Friends every night when I go to bed, so I see a younger version of him daily. I also read his memoir earlier this year which made me feel like I knew him better than other celebrities. I was rooting for him to continue to straighten up his life and fulfill more of his dreams. I honestly hope that he was able to continue to stay sober for the rest of his life. We may not currently know how he died, but I have a feeling it was something to do with the abuse he put his body through for so long. I will miss hearing about the good he was doing through his book as he tried to raise awareness about what addiction can do.

This week, I will be sewing together the Friends sweater that I have been working on. It kind of feels like the one thing I can do to show my support in a small way. 

Halloween Costumes

 Yesterday, Noel and I went to the Trunk or Treat at the church. She came up with cute ideas for costumes that we put together. Mine is mostly stuff I had at home other than the shirt and wand. Noel’s is mostly stuff from the thrift store. 

On Monday, Noel and I went the the only thrift store in town to get her things to put her vision together. (She has been talking about being a pirate for a while.) She settled on a dress she could modify, a corset-like belt, and a lot of jewelry. Then, we went to Walmart yesterday morning where she found tights, a bandanna, and a scarf with gold, dangling trinkets. Then, she worked on the dress by removing the collar, ripping the sleeves at the ideal length, and changing the length without changing the shape of it with the sewing machine. The result is amazing. Who knew this would come out of stuff found here and there. She is so good at making her vision come to life. 

My costume was put together in a few hours. I didn’t have a plan until Noel suggested I create a tooth fairy costume and gave me some suggestions. Yesterday morning, I bought a plain black t-shirt, white material, and sticks made for mylar balloons while we were at Walmart. I drew and cut out a tooth pattern for the wand and shirt when we got home. I sewed one on the shirt and made one to stuff to glue on the balloon stick along with some ribbon I found in my sewing kit. I already had wings and a sparkly tutu from past consumes and added matching leggings and slippers. 

Overall, I think our costumes turned out really good. She is so good at coming up with ideas like these and executing them!

Puzzle Update

 The puzzle is coming along decently. Noel has done most of the work, of course. I put in a few pieces and got yelled at for daring to want to do the mountains/plateaus before the sky was done. We’re past that past now, so I will probably work on it a bit more. I’m now sure what order she wants to do it, but technically it’s my puzzle…right?

We did hit a few small snags. First, we are most likely missing at least two pieces. We bought it at a thrift store and knew that was possible. Second, it is on our kitchen table, and eating around it can be difficult. We have covered it a few times, but we mostly just have every one get their food in the kitchen and sit down. 

With pieces missing, I’m not sure I will be able to Mount it with the lights which makes me a bit sad. Maybe, I can use the lights for something else. Christmas is coming quickly…

Foggy Memories

 

This morning, I drove Noel to school in dense fog. We get fog like this often in the spring and fall, and it brings a few memories to mind; one good and one bad. The first one happened when I was a teenager, and the second one was in 2018. 

As a teenager, I went to a class at church before school with my sister. One morning when we were driving, we had the worst fog I had ever driven in, and it was dark which complicated the situation. I was fairly inexperienced and quite scared. As we got closer the the church, I finally had something to fix my eyes on to help me get there, the taillights of one of the teachers. This was a real life lesson for me of the importance of following someone with the experience to get me through tough things. 

Then in 2018, we had a foggy morning a lot like today. As I drove to work I couldn’t help but think how dangerous it was to be out driving and said a little prayer in my head for my kids whom I had just dropped off at the bus stop. I am thankful to this day that the prayer was answered. It did not turn out that way for everyone, though. The following day I found out that a friend of mine was in an accident as she took her son to school. He died on the scene; her son died upon arrival at the hospital; one of her daughters died a few days later; and her youngest came out of it with a broken leg. Her poor husband had to say goodbye to his wife and two of his children while taking care of an 18 month old with broken bones. Had her son son not missed the bus or the road she normally would have taken not been closed or the fog not been so dense that she didn’t see that stop sign, they may still be here. Instead, we went to a funeral for a 29 year old mom and her 6 and 3 year old children. 

Fog is more powerful that we think. It can teach us life lessons and take away our friends. I will never forget the relief I felt as I followed those tail lights or the wonderful person and her children that were taken too soon.

***I was completely stopped when I took the pictures.***

Confirmation

“We have a loving Heavenly Father who will see that we receive every blessing and every advantage that our own desires and choices allow. We also know that He will force no one into a sealing relationship against his or her will. The blessings of a sealed relationship are assured for all who keep their covenants but never by forcing a sealed relationship on another person who is unworthy or unwilling.“ Dallin H. Oaks, October 2023

When I filed for divorce, I was told by someone who did not have all the information that I was breaking my covenants. I held this guilt for a while even though I knew I was doing the right thing. Years later, I came to terms with this as a learned more about the covenants I had made because I knew that I was not the one who had broken them. 

When I went through the process of having my sealing to my first husband cancelled so I could be sealed to Chad, I felt a sorrow greater than I had felt with the divorce. Not because I wanted to be connected to my ex husband. I wanted to be sealed to someone who honored and respected the relationship we had and someone who truly loved me for who I was. I’m not sure I can explain why I felt the way I did other than I was once again worried I was doing something that was wrong for many people including my children. When the process was complete, I I was able to say that Chad was mine for eternity, and all of these feelings were worth it. 

This morning, I was listening to President Oaks’ talk from this last conference, and I felt a confirmation that I had done the right thing in 2018. The ex and I have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship with each other (we have both remarried). He does not live by the teachings of the Church. I strive to keep my covenants I have made. If I had not gone through this process, we would not be forced to be with each other for eternity. That would be torture! 

I am thankful for this talk and the other teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that have confirmed to me that I have made the right choices. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy. 

Weaving the Ends

 

On the back of my office chair, I have 2 shawls, a scarf, and a lap blanket. These are all projects I have finished over the past few months. They are not there because I get cold easy. It hasn’t been cold enough for such things for the most part. They aren’t there for decoration even though the lap blanket will probably stay for that reason. They are all there because I still need to weave in the ends. 

I love knitting and crocheting. Working with yarn to make something beautiful or useful is a stress relief. The problem is that I hate weaving in ends. I do it fairly quickly when I make hats or when I am making something for someone else. However, when it is something for me that I know I won’t be able to use for a while, I’m in no hurry to complete this dreaded step. I know that I will be kicking myself when I want to wear one of these or when I decide to sit down in front of the tv to do it all. For now, I will just adjust my “decorations” when they slide down each day. 

Working on It

Someday, I will get professional help again. It’s not the budget right now, and I’m ok with that. Even though I go into a downward spiral at times, I know it can be worse. It has been worse. Last time it scared me, I got help, and I am working on the coping mechanisms I learned three years ago. It is more important for my kids to be taken care of for now. One of these days they will all be gone, and I will be able to put more into myself at that time. 

What am I doing now? I am exercising more and have started to read fiction again before I go to sleep at night. I am reading in the Book of Mormon more consistently again and listening to conference talks while I work. I switched to watching Heartland instead of intense police and medical dramas. I have cleaned my desk a bit and am looking for more things to get rid of. I have had a few conversations with my husband to tell him what I am stressing out about. 

All of these things are helping a little bit. I think that it will help more as the habits develop. I am working on having hope for the future again. 

This Feeling

 I have been walking around with the worst feeling of dread for quite sometime. I don’t sleep much, and I have a lot going on in my life right now. I stress about money, raising the two kids still at home, my job, and Angeles that may pop into my head. 

Exercise seems to help with this feeling of dread, but that wears away after an hour or two. I wish I could have that natural, post workout high more regularly. 

I have come up with a few things that should help. First, I told Chad that we need to not get Door Dash at all until at least after Christmas. The other thing is asking my husband for a blessing. He is nervous todo so, but I fully believe it will help. Once tgese two things are in place, I will look at myself again to figure out what I can change or do to better organize my life. 

Hash Brown Casserole

 

Did you know there are recipes on the back of the large bag of Kroger brand cheese. I didn’t even think about it until I noticed this one last week. It sounded good and easy to make, so I planned to have it this week. 

This hash brown casserole was our dinner last night. I was pleasantly surprised how easy it actually was to make. I needed up mixing it in a gallon size bag because I didn’t have a mixing bowl big enough. This was a perfect solution. I may do it for other recipes. 

The feedback I got from the family wasn’t too bad. Chad and Sean both said it needed more sausage, and Noel said it wasn’t too bad. I can’t expect much better from them. I thought it was good enough to have leftovers for lunch today. I think I am going to try to make this more often. 

Tommy’s Hat

 I finished Tommy’s hat today. It felt good to finish something again. This was a really fast knit! Funny thing is that I have made this pattern twice for Eric, but it has never knit this fast. I am obviously getting faster when I knit, but I also think knitting in church helped. 

Now, I need to decide which yarn to use for Chris’s hat and make another one. (I am leaning towards the leftovers from Noel’s hat.)

Back to Hats

I have finished the back, left front, right front, and 1 1/3 sleeves, and I have to stop crocheting for now. My right thumb is not appreciating all of the work I’m putting into this sweater. It doesn’t seems to care how much I want to finish and wear it. It doesn’t care that the more I finish, the more in love I am. It just wants a rest. 

Now, I am going back to my first love, knitting. I don’t need my thumb for that as much. I even have two projects that need to be finished by mid November. Today, I picked up Tommy’s hat and got a lot done in it without causing further pain. I expect it to be done by the end of the week. Then, I will start a hat for my brother-in-law. I am fairly confident that I will be able to finish it in a week or two. Hopefully, my thumb will be better by then. I am considering making one for my dad, too. I need stuff to knit in church, and hats are perfect for that. I just need to find enough people who will wear them. 

New Hook

 

For my Friends sweater, I need two hook sizes. For the most part, I use the larger hook (the one I already broke and had to find a replacement for). However, I needed to use the smaller one for the cuff of the sleeve a few days ago. I was excited to go back to a pretty, sparkly hook, but I quickly realized it was flimsy and worried about breaking it without a backup. I didn’t want to have to go to a boring one. Thankfully, I don’t have to. Through the magic of Amazon, I was able to find a pretty hook with a rubber grip. For only $5 I was able to order it and have it delivered today. I am excited to use it for the next cuff and both frames! 

Puzzle Time

 For date night, I thought it would be fun to get a puzzle from the thrift store to put together. I was a bit shocked at the selection. There weren’t so many that it was hard to make a decision, but there were enough that there was a decision to be made. We ended up buying two: one that lights up and one with a pretty winter scene. 

When we got home, we decided to started with the light up puzzle which has to be put together before mounting it with lights. We spent about two hours trying to do the edges, but didn’t get too far. Then, Noel took over after we went to bed and almost finished the edges. I have a feeling she will be the one to do the majority of it, but we will all work on it until it’s done. 

Entertainment? No!

I have been watching Grey’s Anatomy for a while, and I was enjoying it until recently. It got too political. I don’t mind things here and there like it was for the first 10 or so seasons, but it got a bit out of hand by season 17. 

Season 17 aired during the pandemic and highlighted the worst parts of it. This was a bit to be expected since it takes place in a hospital, but not to this degree. This was not a fun time to live through, but we did so because there was no option. I turned to movies and shows as an escape and still do. This show has brought up memories and feelings that I would rather not deal with right now. I feel like it is re-traumatizing me during a time that I struggle to watch the news because of the horrible things that are going on now. 

Maybe some people can watch stuff like this and be ok with it or even appreciate that they addressed the many things that were going on at the time. I am not one of them. I need my entertainment to be an escape. This is not. I need to not be reminded of the awful way people can be towards each other. I live in a bit of a bubble because I work and go to school from home, but I do watch the news and know what is going on around me for the most part. 

I will not be watching this show anymore. I can’t handle it right now. I hate that I won’t be finishing what is left of it on Netflix, but I have to draw a line somewhere. I can’t have the show I’m watching affect me in this way. Fiction needs to be entertaining. 

Being Watched

Dexter likes to sleep against the wall just outside my bedroom. This morning he was doing this as I started the laundry during one of my breaks. Sometimes, he jumps up and moves out of the way as I walk through the door. Not this time, though. This time he just watch me as I walked around. The way he turned his head and body looked totally uncomfortable, but he had no problem doing it. 

Feeling Accomplished

 

I’ve been trying to concentrate on my small victories lately because I was feeling like a failure for various reasons. Today, I had more than one victory. 

First of all, I finished the left front side of my Friends sweater. It only took about a week to do compared to the week and a half for the right front side. I am so extra have started the first sleeve. 

Then, I got the kitchen more under control. It’s Chad’s week to do dishes which means the rest of the kitchen has been a disaster. I did some dishes and cleaned counters while I cooked. 

Lastly, the washing machine cleaner was delivered while I was out. When I got home I started the cleaning cycle before sitting down to finally relax. 

I feel so alive and so accomplished. I want to feel this good more often. 

Chicken Socks

Last summer, Noel and I bought matching chicken socks before heading out to Utah because we thought it would be funny to walk into my dad’s house wearing them. Then, we forgot to wear them until we were getting ready to leave. I haven’t worn them since. 

Tonight, I looked for socks to wear for date night, but my athletic socks seems to be disappearing. The only socks I could find that matched were fuzzy socks and knee high socks. The two pair at the top of the drawer were chicken and Wonder Woman. I picked chicken this time. 

Knee highs will be great in the winter, but I really need to buy new socks. 
 

I Love Nature

 I planted Xenia seeds this summer, and they are at their peak right now. I have never planted them before, but I will definitely do it again. Today, and Sean and I were leaving the house, I saw that one of my darker flowers has one light petal. I wish I had noticed a week ago before this flower started to get brown, but it is still really cool and pretty. I hope to find more unique, pretty mixes next year. 

Ghosts!

A few months ago a friend asked if I could make these ghosts for her. Then, she went out of the country for a few weeks, and I forgot about them. As people put up Halloween decorations this week, I suddenly remembered and sought out the pattern. They were very simple to make. I had fun with the sparkly yarn and colored eyes. I would make them again for anyone who asked. 

Meow Wolf Denver with Sean

I have a tradition with my kids for their birthdays in which they get a day with me to do something of their choosing. (Eric decided he grew out of this when he was 18.) I won't get into all of the reasons it started because they don't matter now. What does matter is that this one day they get to have my attention and have fun doing something they want to do without anyone else's opinion on what that is. The only time this didn't work so well was in 2020 when we had to find an alternative for Boondocks. 

I know it is almost two weeks since Sean's birthday, but today was my day with Sean. He has finally decided that he has outgrown Boondocks, so he chose to go to Meow Wolf. He already went with he grandma and wanted to show me around. There were a lot of things to see and a storyline with the Q card. After about an hour, he was overwhelmed with all of the people and mentioned several times how there weren't as many people last time (in the middle of a weekday). I was overwhelmed with all of the sounds, and I assured him that I would not be upset if he wanted to leave. We made a quick stop at the gift shop before heading to Cold Stone and going home. 

Overall, it was a good day. I'm so glad that I have this tradition with my kids. I am sure they will all eventually grow out of it, but I will enjoy it while it lasts. 

Should I Drop It?

I am in week 4 of 14 for this semester. I have two classes that are very hard (Social Psychology and Teaching Family Life Ed) and one easy 1 credit elective. I have an A in the easy class, a C in the psychology class, and an F in the other one. I can redeem the psychology grade. I missed one assignment a few weeks ago, and I know that the grade will go up the as I turn in more work. I don’t know if I can redeem the other class, though. I need to make a decision if I should drop it and take it next semester which would push back my graduation until July. Honestly, this is what I’m learning towards. There are only two things keeping me from doing it: I can’t drop under 6 credits without having to pay student loans from my first degree, and I don’t want to ouch back my graduation again. I just don’t know if it is worth trying to figure out. 

Struggling is Okay

When I was growing up, I was lead to believe that I would have very little struggles if I were to be faithful. I understand where this advice was coming from, but it is dangerous advice and not true. There were time in my life when I felt on top of the world spiritually, doing my very best to do what was right, but my world came crashing down on me anyway. 

Life is not easy no matter who you are and what path you choose to follow. There was a talk during this last conference that addressed this very issue. (I don’t remember who was speaking or if it was from the Sunday morning or afternoon session.) When we struggle, we are not alone. Jesus Christ suffered all, and we can draw on His strength when we need it the most. He is there to comfort us when times are hard. 

Does this mean everything will get better just by praying, reading scriptures, and going to church? No. We have been given access to get help when it is needed. There is no reason to be ashamed of reaching out to a professional or taking medication for these struggles. My mom did it, and I’m glad she did. I’ve done it from time to time and should probably do it more often. When we use these tools in combination with being faithful to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we can be made whole. 

“…peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.”

Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-9

Marleah’s Hat

 

I finished Marleah’s hat yesterday while watching conference. This hat was so much fun to knit! I’m a bit sad I’m done and have to go back to knitting a biting one for my nephew. I may do this one again for myself even though I try not to knit the same thing more than once unless it is socks. Of course, I broke this rule when I made the beanies for the kids this summer. We’ll see if I still feel this way when I finish the other projects I have planned. 

Conference Rolls

A while back, a lady at church talked about her tradition of making cinnamon rolls for her family for General Conference weekend. I knew people had this tradition but wasn’t too concerned with doing it myself. However, Chad had not heard of this and got very excited. I couldn’t tell him know when he was that excited about a new tradition, so I started making cinnamon rolls for conference a few weeks later. Most of the time, I make them from scratch. When I have a stressful semester, it’s Pilsbury to the rescue. This time it is a Pilsbury conference. My husband and kids are happy, and I can keep my sanity. 

Volunteering at the Race

I finally had my opportunity to volunteer at a race. I have never done this before, but I was glad I did it. There were many events going on, and I got to congratulate everyone as they came across the finish line. It was a blast, and I would recommend anyone do this that has any interest in the behind the scenes of these events.

The event we attended was the Last Call Triathlon.  There was a traditional sprint triathlon, a super sprint triathlon, one in which people were on paddle boards rather than swimming, aqua bike, and duathlon (I may be forgetting something). Chad participated in the duathlon and did great (in my opinion). I was first stationed with the duathlon participants to make sure they were had the proper markings on their arms and left leg. Then, I was near the transition area to try to keep the spectators off of the course and cheer on the people coming in from the beach to the bikes and direct the runners out of the bikes to the running course. Finally, I was sent to the finish line to collect the timing chips that were on the participants' ankles. It was gross because they were sweating but rewarding because I got to congratulate everyone as they stopped for me to get the bracelets. It was fast moving and made the time go by faster than I believe it would have if I had worked the aid station as I was originally assigned. It was fun to see all of the events as they took place. It was eye opening to see this small part of the innerworkings these events. I would totally recommend anyone interested in racing to do this when they can!

The Purpleness

I may have a bit of an obsession with purple. It snuck up on me. I didn’t used to like purple so much, but I am drawn to it now. It doesn’t even seem to matter what shade it is. 

When I was a kid, purple was the color I was given, and I hated it. My sister would get things in pink, and I was stuck with purple. I remember hating that my mom bought me a purple scripture case because I was stuck with it for the foreseeable future. I still have that scripture case with the stuff in it from my adolescence. It is a reminder of so many things including my mom. 

As I grew up, I tried to avoid the color for many years. I honestly don’t remember when I gave into accepting it. I remember that my favorite shirt my freshman year of high school was a royal purple, but I swore I didn’t like that color at the same time. I remember having a shirt I really liked when I was in my early 20s that was lavender, and there were a few here and there for a while. At that point, I knew it was one of my favorites. It was one of my wedding colors for my first wedding, after all. However, it wasn’t an obsession as far as I remember. 

By the time I married Chad, I knew I loved purple more than any other color even though it was not one of my wedding colors for the most important wedding of my life. Chad had always known of my affinity towards purple and even encouraged it. 

Now, I am sitting at my desk wearing a purple shirt and purple nail polish with a purple stone in my engagement/wedding ring while knitting a purple sweater as I live my purple life. 

So Tired

I have been so tired lately, and I don’t know why. I have been getting to sleep a bit earlier than usual the last few nights, and I still get my 20 minute nap during my lunch break. My schedule hasn’t changed that much other than adding school into the mix, but I do that all of the time without feeling like this. I should go to the doctor to see if my thyroid meds are off, but I hate bloodwork being done. Also, if the prescription is too low, I would have to start taking two pills a day and go back every 60 days until it is figured out. I know these aren’t great reason to not take care of myself. I really should get this figured out so I can feel normal again. 

Volunteer Experience Soon

A few months ago, I signed up to volunteer at a race Chad is doing. Today, I got the email with my assignment because the race is this Saturday. I will be manning the aid station for the run from 8:30 to 10:45. I’m getting so nervous. I know I can’t really mess it up, but I will be with people I don’t know, and I don’t do great in social situations. I’m getting a bit better, but it is still scary. I’m happy that I will be doing something that give me the chance to see him though even if it will be just for a little bit. Also, I should be done in time to cheer him on at the finish line. Hopefully, it will be a good experience. 

Sean is 20

 

Twenty years ago, my Sean was born. The was magic from day one. After a year and a half of getting up every two hours with Eric, I was granted a full night’s sleep the first night with Sean as we spent a night in the hospital alone together. He was my little snuggle boy until he was too big. Now, he is the one that comforts me when I’m sad, hugs me when he feels like it, laughs at my bits of dark humor, and helps fill my life with joy. I love this sweet boy! I couldn’t imagine ifs without him. 

My Sunflowers

 The first year in this house, I planted sunflowers in front of the bay window not knowing how big they would be because I had never done this. They were huge and took over that flower bed as they grew taller than the windows.  I loved them and hoped to be able to grow them again in the future. 

I have tried several times since to grow a beautiful sunflower garden, but I have failed over and over. There were times that they didn’t get enough water, and there were times the bunnies ate them before they could grow. It has been frustrating, but I longed for those beautiful flowers again. 

I tried again this year after getting some advice from a friend about other flowers. I figured I would alter that advice for these flowers, and I threw out everything I had tried in the past. My flower bed that had previously had a few shrubs that had since died was looking sad, so I decided this was the perfect place. I took my envelope of seeds and randomly spread them around. Then, I put a layer of top soil over them and watered them like crazy. (The fact that we had a wet summer for a while helped.) This last week I finally got to start enjoying the fruits of my labor as they started to bloom. (I had a bit of a late start, so I got a late result.) I have loved walking out my front door to more flowers blooming every day! 

Saturday, someone vandalized my flowers. I don’t know who or why. All I know is that the Ring shows my biggest, most beautiful sunflowers swaying in the breeze when Eric picked up Sean to go to a wedding, and they were cut down but the time I left to pick up dinner about 45 minutes later. I honestly would have thought it was the bunnies if one of them had not been cut off at the head and thrown in the middle of the front yard. 

After I got home, I decided to make the best of the situation. I went out and got the flowers to bring in, got out a vase, and cut the stems down to a size that would fit in the vase. Now, I get to enjoy them each time I walk into the dining room which is quite often since it is in the front of the house 

I don’t know why someone chose to hurt my flowers, but I choose to continue to enjoy them. 

The Week

This past week has been a bit hectic. I’m not sure I can pin down all of the reasons but I know some of it has been school related. I have three classes this semester. Two are intense. The other is a class I can din in one or two hours. Noel’s school stuff feels intense, too. Taking her to and from school takes a lot out of me. I need to get her and Sean another appointment for their driving tests. I really need them to be able to drive so I can stop being a taxi. I know that things will be difficult for the rest of the school year as she gets closer to completing high school and I get close to finishing my degree. I am starting to see a glimpse of the bigger picture. I am sure this will all be worth the struggles. 

The Call I Needed

Yesterday, I got to see my Eric. His phone had broken, and we needed to get him a new one. We ended up getting him one of the cheapest phones at the TMobile store because I still have 4 payments left on the one he had, and I still need to buy birthday presents for Sean. He was ok with it and fully understood the reasons. I love when he calls me or wants to see me. I don’t care what the reason is for this to happen. I also like knowing that he still needs me in some little way. (I know he is an adult, but I will always be his mom.) When we were done, I didn’t want to let him go. I knew I would miss him even though I will see him again on Monday. 

This morning I was missing everyone it seemed as I sat at home working with Chad at work at Noel at school. I miss Eric, my dad, my stepmom, and my sister (mostly my sister). Then, I remembered Marleah doesn’t leave for work until about 10am, so I called her. We talked for a little while, and it was wonderful! I needed to just sit and listen to her tell me about my niece and nephew for a while. I needed her to tell me how life in another state was going. I just needed to feel that connection with my sister. It’s hard for her to be so far away as our children are growing up. I never imagined her being gone so long. 

Broken Hook

 My crochet hook broke yesterday. The one I bought at Walmart when I bought the yarn and hooks for my sweater: the sweater I am excited about. I took this hook camping last week. I freaked out when I lost it more than one. Honestly, I love this sparkly, yellow hook. 

I was a bit sad when it broke, but I thought I could fix it somehow. I searched the house for tape, but it has all disappeared. I searched for a hook that I remembered having even though I don’t like it much, but it has disappeared, too. Then, I remembered I have bullet journal supplies. I taped it with washi tape. It wasn’t strong enough to keep using. Then, I remembered I had a hook the same size with the stuff I used to make animals (my “coworkers”) during the pandemic. Thankfully, it works wonderfully and my gauge hasn’t changed, and I can keep working on the (hopefully) perfect, purple sweater. 

The back should be done today, and I will be able to start one side of the front before I pick up Noel from school. 

Small Miracle

Sunday, I accidentally locked my keys in my car. I had them in my crochet bag (I knit or crochet to help me concentrate at church), but stuff fell out when I went back to the car for gum. Some how I missed them when I put stuff back in before I locked the door. 

We have roadside assistance with our insurance which has come in handy in the past, but I wanted to do my best to keep the Sabbath holy, so I asked someone at church that is known for being resourceful if they knew how to break into my car. It is a Kia. I figured it would be easy. Unfortunately, they were not able to despite their best efforts. Reluctantly, I used ordered a locksmith. That was when a small miracle happened. 

I told this man who was trying to help me that the last locksmith the insurance sent out made me uncomfortable, and Chad was busy inside and unable to stay with me. This man with whom we have struggled to get along for years, stayed with me as I waited along with his wife and sons. We talked and laughed and passed the time together. It turned out I had no reason to worry because this locksmith was not creepy and got the job done fast. I appreciated his willingness to help, though. It was the tender mercy I needed at the time. 

How Great Thou Art

The closing hymn in sacrament meeting this last Sunday was How Great Thou Art, a classic, well known Christian hymn. This brought back memories from my childhood. I remember an advertisement on TV selling Andy Griffith’s gospel album. My mom heard a clip of him singing How Great Thou Art and wanted this set of cassettes. She was struggling with the death of her own mother, and the combination of his voice and this hymn was a comfort to her. I don’t remember if she actually ordered the set, but I do remember her reaction when this commercial would come on. As I sang with the congregation, I felt comfort in this memory. I love these sweet memories of my mom experiencing the sweet, tender mercies of the Lord in her time of grief. 

Camping with Friends

 Thursday afternoon, I left with some friends to go camping at Dewey Lake I the Red Feather Lakes area. One friend had a camper that we brought up, and we had a plan to go paddle boarding that night and the next day. We planned this for several weeks. Unfortunately, the weather did not agree with our plans. 

As we drove up, the rainstorms came in. There was rain and snow and more. By the time we got up there, it was only 45 degrees. We were all wearing sandals and were cold by the time we were done setting everything up. The decision was made to turn on the heater in the camper and play games. 

I loved Thursday night. Sitting at the table that would later be my bed, eating good food that one of the ladies brought up and carefully prepared, playing board games, laughing, and talking was the highlight of me week. 

The following day, we got up and tried to make a plan for the day. A fire was built with wet wood and the help of a fire starter log from our neighbors. We had a delicious breakfast prepared by one of the other ladies and hot chocolate in cute mugs that I brought. At this point, the other three ladies decided to go paddle boarding. My board was accidentally left behind, and I was already very cold and struggling to get warm. I decided to sit in a camping chair and crochet near the shore. It was a bit lonely, but I felt like a made the right decision. I would have taken way too long to warm up after going into the water. Even though I know this, I am sad that I didn’t get on the water. 

After a delicious lunch, we drove around in the mountains for a few hours before we were on our way to dinner and home. I was dropped off around 8:30 or 9 last night. It was a long day. My daughter and husband called me as we drove home. My body was tired. My emotions got the best of me at one point. In the end, I was glad to have gone and glad to be home. 

Class Meeting

My new semester started this week. I am taking my last three classes before my internship. That means of course that I am going to have another difficult semester. I will be taking Abnormal Psychology, Teaching Family Life Ed, and a devotional class (a one credit class). 

Last night, I attended a Zoom meeting for the teaching class, and I am both intimidated and excited for this class. I learned about the huge project involved to complete the class and a bit about how it is broken up. I will need to either design a workshop and present it in my community alone or create online learning materials including video presentations with a partner. I am hoping I can find a partner because doing a workshop in front of people I don’t really know sounds like torture to me. I know either one will be a lot of work, and I think I am ready for that. I guess it is a good thing that I was released from my calling so I can concentrate on this better. 

Homecoming Night

Last night was Homecoming for Noel’s school. She went out with a group of friends. I took pictures of her in her dress before she was picked up. She was absolutely beautiful!

Funeral Update

I decided not to attend Matthew Gosset's funeral, but I did bring food for the luncheon for their close friends and family. I did this because I really struggle going to funerals. I know no one likes to go to them. They are not happy events. For me, funerals are reminders of the worst moments of my life. I know that makes me sound selfish, but I feel like I did still serve the family. I even still talked to Matt's dad because he was there when I dropped of the food. I talked to him about his son when my ex taught him. He told he about his death and sad, tragic life leading up to it. He told me about the ways in which he and his family had tried to help him. I made me feel so bad for this poor father and all the family had gone through. I could not imagine what I would have done if my kids were to go down that path. I could see the pain in his eyes as he talked to me. As I was leaving, some of the parents of kids who are now in their 30s from church started showing up and sharing memories of their kids growing up together. I hope these sweet parents felt the support they needed. 

Sweater Restart

I have been faithfully working in my purple sweater for about two and a half weeks. The back was getting huge, and I was using more yarn than I thought I would need. I even ordered more yarn just in case. 

Today, I held up the back panel to see he progress. It was huge! I held it over my back to see if it was my imagination, and it was bigger than I thought. It reached below my knees, and I still had 20 more rows to crochet. I read the instructions for the main stitch again, and realized that I was doing it wrong which made it much bigger. 

The only solution I had was to take it out and start over. That meant unraveling two and a half skeins of yarn. It was a sad process, but I know it would not have worked in any way to keep going. 

I have restarted it, and I am still excited about the sweater. I can’t wait to get it finished. I know it will take longer since I start classes next week, but it will be with it to have the final product. If I have too much yarn, I will make the matching bag. 

Bruno Major Concert

A while back, Noel bought tickets to last night’s Bruno Major concert with the hope that her friend would be able to go with her. She later found out that the friend couldn’t go because it was a school night, so she decided to take me. I have heard a bit of his music when Noel plays it in the car, but I wasn’t as familiar as I would have preferred. Thankfully, he put on a great show. He has a great voice, and I really like his style of music which I would describe as kind of a blues/pop style. That being said, my favorite part was Noel’s reaction to him coming on stage and each song that she got loved. 

The Tenderness

Today in Sacrament Meeting, on of the boys who was going to pass the sacrament got a bloody nose. He calmly walked up to a bishopric member and asked for tissues, and they gave him the box. A bit later, another bishopric member calmly walked down to his bench, a sat down next to him, told him to go to his mom, and asked his own son what he needed to do to take the boy’s place. It didn’t take long for all of the boys to start calmly explain ti him. Then, the older brother of the boy who walked away came to the front bench as he tied his tie and took the spot for his brother.  I sat a few benches away touched by the love, compassion, and tenderness shown by all involved. 

Not Sure How to Feel

I found out today that someone my ex taught in Sunday School many years ago was murdered in Denver this week. When I knew him, he was a troubled kid who had been thigh some horrible things. I worked with his mom at Dish Network for a bit and enjoyed talking to her when she was able to come to church. 

His parents moved out of state about a year ago, and I hadn’t heard from the since. Then, his dad posted something on the ward Facebook page that if anyone wanted funeral information to text him a few days ago. I didn’t even know this person had died. Today, the Elder’s Quorum president sent out an email with the funeral information, so Chad Googled Matthew Gossett to figure out if he knew him and found out what had happen. I told him that he wouldn’t have known him, but I remembered him. 

Now, I don’t know how I am supposed to feel. I didn’t know him that well to begin with, my ex did. I did get to know his mom for a bit, though. I think at this point I feel bad for the parents. I can’t imagine the pain they are feeling right now. They are nice people that have had some bad things happen to them; this would be worse than any problem I know of. I wish there was something I could do to show them my support.